driftfleet | [Closed Log]

Entry tags:

[Closed Log]

Who:Hux, Ulaz, and Keith
Broadcast: N/A
Action: Yes on the planet
When: Between 11/12 and 12/2

[Hux had arranged to meet with Ulaz and Keith aboard the Bishop. He finally decided now was the time to finish the conversation he had with Ulaz and to bring Keith in on it. As much as he didn't want to discuss the subject it needed to be dealt with. It wasn't something he couldn't keep hiding or explaining pieces of. It would bring out more questions...and then what if someone from his world and time arrived and told them the news? No. It was better they heard it from him and if they were to understand who he was they had to be told. To help emphasis the situation at hand, he even took time to wear his full military uniform that he arrived in.

Yet when they arrived on the Bishop, Keith had mentioned the Wishing Tree and seeking it out. Reluctantly, Hux agreed to go with Keith and Ulaz to the Wishing Tree. He had managed to avoid the planet the entire time since they started drifting once more. It was too cold for him and it reminded him of the planet Star Killer had been on. Now he was going to the planet to seek a Wishing Tree and discuss about said Star Killer.

He wasn't looking forward to the discussion, already having an idea of what the outcome would be like. Hux still didn't understand why he was putting so much time into this friendship he had with them. He never allowed himself to get close to any one else before. Why now? Why did their approval mean so much? With the loss of his father and their Supreme Leader was he trying to find a replacement? What did it matter now when what he was about to say was going to destroy what ever it was that was forming? He dug the his gloved fingers into the palm of his hand. He hated the fact he could see his own breath and how everything seemed to be much louder.

Hux halted in his tracks believing that he felt the ground shake and looked around briefly trying to see if it wasn't his mind playing tricks. He could have sworn he felt the ground move and was expecting part of the ground to split up as he had seen back on the planet. Back when he was trying to find the fallen Kylo Ren.

As he did so he moved to discuss a lighter subject before going onto the main one at hand. He didn't want the others to notice his startled movements.]

What did you find out about this Wishing Tree? What I wanted to discuss would have been better on the ship instead of out in this cold.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[There was a delay before Hux registered that Ulaz and Kieth were reaching out to him. When Ulaz placed his hand on his shoulder it was enough to pull him back to the present. His expression cleared from confusion to recognition.]

I'm sorry. It's this planet.

[He rubbed his forehead with a gloved hand and tried to steady his own breathing to calm himself down.]

I've been reluctant on stepping foot on this planet, due to the all the unwanted memories it might bring up. I apologize for this behavior.

[Keith quirked an eyebrow for a moment, and then shook his head.]

You don't have to apologize. That happens to people sometimes.

[Granted, better it was just here than in the middle of a battle. And, no, it wasn't entirely as normal as Keith was making it, but he didn't want Hux to feel too bad right off. Getting him calmed down first was more important.]

If you want, we can take a break.

[Kosmo squirmed a little in Keith's arms, so he put the pup down. The fluff-ball immediately planted himself at Hux's feet, and rolled over, offering his belly for rubs. That would help the red-haired human feel better, right?]

[At least the contact had seemed to bring him back, but it was worrying that he was having issues with the environment of the planet. Though it was making sense why seeing him like this.

He glanced over Kosmo as the wolf squirmed, still keeping an eye on him as he flopped down in front of him. Well, the wolf was trying too]

We don't have to do it now.

No, this has to be done now... no breaks for this. It's bad enough that I'm appearing weak in front of the two of you.

This isn't an easy discussion for me. If I didn't trust the two of you, I wouldn't be making this effort to do so or caring about it. It's....strange to feel these emotions. I believe it's also adding to the stress of being upon this planet.

[Hux glanced at Keith then at Cosmo before he knelt down to pet the wolf with his gloved hand. He wasn't sure if that's what he was supposed to do having never interacted with a creature. But it seemed that's what the wolf wanted him to do. He looked at Keith to see if this was correct. He glanced at Ulaz unsure of how the other felt with his actions.]

I've spent a long time seeking approval in people who refused to acknowledge my achievements or myself. Knowing it was the only way I could survive. Even if what I had to do was considered right or wrong....I did them if it allowed me to live. It cost a lot of who I was what ever there was still left that hadn't been buried for the sake of the First Order.

[Keith came over and crouched down with them, encouraging Hux to keep petting Kosmo's belly. The wolf wagged his tail in a lazy swishing motion.]

I appreciate the trust. [He gave him a small smile. He knew how hard it could be to trust someone.]

It sounds like you had a hard time while you were growing up.

[Sure, Keith had it rough, but he'd never felt like his life was on the line if he acted out at school.]

[Ulaz appreciated that trust as well. He knew from their previous conversation that Hux had had a hard time when he was younger, basically raised in a situation where he was only tolerated because he was needed by a much larger force.

