driftfleet | 1st Judgment ⚖ Action ⚖ Open

Entry tags:

1st Judgment ⚖ Action ⚖ Open

Who: Justice and You
Broadcast: N/A
Action: Evac Station, SS Caprine
When: After the destruction of the planet, and then after everything can be done for the refugees.

Evac Station - Action

[Justice is tireless about getting the refugees settled after the planet is destroyed. Literally tireless--he never stops to eat, drink, or sleep. When there is a pause in the work, he only stops to hover by his two unconscious friends, watching them with naked concern on his face but never speaking nor attempting to wake them up.

He's just putting away more supplies when he pauses, head turning to watch a refugee man sitting on the floor, rifling through a bag. When he speaks, his voice is a touch more stern than usual.] What are you doing?

[The man looks up at him, fingering the bag.] "Just, uh, looking at my stuff."

You're lying. That's not yours.

[The color drains from the man's face even as he tries to smile and instinctively clutches the bag tighter.] "What are you talking about? Of course it's mine."

[This just sours Justice's mood further, and he turns the full weight of his glare on the man.] You stole it from a family while they slept. Your misfortune is no excuse to steal from those suffering just as much as yourself. You will return it with all its original contents immediately.

SS Caprine - Action

[Justice never actually properly explored the ship he was assigned, so enchanted he was by the planet they were on.

So now he's just getting to know what's supposed to be his home now. He unfortunately doesn't have a lot of social awareness, as may be evidenced by the fact that he chooses to look like a walking corpse, and he just wanders into random rooms, bedrooms included, to stand at the center or pick up particularly well-used objects and run his fingers across them.

Congratulations on your new weirdo, Caprine.]

[Edited to add: Justice has psychic and object-reading abilities. For more info and to let me know what's cool for him to pick up, here's a permissions post.]

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[That response elicits a grunt as Adalwolfe slips Anders a bit more mana, twining his blue glowing fingers with his boyfriend's for a moment to feel the transfer but also the warmth of contact.]

He pushed himself too hard. He always does that. Well, at least as long as I've known him.

[It's not meant to sound accusatory, even if it does a little. It's not lost on Hawke that Justice has known Anders far longer and perhaps even far more intimately than he has, though thankfully that last isn't for this version of Justice ever to know if he has anything to say about it. But he remembers also Anders when they'd both first arrived in the fleet, Anders who was so much younger and cared so much less. Or, no, didn't care less, but just cared for himself more and wouldn't put himself in danger for the smallest cry of help. Wolfe doesn't know if that's Justice's influence too or Riona's, but it's part of Anders now. Inextricable.]

Either way, he'll be fine. Just have to let him rest and get his mana balance right.

He didn't used to.

[Which... Justice still finds very, very strange. Anders' personality has changed dramatically. More than that his very presence has altered, and Justice has yet to see that happen to any of the mortals he's encountered. He'd thought that the presence was consistent, a reliable way to identify mortals from each other, but there's something strange with Anders' and Justice isn't sure if it's not wrong.

But those are concerns for another day. Anders' boyfriend doesn't need to hear about how Anders' presence has changed in the past decade. He probably wouldn't know why it happened any better than Justice does.

He thinks he might hear a note of accusation in the man's voice, but he dismisses it as his imagination. How could Justice be blamed in any way for Anders' habitual need to push himself too hard?]

I understand that mortals need rest and mana to recover. He has only strained himself, and no damage should be permanent. [Justice knows this, but he's going to still hover with the best of them. That's not going to stop short of someone locking him in another room.]

[No. He didn't. Wolfe knew that but somehow to have it confirmed is a small blow. He chews the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from saying something snide and lets silence fall, moving little save to rub his thumb in small circles against Anders' palm. He has no idea if the healer can feel it in his sleep, but he sort of hopes he can. A reassuring presence in the stark emptiness of rest in the Fleet. Neither of them dream in the Fade here, which is most times a blessing but sometimes a little unnerving.

The quiet stretches for some time and Justice doesn't leave. Adalwolfe certainly has no intention of leaving either and so that has them at an impasse.]

Don't you have other things you could be doing? Fighting injustices somewhere?

[Justice has been so upset about Anders and Riona that he almost forgot about the white-haired man's strange behavior in the field. Almost. Once again, he gets an inkling that Anders' boyfriend might not like him. At the very least, he's starting to get the sense that the man wants him to leave.

