driftfleet | action and video.

Entry tags:

action and video.

Who: Thor + you
Broadcast: yes, video
Action: First Breath and Blue Fish
When: January 3rd - 4th

closed to Natasha.

[It takes some time for Thor to calm down enough from the shock of his memories to even think about what to do next. He had effectively chosen one thing of importance - Loki - and firmly shoved everything else to the side for hours. To take stock of the rest of it, look his own glaring mistakes in the face, was too much for him at the outset. But Thor isn't selfish at heart. There's only so long he can take focusing on himself before his mind turns to others.

He has to review what he knows from those last shattering moments on Earth with a grim objectivity before he gets in touch with the others. Once he does, it's easy enough to put together some of the pieces from his conversations with Natasha and know she's the one to call.

Not call exactly, but text.]

Can you meet me in the Space Bar?

[He briefly considers saying something else, bracing her for what he wants. There's no way he can think of to put that into text, though, so he doesn't. Once it's sent, he heads over to the Iskaulit to wait.]

action - first breath.

[Thor hadn't exactly been subtle when he came hurtling through the First Breath the night before, running straight through the ship in full battle armor before shutting himself in Loki's room. And that's where he stayed for a long time.

He does eventually come out though, rubbing tiredly at his face and heading into the kitchen. Thor's been here enough times to know where everything is. After a few moments of staring blankly at the countertops and cupboards, unreality threatening to unmoor him, he shakes himself and smacks the coffee pot onto the stove.

He'll be there for a while, drinking coffee at the bench and gazing vaguely at some fixed point on the wall. Still in full cape and mail sleeves. The bone-deep exhaustion in his face might have something to do with it.]

action - blue fish.

[Thor returns to his own ship during the day, knowing abstractly that the Fleet is due to depart this world soon. In the past he would prepare for this, restocking the food supplies and ensuring everything in the armory was locked back into place and accounted for. That was when the ship had more crew, and he hadn't yet become captain. Still, it needed to be done. Regardless of how unworthy he feels when he enters his own bedroom and sees the captain's bed in there.

Thor can be found stacking up crates in the cargo bay, checking through the fridges and freezers, and doing systems checks. Later on, he opts to sit on the top of the ship, watching the snow fall in silence.]

video.

[It's not the sudden reappearance of the short, jagged hair Thor used to sport or the incongruous brown eye where his eyepatch usually is that most dominates Thor's face when the video switches on. It's the weariness etched in hard lines all over him. There's no mistaking it, regardless of his otherwise composed demeanour. He merely nods at the camera before he starts, gruffer than usual.]

For those who knew her, Riona Cousland Theirin has left the Fleet. She was here for over three years, so I know she will be missed by many of us.

[There's a pause as though he might say more, but decides against it.]

The captaincy of the Blue Fish has fallen to me in her place. If you have any questions about that, you can bring them to me. [Thor shuts his eyes briefly, shaking his head.] Or... anything else.

[No doubt there might be some. He switches off the feed.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...Mm... feels kinda bittersweet, doesn't it. That sort of kindness.

[There's that sympathy once more. She's been given life again, a body, a chance to see Taako. It's just the memories that are the problem. And the years they'd shared where one had died, leaving the other behind, knowing they'd see each other again but having to wait for it, feeling sick and lonely and grieving for someone who was only half-gone?

Yeah, she gets it.]

I brought him tea, but he should probably eat something later, too. After he's slept for a while. You both look super wasted.

Of course it does. It doesn't change that he's dead at home.

[It's not a snipe at Lup, as such, just a blunt statement lobbed into the room. Thor shakes his head, shredding the lettuce again.]

When I first came to the Fleet I had thought Loki dead at the time, only to be told he had been here before as well. I am aware of how this place likes to meddle in things.

[That had been rough too, old though the memory is at this point. To hear that Loki had been in the Fleet but gone before Thor himself had turned up. How frustrated and distraught it had made him to think he had just missed his brother.]

I'll tell him to eat something.

[She doesn't answer at first, just listens quietly as she works; whether he snipes at her or not, she wouldn't blame him. She'd done more than her fair share of snapping at people when she missed her brother. It would be so much worse without knowing he was going to come back.

