video;

[noctiphile]

Who: Mattias Larnaca
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: general waystation area?? vague hand gestures
When: April 22nd

[Lo and behold: Mattias fretting on a bench. It's not an obvious sort of motion, restricted to subtle shifts and twitching fingers, but it's noticeable enough to matter. He's hunched over the comm and what little the background shows is unrevealing. The corner of a building here, the awning of a kiosk there, everything unspecific.]

It's been quite a month, hasn't it? What with the attacks... [he drifts off, never very good with small talk. One of the many gifts he lacks.] It's been good to watch all the repairs. People working together... [Wow, he sure does suck at this. He chews his lip, glancing around as if looking for help. Nope. Nothing. Maybe he'll just get to the point.]

Still, tensions must be running high. Stress and such. Always have a way of sinking in. I've my own, of course. My ship fared poorly in the attacks and that—[He glances away, head sinking slightly.]—it's been the lesser of many events. I don't mean to complain but the effects are starting to wear. My usual methods aren't working. Reading—I just can't seem to concentrate and beyond that... Well. I've little else.

[He sighs, leaning back and running a hand through his hair. It messes it up a bit, but he's careful to smooth it back down.] It feels inappropriate to ask something so selfish but I'm at a loss. And there are a great many things that all of you know... [That I don't is heavily implied. He glances away, switching the comm to one hand so he can properly wring his wrist.] So, I was wondering—how do you cope? With... all of this. It doesn't have to be personal just. Just simple things. Like... jumping off a building. [Immediately, he scrunches his eyes closed.] —Bad example. But, you know what I mean.

[Fiddling nervously, he searches for something else to say, finds nothing, and cuts the feed. ]

Comments

[noctiphile]

There are people who want to return home. You've likely heard their plights. If you're able to create these gates it could very well be a first step to escape. It'd be selfish to hide such a useful skill.

[peacockherald]

_{[ He sighed, hating to break bad news. He always did, but giving a false hope such as this was the more cruel. ]}

I tried, once before - in the last world I was in. I tried to open a Gate home, and the magic recoiled on me instead. Whatever brought us here, whoever brought us - I highly doubt they would be unaware of my abilities and allow me to do such a thing.

[noctiphile]

It's not certain, though, is it? There's still a chance it could work. Isn't that chance worth testing?

[peacockherald]

Past experience says that it will be a doomed effort from the start.

_{[ And gods the pain. He did not Gate often back home, only when he had to. It made every magical nerve in him scream, and when it backlashed he might as well have been dying. He'd been sick for well over a week recovering from pain and the magic sickness, burning a bright fever. The risks far outweighed reward. ]}

[noctiphile]

So you'll let one failure stop you. [He doesn't attempt to hide his disappointment but at least he hides the scorn.] Very well. Do as you see fit.

I'll attempt the meditation. Thank you for the suggestion. [Kind words that he delivers shortly. Someone might be more than slightly annoyed.]

[peacockherald]

_{[ A slight frown at the tone, at the suggestion that a failure had stopped him. It was not the failure. It was the pain. When he next speaks, his tone is a bit more hard, not quite chastising. ]}

Gating is extremely painful for me. It is a powerful magic, and it burms the magic channels within me I use to craft it. In all honesty, if the Gate's magic recoils on me, it could potentially kill me. It nearly did the last time.

I hope you can understand my reluctance to try again without being sure.

_{[ Do not be so quick to judge motives, Mattias. ]}

[noctiphile]

[There's a long pause.]

I understand.

[But he doesn't. Pain, death—such things are natural when facing an impossible task. They're the sacrifices made for it, the blood offering. It's what he's been trained to endure, what he's been taught to accept and what he understands as brave. It's what he's faced countless times already, what he's lived with his entire life, what he was raised to do. To him, death is no deterrent. It is expected.

With such a skill, with such potential benefit to those around him, his motive feels selfish.]

Forgive me, sir. [The scorn he feels isn't present in either his demeanor or his tone. Outwardly, he's perfectly amiable. It's best not to pick fights with those who won't understand.] I meant no offense. It is an understandable caution. Any man would share your reluctance.

[Here, at least. Never back home.] I won't force your hand.

[peacockherald]

_{[ Nor could Mattias. Gates took a long time to craft. They were not spells easily thrown around and made with a word. He needed proper setting for them - door ways. Gates could not support themselves after all. And he was unsure he had enough magic in him to hold a gate open long enough to see everyone on the Fleet through besides, or craft multiples. There were no nodes here, only himself, and Yfandes was.... somewhere. ]}

Believe me, if I thought I had a proper chance of seeing us all home, I would do so in a heart beat, no matter the pain. I like the situation no more than anyone else here. I too wish to go home - I have a country I must protect. And dying here will not serve that end, or anyone else's.

_{[ There was something back home he had to do. A darkness, creeping closer. The goddess had given him his choice, and he had made it. To die before that purpose was complete would be to spit in the face of who and what he was, the very people he had sworn to protect. He did not expect to live a long, and happy life. But his life would not end here. ]}

[noctiphile]

[Mattias cants his head, the perfect image of curious, if confused.]

Those are indeed strenuous circumstances, sir. Indeed, I'm honored you told me, if confused. I didn't require an explanation. Your reluctance was already understandable. [He shifts to concern now.] If I offended you in some way, please, allow me to make amends.

[peacockherald]

Make amends by learning meditation technique. That was the original point of this conversation, after all.

_{[ He was happy enough to move away from argument. He didn't like it at the best of times, even if he was not sure Mattias was sincere. But he had more than enough enemies at home, he hardly needed them here and so quickly. ]}

[noctiphile]

[He smiles.]

But, of course. It's the least I can do.

[Which is why he absolutely will not do it. He sees no reasons to make amends. Only a way to end a conversation with a distasteful man.]

[peacockherald]

_{[ He's not sure if believes Mattias, but there's no sense in pushing the issue. ]}

Good fortune to you then. I hope it helps.