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Who: Shiro, Biffy, Lyall and Ulaz - Shiro and Allura
Broadcast: No
Action: SS Blameless - Iskaulit gym
When: Morning - noon of the 4th

A. Sunday morning, Blameless - Biffy, Lyall and Ulaz

[Shiro doesn't like getting drunk.

No, really, he doesn't! He's only done it twice in his life... well, three times now. Saturday evening with Jim has ended with a few more beers than usual. Can you blame him, though? Another proof that the universe hates him has come up, and it only adds to the guilt.

At least he gets to sleep through the hangover. Talking to Jim and Keith has helped, even if his conversation with Keith probably wasn't even a true conversation. He's afraid to check. Will his nightmares get worse from now on? Will Baku get drunk from his drunk dreams? Is his dog bothered by the smell of beer?

Who knows. Not him. He's sleeping, and sleeping deep. He hasn't gotten up at 6am for his morning run, woah! But hey, everyone is always telling him to rest, right? So today he's resting. Sleeping in. This captain has the right to a Sunday off!

Except the one time he does that, they come to his door and knock. Ugh. Shiro groans as he wakes up with a killing headache. Has knocking always been this loud?]

Who is it? [He somehow manages to... mumble.]

B. Sunday morning-ish/noon, Iskaulit gym - Allura

[Just because he woke up late and his friends scolded him to hell and back, it doesn't mean he's skipping his morning exercise. In fact, he needs it more than ever, headache or not. Exercise helps him tire his body and clear his mind, which can be hard when he's alone with his thoughts.

Like now. Thank goodness these punching bags were especially made for people with special abilities, so Shiro is letting his new arm go loose... more than ever. There's obvious anger in his strikes, extra hard and extra fast, each hit is filled with frustration. Not even Galra sentries have been punched like this by him.

This is how Allura will find him, punching the bag like his life depended on it and his face looking like he ate something that didn't do well to his stomach.]

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[He'd been working when he'd smelled Shiro attempting to sneak through the ship to his room. Honestly he should be in bed right now since around 6am is when he goes to bed. But no. Instead he's gone straight to Ulaz to inform him of what he smelled.

Shiro. And alcohol.

Considering the fact that he doesn't know Shiro to be the type to go around getting drunk? Well naturally he feels he should report this directly to Ulaz who is the ship doctor.

And that is why they are now here. Also he might be knocking a little louder than usual because someone with a hangover deserves it for drinking too much. Might be. Hard to tell.

Either way he sure does call out in a sweet voice:]

It's Biffy and Ulaz! Might we come in to have a word with you, my dear captain?

[Ulaz had honestly been surprised to see Biffy still awake at that hour. It was late for him. Early for others, but late for the werewolf. He might have questioned Biffy about it, but then Biffy told him why...

Shiro and the smell of alcohol. Apparently a lot of it. He did appreciate Biffy's keen sense of smell at that time, even if it made him wonder exactly how good it was now. But he agreed; they needed to find out what had happened to cause their captain to get so drunk.

Before they went to the captain's room, Ulaz left a note for the co-pilot that he would be at the helm today. If Shiro was drunk, he wasn't going to be near the controls.

For the moment, he just stood behind Biffy, waiting for Shiro to admit them... or to refuse it so he could object]

[Lyall was also preparing to go to bed, but since Biffy wasn't coming and his own sense of smell was enough to tell him something had happened, he came to investigate.

And to find both Biffy and Ulaz standing at the door of their captain. A door from which the smell was coming from, and Lyall actually scrunched his nose at it.]

... Did he go and get sloshed?

[Biffy, Lyall and Ulaz? Something must've had happened, he guesses. Maybe the candy had something in it, he wouldn't put it past Atroma. Because yes, in his current state of headache, he isn't exactly remembering certain wolves' sense of smell.