Justice does not want to leave and he doesn't see why he should. He sees no reason why they can't both be here.]

No. I have rooted out those who would take advantage of the chaos and I have assisted in moving supplies and settling refugees. There are no further injustices I can intervene in currently.

[He keeps his voice polite, or his version of polite anyway. There is always suffering, especially in a group of new refugees, but he's done what he can to alleviate it and he is keeping an ear out for other opportunities to help.

Plus, he just wants to be close to Anders and Riona. He's not leaving unless there's something he's needed for, and there are enough people helping right now..]

Of course.

[Wolfe grumbles, shaking his head, and turns his attention back to his comatose boyfriend. Or tries. Justice still just stands there, looming like the spectre of past mistakes. It's an overly confusing ball of emotions that Adalwolfe isn't willing to untangle right now, all those memories of Justice, things he made Anders do or his 'disapproval' of Anders' 'obsession' with Hawke. Not that this Justice has anything to do with it. Yet. One constant Adalwolfe knows of Thedas though after comparing all of their separate versions is that Anders always blows the Chantry. Which serves to reason that he always joins with the spirit.

What makes it worse is Adalwolfe knows the why of it, knows that in that moment they just wished for a better, more just world for mages and moreover to help Justice, to keep him from fading into the unknown after his body rotted away. Anders had told him the whole sordid tale, how Justice saved his life more than once just by being joined with him. But as far as Wolfe observed over all those years in Kirkwall it did more harm than good. It twisted them both, turning both Justice and Anders to dangerously justifiable Vengeance.

That's why Adalwolfe looked for years after that, searched as they tried to help the mages of Thedas emancipate themselves or simply survive. He looked for a way to separate a spirit or a demon from a human host, anything. All over the north of the Waking Sea and into Orlais and nothing. It was only in the Fleet that he'd finally uncovered a way and even then, even with all of his distrust and distaste for Justice or Vengeance or whatever it was, he still made a point to speak to him before going through with it.

Everyone should be treated fairly, including spirits, so long as they're spirits and not demons.

He earnestly believes that yet he knows he's not following through on it now with Justice actually here, separate, standing over him like some frowning statue full of righteous judgement, making him doubt his motivations. He knows that having Justice joined in Anders' body was bad for them both, the knows it in his bones, but he also can't deny he just wants Justice gone. It was so much easier with him gone...

And this Justice? He knows nothing of any of it. He just wants what's best for his friends, and worries about them like any other person.

Life's not fair. Wolfe knows that too, and yet he keeps expecting the opposite. Foolish.]

You could get some water in a bowl, if you don't mind.

[His voice is still a little hard but the edge is gone off it now.]

And a small rag. Please.

[Is this what mortals call an awkward silence? Justice isn't very good at recognizing when a situation is awkward, but this silence is very heavy and it's uncomfortable, so he decides that this is probably awkward.

But eventually Anders' boyfriend (Wolfe, he heard Riona call him) breaks the silence, and it seems like a reasonable request. Bowl of water, small rag. Kristoff's memories tell him that these are average things to use when tending to the sick, so Justice dips his head, pleased that there's something he can do despite the weird tension in the air.]

Very well.

[It's not a big adventure to go find some water and a rag. There's still some supplies floating around, and no one has issues with giving some to the makeshift med bay. He comes back quickly, offering the white haired man both the bowl and the rag.]

[Wolfe accepts the supplies silently but gently, putting the basin down between their two prone friends and dipping the cloth in its contents. He wrings it out, laces a bit of his winter magic through the fabric to keep it cool, and lays it across Riona's forehead lightly. Anders, suffering from mana depletion and not injury, is too cold for this sort of treatment, but Riona who's recovering from a wound exacerbated by their rocky flight from the planet, may well be running a fever for how warm she feels to Wolfe.]

Thank you. That should help.

[Other than that statement, Wolfe seems fairly adamantly trying to ignore Justice overall. Which, he reasons, is better than hostility, right?]

[Ah, yes, back to the awkward silence.

Justice considers confronting Anders' boyfriend about his hostility earlier. Justice isn't one to try ignoring conflicts until they work themselves out, after all, and they'll probably have to spend time together simply because they are both close to Riona and Anders. Timing is a factor in the mortal world, however, and he's not sure he wants to get into an argument over the unconscious bodies of his companions (friends).