She tilts her head thoughtfully at his comment about people being here before. Makes her wonder about all the folks who might have come and gone. Considering the rate she's seen them come and go since her arrival, and the number of years the fleet has been active? Must be substantial.]

Did you come here together, or separately?

Separate. I was here for a few months before Loki arrived. [A short snort of laughter.] Then he disappeared again only to come back a few weeks after that. He doesn't remember that time though.

[It had been hugely frustrating at the time, enough so that Thor had acted out immediately against Loki and set them back a few paces. It was always the way with them. Only time and hard to navigate conversations had set them right again. For Thor, the process of navigating not one but two periods of explaining things to Loki while trying to work out how much his brother already knew about the Fleet had proven... difficult.]

[Lup steps over and dumps a pile of vegetable bits into the salad, setting a spoon down beside the bowl for him to mix with. The potato dish in the oven is starting to waft out a tasty scent, mingling with whatever meat is already cooking. It's setting up to be a nice meal, whatever it is. Doesn't do much for the mood, though, as Lup scowls.]

I'm getting kinda sick of hearing that sort of thing... they love to muck around with our memories, don't they?

[To have one person remember significant parts of shared lives and the other not... well, people do love drama. Logically it makes sense.

Doesn't mean she won't burn a mofo's face off for it one day.]

[Thor blinks down at the newly full bowl before sighing and taking up the spoon.]

It is a common theme amongst those who come and go from here more than once.

[He starts mixing the salad in broad strokes. This is hardly something he's done before, so the effectiveness is... middling.]

But apparently they felt it fitting for us to get these memories at the same time.

[Thankfully salads aren't some intricate dish to prep, so as long as he keeps most of it in the bowl, he'll be fine.]

I mean... that's kind of convenient, at least. Whatever you guys went through, you can work on dealing with it together.

[An abrupt stab of the spoon into the bowl brings Thor to a halt. He stares down into the mixture as though he can bore a hole through it.]

I've dealt with it so many times already. I don't-- I don't know what else I can do about it this time.

[Oof, that was telling. Lup glances over her shoulder at him to see if they need cleanup on aisle 2. And also to check on him at the same time, conveniently.]

...Well... you can always get some help, if handling it alone is too much.

[There's been no overflow disaster in the bowl, although some of it is crushed under that spoon. Thor himself is wound up tight, something tense and unbearable in his expression. It's guilt and it's grief and it's frustration all bound up into an ugly, spiked ball. One he's certain he's swallowed for how it lodges in his gut.]

Help?

[There's uncertainty there. He's not sure what she means.]

Yeah, help. You know, where you ask somebody and they give you some support? Assistance? Succor? Guidance?

[Her response, quite literally unhelpful. With a huff of a sigh she pats his shoulder.]

Look, I'm no professional at this. I mean, I understand what you're going through, believe me, but there's people way more suited to handling all the psychological bullshit. If you're at a loss on how to handle things solo, you should think about adding other people into the equation. Ask some folks you trust on how they'd deal. Learn new coping methods. Pry all those nasty fee-fees out and lay 'em out so you guys can hash through them together. I'd suggest asking what Loki wants, but at this point I think he just wants to wallow, and that's a hot garbage way to handle what happened.

[There's a short huff that follows Lup's description of 'help'. Yes, he knows what the word means. It's just not a concept Asgardians tend to apply to things like grief. Certainly not in Odin's family.

It isn't that he's unfamiliar with what she describes. There's strength in numbers, he knows that. And he's seen what happens when people go it alone. "I've spent years in a haze, trying to forget the past," is what Valkyrie had said. Gods know how long she did that for. Thor doesn't think he could do the same... but he doesn't really know. He hasn't had years to dwell on it yet.

He does screw up his face a little and shake his head at her last suggestion.]

No, I don't think I can with Loki. It won't go well.

[They'll scream and they'll fight because they both came at the situation with opposite goals. He rubs at his face again, knowing it will happen eventually.]

Besides, this is my responsibility. It isn't for me to lay my concerns at the feet of others.

