driftfleet | 06

Entry tags:

06 - video

Who: Winn Schott and you
Broadcast: Video
Action: Tourist
When: Friday

[ there's something off about winn when the feed turns on. something different from all his other broadcasts. it may take a second to spot it but once you realize what it is it becomes glaringly obvious: there's not a hint of happiness anywhere on his face. his eyes, his lips, his nose, it looks like every last bit of joy has been drained from his features, so even when his lips do stretch lightly upwards, despite his dry eyes it feels more like watching him sob than seeing him smile. ]

Margaery's gone home. [ he has no way of knowing that. she could have been kidnapped to another world, one where she would have no protective big brother to introduce her to superheroes and feminism, to embroider with her and teach her science. but he chooses to hang onto that thought, to believe that she's gone back to the family he knows she so desperately missed despite never letting her pain show. he clears his throat. ] If any of her friends wanna come by for a toast and some stories, I'll be on the Tourist all day.

[ he has been on the tourist since he realized she disappeared, curled up in his bed, shut down. this is the most he's said since, and it feels almost like an outer body experience. he clears his throat again, and nods at the camera before killing the feed. ]

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[Fenris deigns this is a serious enough occasion for him to see Winn in person. That was not a good look on Winn, and the elf is worried for him. And so, he give a cursory knock (more out of propriety than actual desire) and steps in with a bottle of wine.

Yeah, he's pretty maker-damned awful at comfort, but for those who matter to him, he will try.He shifts a little closer, before crouching by the bed to peer at Winn.]

I- cannot say anything to make you feel better for your friend- but if you have need of me, I am here.

[ oh fenris, you're better at it than you think. that gets the closest thing to a smile that touched winn's lips in a while. ]

Thank you.

[An almost smile!!! He'll take it. He offers out the bottle of wine. Look, it's all for you, buddy. ]

You are welcome. I am sorry your friend has left.

[ and he'll take that bottle, sitting up, he'll unceremoniously drink right out of it, before offering it back to fenris. he's being polite, he can easily drink the whole thing on his own with how he's feeling. ]

You didn't get to know her? [ it's not entirely surprising, margaery is a proper lady, and fenris is, well, winn loves him but he can be rough around the edges. still, he can't help but regret not making an effort to bring them together. he was too busy introducing margaery to strong women, trying to give her positive modern role models. ]

[Fenris shakes his head, raising his hand in polite refusal. This one is all for Winn.]

It's yours. And no, I'm afraid we never really spoke while she was here.

[He tends to avoid the upper class types by nature. They remind him a little too much of a life he doesn't lead any more.]

[ suit yourself, he's gonna help himself to another drink. ]

[You enjoy it, dude, you enjoy. ]

Were you two close?

[ he swallows down his instinctual no, I look like this cuz I'll miss nodding at her in the hallway along with his wine. fenris is trying, he knows fenris is trying. he didn't do this, the atroma did. ]

We kind of adopted each other - big brother, little sister.

[He really is exercising his best Comforting Skills. Winn should be glad he didn't get an awkward backpat and stony silence. He nods slowly.]

I see. Then I am truly sorry for her leaving. It is a difficult loss to bear- when someone leaves to another world than the one you come from. It is perhaps the cruellest part of places such as these.

[ he would take the backpat, okay, physical affection is very important to him. ]

Yeah. [ his voice is weak. it really is too cruel, that their happily ever after requires separating, probably never seeing each other again. for all the atroma's crap, this past year has been the best of winn's life. leaving the tourist will be torture. ]

She wanted to go back. She has a family waiting for her there. [ if she is home then despite his concerns, despite missing her - he is happy for her. but it kills him that he doesn't know for sure. ]

[Even an awkward one bro? ]

...That is some comfort at least. To have the fortune to go home to something good.

[Better than a hole in a sky with demons falling out of it, anyway. ]

But ti does not make you feel her loss any less, no?

[ he's not sure he'd call her world good (actually, he's totally sure he wouldn't) but her family's definitely that.

and yes, it definitely beats...that. what is wrong with everyone's worlds? ]

Before the fleet, I haven't called anyone 'family' in a very long time.

[Most places are objectively good to Thedosians, that's what happens when you come from the Crapsackiest of Crapsack worlds.

But that gets a small smile from him.]

I understand. I am glad you found one here.

[ why do everyone's worlds suck? he feels so fortunate to have led the life he has, murderous father and all, now. at least he was safe.

can't he just bring everyone back with him? ]

It makes losing it suck extra hard. [ he takes another drink. he knows what's waiting for him back home - it's safe, it's warm, there's good food, and a bunch of people who wouldn't notice when he's sad. ]

[Fenris would be absolutely okay with a ticket out of going back to Thedas, in all honesty. He hates it there.]

