[closed]

[rebuildyourruins]

Who: Thor and Loki
Broadcast: no
Action: somewhere on Drade
When: now

[There's only so long Thor can stand a mutinous silence. Even if he's the one who started it. A part of him had been hoping that Loki would come to his senses and come talk to him about their confrontation. After so many attempts to reach out over the years, Thor's been burned many times and a certain exhaustion with it settled into his bones. But that had been before Hela, before Sakaar. Before Ragnarok. Regardless of how maddening his brother can be, this endless frustration needs to stop.

Only a visit to the First Breath finds Loki absent. Really, he should have expected that. New system and all. It wouldn't surprise him if Loki had his feet kicked up in one of the theatres with a drink in hand.

He tries calling Loki instead. No good. Well, if he's at the theatre, he won't respond. It's only later when another call fails to connect that Thor starts to worry. Surely he wasn't being ignored that thoroughly. (Wouldn't be the first time.) A few random enquiries in the market square later finally turns up an answer: "Oh, that shady looking guy with the dirty hair? He took a ship off north. Heard there's some good treasure in the mists, the maniac."

Thor takes a few seconds to curse before sprinting back through the markets, stopping only to buy two masks. Who knows if Loki already has one; Thor will gladly throw a spare at his head just to make a point. A few (admittedly stupid) ventures into the mists himself without a mask had already taught Thor that he shouldn't have scoffed at the tales the locals tell.

He grabs his shuttle and sets off for the island: small, isolated, half-sunken below the mist line.]

Comments

[rebuildyourruins]

[It's telling of how late it's gotten and how much he's had to drink that Thor briefly thinks, which one? It falls into place quickly enough though, Thor squinting at Loki for a moment.]

It was real, Loki.

[dothelokimotion]

[ A bitter smile flits through. ]

You don't know that.

[rebuildyourruins]

[He sighs irritably, tugging on a strand of Loki's hair. If he's going to lie on the table like that it's fair game.]

I do know it, as well as I know anything else.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki pokes him back. ]

Which isn't much.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor just takes a handful of Loki's hair and dumps it forward over his face. That's what you get.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki splutters, pushing his hair back and glaring at Thor. ]

[rebuildyourruins]

[But Thor isn't looking at Loki anymore. His gaze has drifted elsewhere, off to the chattering patrons of the bar.]

It was real. [Nornheim, Alfheim, Vanaheim. So many campaigns were at their backs now, so many ghosts left in their wake.] I miss them.

[A simple statement, grown large and unmovable in the months since Ragnarok. Thor doesn't know why he says it now, to Loki. Maybe he's just tired of keeping it to himself. Even so, his brow furrows slightly when he says it.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki bites back his tongue. It's harder for him to separate, but he's willing to believe it. At least part of it. ]

I know you do.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Part of Thor is still waiting for the daggers to come out. For some kind of mockery over feeling sentiment for their dead friends. In its absence, Thor just exhales slowly, wishing things had gone differently. For all of them.]

[dothelokimotion]

It's all right to miss them.

[ Even if Loki fully cannot commit to it, he can at least empathize a little. Losing Asgard had cost him as well. ]

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor flicks his gaze back towards Loki finally, not at ease but not as defensive as he might have been. He nods, knowing the truth of it even if it's hard to accept. Mourning just a few feels somehow selfish when all their people had lost so much.]

I know. I don't expect that will change.

[They live long lives. Loss is harder to shake.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki shrugs, taking another sip of his drink. ]

It's not supposed. Grief doesn't go away. And rarely does it get easier.

[rebuildyourruins]

[The brief span of time they've had to grieve is nothing at all. Even half a year of inertia in the Fleet hasn't stretched out interminably, not when held up against Thor's life so far. Yet it seems to him that these are losses that will mark him forever more.

As he watches Loki, he knows that for a fact. His being alive again doesn't fully negate the grief Thor had felt those times he thought his brother dead.]

No, it doesn't. It just has to be worked past when there are other things to be done.

[dothelokimotion]

You were always good at that.

[ Loki never had the ability to set things aside. They just consumed him. ]

I didn't mean to make you mourn.

[rebuildyourruins]

[There's a long pause where Thor just stares at Loki. Letting him go four years without telling him that Loki was actually alive certainly feels like it was intentional. How could it not be? Even if Loki had thought he was dying at first he ultimately didn't. There was plenty of time to rectify that.]

Well, it happened.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki grimaces. ]

Yes, so you've said. I just . . . didn't think you would.

[rebuildyourruins]

[This seems to be a running theme tonight. It's immensely frustrating in its way, being told over and over that his own feelings towards Loki were something to doubt. Thor picks up his glass and finishes it, mulling that over.]

I did, both times. And I would again, only I don't want to test that. I can't.

[The very idea freezes his insides. Thor pushes the empty glass away, recalling what he'd said to Katara.]

I don't expect you to tell me everything you do, Loki. [He's fairly sure that would drive them both insane in short order. And trust is not in bountiful supply.] But when it comes to something like the Marsiva, I want to know. ...I'd prefer it.

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki looks at Thor for a long time before dropping his gaze. ]

I know. I know that.

[ A quiet exhale, as he fidgets with the glass. ]

I suppose I am still chasing Odin's approval. Not that it'll ever come, but I need to know that someday, something inside me will be fixed. I have to believe that.

[ A bitter smile. ]

I don't want to be like this forever.

[rebuildyourruins]

[It's hard for Thor to know what Loki refers to, what he thinks is broken. It isn't that Thor didn't see the cracks appear or the results of that. It had slapped him in the face abruptly enough when he returned from Midgard the first time. What he does know is what he said to Loki back on Sakaar: he can be more than what he is. He's not about to say anything is out of reach.]

Forever is a long time. If you keep trying, I don't think you will be.

[dothelokimotion]

[ The faintest smile drifts by his face. ]

Perhaps.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor smiles back before glancing at the windows.]

Speaking of forever, I think the sun is starting to come up.

[The darkness outside is definitely growing lighter.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ Loki's nose crinkles. ]

Make it go away.

[rebuildyourruins]

[He snorts back a laugh.]

Sure, I'll go beat it back below the horizon. [Shaking his head, he taps Loki's glass with a finger.] No, time to finish I think.

[dothelokimotion]

[ He whines. ]

No, I don't want to.

[rebuildyourruins]

Really, you want to keep going.