So for now, he decides to ignore the man as long as he ignores Justice. If the hostile behavior persists and the man refuses to directly address the conflict with Justice, Justice will confront him at a better time. It's not as if morality demands that he deal with this immediately.

Justice stays at the foot of Riona and Anders' beds, unnaturally still. He doesn't have to breathe when he's not talking, so not even his chest moves, and he never blinks as he stares down at the motionless bodies of the humans who have come to matter to him.]

[Right. Well. This isn't really any better to be honest. He's just standing there, not breathing, not blinking, not anything and it's utterly unnerving. How did Riona and Anders ever deal with it? Though if they were traipsing across Ferelden then he's probably very useful for taking watch. He can't imagine how annoyingly sanctimonious trips into a place like Amaranthine would be though. The city's underground isn't nearly as bad as Kirkwall's - most places aren't - but its still pretty bad. Did they have to make detours to right random wrongs or was Justice able to stay on task for what was actually needed? Not that Adalwolfe is innocent of getting sidetracked with sob stories and people in need.

And what of Anders? What was he really like back then? Wolfe's heard a little bit from Anders himself and experienced some given that Anders was his pre-Kirkwall self when they'd first arrived, but here's Justice who's arguably one of Anders' closest friends (and will be even closer, Adalwolfe reminds himself with an inward grimace.) and is a spirit, which means he can give much closer to an unbiased opinion than a person.]

So.

[The word is so abrupt Adalwolfe almost startles himself with it despite the area being less than quiet with all the refugees rustling about. It could also be a bit of nerves leading up to the question, given that Wolfe is fully aware of the minefield he's about to walk onto.]

What was Anders like when you traveled with him?

[Justice turns his head to look at the man, and with how still he was previously, it looks a little like a statue suddenly coming to life.] He was very different. If I did not know better, I would have questioned if this were Anders at all.

[But he does know better. It's not the face that guides him, but the presence that Anders has. It has changed, and that is strange, but it's still his. Justice knows that, and so he knows that this is the same man he has grown close to, even if ten years have changed him. Perhaps it has just been a matter of maturing.]

Anders was very self-centered. When we first met, we were in the Fade. A darkspawn had banished the Gray Wardens' souls there, and they came across me when I was trying to save trapped mortal souls from a demon that had imprisoned them for centuries. Anders wished to support the demon and leave the mortal souls trapped, as it had the blood magic to bring them back through the Veil and I did not. I found his selfishness and cowardice infuriating. The Warden Commander did not agree with him, thankfully, but the conflict gave me a dim view of him at first.

I learned that it was unfair to judge him so harshly for this first impression. Mortals are given to vice, but they have many sides and should not be judged for only one. Anders had been taught to fear my kind his whole life, and yet he was kind to me. He always treated me as a person, and he was patient when I did not understand the mortal world. I was a source of curiosity and companionship, not of fear.

He did not have treat me so, and I believe my experience of the mortal world would have been much worse without him. He was selfish and even cowardly at times, but he had a good heart, and sometimes it inspired him to feats of courage and strength one would not expect.

[It's those things--the heart, the courage, the strength, the kindness--that haven't changed. They simply have become more pronounced in some ways while the selfishness has been scraped away. But there are a lot of other ways Anders has changed.]

He used to... [Justice struggles for the proper way to describe it.] He used to be more... carefree. He was always concerned about Templars, the possibility of being taken to the Circle again, and the possibility of dying, but those were largely his only concerns. He did not fret over the struggle of others, nor did he feel any obligation to those still oppressed in the Circles. He would... joke most of the time, occasionally to the point of deliberately irritating others, and he strove to not take things seriously. I suspect this was a means to not engage with serious things, but sometimes it was a means to keep the group's morale high, and he enjoyed humor. I believe that he wished to enjoy life outside of the Circle to the fullest, even if that meant ignoring the pain of others. I think he was happy.

[And... Justice isn't so sure if he's happy anymore. He doesn't joke. He doesn't coo over cats. He doesn't ask probing questions. He's not playful, and he rarely smiles or laughs. He's being a better person and he's putting others before himself, the determination once reserved for gaining his freedom now turned towards altruism, but the dimming of the zest for life that got him out of the Circle in the first place is alarming.]

