driftfleet | the other kind of endgame.

[It isn't much of a startled waking this time. He's well past that sort of thing. In fact it takes him a number of minutes to even clue in to where he is, since he'd just rolled over with a groan and tried to go back to sleep. Only after a few moments Thor does think this is much more room than the Benatar's bunks have. An experimental kick of his foot proves that. So he opens his eyes and actually looks--

And swears. It's this again. Or rather, it's still this, just with new memories.

It doesn't take him long to connect the dots, having done so before. He sits up immediately and scrambles for his communicator, scrolling through the ship manifests with shaking fingers until he finds two specific names. The communicator drops to the side as he buries his face in his hands with a sob. They're both still here. Maybe they don't know, but they're here. His thoughts break off in a million different directions, taking some time to hurtle around before he can gather some of them together and work out what to do next.

After a while Thor exits his room, glancing from side to side before walking swiftly down the corridor. Thankfully it's so early that few of the Blue Fish crew are around, otherwise he's sure his appearance would get some questions. Ones he isn't in the mood to answer.

--halfway down the corridor he whips around and starts going back because this is a bad idea, he doesn't need to do this, he can just wait! And not have his hopes dashed! That's definitely a better idea--]

Stop it, [Thor hisses at himself, spinning around again and once more going towards the shuttle bay.] Don't be a coward.

[It's hard not to feel like one as he pilots the shuttle over to the First Breath, nerves screaming at him all along. There's every chance this could collapse like everything else did. Maybe the names were left there just to mess with him. Maybe he's still drunk from last night and this is a truly awful dream. Still, he sets his jaw and pushes through it. If there's even the slightest chance, he has to take it. He may not get another one.

Thor doesn't want to barge into Loki's room. That's a bridge too far, after what happened last time. After staring at his brother's door for a long moment, he keeps going into the kitchen area. No one's up yet, so he'll just wait here. He remembers well enough where the coffee is and he makes himself one before sitting down at the bench, brushing the hair out of his face.

Gods, this was eerily familiar. He doesn't know whether to hate it or feel relieved.]

[ loki tends to wake early. not because he doesn't like sleep, but he was always a light sleeper and lingering in bed always made him feel self-conscious. it was hard to feel truly comfortable in the fleet, no matter how well-oiled the routine was. so he rose from bed with a quiet yawn, brushing his hair back when he spots thor.

and stops. and stares. because that was clearly his brother, but also what. ]

— Thor?

[It's just a bad hair day Loki, chill out.

Thor also freezes, staring back at Loki with a hanging sense of-- he doesn't know. Everything just screeches to a halt in his head. He had seen Loki briefly when he went back in time, but had quickly passed him by lest he go to pieces over it when there was a mission to carry out. Here, there's no such pressure. And somehow? He doesn't feel like he's going to completely implode over it. Maybe it's the lingering continuity this place brings to his memories, a part of himself that hadn't lost Loki along the way.

Even so, it's a watery smile he ends up giving to his brother. For a greater part of him it's still been five years.]

Took you long enough - I've been out here for a while.

[ loki opens and closes his mouth abruptly, at a complete loss. change has come to them, but this — this is change on a level loki had never seen, never expected. and they are gods. change has never come easily to them, used to living on years at a time. he moves closer, wary, though loki can't help brushing his fingers over the lines of thor's face, the bedraggled hair.

so soft, the silence could swallow it whole. ]

Oh, brother. What foolishness have you gotten yourself into now?

Edited 2019-06-10 09:43 (UTC)

[That is just - unbearably funny. The fact that he has an answer, what that answer is, and the fact that he can give it at all. Thor bursts out laughing, shoulders shaking for a moment.

Then he surges out of his seat and grabs Loki in one of the fiercest hugs ever delivered.]

You have no idea - no idea. [With a huff that's closer to a sob, he adds:] I've missed you.

[ loki's greatest fear has always been fading away. forgotten. it terrifies him every time he stared down death because he had always assumed — believed that once he was gone, he would simply fade from thought and memory. why remember a scab or a wound, no matter the fondness or pain?

but for the first time, he finds himself a little shaken. even uncertain. maybe it wasn't how he had always pictured. maybe, he had mattered enough.

loki burrows his head against thor's shoulder, his arms circling thor. ]

You fool. I'm still here.

