broadcast + action

[princessences]

Who: Allura + You!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Relnyx (Hessia-Helix System), & Bloodsport
When: Now (Broadcast), Action (8/31-09/11)

[ broadcast ★ video ★ 09/11 ]

[ This time, Allura intends the broadcast. It's been something of a difficult time for her since her arrival, but she seems much more relaxed than most have seen her in person, as of late. She's rocking some new duds thanks to retail therapy, and addresses the screen as an experienced politician might, hands folded in front of her. ]

Hello, this is Princess Allura. I would like to take this opportunity to thank our viewers for their support. While I have my reservations about the nature of this place and our participation, it is, nonetheless, flattering to receive kind messages.

[ Of which she has several pulled up on a small tablet in front of her. She picks it up gingerly. ]

I admit that the number has been...alarming. I'm afraid I don't have the time to address each and every one, I've been advised it's recommended to respond to a few. So, let's begin.

[ She glances down to the tablet. ]

"How far did you throw him?" [ Awkward pause. ] ...Well, I--hadn't...paid that close attention--is this really something that we should be discussing?

[ Ahem. Next question. ]

"Princess Allura, please step on me."

[ She frowns, leaning into the screen, seemingly scrolling up and down on the tablet and...then straightens. ]

That's all it says. I'm not sure how to respond to this. Are you alright?

[ Moving on. ]

"Princess, how much can you bench press?" Ah! I've been using the gym available on the Iskaulit regularly, and I believe I'm at around 1100 pounds.

[ That one was easy. The next one... she squints. ]

"...Aw right, aw right, aw right. You get him girl. Go suplex his grape-flavored pretty b--"

[ She cuts herself off mid-sentence. Allura has never seen the office, but that is definitely an Office Look at the broadcast screen. ]

...

[ Wordlessly, she looks back down to her last letter. ]

"Princess Allura, I've never been a big fan of reboots...but I'm glad to see that you're back." [ She nods to the screen. ] Thank you. "And what an entrance! Your first week was crazy, wasn't it?" Ah-ha...yes, a lot happened in a short time. "I was all in it for the drama, but I'm still sorry that your boyfriend turned out to be a douche."

[ Wait a tick. ]

Wait--what?

[ Now this is awkward. ]

There are some very serious misunderstandings about the situation!!

[ ...And what is a douche?? ]


[ OPEN ★ action ★ relnyx shops (hessia-helix System) ★ 08/31-09/11 ]

[ To be quite honest, Allura was perfectly content with sulking in her own room on the Tourist for a while. Just when she thought she had come to understand the circumstances of their own universe and timeline, she's thrown back into doubt and confusion.

But she needs to get out, for better or for worse. And what can be a better incentive than shopping?

So she spend some time traveling planet side for some good, old fashioned retail therapy over the next week or so. She has likely gone with friends, although one might find her by herself. If they do, she's likely window-shopping and looking longingly at things she shouldn't splurge on.

Allura pouts a little as she looks at a display of some very sparkly, likely overpriced jewelry. ]

I...really shouldn't...


[ CLOSED to Kaname ★ action ★ bloodsport ★ 09/02ish ]

[ Allura needed someone who wasn't involved, who wasn't in the midst of all the chaos of her personal and professional lives. She has met so many kind people already, but Kaname had offered her advice early on and offered for Allura to visit. So, needing new surroundings to take her mind off of things, she decides to take up on that offer.

Thankfully, the Bloodsport isn't at all what it's namesake makes it sound like. When Allura arrives, she find neither blood nor sport. Probably for the best. ]

Comments

[princessences]

Allura stands her ground, eyes narrowing further as he draws closer, but she doesn't back away. His words, as always, try to offer some semblance of reason and comfort therein, but Allura knows that she needs to analyze each of them.

"You say you haven't lied, but how can I be so sure of that? You say that I don't need to forgive you but ask for my trust in the same breath!"

A mother and her child come out of he women's room as Allura's voice is slightly raised. It brings her pause and she offers an apologetic nod to the woman as her child is shuffled by quickly. When she turns back to Lotor, her voice is just as terse, but quieter.

"How can you not see what a point of contention this is? I did trust you, perhaps more than I should have. What else have you kept from me, Lotor? How can I even begin to believe that we were ever on the same side? You said that your quest was for quintessence for the empire, but how far does that go? What are your limits? Did I suddenly become a new and convenient method when your previous attempts at the expense of others have failed? Is this really for peace, as you say it is?"