It does. It means you learn to cherish it more while you still have it.

[He'd go there and death glare people who didn't notice. They'd learn.]

[ yes, fenris, join them! national city is big enough for everyone and with all the aliens walking around, fitting in is going to be a lot likelier. ]

I don't know what I'm doing here, Fenris. [ he sighs, and tiredly rubs from his forehead down to his nose, letting hand rest there, covering his eyes. ]

Home was easy - help Kara with whatever she needs, I can do that. But here...we're not any closer to figuring out anything and if we ever do it's going to be the end of this family.

[ is he fighting to lose most of the people he cares about? how is that motivating? okay, yes. he's fighting to get them back where they belong, to their real families. to save kitty's life, and the lives of everyone else in her position. all of that is incredibly important to him.

but on a personal, selfish level that he hasn't really dared to admit out loud before...yeah, it's what it feels like. that he's fighting to lose the best people he's ever had in his life, to say goodbye to most of the people who care, not only about his physical well being - but about his emotional state, too. it's not fair. ]

[Ah. This much, he understands plenty. He look over at Winn, his shoulders sinking a little. In all honesty, he doesn't want to lose this, either. For the first time in his life, he feels like he genuinely belongs somewhere, without the spectre of Danarius following behind him. ]

I would hope that, like Exsilium, we would be given the choice to go home or remain, or...perhaps go elsewhere. But I chose to go home the first time and ended up here, so perhaps that option is not as feasible as I thought.

I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I honestly do not. We cannot remain in this situation indefinitely, but the end result is not favourable, either.

[ that just makes him worry for margaery more. she could be anywhere in the multiverse right now. she could be safe with her family, she could be in that prison kitty was in, she could be somewhere he's never even heard of...hell, there's a possibility she's floating out in space, and that thought makes him cringe, makes him want to scream, to run to a shuttle and systematically cover the space behind them, as pointless a gesture as he knows that to be.

the space behind them may not even be space. the very concept of their reality is controlled by the critical unknown variable 'atroma', and without that value, they can't solve a single equation. ]

If we subscribe to the infinite multiverse version of reality - everything that could happen will happen, because in an infinite system every option will be explored. So there's a version of us living out our entire life here. [ which isn't good either. people have homes, families, lives. and they're controlled here, they can be mind controlled, body controlled, they never get to stay anywhere too long, there are inexplicable comas, loved ones can be ripped away from them without a moment's notice...there's no security, there's no control, there's no freedom.

the point is, they can stay here forever. it's not up to them, but it's possible. ]

[Sorry, Winn, Fenris is literally the worst comforter ever. ]

I-

[Give him a moment, that's quite high thinking for him, and he comes from a world with endless variants and possibilities. ]

Suppose you are right, in that regard. Just as there is likely a reality where none of us have met, or are scattered amongst different ships. The possibility are endless, in that logic.

Yeah, that's why it's the infinite multiverse theory. There's a universe where you're telling me this right now, and one where everything's exactly the same except I'm blond and sitting a little to the left.

[ and he's not sure why he's talking about this except that it's a desperate attempt at a distraction. ]

There's even one where we're replaced by penguins.

You know, if I hadn't already become accustomed to such things, I would be inclined to call you insane. Luckily for you, I come from a universe where I've had to deal with multiple versions of people I know and not one fresh from Thedas.

...You know, there was an alien penguin on the Fleet at one point.

It's okay, I'm starting to feel inclined to call me insane too. [ and not because of the multiverse theory. it's also a heavy thing for him to say, but since they never spoke of dear old dad and his lifelong fear of actually going crazy like him he enjoys getting to speak without the fear of being called out and analyzed. ]

Yeah, anything like the ponies? [ like thinking of pinkie pie is really what he needed right now, thanks brain! he's clearly not hurting enough over margaery, let's remind ourselves of another good friend that's gone! ]

I think you're alright. I've met a few insane people and you're nowhere near them.

[Encouragement? He pulls a face at the mention of the ponies. He was never a fan. ]

Something like them, yes.

[ that gets a little smile, good job, fenris. ]

Sorry I missed uh, them, then. [ because he loves pinkie pie. she was always so happy to see him, like a shot of pure joy to the veins. he could really use some of that right now. ]

I did not speak to him much, I will admit. I hear he was pleasant enough.

[Honestly it creeps Fenris out a little. Talking animals :| ]