[Closed] When I wake up all alone

[crowkiller]

Who: Zevran and Riona and then Zevran and Rowan
Broadcast: Nah
Action: Iskaulit, the Bluefish, and then finally the Bishop
When: After Rowan's drunken melt down and then 5 days forward

Action to Riona

[Zevran sits in the gardens of Iskaulit. His back slouches as he leans with his elbows on his knees and his eyes downcast on the ground. He looks like a wreck. Like he hasn't exactly slept in days, and it's true. It's difficult to sleep alone when he was so use to having a warm body next to him, or when his mind is racing with possibilities of where Rowan had been for an entire week. He isn't exactly sure what possessed him to think that Riona can help him, or if she even wants to deal with him right now. He knows he needs to get out of that room, off of the ship, and away from everything before he does something he regrets.

Maybe it's because Riona and Rowan were nearly the same people that he feels like he can trust her with this. He might not know her exactly, but one of his alternative selves knows her, and that is good enough for him. When he looks up next he sees her heading towards him. He finally smiles.]

Riona [Sorry for being a fucking mess, but you already knew that.] you didn't have to come out so late. Thank you.


Action to Rowan (Forward Dated)

[He's had time to clear his head. Riona and some wine helped quite a bit, but he's been home sick. Not for Thedas, but for the Bishop and that little room he's shared his nights with Rowan in. He's still thinking about certain things, how Rowan could have lived and they could have maybe been happy in their own world. But something tells him that even with that, that things might not have changed. They were both stubborn, and the only reason they got this far was because of what happen in their world.

He didn't want to dwell on those thoughts. They were useless and didn't matter. Things that would never be. They had this place now, the fleet and while dangerous it held them together. Zevran wouldn't let this chance slip away.]

You really haven't moved, have you?

[He smiles as enters their room and notices him right where Zevran left him.]

Comments

[bryces_pup]

[It's been years since she last spoke with Zevran in her world, and the memories have gotten a little fuzzier around the edges with the passage of time. But she still remembers him well, and it's rather uncharacteristic of him to reach out like this. If he had been the one from her world, she wouldn't be as surprised. Perhaps it's because she's a Cousland as well, and something close to what Zevran knows. But something must really be bothering him.

Riona waves to Zevran as she approaches, Kiter in tow. She figures the dog might be a comfort here. The mabari lets out a loud woof as he runs ahead to greet Zevran, tail wagging hard as he plops his head on his lap. Riona fails to hide a smile as she takes a seat next to him.]

I couldn't possibly say no when a friend needs an ear and possibly an arm. I do have rather lovely arms. [All joking aside...] So what's on your mind?

[crowkiller]

[He didn't expect the dog, but it's a welcomed surprise. He takes a knee as the dog nears and for a moment he wants to call him Bitey, but something tells him that Riona has another name for this dog.]

Your everything is lovely, Riona. Not just your arms. [He has on hand on the dog's head while the other scratches behind his ear. He missed Bitey. At least this dog and him were on good terms it seems.] Oh, you know...[He trails off, still petting the dog.]

Space is just stressful [He finally looks at her with tired eyes. Can you tell he's full of shit right now? Probably.]

[trudge]

[ Water and pills can only do so much for a man recovering from a week long hangover. He's not sure how many days he's actually been unconscious, but it's enough that he feels weak, lethargic, and starving. Also, he's starting to smell — nothing terrible, but it's the obvious signs of a man that hasn't showered in a decent amount of time. Gross.

When Zevran enters he looks up, shifting into a sitting position with a grunt. Ugh. ]

I tried to avoid doing so. My everything hurts.

[bryces_pup]

[Oh yeah. She can tell. It may have been awhile since she spoke to him face to face back home, but she remembers all the tells. Still, she smiles a bit at the flirting. Just like old times.]

Oh Zevran. You didn't have to set up a late night meeting just to sweet talk me.

[Which also serves as a nice transition back to back to the topic at hand.] It does tend to be at times. Is it the black, never ending expanse of space doing it to you, or something a bit more specific?

[crowkiller]

[His eyebrows raise as he nears.]

You know, when we were hung over the Crows just made us walk it off.

[He offers a hand to help him up.]

Maybe that it's a bad idea right now. [They can get food! And shower. The man is looking a bit greasy.]

[trudge]

Thank the Maker I'm not in the crows, then.

[ They suck. Rowan reaches up, taking the offered hand and carefully pulling himself to his feet. He kind of feels like throwing up. That's cool. ]

Depends on where you want me to walk. I'm not sure how long I can last.

[crowkiller]

Really? It doesn't remind you of old times? Or what I assume are old time. I hope the Zevran in your world treats you right.

