driftfleet | Captain's Log 10 - Sound the Bugle Now

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Captain's Log 10 - Sound the Bugle Now

Who: Jim Kirk + You
Broadcast: Yes; everyone
Action: The Tourist
When: Now

VIDEO

_{[ When Kirk's face appears on the screen, there is a weariness to him. Had his eyes been red rimmed one might have thought he had been crying. Maybe he had and he just hid it well. His shoulders slumped ever so slightly, and there was no joy in his eyes, or a smile hiding in the corner of his lips. In fact, for a few solid heartbeats he says nothing, just looks into the camera as if waiting for someone to stop him from what he is about to say. ]}

For all those that knew him, Leonard McCoy has been returned home.

He will be sorely missed.

_{[ Kirk looks like he wants to say more. Knows he should say more. Captains needed to say more and be strong for everyone else, that was what they did, but he couldn't. Not this time. It was to much this time.

So he just takes a breath and reaches up, shutting off the feet. ]}

THE TOURIST

_{[ His message sent out, after exhausting all possible reason for him to be elsewhere and unreachable, Kirk slumped in the chair he sat in, resting his forehead against his clasped hands. For a long moment his room is quiet, almost deathly so - ]}

DAMN IT!

_{[ The shout, followed by the sharp crash of glass shattering against a wall, the wet slop of liquid hitting the floor. Then silence. ]}

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[The video feed was enough to Fenris to worry, but the smash was enough to let real, deep concern seep in. He gives Kirk's door a cursory knock, before stepping inside. He has never been good at this. At offering comfort. But Maker, if he doesn't want to try. ]

I...am sorry. About McCoy. I- do not know how I can help, but if you have need of me, I am here.

_{[ Kirk looked up when Fenris came in, his eyes flushed at the edges,
like he was holding back tears. He took a breath and motioned for him to
keep where he was. ]}

Just - just stay there a minute. Broken glass, and your feet are bare.

_{[ He crouched and began to pick up the bigger pieces, his hands
shaking. ]}

[Fenris sighs, turning and exiting for a moment, returning very quickly with one of Marian's maintenance droids. He puts it on the ground and off it goes to hoover up the damage. ]

There. Now you won't cut your hands open, either.

_{[ He let out a strained laugh, letting go of the pieces he'd been
holding to let the bot take care of them. He stood and went to his bed,
slumping onto it. ]}

At least we weren't fighting anymore, I guess. Always a bad thing to let a friend go on a fight.

_{[ It's no consolation, his hands grasping his knees to the point of
whiteness. ]}

[He crosses over, using the clean path the bot has made, moving to sit beside him. ]

That...would be unfortunate, yes. But he is safe, back home? He is on the Enterprise?

Yeah, probably giving Spock hell.

_{[ The laugh he tried to force was more of a cough, leaning his
shoulder into Fenris'. He watched the little robot whir, like it might have
some sort of insight, a truth to ease the ache in his soul. ]}

Probably be mad I just wasted good brandy.

[Fenris is still for a moment, before carefully putting a hand on Kirk's back. Awkward comfort as always.]

He would have ranted at you a lot most likely, yes. For at least a good fifteen minutes.

You underestimate him. Twenty at least.

_{[ He made another sound and leaned further into Fenris, his shoulders
shaking even if he didn't quite cry. He wanted to though. God he wanted to.
]}

Ah, of course, my apologies for the oversight.

[He gives Kirk a gentle squeeze. ]

You will see him again. We will get out of here.

I know. I know we will, I just... I kind of expected to go back with him, in my head.

_{[ He sighed, his shoulders slumping, his head tilting and landing on
Fenris'. ]}

My offer stills stands you know. That you can come with me, back to the Enterprise.

I can understand that, you are from the same world, after all.

[He exhales, but a small smile does cross his face.]

I...think I will take you up on that, actually.

_{[ That caught him slightly off guard and he looked up at him in
surprise. A small laugh escaped him, eyes wet as he nodded. ]}

Good. That's really good. I think you'll like it there. We even have a pool, you know.

Because if there's one thing you know of me, it is my love of swimming?

[That is absolutely teasing him, but if it takes Kirk's mind out of what he's dealing with, it's worth it. ]

Well we have a bowling alley, a movie theatre, better food than here, a bar. I'm sure we can find something you like. But you'll need to wear shoes.

_{[ He kicked at Fenris' feet lightly. ]}

[He huffs in amusement. ]

If you can figure out a way to make me wear shoes, I'll consider myself impressed.

You mean you aren't impressed with me already?