Some part of him does disapprove of Hux's actions, being complacent in the destruction of worlds if not carrying it out himself. On the other hand, he had done things that he wished he could have avoided as well all for the sake of information and not standing out. They were similar, he and Hux, in that way]

Unfortunately it can be hard in that situation. It takes a lot to not lose yourself what is being requested when there is no other option but to follow it.

[Hux appeared to relax a little clearly enjoying the little bit of interaction with Cosmo. He wondered briefly what it would be like to have an animal companion.]

Your companion is very friendly and so trusting. I'm glad you were able to find one. The tree gave you him after your task?

I feel that some of it is knowing when to pick your battles and how far you can push the other. But even that can be tricky and fail you.

[As Hux had recently learned with Kylo. Before the destruction of Star Killer base he was able to figure out how far he could push the Knight, but now it seemed to be anything set the man on edge. Even with the Supreme Leader Snoke it was hard to gauge on where he stood and what might cost his career and life.

He gave a wary sigh and got back up, wanting to continue the journey to the tree and to finish the difficult discussion.]

We used the weapon to draw out the enemy from their hiding. Only our Supreme Leader wanted more then that. He had ordered their entire system to be destroyed. He believed it would wipe them out and any support they had with it.

I'll admit...that it had been a proud moment for myself. I could finally use the weapon that I had helped design and to show to my peers that I wasn't someone to be messed with. I could finally get my father's approval.

Only now...I'm not sure what to think. I find myself conflicted. I've done everything for the First Order and then I heard all the different stories the two of you shared. I've always thought that our cause was the right path and that this was where I truly belonged. This would also give me back my home planet as well.

Yet, I don't know now. Before I've arrived here I wasn't sure where I belonged or what my purpose was.

[Reflectively he clinched his right hand and dug his fingers into the palm of his hand. The glove kept the pain away that would have been there, but he still did it out of stressful habit.]

[Keith nodded at the question.]

He's actually from home. I found him while I was on a mission. It's nice to have him back.

[Keith stood as Hux did. Listening, he hesitated to answer right away. He remembered the feeling of power inside the quintessence field, how it had been so easy to just... use it because it was for their goal, the goal they thought was right. But it was twisting them, as power can be known to do. If Allura hadn't stopped them from continuing, he was pretty sure they would have just kept battling for eternity in there.

He was torn, honestly. He understood wanting to do what was right, wanting acceptance and respect from one's peers, and doing what was needed to survive. He also understood how all of those things could contradict one another depending on the person making the decisions. It was a lot to think about. He clenched his own fists.]

Back home, we were allied with someone who, unknown to us, was running an experiment to find a better source of energy. The problem was, his experiment and research was killing a lot of people. Yet, he believed that it would save even more if it was successful.

I still really don't know if he was right, but I do know that those people... they didn't know what was happening until it was too late. None of them knew where they were being taken, what was going to happen. They just blindly went because they trusted him, and believed him to be a savior. And he let them think that way. He never completely lied to them, but he never told them the whole truth, either.

They didn't deserve that.

[He took a deep breath.]

I don't-... I don't condone that weapon. But, I think... I think I understand why you created it. I just have one question.

Would you do it again? Knowing what you do now?

[By now, Ulaz had heard the story of Lotor and what he'd done. He had only ever had reasons to doubt Lotor at home because of military party line, which he had learned after being a spy to take with a grain of salt. Having word from the paladins what Lotor was doing was different than this. Given he had no possible interaction with anything in their timeline, he couldn't see for himself and judge, so he had resolved to remain cautious of the prince.

The question that Keith posed to Hux was a good one and looks over at the other, waiting for an answer]

[Hux looked at the both of them in the eye when he answered and spoke in firm voice.]

No. I wouldn't. I'm responsible for the lives of an entire system. Five planets. Not only that I'm responsible for the lives of my men. That weight alone has taken a toll on me.

The Supreme Leader had wanted me to use the weapon again on another system where the enemy's base was found. I couldn't go through with it. I managed to argue with him and make it so we only targeted the planet that had the base. Not the entire system. He eventually agreed to it, but I also felt he sensed a weakness in me. I'm honestly surprised he didn't kill me for that.

We never got to destroy it. The enemy found us and attacked. I believe through inside help....they got in. Our weapon was destroyed and in the process it took the base and entire planet with it. I barely escaped only due to the fact I was sent to retrieve our co-commander who was dealing with his own mission at the time. I managed to find him with enough time to get out, but just barely. I couldn't say that for my men.

Some of the older staff felt I should have stayed with the base and went down with it as a general should. Many are displeased with the out come of the events. I often wonder if I should have stayed behind.