[If he doesn't-- well he might have to kill himself? Could he do that? Oh well. His attention is pulled from the dog as he sighs and sits back on the bench he was occupying.]

Both? [Space was weird. Space was big. But space wasn't exactly his stress point right now.]

[crowkiller]

Yes, I'm not sure how long you would have lasted. [That earns a chuckle as he pulls him closer.]

Let's see how we make it to the showers.

[His arm slinks around his waist both stead him, and just because. He missed him. He missed this. It felt like forever since that weird drunk night, and then even longer since they had really seen each other. It must have been back on the awful planet that they were like this.]

[bryces_pup]

Oh it absolutely does. Don't you worry, he played his part well. Learned a few lines from him, in fact.

[Which she absolutely tried on Alistair once or twice, to varying degrees of success.]

Well, can't help much with the weirdness of space. It just is. You get used to it. [Maybe.] But maybe I can do something about the more particular thing, which I'm assuming is why you set up this late night rendezvous.

[crowkiller]

Oh good.

[He smiles at that. At least he has his shit together somewhere. At the mention of a reason as to why he is stressed and calling on someone that he personally barely knows is well.....to him it's odd. He feels selfish and foolish. He shouldn't bring Riona into this drama, but she is the only know that knows him here. And if she is anything compared to Rowan, then she knows the secrets that no one else does.]

Honestly, I don't know what you could do.

[Maybe it is a Warden thing that makes him so easily open up to them. Or a Cousland thing. He hasn't decided yet.]

I only trust two people here, and well you are both technically the same person.

[He just can't be around the other one right now.]

[bryces_pup]

[Kiter whines softly, picking up on Zevran's distress. His little ears even droop. He's always liked Zevran, and he doesn't want to see him sad.

Riona listens, head canted to the side. She's almost surprised that he's even venturing opening up to her. She thought she'd have to work her way back to earning his trust. Not that she's complaining!]

I can listen, and maybe offer advice if you want. [S'what she often does.] Funny that you mention him, I just saw him a couple hours ago. Not in his... best state, mind.

[crowkiller]

[If not for his mental distress it might take a bit more. He's desperate though. When the dog whines he places his hands back on the dog's face to pull him closer. What a good dog. He frowns when she mentions Rowan. It sounds like she knows of his state though. Makes this conversation a little easier, but he still doesn't want to have it.]

I can only imagine.

[He tries off. His voice growing distance as he thinks about what had been said between them. Rowan could have lived.]

How did you survive the final battle?

[bryces_pup]

[Kiter leans him into, offering that kind of special, furry comfort that only a four legged animal could provide.

Riona always wondered how things played out in Rowan's version of Thedas, in his journey. Obviously, at least one decision differed from hers. Perhaps the most heartbreaking one. Had he told the others of Morrigan's offer? Had Alistair even known? Judging by Zevran's question, she wonders.]

Exploiting a loop hole via Morrigan, if you want the short of it. She knew a way to circumvent what happens when a Warden kills an Archdemon. I took her up on her offer. [And thusly had to have Alistair do the work. To this day, it still doesn't sit well with her.] Did Rowan tell you, what her plan was?

[crowkiller]

[Maker bless Kiter. The only one with his shit together.

The more she speaks, the more he recalls Rowan's face before he left. The tightness in his chest returns. His eyes aren't quite in focus anymore, but his hands still move to pet the animal against him.]

He told me little. Only that it was dark magic and he didn't trust it.

[But if she took it, then it did work.]

[bryces_pup]

[He truly is. The joys of being a dog.]

Well, he wasn't wrong. Morrigan said it was old magic. Certainly not the kind a good little Chantry goer would approve of.

[But she's a Warden, and Wardens don't poo-poo anything that helps stop the Blight. Okay, she could have stopped it without the magic, but then who would have lead the Wardens in Amaranthine?]

Was that his reason? He didn't trust it? Or that he didn't trust Morrigan?

[crowkiller]

[Zevran just shrugs.]

He wouldn't tell me anything more. I know that if he took it he could have lived but--

[He didn't think that part of worth it. Rowan didn't think that he, or Zevran, or anything that they could have been was worth it. He didn't know which thought hurt more.]

But he didn't think it was worth it.

[bryces_pup]

["Have you ever loved someone you couldn't have?" "We had an agreement." And here Zevran sits, so terribly heartbroken over what he lost and could not have back home.

"But he didn't think it was worth it."

It explains a few things, albeit it also serves to break her heart even more. They were so close, but somehow something didn't get across. It left Rowan dead and Zevran with another hole in his heart.]