[As Justice speaks, Wolfe's expression softens until there's such a tenderness as to almost eclipse his unease with who it is that's telling him all this. It sounds right, it sounds like the Anders he'd met when he'd first woken up in the Fleet, one who was uncomfortable with directly hurting anyone but who's first and foremost priority was self-preservation. A kind man but not always a good man. A scared man. A scared boy, really, compared to who he is now. Adalwolfe had loved him then too for how he had been, but also for how he changed. The Anders he'd fallen for so hard and so fast, that was a man who was kind and good, someone who saw his plight in others and had to help instead of running to save himself.

Justice is wrong on one point, though. Anders does still coo over cats. He still laughs, he still jokes, and at least with Adalwolfe he jokes and smiles. It's maybe not as much as when Justice first knew him, but it's also not hiding anything anymore. It's not covering a stretch of self-loathing a mile long because now that's out in the open, for better or worse. And it is better, Wolfe thinks, because he has Kirkwall to compare it to. He's seen Anders at his absolute lowest, and while Wolfe knows that Justice had a major hand in turning the healer into the man he is in all the good and altruistic ways, he had a hand in forcing him to single-minded obsession too. Anders now, though maybe dimmer to Justice, is still far more radiant than he was in those last years of Kirkwall.]

You think he's unhappy now?

[He tries not to think that it's Justice's fault, of he does think so, but the idea still floats there unbidden. Justice's fault but also not intentionally. Intent matters as he once thought, sitting there with Marian talking of what drives a mage to blood magic. Why you do something may not absolve you of wrongdoing, but it sure goes a long way towards understanding.]

[Justice doesn't know why, but he feels that this is a very loaded question. Some of that odd tension is still in the air, putting him on edge. He is not comfortable with the idea of bearing all to this man who doesn't seem to like him very much, not when he feels like he's blindly wandering into a test where he hasn't been told any of the rules.]

I am not a spirit of joy. I cannot divine how happy he is.

[This is, as basically everything Justice says, completely honest. He hasn't known this version of Anders as long as he's known the earlier version. Without time nor a particular sense for joy, he can't know for sure if this Anders is unhappy or simply has developed different ways of expressing happiness.

But he does feel the haunting shift in Anders' presence, like a chill has passed through as the sun is covered by clouds. He has seen the difference in behavior, and the dimmed light in his eyes. Perhaps he's happy in comparison to Kirkwall, but Justice isn't comparing him to Kirkwall: he's comparing him to how he once was in Vigil's Keep, surrounded by the most dysfunctional Gray Wardens ever seen in Ferelden and free from the Circle for real.]

If he is happy, he expresses it differently now.

[Which, in a way, is Justice saying that yes, he thinks Anders is unhappy. Justice can't know for sure yet, and he would be very pleased to be proven wrong, but this is what it seems to him.]

It is different. Not as open.

[He folds his arms, looking down at Anders. So many things about Anders are still furtive, something which Wolfe had always thought to be a lasting affect of Circle life and having to hide everything lest the Templars find some way to take it from him, but considering what Justice has said then perhaps that's not entirely the truth. Perhaps it comes from the single-minded focus that Justice had instilled in Anders from the moment they'd converged, the focus that had strayed after several years then been wrenched back onto the "just" path. Or the vengeful one, who really knew at that point?

But even before the explosion, even before Anders and Justice together had been focused on that, Anders had been careful with his joy. Or maybe not careful, that's not the best way to put it. It was more that he didn't want to allow himself to feel it, even when he did. That he always found some excuse when things got too pleasant, saying he should be working on his manifesto or helping Mistress Selby plan another raid or even just simply minding the clinic. Never once did he put his own needs before anyone else's as far as Wolfe was concerned, at least not without a lot of work on Wolfe's part. Yet Anders still told him that Justice 'didn't approve of Anders' obsession with him'. Even when from Wolfe's perspective it took so much coaxing he wondered if the healer even really wanted what they had started to build.

He did, of course, but it took Adalwolfe a long time to pick at the real joy and affection underneath all of the guilt and self-loathing. To think that Anders had been so much more easy and free with following his personal joy before is a strange thing, and one Wolfe isn't sure he feels good about knowing Anders had lost.

The fact of it, to Wolfe's mind, is that the damage had been done. Justice changed Anders irrevocably, intentionally or not, and Anders had done the same to Justice. Bad influences on each other at the deepest level, even if born from a desire to do good.]

It makes sense, considering.

Considering what?