[Keith listened. There was tension through his frame as he did, and he carried a somewhat severe expression, but he didn't react beyond that. He was used to trying to keep certain aspects of his temper in check. Plus, Hux didn't deserve them jumping to conclusions. Keith's already seen what that can do, and it didn't do them any good, especially here in the Fleet. So he'd hear him out.

Still...]

And no one thought it was overkill to destroy an entire planet for one base? I know you talked him down from destroying the entire system, but...

[It was like Nacxela all over again. Destroying almost a third of the Galaxy when Keith knew they could have likely wiped out their force with a few well-placed battlecruisers... He still wasn't convinced that the Galra were backed against that solid of a wall to react to that extreme.]

[Ulaz listened to the answer, letting his eyes close for a moment as he processed everything]

Again, it goes back to the question I asked earlier about if they were deserving of it. A base is one thing. Civilians whether complacent or not is another thing. Let alone entire planetary systems for one individual base. That reaches the point of being more for a show of power with only its intended purpose as an excuse. Destroying even the entire planet is unjustified.

Don't misunderstand though; it is good that you realize now this was not what should have been done.

[Hux closed his eyes as he tried to calm himself down. He was feeling a mixture of emotions right now from anger, disappointment, and frustration. His one hand was still clinched and he found himself clinching the other. He knew that both would be fixed on the fact that they were going after another planet just for the base. He knew that nothing he would say would see them to reason. He proceeded to press on. Maybe something would sink in.]

It wasn't just one base it was their home base of operations. It was the main one they operated from and could have ended the war there. I had a hard enough time pushing him to relent on just the planet itself. If I had pushed further he would have used it against me and had the entire system destroyed instead. He would have also seen it as an act of treason.

Do you know what it is liked to be choked by someone whose not there? But you can feel their hand crushing your throat and slowly taking your life away? Do you know what it's like to be thrown around like a rag doll in front of your own men? Again by the same person that's not even there? Knowing any second he could dispose of you if you say or do the wrong thing? That was my Supreme Leader. And my Co-Commander.

I lost my men, my ships, my equipment to them! Not to mention all those workers who weren't soldiers working for me! That one planet survived where mine was sacrificed instead.

You want me to understand what they're going through. Yet you guys don't seem to understand what I have to deal with.

Keith, you talk about wanting to help the Galra in the end despite that what you've been through. Our people weren't given such a chance. They fell to what they knew and what they thought would be best. And you chide me for doing the only thing we knew and were taught to do.

I didn't know anything different not till I arrived here and meet you and your team. Your judging me for who I am when I'm simply being honest and open. Something I wouldn't have done if I didn't trust and respect you.

Then there's Ulaz who I was able to connect with because of a similar background and his ability to see both sides to signs with an open mind. Yet, he was able to break away from them and find his own path, something I envy. Even saying that now would be considered an act of treason.

As I talk, all I can see my planet that the base was on being destroyed and falling apart. I can still hear my mens' cries for help and their desperation to fight back and escape, the blaring sound of the alarms, the grounds crumbling around me as I'm searching for my co-commander.

I'm never going to escape that or the sacrifice of those planets that I had destroyed. I'm not trying to convince the two of you to try and accept my actions, but to understand.

[Keith withdrew a bit. He realized it just after the words had come out that he'd once again flown off the handle. He was getting more self-aware of that now, and it was still hard to keep his reactions in check sometimes, but he was getting better...

Or, at least, he was trying.

And he took it. He took the entire response without a word or even a gesture to interrupt, because he knew his little outburst had been just that... an outburst. Hux deserved to be heard... and, maybe, so did a few other people... and Keith bit the inside of his cheek for a moment as the thought occurred to him. He knew some people who weren't going to like that idea, either.

Still... he waited for Hux to finish.]

That's not... [Use your words, Keith. He had never been good at this. He took a deep breath.]

The thing is... I do understand. I understand how war works. There are sacrifices and losses on all sides. And, yeah, I want to find a better way. Who doesn't?

I'm not judging you. I get it. You tried. You did what you could. But that doesn't mean I don't still think your leader did something wrong in destroying that whole planet for the base. Even if it was their main base.

I watched someone try to take out a third of the galaxy just to stop our rebellion. I know what bad people in power are capable of, and what they are willing to do to stay there. But I also know that the sides aren't black and white. That, if given a small push in the right direction, you can change people's minds and get them to work with you instead of against you. And, no... not everyone. But you don't need everyone. You just need enough.

You still save those other planets in that system. And maybe you didn't know anyone on them personally like you did with the people you lost on your base. But it still counts for something. Standing up to someone who isn't afraid to kill to get his way isn't easy. The Blade of Marmora taught me that. But you did it... and you still managed to save a lot of people.

It's something you should be proud of.

