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Who: The intrepid crew of the SS Bloodsport!
Broadcast: Maybe?
Action: Probably!
When: Right now!

[SO HEY GUYS WHAT'VE YOU BEEN UP TO.

what's cooking on the Bloodsport? what fresh drama is unfolding?

has anyone thanked Robin for how the cargo hold doesn't smell like death and slowly-reversing decay anymore because that stuff was gross.]

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Very far from them. I can't even find the echoes of them through her. She's safe from them here. So are you.

[Simon closed his eyes and breathed in, then out. Could it be true? He knew Cole could be trusted if River trusted him, but he knew it would be a while before his paranoia and fear would leave him.]

It feels... good to not have that burden any more. It will take me time to adjust not living in fear of them, though, I think...

It takes a long time to stop being scared. A very long time. I know that. I was scared for a long time. Of them. And then of me.

I think sometimes I'm still scared of me. When I remember I'm a demon.

We lived in fear for such a short time, but the effects will last a while, it's true.

[Demon. Simon frowned slightly at that, but then he offered Cole a smile.]

River is not afraid of you, so I have no reason to be, either. Even if you are afraid of yourself sometimes.

Fear is like that. A thunderclap, lightning striking and gone, but everything else lingers, lurks, loiters in the damage left.

[He gives a tremulous smile.]

That is nice. Most people at home are scared of me.

Indeed- that's a great metaphor for it.

[Simon took a deep breath.]

You will always have a friend in me here. I am sure River feels the same way... we have both experienced being feared by people we wanted to help.

[An image flashes through his mind, a memory- River tied to a stake, Simon facing down a mob of people wielding torches and farm implements as weapons, the word "witch" on their lips and in their minds.]

It's not a metaphor.

[Metaphor and Cole don't really understand each other. He experienced emotions in the Fade as actual things. Fear is a lightning strike. It's just how he is.

Then Simon speaks and Cole flinches with the memory.]

They wouldn't listen, I tried to tell them, but they wouldn't listen and I couldn't stop them, all I could do was stand there with her and never leave her again, never let her suffer alone- You did all you could, Simon. You both survived.

We came close, that time. But the crew... they came back for us. We saw them flying away, thought we would be left behind, and they came to save us. We are fortunate to have them, even if it took me a long time to accept and appreciate them.

River scared them a bit, but she was one of them. You were annoying, but sincere and good and that was frightening and reassuring.

You were family.

Eventually, I became family, yes. Kaylee told me I shouldn't be so polite to everyone, that it made me stand out and made me a target, but... that was the only way I knew how to be.

That was how you showed you cared. By being polite, showing the manners you were taught. You're like Cassandra. She's more comfortable with a bit of formality. There's rules to formality.

And being able to follow rules, a procedure, to be able to plan and know how to act according to it is how I work best, I feel. I am not good at improvising, and when River and I found ourselves on Serenity... it was a whole different way of life than I knew. I grew up wealthy, privileged... these people had none of it, had to scrape and fight for every dollar, but they were so happy, too.

But you know you were privileged.

That is a very big thing. Because you can see how it shaped you... and how the lack of it shaped others.

[He reaches to touch Simon's chest, over his heart.]

You found a home. One which would protect both of you.

[Simon smiles at the touch and Cole's words. It feels... nice. He didn't really think he would miss the rest of the crew, and yet.]

And I learned that having everything- every material thing- I needed all the time doesn't necessarily mean I was fulfilled. I couldn't understand how they could have so little but be so close, so satisfied with their way of life. I was naive... but not naive enough to learn. If I ever go back, I want to help people who aren't as lucky as I am. Travel. Help them with their medical needs.

I've never needed physical things, except my knife.

[Thedas is not a world to ever be unarmed in. And Cole's life and death were not the sort that leave you ever trusting to be unarmed.

He pets Simon's chest briefly, looking at where his heart is.]

Even not being your brother, I know why she couldn't ever let you go. You make all the sharp edges softer, the glare and brilliance visible.

Did you need to go armed? That was the sort of world I found myself in, too... even if I dislike having to fight.

[Simon nodded.]

I try my best to do that for her... to be worthy of the trust and faith she has in me. Even if I feel like I do not measure up sometimes.

I... I need to go armed.

[It isn't really an answer, but the soft confusion and less on Cole's face might be an answer in and of itself.]

You never need to measure up. You is enough.

It is necessary sometimes.

[And he leaves the subject at that.]

River thinks so, too... but there are times where I wish I could do more. That I could... fix her. Make it so that she's not barraged by hearing everyone all the time.

Cole didn't have a knife. He might have... it might not have ended like it did if he had.

[He doesn't think Cole would've killed himself, even if it would've been an easier death. Maybe he would've had a better chance to survive.]

Not fix her. You use that word, but I know you don't mean what most people mean. You want to be able to make her life better.

I do. I do not want to see her suffer any more. Her gift is what it is, and it is a part of her, but it causes her so much distress. If I could do more to... to alleviate that suffering... but I am only one man, too. As frustrating as it is, I am only one person.

You already make it better. I promise.

Then I feel like I am doing very well.

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