driftfleet | Secrets I have held in my heart

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Secrets I have held in my heart

Who: Ladon Ceto and Toby "Lucky" Daye
Broadcast: No. You guys don't want this broadcast. It's gonna be sappy.
Action: The Caprine, and possibly later the VRD.
When: Just after the shuffle. Like, immediately.

[ The crew of the Tourist may have noticed a change in their pilot, approximately a few hours before the weekly shuffle. In fact, it's an almost immediate result of a conversation on the network. Suddenly everywhere Ladon goes, there is smoke. Most of it smells like tobacco. And that's another thing-- he's going. From room to room to room, up and down the halls, pacing and worrying his hands as he puffs away on another cigarette. He's put his suit and tie back on and fusses with it almost as incessantly as he smokes, straightening his tie and checking his shirt cuffs. He's waiting for something, and God is he anxious about whatever it is.

When the shuffle occurs, he checks the new member of the crew and without even so much as a hello to him or a goodbye to the rest, he heads for the shuttle bay. Once he finds out where she is, he heads there. And he smokes and fidgets and fusses the entire damn way.

He hasn't been on the Caprine before. That doesn't matter, though, because he's only there for one reason. Once the shuttle's docked, he's off to locate her, raising his voice over any other chatter. ]

Toby?!

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[ He doesn't have to go far, because Lucky's waiting. She couldn't be sure he'd come right over, of course, but he's a pilot (and thus can pilot a shuttle over here, she assumes) and he's Ladon. What she remembers of him says he's the sort to get over here the moment he knows where she is.

She's considering sending him a message to let him know, in case somehow he doesn't have a way of finding out, when his voice echoes down the hall and into her personnel room where she's been sitting.

It takes a split second to process that it's calling her name, but once that's happened, she's on her feet and out the door. ]

Ladon! Over here!

[ In his rush to get over here, to see her, he hasn't thought about what he's going to do once he does. In fact, it's as if his brain fills with the static squeal of an untuned radio the moment he sees her, and he slows his brisk walk considerably, almost halting in the hallway.

And then he does stop, and sort of stares, all rabbit-in-the-headlights and unsure of what he was expecting. She's here. She's real. And standing only a few feet away from him. ]

Heya, Tobes. [ He manages, a little more out-of-breath than he really should be. ]

[ It's probably a good thing Lucky's thought about what she would do, then, because she barely hesitates before stepping forward into his space and pulling him into a tight hug.

She doesn't actually remember ever hugging him, but... it feels like the right thing to do. Maybe that's a difference between her and the Toby he knows, she's not sure, and hopefully he won't be bothered by that, but Lucky needs to touch him and reassure herself that he's here and this is the best way of doing it. ]

Hey, boss.

[ Ladon can remember hugging Toby once, right after the Phazon episode wherein he turned into a monster and she went out and endangered herself after. It had been one of worry, guilt, relief that she was okay. And it had been terribly awkward afterward. After that, he hadn't exactly kept his distance, but he'd hesitated to be that intimate.

At least. He thinks he did. There's a fuzzy memory he has, but it involves a heavy amount of sorrow and loss as well, and he tries very hard not to think about it.

Regardless, when Toby hugs him he's surprised, but not enough to freeze up or pull away. There's a very brief hesitation, but then he wraps her in his arms and just holds her close, breathing in the copper and cut grass scent of her. He's missed that. He's missed it a lot. ]

S'been too long, yeah?

[ Hugging is a thing they do in Amethyst. Not always without a degree of awkwardness, but... it's a thing they do.

Lucky lets her forehead drop down against his shoulder for a moment and does the same thing he does, breathing in the smokey scent of him. The thought of charcoal and amber flickers through her mind, the scent of a magic he doesn't have but might have, in another world.

Look there was some recent rearranging going on in her psyche, odd things like that are a little plentiful at the moment.

She doesn't want to pull away too soon (and possibly give him the wrong idea), but she doesn't want to hold on too long (and... possibly give him the wrong idea), so she reluctantly loosens her hold on him after a few seconds, stepping back enough to be almost out of his space if he wants her to be, but not quite there if he'd rather... stay. ]

That's for sure. I don't even know how long it's been, honestly, but "too long" definitely sums it up regardless.

[ Ladon has found his memory to be a little hazy, even beyond the few years that are a complete blank. Toby he remembers vividly, though. From their last conversation to the look on her face when he brought her flowers to that sudden and as yet not repeated (he thinks) kiss that brought them to an understanding of one another.

He doesn't want to invade her space for too long either. But he doesn't exactly back away, either. Part of it is instinct for him-- she's here now and he has to keep her because otherwise she might slip away again. Dragons don't let go easily. Ladon, specifically, doesn't let go easily.

He smiles awkwardly and rubs at the side of his neck with one hand. It's the side she nestled her head against, coincidentally. ]

You an' me both. Feels like years but... yeah. [ He looks at her, then, really looks at her. ] S'different, seein' you without the whole... [ He gestures at his face. Her glamour was almost always up on the station. ]

Huh? [ It takes Lucky a second to process what he's talking about, only because her glamour was entirely theoretical during her time in Aather. ] Oh the disguise! Yeah, ah. I still haven't remembered how to do that one.