[Justice's voice sharpens. Wolfe has his full attention now. He can be difficult to read for those who don't know him, but he makes no attempt to hide his emotions, so he can be ridiculously obvious at other times. Justice latches onto this hint that something went wrong with Anders like a vice. He knows that something is up, but he hasn't been able to figure out what and Anders won't say.

What is it? Was there a tragedy? Did something go wrong with the Wardens? Did the Templars catch Anders? Justice does not know very much about the ten years that stretch between them, partially because Justice doesn't see the point in interrogating others about the future, but he thinks he's missed something and he's worried about what it may be. It's like a thorn stuck under his nail--every time he tries to pull it out, it digs deeper, and there is nothing he can do to ignore that it's there.]

[Shit.]

Considering what he's been through.

[That much is true enough. The rest of it... not his place to tell. It's for Anders to explain if and when he deems fit, if ever.]

Don't think I'm going to tell you every little thing about the next ten years. That would be cheating.

[Well, if he's going to be that way, Justice is just going to look into his head. It's not like he has any regard for privacy.

Justice looks like he's glaring at the best of times, but his eyes harden. Someone who knows him would know that it's just the look he gets when he's concentrating on something, but to someone who doesn't know him, it may look borderline threatening.

He turns his attention to the man's presence, all the psychic noise that spills out of him like it spills from any other mortal, momentarily blocking out the whispers of past wrongdoing in the station in order to eavesdrop on the man's thoughts...

And there's nothing.

If Justice were the type to curse, he'd do it right now. Kristoff's body would interfere with his power, and now the blasted piece of metal in his head is interfering too. He'd already known that, since his power to hear all that mortal noise has been wildly inconsistent since he got here, but why does it have to happen now with this?

Anders won't tell him anything. Anders' boyfriend definitely won't tell him anything. Justice won't give the man the satisfaction of asking, of admitting that he's getting more and more worried about this and he can't stand it. It's not like that will change his mind.

So after staring at Wolfe in silence, Justice simply looks back down at Anders and Riona, the corners of his eyes softening.

But when he speaks, his voice is like flint.]

Have it your way, then.

[This isn't over. Eventually, the metal in his head will stop messing with his power long enough for him to find out what they are hiding. He will just have to wait until then.]

No.

[Wolfe barks the word and it has an edge, like ice cracking in the dead of winter. Even his breath comes out in a small cloud for a moment, his magic rising up within him to throw off the invasion of his mind, but Justice is too quick and too practiced and the spirit is gone from his thoughts before any magic even touches him.

He whirls on Justice, seeming larger in his anger, shaking his finger at Justice if only to prevent himself from punching instead. Maker knows both Anders and Riona would have his hide for starting a fight now.]

No, you don't get to go digging in people's heads! That isn't how the mortal world works. You can be left in the dark about the future just like everybody else.

[He pauses there for just a moment, just barely restraining himself despite his hands balled to fists and his posture speaking of a want to not just punch but to wound. But he doesn't. He holds himself back for his friends and for himself because he knows, he knows that Justice likely doesn't know much better. He's in a world so different from his own and should be given the benefit of the doubt.

With an icy look, Adalwolfe turns heel and leaves the makeshift medbay, deciding he'd best find something else to do before he gives into his darker impulse.]

[Justice flinches back in surprise like a child who's been slapped for reasons it doesn't understand. Frankly, that's not far from the truth. No mortal has reacted so strongly to his power before, and he doesn't know why this one is so different. He doesn't understand what he did that is so upsetting, and the only thing he can think of is that the man is angry that Justice tried to find out about something he doesn't want Justice to know, which is all the more suspicious.

He almost asks what's wrong, almost asks him what he's hiding, but the man radiates a desire to hurt him. Justice doesn't need to tamp down on psychic background noise to feel that. For a moment, he thinks that Anders' boyfriend will actually attack.

But he doesn't. He stomps off, leaving Justice with more questions. But left to assess the situation on his own, Justice simply goes back to his earlier impression: the man doesn't like spirits. The man may even think he's a demon, and any reminder that he has power that a mortal doesn't is something to snap or yell about. It does not occur to him that some of that power, even the neutral power universal to all spirits, is inherently offensive to any human for reasons he does not understand yet.

But he also knows something else: something happened in the last ten years. He doesn't know what, and he doesn't know why people are so resistant to telling him, but something happened.

He scowls, settling in to stand vigil over Anders and Riona.

Well, at least the silence isn't so awkward now.]

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1st Judgment ⚖ Action ⚖ Open

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