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[Does this look like a harassed clock with a human face? Does it? Good, because it's Cogsworth, sitting in front of a window on the Marvisa and he looks like he just swallowed about a half a dozen lemons. In his tiny brass hands he is holding a piece of paper, and he keeps fiddling with it, shifting it between his two hands.

He puts one brass hand up to his mouth, clears his throat, and then fumbles with the paper for a moment. Could he be ... nervous? It's possible.

Lips pressed together, the time hands on his face twitching, he states flatly.]

Hello. My name is Cogsworth and I am a ... [now he has to look at the word.] Ho-mo-sexual. I realize that I am a ... clock, but I assure you that I am not a ho-mo-sex-ual clock, but a ho-mo-sex-ual man. I have been ... told. Rigorously.

[Here he is glowering.]

That I need to ... 'embrace' this. So. If there are any ... individual males who would not mind ... being complimented by a ... human clock, then, ah. Please! Come forward.

[Okay he'll try a smile but it's more of a sheepish grimace at this point. God help him.]

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[If he had hands and a face, he would apply them to one another right now. Alas he doesn't, so he has to settle with muttering under his breath in French for a little while. Wow. He really should have coached him before he let Cogsworth do this. ]

That was...awkward.

[He's drowning in second-hand (candle???) embarrassment. Still, he doesn't want to...discourage Cogsworth being himself, God knows it might help him a little.]

But look at you, being open about it and everything. I'm proud of you, mon ami.

[Cogsworth does in fact, have the piece of paper and now he is going to put this to his clock face.]

... it was awful.

[Muttering into his paper, before he pulls it down.]

How can you be proud of me? That was terrible. Beyond that it was ... well I am simply waiting to be shunned now, now aren't I?

[Argh Lumiere.]

It was terrible. Really, really terrible. Tres gênant. I think the Master would have been able to do it better.

[Look how helpful and supportive he is! ]

But, you are being honest about yourself, and that is what I am proud of.

...Please learn how to flirt properly, though. Please.

As usual you are a fountain of tact, Lumiere. [Now his face is back into the paper.] Oh, the utter humilation.

[The paper is pulled away with an angry huff.]

And what am I? A ... a homosexual piece of furniture! As much GOOD as it does me, now I am ... outed as myself and I am ... no happier than I was five minutes ago.

[Harrupmph.]

Oh, all apologies. I forgot I was talking to the Greatest Flirt In The Region. Please forgive my Bad Form.

Would you believe me if I lied about it?

[He gives out such an epic eyeroll. ]

You need to give these things time, it will settle, and you will feel better for being honest with yourself. Trust me on this, would I steer you wrong?

[...Probably. ]

A rather foolish thing to forget. Still, this is good for practise. Remember, pick a feature, compliment on it. It is simple.

I am not entirely certain I believe you now.

[Get an epic glower in turn.]

Oh enough with the clock metaphors! And yes you absolutely would if it would amuse you! Does this amuse you?

[Haaaaaaaaaaaaaarumph.]

Fine. Your waxy head looks delightful.

Well, one or the other is a lie, no?

[Glower all you like, he doesn't caaarreee. ]

Oui! It amuses me very much!

[Ugh. Really, Cogsworth, really? :|]

I preferred it when you complimented my smile

You might have just been lying about everything from the get-go! You probably don't even Like Men and you just wanted me to out myself so you could have a laugh.

[He absolutely looks and sounds hurt, before he snorts.]

Well that compliment was a sarcastic one. If I wanted to give you a Real Compliment, I would say that your smile lights up the entire room and your voice is like a velvet against your cheek!

[And, for a brief moment, Lumière's usual jovial tone is replaced by something a touch quieter, a little more reserved. Because that one hurt. ]

I do not lie about myself, Cogsworth. And do you really think I would do that to you?

[And just like that, the smile and that tone is back as if nothing happened at all.]

Like velvet against your cheek? Very descriptive, I shall remember that one. See? You can do it if you really try.

I -

[And here Cogsworth's bluster slips to the side for a moment, his brass hands tapping one another.]