He groans and Procyon licks his face as an answer. A day off is possible if things are quiet while drifting, but it doesn't seem to be the case. Shiro sits up, takes a big breath as his head swirls, and goes to open the door - just enough to let his head peek outside. The head that happens to look like shit, just saying.]

What happened? Are we approaching a new system already? Was the candy cursed after all?

[Getting into work mode is how he copes, don't mind him.]

[ Allura spends quite a bit of time at the gym herself, so it's not uncommon to find Shiro there as well. What is uncommon is how Shiro is doing his absolute best to destroy the punching bag. She watches him for a minute as she wraps her own hands--out of courtesy of seeing others do so, she's not particularly worried about the equipment in here causing her any harm--before going over. ]

I take it this bag has offended you in someway?

[Shiro has his left hand wrapped too, but he doesn't bother with the metal arm for obvious reasons. He should give Allura some approving words for taking that precaution, but that's for later. Right now he doesn't even notice she's arrived until she speaks up.

His hands drops and his forehead rests against the bag for a second as he pants. His head still aches a bit and he still looks like he had a bad night, but when he turns his face to look at her, he tries his best to offer a little smile.]

Can I just answer that it insulted my dog?

[ His smile is as tired as the rest of him is and it's hard to miss it. She offers him a small, sympathetic smile in return as she puts her hand on the side of the bag. ]

That would be unacceptable, but I get the feeling there's more to it. What wrong, Shiro?

[He's explained this so many times already, he's tired. Emotionally, at least, his body still wants to hit things. Everything is fine, he wants to say, but it's not like he can hide behind a poker face this time. Besides... he's told her to reach to him when she dealt with Lotor. He talked about working through things together as a team, and she did confide in him when they went shopping.

After the clone fiasco, he's supposed to be doing the same in return. So he lets the smile disappear.]

I don't know if Alteans know the concept of "hangover". Have you met Veronica?

I apologize for being late to bed, Lyall. Yes, our dear captain did indeed go and get sloshed.

[He has no problem being a snitch about this either obviously. Turning back to the door, he lifts a brow at Shiro.]

None of that is what took place, dear captain. Rather there is some concern about an activity that took place tonight and we feel it necessary to speak with you about it. Now preferably.

[And he smiles. A look that seems so disarming on his boyish looking face. One thing is for sure...he knows how to charm his way around places.]

[Ulaz glanced over his shoulder as the other werewolf approached and gave him a polite nod. It didn't surprise him that he had showed up on his own. The smell and the fact Biffy was breaking their normal schedule.

As Shiro opened the door, he did catch a whiff of it. His sense of smell was nowhere as good as theirs, but probably still better than a human's and he get the scent of alcohol]

Preferably in private. We don't want to approach the subject with an audience.

[He didn't know Shiro's reasons for it and making it potentially public knowledge by the remaining half of the crew being able to hear could only make it more uncomfortable]

[In private sounds like a good idea indeed. Even to Lyall, who attempted it himself not that long ago while knowing it would fail. And he didn't stumble back on the ship reeking when he did, because that smell is just... not nice at all to a sensitive nose like his.]

In your quarters, if you would be so kind, Captain?

[They might as well keep him in here. No need for anyone else to see on top of potentially hearing.]

[Slo... shed.... Oh, they gotta be kidding him. That's the issue? He's always so responsible with his crew and the one time he does something dumb, he gets an inquisition?

Dark eyes move from face to face, looking for signs to see if they're serious right now... of course they are.]

So I drank a bit too much last night. [He pinches the bridge of his nose.] I fail to see how this needs to be meeting. I'm not some alcoholic.

We are far from worried about your drinking habits. Rather we are more concerned about the cause of what inspired a change in habit.

[So really this is less about the drinking and far more of what might have inspired the drinking. For someone with such habits obviously it's easy for them to spot when those habits change.]

[ She's not exactly sure how those two are related. ]

I have become passingly familiar with the usage, though I'm...is she responsible for your "hangover"?

