05 // Video

[justamobster]

Who: Ladon Ceto and alcohol and self-loathing you!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Tourist cockpit
When: Post bug plot.

[ Ladon's been a rare sight lately, mostly because he's either been keeping an eye on Lucky or afterward, keeping to himself. There aren't caves here, so his instinct to hide and try to sulk through the pain has instead been replaced with his more human-like means of coping. That is, he's been getting really drunk and hating the world with every fiber of his being. If there has been a sober moment since he found Lucky's office empty, he can't really recall.

Currently he's seated in the cockpit of the Tourist, and thankfully he's not attempting to do any piloting, because he's definitely not in any state to be doing so. There may not be concrete walls or cliffs in space, but he'd probably find a way to wreck the ship anyway.

Either way, the fact that this broadcast is video is likely the result of those drunken motor skills, because the angle is weird, and he's typically an audio-only user. He's also not dressed as well as usual, gone is the tie and the vest and the suit jacket. His hat is stubbornly glued to his head, but currently he's in an undershirt, suspenders, and the pants from his suit. He also hasn't shaved in a bit, and is looking particularly scruffy.

He rubs at his chin, eliciting a scratchy noise, and he taps his half-empty glass of bourbon against the arm rest. ]

Ain't usually the type t'go givin' unsolicited advice but. [ He sighs. ] Some of you folks know, I been in a place like this before. Space station, was there for 'round a year. Anyhow. These places... they put us through some real shit, yeah? Some real... heavy shit. People hurt and get sick and die and you gotta work together to fix it. You gotta fight together. You gotta take care of each other. S'the only way to stay sane.

[ He takes a drink of the bourbon, winces a bit as it burns its way down. ] What I'm sayin' is... S'hard not to go gettin' attached, yeah? People you meet from other worlds, they ain't so bad, you make friends. Maybe more, hell if I know. But I just gotta say... Don't make the same mistakes I went makin'. Don't get attached. Because it ends, yeah? One way or the other, you go or they go. Best you can hope is you go first, and you fuckin' forget.

Ain't gonna stop most of you, I know. Gotta learn the hard way. But hell if I ain't gonna try sayin' it anyhow. Because I wouldn't wish this on fuckin' anyone.

S'all.

[ And he cuts the feed. He can be found in the pilot chair still some time later, if anyone wants to deal with his drunken ass in person. ]

Comments

[justamobster]

[ That catches him so off-guard he actually nearly chokes on his bourbon. He manages to cough out a laugh after a moment, wipes his eyes on his sleeve. ]

You really... call 'em like you see 'em, don'tcha?

[pain_train]

Everyone always bullshits way too much, and it's stupid. If people just said what they thought, everything would make more sense, right?

I've lost a lot of people, Ladon. I was the CO of a mobile infantry platoon for over 20 years. [She vaguely recalls this. She hates that she can't remember more. That people just... disappeared.] Losing people always hurts.

But it's better than never having anyone to begin with.

[justamobster]

Lost a lot myself. But this's different. At least you know they ain't comin' back. [ Death is still a tragedy. And he still misses the friends and family he's lost. But this is the kind of wound that never heals. ] This's the second time I've lost her. Not sure I could handle three or four.

Right now, don't want nothin' more than t'never have met her at all. That don't sound real kind of me, I know, but it's true. No bullshittin'.

[pain_train]

Well, you know they aren't coming back if you take off their head.

[That's how it works, right?]

You can handle it, though. You're a kind and generous and strong person. And it hurts, but life hurts.

And you're right. Not knowing sucks. But you shouldn't wish away pieces of your life, because they're what make you into you.

[justamobster]

Can't argue with that.

[ He shakes his head at her words. They're kind, but he's not in any place to hear them right now. ] No offense, but you barely know me, yeah? Those words ain't any of the ones I'd use. I'm an asshole and a coward. I know it. All this's makin' me into is a drunken mess. Rather go back to where I was before.

[pain_train]

Of course they're not the ones you'd use. People never see themselves clearly.

You are kind of being a drunken mess right now. But that's okay, drunken mess is a valid stage of dealing with life being shit.

After I got mustered out of the army I got banned from nine bars in one night for starting fights and then threw up on the guy who was the only boyfriend I've ever had after I got thrown through a window.

So basically it's okay to be a fucking mess about things as long as you're not so dumb you forget you have friends or try to talk yourself out of having them. Okay? So none of that.

[justamobster]

[ Thankfully Ladon's not a fighty drunk. Otherwise he'd probably get himself kicked out of bars too. He's more likely to be the one throwing violent people out, after all. He only gets really drunk when he's alone and feeling sorry for himself.

Regardless, he kind of wants to know the story behind what sounds like one hell of a night. ]

Never threw up on her, so there's that. Did... let the whole damn station think I'd gotten, er, "close" with a friend of ours, though. [ 35 years old and he still can't mention sex that didn't even happen. ] Got her real mad. Sure she'd never wanna be 'round me again after that. Dunno what she was thinkin'.

Guess I ain't ever gonna know, now.

[ He's still a sulky and upset mess, but at least he's opening up a little. ]

[pain_train]

People get weird about sex. I don't know why.

The hardest part of having friends or more than friends is trusting them, sometimes. And not like... putting your own doubts on them. Because other people see you way more clearly than you do.

Maybe you already do know and you just don't believe it.

[justamobster]

Tell me 'bout it. Half the station wanted to kick my ass. Other half wanted to buy me a drink.

[ He puts his forehead in his hands with a miserable noise. ] M'way too drunk for what-ifs and maybes right now.

[pain_train]

Well, I'd buy you a drink, cause getting laid is awesome. Dunno why anyone would be bitchy about it.

Way to drunk for happy ones, maybe. You were already playing what if to beat yourself up more. So knock that off.

[justamobster]

Well, half that wanted t'kick my ass thought I was datin' Toby.

Nnnnph. [ She's not wrong. But even thinking of why Toby would have done any of the things she'd done or said to him is like rubbing salt and vinegar into a very open wound. ] Pointless anyway.

[pain_train]

I guess I still don't get it? But I like really don't understand the whole dating thing. That's never been my thing.

Dwelling on the past or what could have been is a bad idea. Better to pay attention to now.

[justamobster]

Hell if I understand it either. [ Mate selection is so much easier in dragon culture. No dating or courting, just decisions and commitment. And hatchlings, if the pair can have them. ] Still, not supposed to get close to another dame if you're datin' one. Not that anythin' happened, or that I was datin' anyone. Just folks assumin' things.

Yeah. S'got a way of creepin' up even when you ain't tryin' to think 'bout it, though.

[pain_train]

Oh, everyone's like super about that monogamy thing. [Yick.] I had a boyfriend once. But I like wasn't the right person for him and I don't like... do that. So that was that. Never doing the dating thing again, I suck at it and it's a mess.

Yeah, it does. [Maybe that's why she has so many holes in her memory.]

[justamobster]

I'm a one-and-done kinda fella, if that. It don't seem to work so well in these places, though. [ How do you make a lifetime commitment to someone from another world who could vanish at any point? There's a reason he always held back when it comes to Toby, even beyond his insecurity about her feelings about him. He couldn't promise that to her, nor could he expect her to promise it to him.

He can't expect that of anyone, really. Here or at home. ] S'why the booze, yeah? After so many drinks, you hit a point where you don't care. [ He looks into his glass. ] Ain't found the magic number yet.

[pain_train]

I know how you do it, but there's nothing wrong with that either. [She definitely knows that she's the weird one in most things.]

Yeah. Me, I like drinks and a fist fight. Just keep going and you'll get there.