_{[ He closed his eyes, nestling his head against Fenris' shoulder and
neck, letting out a low sigh. ]}

[He exhales, his hand moving up to thread through Kirk's hair, almost absent-minded. ]

More impressed, then, if we must.

_{[ A soft sound escaped him at the comfort, relaxing further against
him as he let the anger seep out and the mourning take over. ]}

There we go. Honesty is important for our relationship, you know.

Is that so?

[He pauses, letting out a thoughtful hum- well... ]

I talked to Riona. About you. Us.

_{[ He didn't know Riona well. He could vaguely recall her face, but it
didn't take a genius to figure out that Fenris thought her an important
companion if he spoke to her about, well, anything. Especially them. Why
them? ]}

What about me? Us?

_{[ He opened his eyes and looked up at him. There was nothing
accusatory there, just a quiet curiosity beneath the heavy sadness. ]}

[She'd earned Fenris' trust, which was honestly saying a lot. He clears his throat, suddenly a little unsure. But he's started, so he'll just charge on with it before he loses his nerve. ]

My feelings for you.

[His fingers still, brushing from Kirk's hair to his jaw and staying there. ]

She was asking about Marian and I- I spoke about you, too.

[Ugh, he should not be doing this. ]

Sorry. This is...probably not the best time. You are grieving.

_{[ About Marian. His feelings. What Fenris felt about him. Fenris'
fingers trailing through his hair and down to his jaw, touching him in a
more intimate way than ever before, more than they'd dared, more than he'd
ever thought to hope for. His heart twisted painfully, already raw from the
ache of losing Leonard. Even so, he leaned into the elf's touch. ]}

No, no it's all right.

I mean, unless it was you telling her you hated me or something - then yeah, this could really wait until later.

[The strange thing about it was that it did not feel strange at all. It felt right. It gave him enough mettle to carry on, at least. He chuckles at Kirk's response. ]

Yes, I had a very long rants at her about how much I cannot stand you. It was a horror for all to witness.

[He exhales again, closing his eyes.]

I- she wanted to know how things were with Marian, and I was honest with her. [And all the tangled mess of feelings that the woman produced in him.] After, she asked if there was more and I...told her about you.

[He can feel his heart thudding in his chest, they've been dancing around one another for so long now, but actually speaking about it still makes him feel like a nervous teenager. ]

...That, in all honesty, I am getting past the point where I can ignore my feelings for you. I am getting past the point where I want to.

_{[ Kirk straightened to better listen to him, to give the other his
full attention, recognizing how difficult this was. Hell, it would be
difficult for himself! more so because his feelings echoed Fenris'. He
cared for him, well beyond just the initial physical desire he'd felt. Yes
he wanted the physical, but Fenris was more to him than someone to warm a
bed. It has broken his heart to see the shadows of his former slave master
haunting him, and he wished so much he could help him in some way other
than words, make it better. He loved Fenris' ferocity and his loyalty, even
as he found his stubbornness and quick temper exasperating. Without his
realizing it, Fenris had come to mean quite a lot to him, enough that the
idea Fenris might return that affection was enough to make his stomach
twist and his cheeks darken the slightest bit. ]}

Well, I am irresistible.

_{[ His lips twitched in a short, teasing smile before sombering. Fenris
was being honest with him. He owed Fenris the same, no matter how much he
wished to duck back behind his shields of flirtation and jesting and just
plain running away. ]}

You know I... I care about you to Fenris.

_{[ He reached up and touched his fingers. ]}

So don't do this if it's going to make you miserable. Please.

_{[ Don't eat himself up over it. Kirk could be happy for him and their
friendship, be content with that, rather than see Fenris agonize. ]}

[Fenris' calloused fingers brush against Kirk's close around them. He has given this much thought, both before and after his talk with Riona. He knew this was very, very real. That it wasn't about subtle flirting, about dancing around the facts. Somewhere along the line, those feelings of attractions deepened and grew into something he isn't sure he can tame any more.

To hear Kirk say that, that he cared, also- he felt something blossom in his chest. He's aware he's on a precipice, and when he steps forward, he cannot undo any of it. He is a little surprised to find he does care that he cannot. ]

It is making more more miserable trying to ignore it, and I could not bear the thought of stepping away more. Of having less of you in my life when I want more.

[His shoulders sag. ]

...But I cannot turn my back on her, either. She does not deserve that, no more than you deserve me toying with you. Riona offered a solution but-

[Inhale, exhale.]

But what is it that you want, James? [Rare was it for him to use Kirk's first name, but it felt like the right time. ] That is just as important as what I want. Possibly more so.

Captain's Log 10 - Sound the Bugle Now

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