driftfleet | Action | Who needs a gosh dang drink??

Who: Steve and everyone else who just needs to get drunk. One closed to existing CR
Broadcast: No
Action: The Iskaulit/Space Bar
When: Post Calibrations/Bombing the eff out of Marsiva

[OPEN]

Tony would probably be proud of Steve, if he were able to see him right now. He'd slap his back and welcome him back to the world of inebriation while ordering shots for everyone in the bar to commemorate the day. As it is, though, Tony isn't here and, without him, there's not a damn person who would feel proud in this entire bar. That's part of it's charm.

Steve sighs and swallows his fourth drink. It's strong and alien and somehow enough to give him a strong buzz but not enough to really get him drunk. Not yet, at least. But he's not a quitter, so bottom's up! He hisses a little at the burn of it and feels, not for the first time, like he was being a coward. He saw some stuff in those rooms, sure. But other people had it so much worse. Saw so much more. He should really be thankful, actually.

But he's not. And this is a 30's approved way of getting over trauma. There were worse ways of coping, he was sure. So for now he's just going to stay in his seat and keep ordering drinks until that elusive drunken state hits him once more.

Should only take another hour or three.

[CLOSED TO EXISTING CR]

No one could blame Steve for starting. He'd messaged his friends about fifteen minutes ago, telling them to meet him at the bar for some drinks. But just sitting here, waiting? It was done better with a drink in hand to look social, at least. And it's not like that one is going to be his last. No, after Calibrations he can imagine himself coming over here quite often. He can imagine all of them coming here quite often, in fact. But maybe tonight (today? Space was hard to judge) would help take some of the sting off. Or at least some of the awkwardness.

But it wasn't as though they <i>chose</i> to share all of that. Loki, Steve is sure, would have preferred to keep his death to himself. And Thor? I am sure half of those memories were things he'd rather not have replayed over and over again. And <i>Hux</i>. God... That was just what Steve knew of. Who knew what other people had put his friends through? What they'd been through themselves?

Steve preemptively orders another drink for whoever shows up first. Whoever it was, he's sure they won't say no. Not now.

First round is on him.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Steve reaches out and grips Loki's shoulder.]

You won't believe me, but you are kinder than you think you are. Maybe you don't wanna be. It'd be easier if you were carved out of ice; trust me. I know that feeling.

But you're not. And if you need a reminder, just come here.

[ loki closes his eyes in pain. ]

Don't.

[Steve isn't the sort to back down. He crosses in front of Loki and squeezes his shoulders tight.]

You're allowed to be a good person and to make mistakes. I'm sure Clark knew that, too.

But the only person who needs to believe it is you.

[ he snarls, sharp and bitter. ]

You don't think I tried? Look where it got me!

Where has it gotten you?

[Steve saw it. He saw all of it. His grip tightens.]

You sacrificed yourself to save your brother's life. You fought beside him to save your people. You gave everything, Loki, and none of it was for yourself.

Tell me again how you're not good.

I died, Steve! Do you know how many times I've died? Do you think this is the first time I sacrificed myself for Thor?

I keep dying. I keep losing. I can't — [ his voice cracks. ] I can't go to Valhalla because I'm not Asgardian enough. And I continue to live, here in this Purgatory and I'm supposed to believe that I'm good?

You listen to me. [Steve's eyes are fierce as though he were ready to take down all of the Atroma himself. It takes effort to not use all his strength, holding Loki. He could take it but that's not what Steve wants to do.]

I know something about Purgatory. And I've gone to enough church to have some idea about what comes next. It's not the body that goes to the next stage, it's your soul, Loki. And you?

You did everything you could to save Asgard from an unready king. You fought with your brother to save them time and time again. You got them to safety. You died for their king and for those left.

If you're not Asgardian enough then there's not a damn person in Valhalla, pal. You're Asgardian through and through. And if you're still here...it's because you're not done, yet.

[ loki stills, his eyes wet. ]

What are you talking about? What could possibly be left for me?

[Steve rubs under one eye, mimicking what Loki did for him in the Calibration room.]

I don't know. I don't think anyone knows. But think about it; if you'd gone before, what would have happened to your people? To Thor?

You're not done.

I hurt Thor. I've hurt everyone around me. What makes you think that will ever stop?

The look on your face, right now. And how terrified you are that it will.

That's how I know it won't.

[ loki bows his head, accepting that. ]

I . . . didn't want to die. For the first time, in a long time. I didn't want to die.

[Steve doesn't know what to say at first so he takes a risk and pulls Loki forward into a hug.]

I know. [He does. He knows what that feels like. He spent his whole life. It wanting to die.]

I know, Loki.

[ loki has broken so many things. his family, his life. asgard itself which he put to the flame to spare the universe of his sister. and thor, he broke thor by doing the right thing. loki didn't understand anymore, what was right, what was good. loki tries to bury the sobs, but his shoulders shake from the pressure. ]

[Steve just holds him close, not shushing him or lying and saying it was okay. It wasn't okay. Not right now and maybe never again. But at least Steve could make sure he wasn't alone.]

You're a hero, Loki. [No matter what, he is.]

People owe you their lives. And every life touched by those people owes you as well. You're a hero.

[ a hero. loki. his sobs stop briefly because such a statement is absurd. ]

[Steve can imagine the cause for the pause.]

Just try to argue with me. You saved lives. That makes you a hero.

I . . .

[ no, he couldn't say it. loki's not that far and he may never be. that's not a role he could ever accept. ]

You don't have to accept it right now. That doesn't stop making it true.

[Steve puts a hand on Loki's head and rubs at it comfortingly. He won't let Loki go until he pulls away himself.]

We should watch Wreck it Ralph. [Segue as smooth as sandpaper.]