[Ulaz stood quietly, listening to Hux's reply and waiting for Keith to respond. He had known Keith would have been ready to jump in and he was glad for it that Keith had not interrupted with his rebuttal. Ulaz never claimed to be a leader, but he was old enough to know how people were, having been subtly trying to steer it back from an emotional response on their part. He didn't like it from his own perspective, but he had been there, been in a position where "no" wasn't an option.

Which was something he had over Keith and the other paladins in this case. He knew what it was like to be trapped doing things that you knew were wrong because there was no other way]

I agree. It is brave of you stand your ground against someone who isn't afraid to harm others. I have seen too many of those and in my time, no one dared whisper even a hint that they were unhappy so there was no trusting anyone. Like for you, someone in a command position standing against someone of a higher rank would hold severe consequences.

And yet, you did.

And it is brave of you now, to stand here with us with a reminder of what happened to that planet, to your people, around you. Your lose, just like the lose of the other planet we have been talking about, is equally unacceptable.

[Hux couldn't help but look between the two with a look of surprise. He had a hard time believing the fact they were able to accept what he said. Most would have killed him on spot or brought in handcuffed. No tolerance would have been accepted.]

You don't want me arrested and put up for trial? They would. The trial would have been for show followed by execution. I doubt they would be satisfied with me being behind bars.

[Keith shook his head.]

Some societies do that... hold people accountable for war crimes. Back home, though... we're trying to rebuild a society where a very large amount of people were involved in those kinds of crimes. To go and imprison all of them?

[Keith took a deep breath.]

Honestly, if it were back home, maybe people would want some sort of retribution for your involvement. And, considering everything, they would probably lock you up for some amount of time, but there wouldn't have been an execution. Others higher up, though... people who had more power and influence than you, or acted in crueler ways... their punishments would likely be harsher.

We haven't reached that point, yet, though. So, I can't really say what would happen if you were responsible for this kind of thing back home. And, honestly? It's not my place. I'm not the jury. I'm not the judge. I'm just one of the people trying to make things better.

Unfortunately, I don't know how the world is handling such things now as I am no longer a part of it so I would defer to Keith. But, as for myself, I feel a punishment of death for someone whose actions were forced by society is too harsh. You lead a ship, but you still had others who handed down orders and then you from there. And I would hope that your action of talking your leader out of destroying a whole system would be looked on favorably.

[He could only hope if someone found out about what he had done as part of being undercover wouldn't have been held against him]

There aren't many higher ups left thanks to the way the war is turning. Our Supreme Leader saw to that as he weeded out those not loyal and those who had failed. With me being the face of the First Order it's natural for them to look to me to use as an example. I'm surethat our New Supreme Leader will see to them that they are all destroyed as he goes to create his own new Order.

Yet, I believe that the way you are approaching things is the best way to handle such a situation. Not many are willing to try such an attempt, it's easy to keep things black and white instead of trying to see the whole picture to things.

I'm not sure how much that one action will bring me if at most possible a life sentence behind bars... They saw that I had created the weapon and fired the weapon.

[He bowed his head with uncertainty. While he felt better on how the two reacted, he still wasn't sure where he stood. He fully expected that if he ever returned home he would either die, by Kylo Ren's hands, in battle, or be executed by the Resistance. It wasn't a favorable outlook. Even if he managed to atone for his deeds at home here...would it matter there?]

I can't speak for how people back where you're from will be for you... or if anything you've gone through here will stay with you. [Keith gave a small shrug.] I know it doesn't for me when I go home. But, at least, for now and while you're in the Fleet, you don't have to worry about that.

Not from me, anyway.

Nor from me. I personally understand. You don't have to worry about my judgement and no one will find out from me about your past. That is something you should tell others if you'd like them to know.

[He gave a nod of understanding and finally allowed himself to make eye contact again.. He could accept their support in this. It wasn't something he was used to and was grateful for it.]

I appreciate the support the two of you are giving me in this. I know it's a hard thing to swallow for what I've done and I'm asking a lot from you in this. I just can only hope with my time here I can live a life where it was my own decisions...and desires. Not on someone else's expectations. It's a hard thing to act on for myself.

I don't know what will happen when I get home... Regardless, I won't let your support go to waste here. I don't know where I can help out, but I wish to try to atone for what happened.

[Keith nodded.]

There are probably things I've done I need to apologize for, too. One thing I've learned is that there's always blame on both sides of a situation. If I and my commander from the Garrison back home can figure that out and make amends with each other, then there's hope for a lot of people out there.

And I know that I am not innocent in our war. Either side could have found something I had done. The world does not always play out in a way that we hope it would, but people are capable of being more than just one thing. This place, for how strange it is, can be a good way to have a second chance.

I've also learned that no matter how carefully planned...that the war won't go where you think it will. I had underestimated people on both sides of the war...

How much further is it to this tree? I feel that we haven't made a lot of progress....but then everything looks the same to me here.

[Closed Log]

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