[violentroots]

This is certainly not where he had wanted to have this conversation. The woman and her child shuffle past quickly, and Lotor winces, taking a step forward to try and bring their occupied space to a smaller footprint, his long legs closing that distance easily. "I do see the contention, I see why this is so important to you. I have been giving you the space you need to come to terms with it, for better or worse. But Allura, everything I have said up until this point has been the truth. The only reason I did not tell you before was for the risk it put our people in. If you think what I have done is terrible, and it is, whatever Haggar would plan for the remnants of our species would be much much worse."

He lifts his hands, palms open and eyebrows furrowed upwards. The tension in his body is palpable, reaching. "I have proven myself time and time again that my intentions are purely for the benefit of the universe. I want peace Allura. You can not imagine the lifetimes I've experienced of war, and I am tired of it. I have never had any other goal. My goals for the unlimited quintessence was for the happiness of the universe, not purely for the satisfaction of the empire. My empire that I wished to dissolve to something more humane, more inclusive. Have I not put my life in your hands before, and trusted you even after you knowingly handed me to a tyrant who would have seen me killed. Did I not kill that tyrant in order to save your life despite that? Allura."

He swallows.

"You have never been a tool in my eyes, only an equal striving for the same thing. We may come from different points of time, but I know you have some knowledge of my feelings for you. And I am certain that those feelings are not purely one sided. "

[princessences]

Allura stills as he draws closer, even though she knows the reason is simple politeness to afford for those around them. It most certainly is not ideal, but there they are and this talk was going to happen eventually. Allura has hoped she would have a little more time to prepare, not just for her counterpoints, but the edge on her heart hadn't smoothed out yet. Seeing him is upsetting.

The stubbornness in her loathes to admit to anything he might have done right since their initial discussion. Her fist tightens on her bag and she has to exhale slowly and sharply through her nose.

"Yes." She locks eyes with Lotor. "I have...noticed." The space he's given her. Lotor is, if anything, incredibly patient since she's known him. All those years must have afforded him that. "But you also must understand that I cannot overlook something so heinous, whether or not Haggar would do worse. I know she likely would, but that does not absolve you of your actions, Lotor. I hadn't thought you were capable of such deeds until now!"

She raises her voice again and has to pull herself back.

On second thought, maybe it is better to have this talk there. It keeps Allura from unleashing totally, at least.

"You had proven yourself as--" She hesitates, breaking eye contact for a moment as she finds the right words, then settles back on his face. "--an ally. Don't you see that is part of why this isn't something that can be easily swept away?"

The mention of Zarkon gets her to frown.

"That was a plot of yours and Shiro's against my wishes. I will admit that it was successful in the end, but do not think that is an example of your valor. I am a soldier as much as anyone else and I accept the consequences of the battlefield."

That feels better. Being hardened and ready to fight.

That is, until he says that.

Of course she wanted to hear that she wasn't being used, but it was definitely easier to believe that. The reason for the sting of his betrayal being particularly sharp, what she hadn't so much allowed herself to fully form in thought. It's selfish to think that mattered at all in the face of what's happened.

She breaks away, taking a step back from him, yielding ground she had held so firmly.

"...Do not assume you know the extent of my feelings. My people come first."

[violentroots]

One would think that after all his years that words would lose their ability to stab at him, and yet here he is, quietly reeling from that admission.

That was a plot of yours… I accept the consequences of the battlefield.

Lotor straightens, his hands dropping to his sides, fingers and claws stretching out, before curling into soft hooks, his expression falling flat. The plaintiveness of his body has gone still, and he tilts his head to the side, his hair falling over one shoulder as he just….observes her though a fog of his own thoughts.

At the time when Allura had handed him off to be killed, stood him as a prisoner upon that planet and released him to his death, he had told himself that she simply did not know better. Her biases clouding her judgement. The reassurance of Shiro’s bayard at his hip, he was willing to prove her wrong in her assumptions about him. But for her to say that now…

Against my wishes. Not an example of your valor. Consequences of the battlefield.

“No, I do not presume to fully understand your feelings Allura.” He takes another step forward this time, the energy having left his voice, leaving it cool and low. “At the same time, I think you do not quite understand the extent of your own actions. Your people were not your first concern when you awoke….Rather you sought out the weapons of war and rushed to battle without a second thought towards your people. And you might forget Princess, but I am one of your people as well.

“We are all capable of more than we imagine, for good or for bad; and we all have blood on our hands. Mine perhaps more than others, simply because of the time I have spent alive. But you Allura, you knew quite well what Zarkon would have done to me. And you handed me off to die. Purposely.” Another step. “Deliberately.” And another. “Intentionally. ” He stands close enough now to touch her, towering over her well enough to block some of the light from the ceiling with his frame, the gold of his eyes almost luminous. “It was only because of Shiro that my blood is not staining yours, and the blood of Sam Holt, and all the others who would have died had Zarkon survived that encounter. Including all your forgotten people, who would have fallen without my protection and care; and most likely all your paladins and even Voltron itself. And still you would have rather we not acted on our own in that scenario?

