driftfleet | December on the SS Goldstone! A mingle!

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December on the SS Goldstone! A mingle!

Who: Visitors and shipmates of the SS Goldstone!
Broadcast: N/A
Action: Goldstone.
When: The month of December!

There's a tiny panda on the fucking bridge half the time, what the fu--

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When my powers were coming back in fits and starts, I offered to weld anything that needed repairing and he shut me down, worried that I didn't have control and was going to pose a danger to the ship. It's come up multiple times since then, each time preemptively scolding me for the possibility that I could use it. "You better not be baking with your heat vision" and stuff like that. It's demoralizing and condescending.

I can see how it might be.

[Her gaze stays on her doughnut, but there's not mistaking where her attention is.]

The way you said it before, it kind of sounded like there were only two options. Either he was excited by what you could do, or he didn't trust you.

[She hadn't mentioned her powers were coming back inconsistently.]

I didn't really mean it like that. Obviously, I'd prefer people trust me and think it was neat, but I get that it's a lot for one person to have. I've spent most of my life on Earth acutely aware that I could accidentally hurt people, and I work really hard to avoid it. I'm just saying, some trust wouldn't go unnoticed.

I'm sure it would. And I'm not trying to take Jim's side on this. I'd be having about the same conversation with him.

[Which is to say, this is on both of you.]

I'm sure you work very hard to avoid it. I'm not saying you haven't earned some trust, just being yourself.

Can I ask you what you've actually done to make him feel more comfortable with it?

I don't know what to do besides reassure him, which I try to do every time it comes up, and just be aware of my powers and be myself.

You could give him the chance to see for himself, somewhere neutral? Where he's not conditioned to worry about what happens if the atmosphere overheats or the hull breaches.

And if that backfires? I'm not saying I'd do anything reckless with it, of course, but I don't like the idea that he can approve or disapprove of just certain parts of who I am.

I'm not saying give him the option of approving or disapproving. I'm saying give him the option to meet you half way. If he's not comfortable, find out if he can be more comfortable.

If he doesn't want to take that step, that's on him.

But worst case scenario, what changes if he doesn't?

[ she sighs ]

That's just one example, anyway.

To illustrate a pattern.

Yep.

I don't know. Maybe I should just move. But I love being around everyone else. And frankly, I think we can do better than deterrent corpses.

If you want to move, move. But if you don't, I don't think you have to leap to doing something that won't make you happier in the long run.

I don't know what I want. Well, that's not totally true. I want things to be fine.

Tell me what fine looks like. Specifically. Not just that you want him to trust you or respect you; to you, what does that entail.

I don't know.

Actually being reliable with my powers would be a start. I mean, that the Atroma couldn't decide to take them away or we weren't marooned on planets with red suns. At least then I'd have more opportunities to show that I'm actually good at what I do.

That would be nice, but hard to help with.

[ sighs ]

I'll figure something out.

Is that a hint I should drop the topic?

I just don't know that it's going to be solved right now, because I'm out of ideas on how to make it work.

That's fair. But I think the point I'm trying to make is that you're not going to solve it yourself. You're never going to just be what Jim wants you to be, and even if you tried you'd be miserable. And at this point he's not going to start trusting you just because you're trustworthy and decide to be extra Kara about this.

[Watching Kara's face to see if she follows.]

I don't know how I can be "extra Kara" about this. But it sounds like you're saying not to do anything about it.

I'd say just the opposite. You and he both have to do things if you want to fix this.

I'm suggesting that you'll need an actual steps both of you can and are willing to take to make each other more comfortable.

We'll... figure something out.

I'll let you. It's up to you how to go forward, but I wanted to help.

Remember you can talk to me if you want.

Thank you, Natasha. You're a really good friend.

(no subject)

outstandingbalance - 2017-12-20 06:00 (UTC) - Expand

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