To think that little of yourself that your own life, and all its possibilities, wasn't worth it. [That's not a good state of mind. But it adds up, given his complete lack of self-care she's seen.] I wish I had the words, but there's not much changing what happened in Thedas, and I'm so sorry, Zevran. [She puts a hand on his shoulder.] But... you're both here now, and alive.

[crowkiller]

I know how that feeling is.

[It was because of Rowan that he got out of that awful mind state. And he could only guess that Riona helped in her own way with his alternate. He just thought that after all that they had been through, all that they had done, that they didn't need words to understand each other. Zevran already told Rowan once that he wanted to die. It was because of Rowan that he had his reason to live. After the battle, after everything, well....those thoughts had started to come back.]

I guess he's better at hiding it.

[He looks up at her after he feels that hand on his shoulder. He smiles. It's lacking in emotion, but still it's something. His hand folds over hers.]

I know too well that we can't change the past. No matter how hard we beg. It doesn't make it easier though.

[k. this is getting too real.]

Remind me why we didn't get together in your world?

[bryces_pup]

[This... does remind her a lot of that conversation about Rinna, and why he had taken the job to kill her and Alistair. Fear creeps up her spine and wraps itself around her heart. He won't... will he? Her hand on his shoulder tightens.]

No, it doesn't. I could say that the Calling would come for him eventually, but that would still be years away. Years you two could have had. But you have a chance here, now. I know it's not quite the same, but, hey. No darkspawn.

[In short: don't blow the chance you've been given now.]

He and I... talked a bit. He's a chatty drunk. For what it's worth, I don't think he feels that way anymore. Which, on the one hand, means a lot of regrets. On the other... it means he knows he made a mistake.

[dat subject change. Zev. Buddy.]

Because I fell in love with Alistair. Don't even try it, serah. I know your tricks.

[crowkiller]

[The thought crossed his mind once or twice after the ashes cooled. It would have been easy, but Zevran was too much of a coward to take his own life. Maybe it was that fear that the Maker was real, and that would be the final straw against him. If he had a chance to see Rowan again at the side of the Maker, he wanted to at least have that. An honorable death at the end of a Crow's blade might do the trick though. A good reason to go to Antiva where he was a wanted man, which is where he was heading before coming here.

But that's a can of worms that he really doesn't want to open right now.]

He did apologize for that. [His hand moves through his hair. He feels like a mess right now.] He asked if I hated him.

[He glances up at her. His smile is a bit more honest now.]

Really? I mean I know he has that whole, broad and tall thing going. But really?

[bryces_pup]

[All she can do is be for him here. There's nothing she can do for him once he goes back home. She can't reach him there. No, she can't focus on that right now. They're here, and she can do something. Or at least, she'll try.]

Do you? Hate him?

[She doesn't think so, but she's curious to see what he has to say about it. The question is more to see how he says no, rather than trying to actually discern an answer.]

And just what's wrong with that, hm? [Eyebrow raise.]

[crowkiller]

No. [He says that without even a moment to think.] He's annoying at times, but no. I could never hate him.

[He cares too much for that man to ever hate him. When the next question comes he just grins. It's a real smile this time, and his holds his hands up in defense.]

Nothing! As long as he treats you right.

[bryces_pup]

[It's good to see him smile, which is why she changed her mind and is letting him carry on this branch of conversation. If it helps him, then she'll indulge.] He does, don't you worry. We love each other a great deal. He's put up with a lot from me, Maker bless him, just like I suspect you've put up with a lot from Rowan. [Couslands are not the easiest people to deal with sometimes.] Painfully so, even. How did he wind up telling you about the ritual? That's not something one brings up casually.

[crowkiller]

[He nods in response as he glances down at the ground. He's glad that at least one Warden is happy in some universe. And then the mention of Rowan and the ritual. He sighs.]

He was drunk. I'm sure that it wasn't something he wanted to share.

[He pauses a moment and his smile slowly turns to a frown.]

I told him wanted him to live.

[bryces_pup]

[Perhaps not, but it clearly seems like it needed to be shared. The truth hurts, but hiding it and maintaining a secret becomes a poison after awhile. And it turns out to be much worse when it does, eventually, reveal itself.]

...mmm. That might not have been the best timing on his part. Not that you didn't have a right to know, but... that should have been saved for a less emotionally wrought moment. I'm sorry that's how you had to hear about it.

[Drunkenness and tact don't often go hand in hand.

Riona stands up suddenly, wiping off the back of her pants before looking at Zevran.]

We can keep talking, but let's head back to my ship. I have an idea or two that can help ease things, even if it doesn't do much to ultimately solve anything.