[ She looks a little sheepish, but not too horribly bothered by it. That alone is a pretty big difference between Lucky and the woman she was when she first knew him. ] I... haven't really thought about it in a long time, honestly. I didn't really need it in Aather, everyone knew what I looked like from the moment I got there, so there wasn't really any reason to try to figure it out.

Don't think that's somethin' you gotta worry 'bout here. S'plenty of folks who don't go passin' for human. [ In ways he's not sure why she felt the need to at the station, but perhaps it was just a habit from home. Considering she's still recovering her memory, it makes sense she wouldn't have that impulse anymore. ] Hell, got a fella with pointy ears on my crew. He's also got these lines all over. S'weird.

[ He then clicks in to how he's making it sound and quickly clears his throat. ] Not that you look weird or nothin', s'just... y'know.

[ Lucky's mouth twists as she does her best not to grin at his attempts to backpedal. It's... admittedly pretty cute.

Not that she'd say that.

But she's thinking it. ]

No no, it's okay, I get it. I'm too weird looking for your delicate draconic sensibilities.

[ She's teasing, of course. ]

[ He doesn't know which to protest to first, her statement that she's weird or that he's delicate. But more important than that, he steps in closer, less because he wants to hug her again and more because, well, he has to lower his voice a bit. ] Easy on that, yeah? Ain't exactly as friendly here 'bout the whole... [ He reaches up and pointedly straightens his hat. ] Ain't gonna be takin' this off any time soon, I mean.

[ She glances over her shoulder, then nods. ]

Okay. Seems like a decent bunch here, but I'll keep it hush-hush. There been problems?

[ You're a delicate flower and she's a total weirdo, accept it. ]

Yeah. Not me, someone else. Offed a few days after I got here. [ Ladon keeps his voice down, but rather than appear like he's saying anything conspiratorial to her within eyesight of her crew, he reaches out and takes both her hands in his. It's... a little easier, being close to her now. He's not sure if it's his sentimentality or the subtle changes he's started to notice in her, but he feels less awkward in doing something this affectionate. And it looks less like he's talking about dragon murder and more about something personal. ] He's, er, better. Much as he can be, anyhow. But s'best I don't go drawin' any more attention than I got to, yeah?

[ Lucky's this close to being kind of horrified when-- oh. Oh, he's. It's a cover, obviously, given what he's saying, but he's holding her hands.

She doesn't remember him ever doing that before. Which isn't saying much, but-- well, her heart speeds up a little, and makes it hard to focus as much as she should on the things he's saying. ]

Yeah. [ she smiles crookedly, and squeezes his hands lightly ] Can't have you getting in trouble, I'd be the one who has to get you out of it, and that'd just be a pain in the ass.

[ He laughs just a bit at that, shakes his head a little. ] Yeah well. 'Tween the two of us, we got quite a track record for gettin' in trouble. ... And gettin' each other outta trouble.

[ There's a long moment where he just sighs, running his thumbs up and down the sides of her hands unconsciously. He doesn't even need to keep his voice down anymore, but he's loathe to move away. ] This place's... a whole new kinda trouble though, yeah? New planet each month, new people each week. Hell, just had to deal with enemy ships openin' fire on us. It's space, yeah? But it's... different. Real different.

[ And it's obvious in his tone that he's worried. He wanted to see her again so badly, but now he feels guilty for being so selfish. He got what he wanted, but now she's in so much potential danger. ]

[ She sighs a little and makes a face, not moving to pull away. This contact, this closeness? She likes this.

It's stuff like this that makes her wonder if they had something back on Sacrosanct. But there's just not enough proof, and she'd feel awkward asking either way. So she says nothing. ]

I doubt it's any worse than having to-- [ wait, no, she is not bringing up slaying a dragon, even if that dragon was explicitly overtaken by evil and the only option they had was to slay it. ] --than having to fight an incorporeal force of evil while missing your memories, so I'm not too worried.

[ she swings her arms slightly, swinging their hands almost as if she's an awkward teenager holding hands with her crush. ] So with any luck [ lol ] we'll be okay.

[ He tips his head back and forth shrugging. ] Prob'ly more blowin' up involved, yeah? Unless they got some kinda failsafe in place, since we're...

[ He trails off. How in the world is he going to explain the whole "reality show" part to her? And when he does, is this little bit of closeness going to disappear?

It says something about his selfishness that he doesn't want to risk that just yet. ] Y'know. S'better we talk somewhere else, yeah? Promised I'd show you the original Apple, didn't I?

[ He smiles widely at that. Much as he has avoided the VRD so far, he's actually excited to show her a piece of his world. ]

[ Selfish, selfish. She wouldn't blame him, though. In his shoes... she might do the same thing.