Well of course I do not. Do not be ridiculous. You would never really hurt me, except in ignorance.

[Because he did that whenever he smiled, or purred in Cogsworth general direction LIKE RIGHT NOW GOD.

Glowering.]

...Ooooh I hate it when you are Insufferably Smug.

See? I am looking out for you, like a good friend should. And my smugness is well founded.

[He can't help himself. And, because he's been stalking everything Cogsworth has been saying to people - largely to make sure everyone plays nice and isn't a dick to him: ]

That Captain Kirk is quite the looker, isn't he? You're doing well with him.

Yes, well, not All The Time. Honestly, you are charming but you are also annoying and one usually tries to cancel out the other.

[He's huffy, and will stay huffy until - ]

Oh is that his name?

[And now, look as Cogsworth looks like he's smiling like a dope. He's totally smitten.]

Yes he is so delightfully charming. So suave, so debonair. What delightful manners ... and he looks like he was carved from marble and brought to life ...

Perhaps to you.

[Nope. Most people probably feel that way.

Oh no and this is adorable. It's honestly...nice to see Cogsworth genuinely happy about anything. He's been pretty (and rightfully) miserable since the curse. It's nice to see him like this. ]

Mais qui. He is a captain of a spaceship, back in his home world, I believe. [Something linked with Ezri, if he remembers rightly. ] All very true, and he seems quite taken with you, no?

Perhaps to the general population.

[Which he knows. But Lumiere will always be Lumiere. Bright, Brilliant, and blazing so much that he didn't really see anyone around him. Sigh.

And then siiiiiiigh. If it were physically possible he would have little hearts dancing about his head.]

Well that explains why he is so dashing - what? [Blink, blink, before Cogsworth. Blushed. His little clock face turned bright red.] No no, there's no chance of that - he's probably this charming to everyone...

[His inability to see the the trees for the forest is always going to be a pretty major character flaw of his, sorry Cogsworth.

And wow, look at that. So smitten. ]

Possibly, [he'd bet his entire rating on the fact Kirk flirts with most people, in fact] but it does not hurt to practise, no? It is much easier when you have a willing participant who will both encourage and return the flirting.

[Oh Cogsworth knows, which is why 'unrequited love' should be something he's carving into his wooden finish, y'know.

So very smitten.]

Oh, more than probable. [An almost dreamy smile.] But no, it does not hurt to practice on someone like him.

[One day he might stop admiring himself long enough to notice, though it would probably take some light bludgeoning to get there. ]

There you are. And you are enjoying yourself, no? That is an important part of it, that you are having fun.

[Well, one day Lumiere, that large block of wood will come. Right towards your gigantic nose.]

I am ... actually enjoying myself. Even if it is not serious - he is just so very delightful. And handsome. And rakish...

[It will be well deserved, too. ]

I have to say, mon ami, it is good to see you being so free with yourself for a change. Who knew you actually had charm under that stuffy exterior.

[Yes it will be. Yes It Will Be.]

Oh, well, old friend. I thought ... I thought what would happen if I died, and I never got to look like this at my life. With a magnifying glass." Slowly roasting in boredom.

I am fairly certain we cannot do that.

[Die. Well. Someone might be able to smash them to pieces or melt them in a furnace- but he does NOT want to know what would happen to their souls if that happened. Nothing good, probably. ]

But that is a good sentiment. Better to grab life by the horns than let it slip by.

Well, I do not know about you, but I most certainly do not want to find out.

[A snort, and a sigh. Neither did he. He most certainly did not want to know what would happen.]

I ... I suppose it is.

No, it would not be wise for us to tempt fate on that one.

Good! Shall I let you enjoy his company? I do not think you need my help currently.

[You got this, buddy! ]

Let us leave tempting fate to the Master, hm?

[A long pause, before a sheepish nod of the head.]

I mean if he wants to - keep talking - I certainly am not going to stop.

He does it well enough for all of us.

[Seriously, Adam, you got to stop. ]

He seems content enough. Though if you need me for tips or...anything, you know where I am.

[His best friend is all grown up and flirting with other men. He's so proud ;; ]

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