[It's clear that not enough time has passed for Thor to age in the slow way their people do. But time has clearly moved on for him, rammed into the space of a heartbeat the way the Fleet likes to do.

He just nods, the dam already broken on his tears.]

Yeah ... you weren't, though.

[ loki closes his eyes, pained even as he wipes what wet traces were left on thor's face. ]

You had your friends. Your people.

You didn't need me anymore.

[Thor had some of those things, but he'd shut himself off from them. Swept all his despair and self-loathing under the rug and kept himself away from anyone who might have reminded him of it. It had been far too hard to bear.

He shakes his head, giving Loki a more critical look with his red-rimmed eyes.]

They are no replacement for a brother, Loki. Haven't you realised that by now?

You know it is hard for me.

[ hard for him to accept. he struggles with it, even now, with the knowledge in front of him. still he sighs, tucking thor's hair behind his hair, trying to comb through the tangles with his fingers. ]

I did not wish to leave you pain. I only thought the universe was a better place with you in it.

[Ow. He winces a bit because his hair is ... not great, at the moment. Thor isn't usually very concerned with it but it's a different matter when someone's trying to untangle it. He lets go of Loki finally, with some reluctance.]

I didn't really live up to that idea, not for a long time.

That is not important to me.

[ though, it is jarring to see thor this way. loki, who has always looked up to thor, who has always measured himself to thor's standard. he pulls his hands away, letting them fall to his side, uncertain. ]

Just that you lived.

It was a close call for a moment there, but...

[He trails off before putting his hands on Loki's shoulders.]

It's over.

[ his breath stutters. ]

He — He is dead then?

[Thor nods, knowing what this means for Loki. How could he not? It means nearly the same for all of them, for everyone in the universe whose lives were changed irrevocably by Thanos's actions.]

Turned to dust, along with all he had wrought. I was there when it happened.

[ he's dead. dead. loki almost sways from relief, his hands latching onto thor's arms to keep himself from slipping. dead. the brief, wrecked chuckle that escapes turns into a sob. ]

[It isn't so surprising. Thanos had terrorised Loki for longer than most others. What Thanos had done to them, and their people - most of it could not be brought back, like those snapped from existence. It's a scar that will never heal. And here in this place, Thor understands more than ever just what had happened to Loki in the grip of that madman.

Thor simply hugs his brother again, letting him cling.]

I also cut his head off before that, but he kind of came back for a while, so in a way he was killed twice.

[Even better, right??]

[ the faintly crazed chuckle slips out once more as loki drops his head against thor's chest. if he's crying, at least it cannot be seen, only felt. dead. he knows he's trembling from the weight of it and loki can't tell if it's fear or exhilaration or both. he heaves, his breath catching but loki manages to find his voice. ]

Thank you, brother. For slaying my monster.

[Thor huffs at that, patting Loki's back. The topic is still ... difficult to think on. There's no longer a sense of horrific failure hanging over him, not is the pall of knowing he hasn't lived up to his own image. Between getting to see his mother again and the final vanquishing of the Titan, the weight crushing him as lightened immensely. It may never fully leave, though.

Eventually he speaks again, more seriously.]

I played my part, I won't say otherwise. But it's not me who deserves those thanks. ...it's Stark.

[ his brow furrows. ]

Stark?

Yeah. He used the Stones to do it.

[ used the stones? comprehension fills his expression, turning it neutral. he would not mourn tony stark, though he is grateful it wasn't thor. it's obvious what would happen though. stark was only mortal after all. ]

What will you do now?

[It's for the best, really. Months might have passed since Tony died, but it's still another loss Thor's had to bear. He tries - honestly tries - not to dwell on it all as much anymore. He'd done that enough.]

That's a question I've been asking myself ever since it ended.

[ loki's not sure if he likes the sound of that. ]

And do you have an answer?

Not yet. Though I'm looking for one. I have time enough for that.

[Loki]

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