Open Action: Fleet Wide

[killedwithlove]

Who: Cole and EVERYONE
Broadcast: No
Action: EVERY ship in the Fleet, bar Marsiva, Three Twins and Tourist (Though you can easily find him on another ship if you're from one of those)
When: First week of the month?

[This is a thing Cole does.

He travels the Fleet a lot, from ship to ship, meeting people, talking to people, hanging out. He sees people he knows and meets new ones, or ones he just didn't encounter before

He wants to help everyone. Which means meeting them first. Or finding them. Doing that might involve poking through the ships, even if he really shouldn't. Or going through personal belongings. Sorry about that. He's curious.

And armed. It is worth mentioning he's got a pair of wickedly sharp fighting knives on his back. Sorry about that as well.]

Comments

[mysterzie]

You weren't invited.

[ He doesn't even want to acknowledge that second part with an answer. Of course he doesn't. She doesn't belong here; Aaron does. Aaron is the one pulled in, the one people know (the one who hides when even Aaron isn't enough). Emily just isn't needed. ]

[killedwithlove]

No. Should I have been?

You need me, so I came.

[mysterzie]

I don't need anybody. Especially not you! Why don't you find somebody else who wants help?

And by the way? You don't go into peoples' rooms without permission! Get out.

[killedwithlove]

Everyone needs Compassion. Especially those who think they're least deserving of it.

[He stands up off the floor and doesn't try to leave.]

The room doesn't mind me being here.

[mysterzie]

It isn't about deserving, it's about wanting.

Rooms aren't alive. This is my room, you're in my place.

[killedwithlove]

It's not about wanting. It's about needing.

I want to help your hurt. I can, if you let me. I can see how it hurts. I can help it heal.

[It's possible that it will take more than just tell him to go away.]

[mysterzie]

Why would you do that?

[ He doesn't look happy. Just helping it heal without solving the root problem — grinding down the callouses until only fresh skin remains, nerves raw and open and ready to be wounded again. Is that was this guy wants? ]

[killedwithlove]

Because I want to help. I don't want you to hurt.

[Not necessarily removing the callouses. Thinning them enough to get to the poison under them.]

[mysterzie]

Meaning what? You just want to meet her and everything will be hunky-dory?

[killedwithlove]

No. But it would be a start. Some hurts are easy to heal. Some aren't, but you can make them a bit better.

[mysterzie]

I don't... get you! Nobody would give a shit if I—if she—

[ He doesn't want to be a kid, powerless and disrespected and unable to control her own life. That isn't how Aaron is built to be. ]

It's not going to heal anything.

[killedwithlove]

It hurts you, every moment of every day.

People here would care. I would care. Others would care. They care for the other children here. You shouldn't have had to go through what you did. You shouldn't have had to do the things you did.

It won't heal it. It will start lancing the pain.

[mysterzie]

Not if they knew. They wouldn't care, because I'm not...

What the fuck do you know? You just read it. You didn't live it. You aren't living it right now.

[killedwithlove]

Not a nice, pretty child? Because you've done things, awful things, and you don't always regret it?

No. I'm not. I just know it hurts you terribly and I know how to help it. That's what I am. It's what I want to do.

I will care. I already know. Seeing her won't change what I know. But it will let you see that I don't treat you differently.

[mysterzie]

Because I'm not a kid. I don't need a parent, or a guardian, or a babysitter... Just let them see this, and that's what I am. That's it!

Yeah? How do you help this?

[killedwithlove]

But... you are. You are a child.

I don't know if you need a guardian. But having people looking out for you is nice. Being alone and angry all the time is exhausting. Your temper is frayed on the edges and your emotions sit close to the surface, poking through the threadbare patches.

You start by not being scared of Emily.

[mysterzie]

Do I look like a child to you?!

[ That's a pause, hitting close to home and not sure how to deal with it. What do you even say to someone poking inside of your head, hitting onto points you wish didn't even exist? ]

I'm not... scared of her.

[killedwithlove]

Yes.

[To him, he can clearly see it. But he doesn't see like other people.]

You are. Because she was vulnerable, and raw and she got hurt, so you put her away. But I won't hurt her.

[mysterzie]

[ That gets him crossing his arms and stepping back in the small space available, glowering. Sulking. He doesn't like this. ]

Is that what it's going to take to shut you up? Get you to leave me alone?

[killedwithlove]

I'd leave you alone... if you really wanted me to. If Emily wanted me to. But part of you doesn't want to hurt anymore and that wants me to stay and help.

[He sits himself back down on the ground, pulling a length of string from somewhere, tying it into a loop and threading it onto his fingers.]

[mysterzie]

[ Fuck him. Fuck him for being right, for picking at the one piece of Aaron that wants some kind of help and release and ability to trust. That in itself feels like a wound, raw and difficult to stomach, because trust means vulnerability. Aaron's world doesn't have room for that.

He glances up, makes sure the hatch to the room is shut away. ]

What are you doing?

[killedwithlove]

[And that, quite simply put, is why Cole hasn't left. If his presence hurt Aaron, or if Aaron really wanted him gone, he would be gone.

But that's not the case, or the situation, so here he is and here he will stay.]

It's a game. Cole played it with Bunny. Cat's cradle. You make patterns in the string, but don't knot it.

[mysterzie]

[ Aaron's moved to sit on the bed for lack of any other room to be in. He stares at the string, then up at Cole. ]

I'm not playing cat's cradle with you.

[killedwithlove]

Okay.

[He can play happily enough on his own.]

Does Emily want to learn?

[mysterzie]

If I don't want to play, what makes you think I want to learn?

[ It's confusing, helpful, to treat Emily like someone different. She is, in a way, she's an entirely different life closed away and hidden in safety. That doesn't make it much easier to deal with, though. ]