Out of the Bone Orchard

[ultima_mortis]

Who: Death and Everyone Else
Broadcast: Of course!
Action: SS Caprine
When: Today

Action – SS Caprine (Bridge)

He is the first to arrive and the last to leave. Of all the temporary things in life, he is the one that lives the longest, so to speak; longer than plants, people, and the stars themselves. Death is a force of pure energy that is needed wherever there is life, no matter how small. Naturally, he feels quite out of sorts on a spaceship. This is not his beautiful manor nor is it his beautiful planet. Nay, the SS Caprine is the very opposite of one.

It’s the starts that bother him most, really. They’re not at all familiar from anything he’s seen in the past, nor do they look like anything he had seen coming up on the horizon. For a being that’s used to knowing precisely who, what, and where he is, it’s awful. So much vastness in the universe and now he’s lost in the thick of it.

So he sighs. The sound is like dried leaves scattering through a graveyard, the final breath of a whole world, the very essence of finality in the softest tones. The pudding in his hand is pushed around with the spoon.

I DO HOPE SHE WILL FORGIVE ME…

Broadcast

There’s a sudden burst of noise as the feed partially turns on. Still quite dark, but the deep tombstone voice is distinct as it mutters away.

OH! I THINK IT TURNED ON. ODD. SHOULDN’T I BE ABLE TO-

And the broadcast is completed at last, with deep dark pits marked by two bright blue pinpricks of light look into the camera. The pits are a part of a skeleton’s face, permanent grimace and all. Death makes a thoughtful noise.

SO IF THIS ONE TURNS THE VIDEO ON, IF I PRESS IT AGAIN-

Darkness once more, but now the reaper may yet speak with confidence! He turns the feed right back on and nods.

YES, I THINK I HAVE IT NOW. IT LETS YOU TRANSMIT BOTH IMAGE AND SOUND. HOW INTERESTING. THE WIZARDS WOULD HAVE QUITE THE TIME TRYING TO PIECE TOGETHER HOW THIS DEVICE FUNCTIONS. AND IF THIS WORKS THE WAY IT APPEARS TO, I WOULD LIKE TO SAY HELLO AND MAKE AN INQUIRY OF ANYONE WHO CAN SEE THIS. WHERE EXACTLY AM I, AND IF POSSIBLE, WHEN AM I?

Comments

[straightouttacarbonite]

It's kind of a lot to explain.

[ Han, too, sets down... an empty cup. ]

Do they have speeders where you're from? Anything you know how to drive?

[ultima_mortis]

I RIDE MY HORSE, MAINLY, BUT I SUPPOSE I COULD HANDLE A CARRIAGE OR A WHOLE SAILING SHIP IF THE SITUATION CALLED FOR IT. IT STANDS TO REASON THAT THERE WOULD BE SOME WAY TO CONTROL DIRECTION AND SPEED, BUT THERE SEEMS TO BE FAR MORE THAN MERELY THAT HERE.

[straightouttacarbonite]

Well that's the main part. And... engines, shields, weapons, managing power... It might take you a while to pick it up.

[ Maybe mainly because this dude seems pretty... well, it's kind of rude to call people's homeworld's backwards, isn't it? Still. ]

[ultima_mortis]

OH DEAR...

[Very technologically backwards compared to Han Solo and his time. Why, they still use crossbows and cannons to fight people!]

THAT WOULD TAKE QUITE A BIT OF TIME TO WORK OUT. I'M QUITE IMPRESSED YOU HAVE MADE A CAREER OUT OF IT.

[straightouttacarbonite]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[ Aside from near-constant debt, bounties on his head, the recent bout of attempting to overthrow the Galactic Empire, and the tendency he has to end up not getting paid in spite of everything... Oh, well. ]

What do you do?

[ultima_mortis]

[It takes many types to make the universe truly diverse and special. Have faith, Mr. Solo!]

I AM...A MORTICIAN OF SORTS. INSTEAD OF GUIDING THE BODY, I GUIDE THE SOUL.

[straightouttacarbonite]

[ THAT'S HIS LEAST FAVORITE THING TO DO. Everyone's got some magic nonsense these days. He sort of partially tries to hide his Very Obvious Skepticism. ]

Religious stuff, huh?

[ Soooooooooooooo not his scene ]

[ultima_mortis]

[Faith is what guides people in life, even if they only have the slightest sliver of it. Solo has some. Somewhere. Deep, deep, down.]

NOT REALLY RELIGIOUS. I TAKE PEOPLE TO WHERE RELIGION TAKES OVER IN THE FINAL STAGE OF LIFE. A FERRYMAN, IF YOU WILL.

[straightouttacarbonite]

Oh.

[ Did anyone ever tell you you're kind of creepy, Mr. Door? ]

Well I'm not sure there'll be, uh, much of that to do here.

[ultima_mortis]

[Creepy as it gets. He can't help it.]

SO I AM GATHERING. MY JURISDICTION IS LIMITED TO MY OWN PLANET. I'M NOT SURE THAT THERE IS ANYTHING I COULD DO LIKE THIS.

[straightouttacarbonite]

[ Han can't decide it that's a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe it's just a... thing? ]

They say you're supposed to know what you're gonna do here because of these things they put in our heads.

[ultima_mortis]

[It can even be a Thing with an emphasis on it's importance.]

A CHEF. [He taps the side of his cowl where the device is.] NOT MY FIRST TIME BEING DESIGNATED KITCHEN STAFF.

[straightouttacarbonite]

[ Hey, now. Emphatic capitals are for people who aren't aggressively trying to not believe in things. ]

Oh. Huh. I figured that was a fend-for-yourself thing.

[ultima_mortis]

[Death lives for empathetic capitals. It's the only way he knows how to speak, too.]

PERHAPS IN THE PAST, BUT EVERY GOOD SHIP NEEDS A COOK. I WILL CERTAINLY HAVE NO ISSUE IN ENSURING THAT WE ARE ABLE TO EAT WELL.

[straightouttacarbonite]

Hey, feel free. I'm not complaining.

[ At least when it comes to food, Han is pretty easy to please. ]

[ultima_mortis]

SOUP TO START, I SHOULD THINK. A GOOD BROTH IS MEDICINE AND MAGIC TO WITCHES.

[straightouttacarbonite]

Great. Can't wait to try it.

[ultima_mortis]

[He stands up slowly, stretching his arms above his head.]

YES... I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF THIS CIRCUMSTANCE AFTER ALL.