“I do not expect the innocent blood I have spilt to be forgotten, Princess. But I do weigh it heavily against those that I have saved. There is no evening the scales, but there is more at stake than a simple quid pro quo.”

[princessences]

Allura might become more skilled with words, but for Lotor they have been both a weapon and a shield over thousands of years. What distance she had yielded to him does not compare to the miles of cold she feels placed in front of her at those words, hitting the guilt she'd been feeling for some time.

Your people were not your concern when you first awoke. You rushed into battle.

She tries to steel her expression, jaw tightening as she keeps her gaze cast aside. The knowledge that her people had been out there and she hadn't stopped for a moment to search them out--it's been weighing on her. Constantly. It's one of the things that keeps her awake during the night cycle.

I am one of those people as well.

Allura's gaze snaps back to Lotor, brows furrowed and eyes uncertain.

Of course. He's Altean as well. And for a while the thought that he was also one of the last Alteans had been a comfort and appealing. Is that what eventually drew her to him? The novelty? Was her desire for her people so great that she only sought out what was right in front of her as soon as it seemed remotely familiar rather than locating the souls she should be protecting and serving?

She accepts each step towards her like a slow drum beat, relenting her personal space as some sort of penance for her own mistakes. But I've never used people like that, she thinks. Yet isn't that exactly what he's saying? She was willing to sacrifice Lotor at the time of it came down to it. She remembers. She'd handed him over. Yes, she was upset that both he and more, Shiro--whom she had trusted but was arguing with more and more at the time--had disobeyed her, but...

Did that make her no better?

"You misunderstand. I--"

She flounders.

Anger is much easier to chew on than guilt. She's already spent quintants holed up in her room on the Tourist reflecting and mulling them over.

This shouldn't be about her. It's about him and where he went wrong and how he betrayed their--her people.

The silence is tense.

Allura takes a step back and bumps into a water fountain. She lets the edge jam into her lower back.

"...As I said, do not assume to know the extent of my feelings." Her voice has lost much of its bite, against her better judgment. "When I awoke, I was in the middle of battle. No more than a few ticks had passed between my father pushing me into the cryopod and finding myself in a universe where Altea had already been lost. Coran and I were all that was left." And it has broken her heart and motivated her at the same time.

"...But not a varga has gone by that I don't regret not searching for others since you mentioned the colony."

There. She said it. The first time out loud, really. Her failure as their princess.

"Handing you over to Zarkon was the best choice of action at the time. Had it been now I--"

What? She wouldn't have gone through with it? Allura refuses to say, though the thought may already be floating in the space between them.

She shakes her head.

"It is not just your actions at the colony that make me question your true intentions, Lotor. I spoke with the Paladins."

[violentroots]

He laughs, a soft thing that is more bitter than amused. The best action at the time? If she truly still believed that she was less the leader or tactician than he had given her credit for. Allura leans against the water fountain and Lotor keeps his feet planted, not progressing further into her personal space.


He had made his point, and her hesitation to finish that sentence gives him more proof that the connection between them is not quite severed. Not quite. He's a patient man, and time heals all wounds, but not in a very long time did day to day actions drag so heavily for him than it did now.

Then she mentions the Paladins and he tilts his head slightly to the side, eyes narrowing. "I cannot imagine what else they possibly could have told you to wound my credibility that I have not already shared."

[princessences]

She wants to believe him. To believe in him still, perhaps against her better judgment. It should be much easier to separate her personal grievances from her professional ones and she feels as if she's normally much better at it. Or maybe she's been fooling herself this entire time. Maybe this is where her father's legacy truly ends--with her missteps.

Allura forces herself to meet Lotor's gaze, trying to muster up some of the stern resolve she'd had only moments ago. Doubts cloud her mind. She feels she's loosing ground both physically and mentally.

"In the future, we go to battle." A pause. "Against one another."

The way the fight had been described was not something she wished to repeat in detail, though she realizes she should.

"The ships we've been discussing...it was those. You piloted those and formed your own Voltron."

[violentroots]

Ah.

The second half of her statement dominates his mind first. The ships formed their own Voltron. He knew it was a possibility, after all King Alfor had not intended to create Voltron when he built the Lions. They had formed themselves, and created a new being that would then defend the universe. His original intention had not been anything of the sort (after all, using Voltron to pull the trans-reality comet out and building his ships had come far before Allura's education on Oriande) but it's exciting to hear. Perhaps more than it should be.

His own Voltron.