[ Maybe she doesn't understand it as well as she thought. ]

[Ulaz nodded]

I know you are careful with it on a normal basis.

[He's shared drinks with him before and it never got to this]

So clearly there is something caused this to happen.

[Lyall simply comes to stand by Biffy's side. he doesn't add anything else for now, but the look on his face clearly shows some concern.

Mostly because he tried the whole 'drown your pain in alcohol' thing only a few weeks ago - even though he failed, because he can't get drunk - and it was out of character for him. Just like the 'going to fight to get it out of your system' thing. So he knows whatever drove Shiro to this, it must have affected him deeply.]

[...ok, point. Very good point in fact. He keeps an eye on the people he cares about too, and he would also reach out if they saw him in a weird mood. They're being good friends, Shiro just happens to be a little slow this morning. Blame the hangover for that.]

I appreciate the concern, guys. [He means it, he truly does, but he can't help it, he's in a bad mood and with a headache so he's also a bit annoyed.] But can't you let me sleep off this first?

No. [He hurries to clarify, even if it's going to sound like she is, because he doesn't want anyone to feel responsible for his own dumb decisions.] You know Veronica comes from the future, right? Like the time I came back and I told you about the clone... her news weren't completely good.

I felt it necessary to stay awake to see you now. It seems Lyall felt the same.

[Okay maaaybe it's a little bit of a guilt trip to say that Lyall and himself are seeing him now and staying awake out of concern but sometimes playing dirty is necessary when it comes to the care of others. And he is genuinely concerned about the man no matter how he smiles.]

Particularly since you normally would have been awake by now for us to have discussed this in another room. Since you hadn't awoken there was some cause for concern.

[Again, a break in regular habit can be a cause for alarm.]

[Ulaz might have been more willing to let him sleep a little while longer. It wasn't like Shiro could go anywhere, but the fact that Biffy wanted to stay up (and presumably Lyall as well) and find out why...]

A brief discussion.

[Both to not draw attention and a guarantee they wouldn't hang around all day when rest was something Shiro needed for his self-inflicted condition]

Ah...yes, I am aware.

[ The implications there are clear even before he finishes his statement. She frowns slightly, taking a step forward as if to give them some privacy in proximity. ]

What did she say? Do you want to talk about it?

... Did something happen?

[Lyall was under the impression that a few people arrived from Shiro's world. It does not seem they came bearing good news.

To him at least, it seems like the most likely cause, since it doesn't appear to be an augment glitch.]

[Forehead still resting against the punching bag, Shiro closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Does he want to talk about it? He doesn't even know anymore. He's just emotionally drained.]

...the Galra -Sendak- arrived to Earth before we did.

Well, I'm awake now.

[That may've come out a bit more annoyed than he intends it to. He can't help it, the hangover is killing him, and the news about home have him in emotional distress. For once in his life, sleeping is what he wants to choose over people.]

Yes, Lance's sister is here. Yes, bad things happen in our future. I can't do anything to prevent it because Atroma does this just to play with me. [Yeah, the bitterness and the annoyance gets worse with each word, the distress taking a peek in his external mood.] Can I go back to bed now?

[Biffy actually visibly bristles. It actually takes a second for him to compose himself before he looks right at the man.]

How terribly tragic that so much could be targeted directly towards you and you alone. It is quite fortunate that the rest of us have never faced anything horrific brought about by Atroma. It is careless of us to have never taken into account your feelings on this matter or to have offered to be there for you to talk to should feelings like this become overwhelming.

I will apologize for having disturbed your sleep and never taking into account how you might be feeling or what you might be going through nor ever offering to help lighten your burdens.

[Here, he actually puts a hand over his heart and bows to him.]

Have a good morning, Captain Shirogane. May your head feel better after your little episode with alcohol.

[And yes. He does just walk away.]