[Oh, huh. Okay. Well, if being nice about it won't get them anywhere-]

Bzzzt, wrong. Dumbass.

[-time to let him know that she's not always a nice person. She's still Taako's twin, after all.]

[He straightens up automatically, because if there's one thing Thor always responds to with indignation its insults.]

What?

Yeah, you heard me.

[Usually a pretty good way to get someone's attention.]

That "it's only my responsibility" garbage. You think that actually works? That it helps anybody? Just gonna figure it out on the fly and fix everything all by your lonesome?

[There's no helping it. His hackles raise a little at the accusation, even as it hits home.]

It's what I've been doing, because there's no time for anything else. And there hasn't been any-- [Anyone to talk to. Maybe. Not who he would have, once.] There are bigger things at stake here than how I'm faring.

Bullshit. We've got nothing but downtime right now. What do you think you're gonna accomplish while we're floating around in space waiting for the next thing to happen?

[She gives his bicep a solid prod. It's probably like poking a rock, but she puts the pressure in.]

If there's one thing I learned over the last hundred years, it's that you take always advantage of the quiet, because it never sticks around for long.

[He's caught somewhere between a scowl and a wince, remembering just how much time and effort he put into things here this past year. All of which immediately vaporised once he 'returned' home. Thor doesn't like to think that their time here is worthless and doomed to be forgotten, but it's hard to move past that idea right now when it demonstrably didn't help.]

I know it doesn't. I know that very well. But I have already done this once before - a year ago, the last time I remembered more from home. Almost everyone I spoke to about it is gone.

[He moves his arm sliiiightly away from the prod.]

And now there's all of this.

"Almost" isn't everyone.

[Maybe those left are unsuitable- she won't know for sure, that's on him to decide. but words like that are important, she's found, in the grand scheme of things. For stuff like this they can count for a lot.

It feels incomplete to leave it like that, so after a moment's pause, her voice quiets.]

And, like... I'm here. Start with me, if you need it. I'll listen.

[That's true, he knows. Natasha was still here and she knew more than anyone else at this point. He has to go talk to her soon, now that he's aware of just how much she knows that she's kept to herself all this time. But the rest ... Sokka, Riona, Katara - they were gone. It would have been an easier starting point.

Life is rarely easy though. Thor has come to understand that over time. For a long few moments he doesn't say anything, just moves the spoon around pointlessly in the salad. He does finally talk again though.]

Loki was not the only one who died in that attack.

[He was the hardest one to bear, but it came atop all the other deaths that came immediately before it.]

[Well, shit. She didn't have high expectations for him to actually talk to her about it, so his reply - honest and painful - is a genuine surprise. She's quiet for a moment, then with a brief glance around the kitchen she slides into the chair next to his, hands rested on the table between them. The food will be cooking for a while, she doesn't need to take anything out of the oven yet. They've got some time.]

What happened?

[He leaves the salad bowl alone finally, lest he do something stupid like break it with the spoon while he's talking. Such things have happened before. Thor takes a breath before turning to look at Lup properly.]

We were travelling on a spaceship. Us and the remnants of Asgard. It was a few hundred people - our realm was lost not long ago, you see.

[That sounds like a whole other can of worms to unpack, and she files that information away for a later date. Focus, focus.]

Sounds rough... sorry to hear that.

It was.

[No arguments there. Thor makes a fist, turning it over to roll his knuckles on the table.]

Another ship came upon us. Larger, quipped for warfare as ours was not. They wasted little time making that known.

[It's far too easy to remember the screams as the first shots hit the Statesman's hull, the blare of the emergency sirens and Loki's panicked face. Everything after that became a chaotic blur. Thor hasn't the strength to examine it too closely, even if it feels selfish to void it. He uncurls his fingers, looking down at this own palm.]

We managed to evacuate half of the passengers.

[Half... which doesn't bode well for the other half, certainly. She winces; she's seen enough destroyed and consumed worlds in her lifetime that the mental image comes to her all too easily. "A few hundred people", halved. It's not a whole world, but it's still a lot. Too many.]

Holy shit. I'm glad that it wasn't... you know.

[A total genocide.]

But still- that's a lot.

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