And then the rest sinks in and Lotor frowns, trying to place this concept in context to his own timeline. Why would he have fought Voltron, his own ally and partner in his goals? Fought Allura? He shakes his head once, eyes closing as he makes a face. "Impossible.

"Allura what reason would I have to fight you? There has been more than enough opportunities for me to turn on you, I cannot fathom why I would now? The ships you speak of were created and modified by you on your own abilities. I do not have the secrets of Oriande... if they combine to create another defender of the universe it is because you gave it that ability. I may be a skilled engineer but I am not an alchemist. "

[princessences]

He says what she already knows, but to hear it from someone else--from him--makes it all the more real. Her stomach churns.

"I know that!" She snaps, but pulls herself back a moment later.

"Of course. I know. I helped build them. I helped create a weapon that you used against us. Something that could stand a formidable chance against Voltron, my father's creation."

It's likely no secret how she has been brooding over this.

She needs a moment.

Allura turns, separating herself from the fountain and rounding it.

"...I don't know why, but I imagine it was related to what you have told me here. From what Keith has told me, your admission ended much the same, but it was not your intention to reveal your past at the time."

[violentroots]

"There is no reason to be so modest, Allura. You were the lead on this project, not I. Had I considered the possibility that the ships may combine to create something new? Yes. I had hoped it possible, but did not wish to put that expectation upon you. But I imagined the Sincline ships to be a support to Voltron, not its foil. After all, for as powerful as Voltron is, it cannot be everywhere at once. "

Allura is on the defensive again, and she skitters away from him like a mouse trapped at the feet of a predator. Did she really have so little faith in him that she'd grasp for any hint that he may intend her harm? Lotor takes a step forward, keeping that distance between them constant, his shoulders squared now.

"I had no intention of revealing the colony to you until the universe was stabilized, or I witnessed the witch's death myself. You do not understand the expanse of her influence. If your paladins have revealed the existence of the colony without my involvement, and Haggar has heard of it, there will be no saving our people from her hands; and do not be so confident in your team's ability to protect itself to think that she has not dug her claws into something within the Castle of Lions. Whatever pocket universe we find ourselves in now ... I imagine it has no impact on where we come from. Would you have preferred me to admit my failings at the cost of everything? I would not sacrifice my people for anything less than the good of the rest of the universe, and while I treasure our ... friendship Allura. I cannot in good conscience put your approval above the lives of all those who rely on me."

[princessences]

Doubt.

She had thought she was coming to terms, to a full understanding of the situation, but each counterpoint pokes holes in her resolve. With her immediate anger subsided, she's left to consider his words fully, tinged with the heaviness of her own guilt. She should be over that by now.

"I do not seek your approval." She stills. "Not at the expense of our people."

Never at that. The existence of other Alteans has changed everything, hadn't it? Would she have preferred the colony not exist at all knowing what happens to it?

No. No, of course not. They were lost entirely, until now...

Thanks to him.

Lotor.

Whom has, again and again, tried to prove himself and earn her trust. Even when she had been willing to sacrifice him to the enemy.

She hadn't even thought back about that until now.

She's quiet. Pensive. Tense.

"I had thought--"

No. She stops as soon as she stops, turning to face the empty hallway.

Haggar had already dug her claws into the team, just as he said. Through Shiro, no less, who has suffered more than his fair share. Shiro and the others who are so confident in Lotor's guilt.

She folds her arms across her chest, holding onto her upper arms. Allura doesn't want to admit how much she's floundering internally, but as the silence stretches between them, her lips simply hang open for a moment before she utters a quiet,

"...I don't know what to believe."

[violentroots]

"Then I will leave you to think upon it." Lotor presses his fingers into the bridge of his nose, and then drags his hand down over his mouth for a moment, frowning against the palm of his hand. "There are many realities, Princess. Whatever one your paladins come from may not be the same as my own... I cannot fault their choices without knowing the facts. I ask that you simply extend the same courtesy to me."

There is a long moment of oppressive silence, and then the prince of the Galra takes a step forward, striding past her rather than approach her. The wave of white hair brushes against her shoulder as he passes, and he only stops when he's well past her, frowning at the ground for a second before he lifts his chin and glances back at her.

"I wish you a more pleasant evening, Princess. You know where to find me."

[princessences]

She watches his back until Lotor is out of sight, then immediately turns to lean back against the wall.

Different realities.

She has considered the possibility. Though the alternate timeline she found herself in once had been drastically different than her own, those that would more closely mirror what she knows must exist. Even so, that they come from the same reality has been assumed, then it also must be possible that he is telling the truth. That she hadn't given him a chance to talk, as Keith had said.

And then they fought and she left him in the quintessence field.

All those Alteans...

What is best for them? For the team?

Allura sinks to the floor.

She feels sick.