[Ulaz just glances after Biffy, making no move to stop him. When he turns back to Shiro, he just sighs before heading in the opposite direction as Biffy. Whether he needed to go that way or not, he did so that Lyall would be able to get to Biffy without Ulaz being in the way]

[Lyall... sighs and pinches the ridge of his nose. This is why Aphas should not go and solve their problems with alcohol - and in his mind, Shiro is definitely an Alpha and he is sure Biffy sees it that way as well.

And now, his own Alpha is ruffled and Lyall is going to have to go smooth it out before they go to sleep.]

Well, that was productive... Do try to keep hydrated, Captain, and since I believe painkillers do have an effect on you, I would recommend some for the headache, although I will let our medic provide [A nod to Ulaz at that].

If you will excuse me...

[He will now make to follow Biffy. Time to go be a calming and anchoring influence. Thank god he has hundreds of years of practice at that.]

[You and you alone.

Those words resonate in his head. He gets the whole message, he really does, but that just irritates him even more. Shiro isn't one to be selfish often, and puts saving the universe ahead of everything... the universe that hates him. Over and over, Shiro is put through challenges, is put through the worst torture, and after all the fighting and hard work...

He's rewarded with Earth as a wasteland.

He's rewarded with Adam's death.

He's rewarded with their less than stellar break-up being the last words he ever said to him.

Yes, he isn't the center of the universe, but he thinks he's earned the right to be quiznaking annoyed at the world right now. He thinks of yelling some of this at Biffy, but then Ulaz, oh dear Ulaz, who Shiro is always scared of disappointing, sighs at him. Ulaz, who should get it better than most.

So he slams the door instead, barely hearing Lyall's words before throwing himself at the bed with a huff, Procyon quickly coming closer for cuddles and comfort. He manages to sleep a few more hours, not much, but it's something. Probably thanks to Baku.

When he wakes up he has a killing headache and anger enough to match young Keith's. Painkillers are taken, at least, before going to the Iskaulit to take that anger out on the punching bag. Allura is there and she helps a lot, so does the shower he takes after (a longer than usual one) and Lance and his cookies are the cherry on top of this very bitter ice-cream.

He's still hurting, but he's been contained. Supported. So he's much calmer when he arrives to dinner later that evening, eyeing his crewmates with hesitation.]

...we probably need to talk.

[ Allura says nothing for a long moment.

Sendak.

Not a name that any should be glad to hear, but the personal affect that it has on Shiro is not lost on her. He hadn't handled Sendak being on the Castle well, and his arrival at the Kral Zera hadn't been welcome either, though she now understands that wasn't the same Shiro...exactly.

But even if it hadn't been Sendak, specifically, the Galra reaching Earth first? ]

...

[ It can't be good news. ]

What of Earth?

It's there. And it's healing now that we got there to help. But for a long while... they weren't. They hanged on what they could. It has lost more than half of its population, it--

[He's tired, and his head hurts. Kirk and Keith were nice to him last night, told him to hang in there, that it isn't his fault. But he still feels undone, broken, especially the argument with his crew. For once, he wants to stay mad at the world. For once, he doesn't feel patient and understanding. And after Allura felt like she did with Lotor, it invites Shiro to talk a bit more.]

...it would better if I hadn't let Sendak gone, Allura. He would still be alive. [The guilt - it's heavy.]

[ Allura is ready to do the same, to reach out and put a hand on his shoulder, but she pauses as soon as he starts to shift the blame to himself. ]

No. Shiro.

[ Her voice is firm, commanding his attention. ]

If not Sendak, it could have easily been someone else. That the majority of the Voltron Paladins hail from Earth isn't unknown. The Galra Empire will always strike where it hurts the most. Please remember that no place in the universe has been safe from their tyranny. And no single person has the power and ability to put a stop to it--if that were the case, this war would have ended ten-thousand years ago.

[What is dinner for Shiro is breakfast for some. Biffy looks up from his meal when he smells the captain and watches him for a moment before settings his cup of tea down.