But she's not quite up to date yet, and his smile (so rare, for it to be so wide) is contagious and makes her almost stop breathing with its brightness. ]

Yeah, yeah you did. C'mon, boss, let's see this legendary establishment.

[ He relinquishes one of her hands, because it would be silly for the two of them to shuffle sideways down the hall towards the shuttle bay. Much as he'd normally offer his arm to a woman, that feels so formal and impersonal. This is Toby. He feels much more comfortable just holding her hand.

And he's doing his best not to think too hard about that fact. ]

Brought the shuttle over from the Tourist. Hope you don't mind puttin' up with my drivin'. [ It's not as unwieldy as a full ship, and so he's pretty decent at steering it. That there aren't any sidewalks or pedestrians for him to run over in space probably helps. ]

[ Lucky is trying not to focus too much on how they're still holding hands. It's hard, because his hand is warm, and this fills her up with so much... something.

She doesn't want to put a word to it.

Not yet. ]

Well, it seems a little risky, but I should probably set a good example and trust the pilot, right?

Well, if your pilot goes leavin' or transferrin' ships, prob'ly have to borrow me anyhow. [ Or if she transfers to the Tourist which... he would be very happy to see, but would never push her to. Even though he's noticed some differences in Toby, he's well aware that there are parts of her that will never change. She'll always be independent and stubborn, and things like ship transfers are decisions she'll have to make for herself.

He's fairly certain they're full with their newest crew member anyway. ]

So you're gettin' ahead of the game, I guess. [ He leads them to the parked shuttle and, ever the gentleman, goes about opening the passenger door for her. ]

[ Maybe if a spot opens up. Maybe. Or maybe if the Caprine gets an opening, he can join her.

But it's true, she'll always be independent and stubborn, because those things were part of her before any memories could shape her.

Also, sir, you are a huge dork. ]

And I can vouch for you. Sure, riding with him may be terrifying, but I'm not dead yet.

Attagirl. Hell, you've flown with me before.

[ Granted she was on his back in his dragon form, which is quite different from being behind the wheel of a space ship. But if he's flying the ship with Toby on it, he's going to do his damnedest to keep that ship safe.

Once she's in the shuttle, he heads around and slips into the driver seat. Even if the controls are alien to him, the size and set-up is more familiar and car-like. It's a bit like driving a flying truck, and that's a bit less of a stress on his brain than the reality of steering a huge ship.

The inside of the shuttle smells like him, and there are blankets and pillows in the back. ]

Been usin' this as a place t'sleep. Rather not explain wakin' up with a tail to my crew.

[ Thankfully he can be more candid now that they're in private. He starts backing the shuttle out of the bay without much thought. ]

I have?

[ Lucky starts a bit at that revelation - flying is one memory she does not have, and she's a little disappointed, given what she assumes he means.

Just imagine, her, a dragon rider. Okay, maybe more a dragon passenger, technically, but...

She lets out a huff of laughter and murmurs ] Rider'd be that proud.

[ Once they're moving, she takes the opportunity to really look at him, while he's busy with steering and so forth. He looks good. Handsome as ever, and almost but not quite exactly the same as in her memory.

She imagines, briefly, taking off his hat and running her fingers through his hair, then shakes that off. Root and branch, she's like a love-sick kid. ]

That a common problem? Waking up with a tail?

Ain't happened yet, but I never know. Thing's got a mind of its own. Shouldn't be a problem next month, we're gettin' our own rooms. 'Til then, though, gonna be sleepin' in this thing. Ain't so bad... Gotta practice, seein' as I already went and promised someone drivin' lessons.

[ Now he's talking just to talk. And put off the inevitable. They're alone now, and it's going to take a bit to get to the VRD. He's going to need to fill her in on the less... pleasant aspects of being on the fleet. ]

So. You talked to anyone else yet, or'm I givin' you the full goods on this place?

[ Their own rooms, huh?

....nope, not going there. ]

Uh, I spoke to a few people, got some basic information. Kidnapped, no known way home, reality television, and a strangely large number of people I recognize but who don't recognize me, for one reason or another.

[ okay, only three, but that's "strangely large" when she wasn't expecting ANY.

...Also, did she forget to mention she already knows about the reality TV thing?

She does.

She held hands with you anyway.

/WONK ]

[ He looks relieved at that. And is sadly too distracted by the weight that just rolled off his shoulders to really reflect on the fact that she didn't protest holding hands with him while an unknown audience of strangers watched. ] Good, wasn't sure how I was gonna go explainin' the show part. Barely understand it myself. Not somethin' we got back in Nieve. And considerin' you were in a place where folks lost their memories, guess them not rememberin' you would be normal, yeah?

What about, er, the augments? Anyone tell you 'bout those yet?

[ His own augment is giving him the ability to go through the motions of getting the shuttle out of reverse and into gear again to head out of the hangar where the ships are docked, cruising over a few passengers below and ruffling their hair and clothing with the anti-gravity hover engines. ]

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Secrets I have held in my heart

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