It seems that the man is ready to actually talk now. He's still somewhat wounded that someone he considers a friend would rather go hurt himself than talk to someone. It goes against every instinct he has. Because as an Alpha, he can't let his pack do things like that. It's his responsibility to take care of them.

And it seems he's adopted Shiro has part of his pack even if he truly isn't part of it since he isn't a wolf.

But he gently pushes those instincts to the back of his mind for the time being as he looks at the man and nods.]

It might help. Would you prefer here or somewhere private?

[Similar things have been said by both Jim and Keith, and it gets a bit easier to hear them every time. He won't feel better overnight, but he's working on it. Every word helps - a lot. That ending though...

If that were the case, this war would have ended ten-thousand years ago.

She's right, and it feels a bit like a slap to the face.]

Ten thousand years ago... you've lost so much - more than me. [He's lost his sanity, but she has no homeland to go back to. His argument with Biffy comes back to him.] Is it selfish to feel like the universe hates me?

[ That stops her immediately.

Allura has been mourning of her planet and her people since she woke up--that hasn't changed even when arriving in this universe. She wears pink for a reason, after all, and one of those reasons was Shiro.

But she does feel that she's lost much. So much. There's a hole in her soul that she will wear until her last moments.

Still, she shakes her head after a moment. ]

We've all lost and been hurt by the actions of the Galra Empire. And each loss is one too many.

[ Allura can't go around feeling sorry for herself, even if somedays it's harder than others. She has to keep pushing forward--they all do. ]

...No, I don't think it's selfish. You have been through unimaginable trials and danger, and suffered for it. But what matters is that you have persevered against all odds. You have proven to universe wrong at each and every turn. Isn't that what they call "showing it your thumb"?

[Many people have told him similar things, but it means a lot coming from her, who also keeps being laughed at by the universe. It feels like validation, like-- permission.

Of course, what makes him chuckle is something else.]

You mean "giving it the finger"? [The tension of the moment gone thanks to that, Shiro finally pulls back from where he was resting against the punching bag and rubs his face before looking at her with soft, thankful eyes.] Thank you. And sorry you had to see me like this. [He sounds super shameful. This isn't the Black Paladin she signed up for.] I keep giving the universe the finger and I couldn't help the feeling of my hard work- our hard work being rewarded... like this. [He hangs his head.] I know it's not about us. We're not magically armored against consequences. It'll take a while to free a whole universe. Everyone has suffered, I'm not special, and yet--

[Is it bad to feel like he keeps getting the worst of it?]

Yes, that one. The thumb is a finger, isn't it?

[ Maybe the saying doesn't translate quite the same in Altean.

But she waves off his apology. ]

You're my friend, Shiro. You have nothing to apologize for.

[ They all have a breaking point. She's certainly reached hers more than once and her friends have been there to help her through it. ]

For as much as we're fighting for everyone--for the universe itself, there are hurts that are personal. Please...don't disregard your suffering. But don't forget that each and every time you have come out from it. You have shown the universe again and again that you're stronger than it. And that is an inspiration to all of us.

It is, but different fingers have different meanings. Thumbs up means approval.

[Probably not the right time to get into that, but better correct this soon. He doesn't want her to accidentally offend someone.

Allura's words are very sweet and encouraging and-- oh. Well then. Shiro grabs the back of his neck, feeling even more self-conscious now, because apparently being hangover isn't enough.]

I don't feel very inspirational at the moment, I must admit. In fact, it's more like the exact opposite. ["At least I didn't arm wrestle people", he mumbles to himself. This time he wasn't a happy drunk...] But I got to say, it's... nice to be able to present myself to you like this, even if it's embarrassing too. Kind of freeing, if you catch my meaning.

[It's good to be able to put this trust in Allura, he means, to be able to open up and treat her like he would treat any close friend instead of always keeping up the strong leader mode for the sake of the team. He's learned a lesson, and he's trying to apply it.]

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