05 // Video

[justamobster]

Who: Ladon Ceto and alcohol and self-loathing you!
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: SS Tourist cockpit
When: Post bug plot.

[ Ladon's been a rare sight lately, mostly because he's either been keeping an eye on Lucky or afterward, keeping to himself. There aren't caves here, so his instinct to hide and try to sulk through the pain has instead been replaced with his more human-like means of coping. That is, he's been getting really drunk and hating the world with every fiber of his being. If there has been a sober moment since he found Lucky's office empty, he can't really recall.

Currently he's seated in the cockpit of the Tourist, and thankfully he's not attempting to do any piloting, because he's definitely not in any state to be doing so. There may not be concrete walls or cliffs in space, but he'd probably find a way to wreck the ship anyway.

Either way, the fact that this broadcast is video is likely the result of those drunken motor skills, because the angle is weird, and he's typically an audio-only user. He's also not dressed as well as usual, gone is the tie and the vest and the suit jacket. His hat is stubbornly glued to his head, but currently he's in an undershirt, suspenders, and the pants from his suit. He also hasn't shaved in a bit, and is looking particularly scruffy.

He rubs at his chin, eliciting a scratchy noise, and he taps his half-empty glass of bourbon against the arm rest. ]

Ain't usually the type t'go givin' unsolicited advice but. [ He sighs. ] Some of you folks know, I been in a place like this before. Space station, was there for 'round a year. Anyhow. These places... they put us through some real shit, yeah? Some real... heavy shit. People hurt and get sick and die and you gotta work together to fix it. You gotta fight together. You gotta take care of each other. S'the only way to stay sane.

[ He takes a drink of the bourbon, winces a bit as it burns its way down. ] What I'm sayin' is... S'hard not to go gettin' attached, yeah? People you meet from other worlds, they ain't so bad, you make friends. Maybe more, hell if I know. But I just gotta say... Don't make the same mistakes I went makin'. Don't get attached. Because it ends, yeah? One way or the other, you go or they go. Best you can hope is you go first, and you fuckin' forget.

Ain't gonna stop most of you, I know. Gotta learn the hard way. But hell if I ain't gonna try sayin' it anyhow. Because I wouldn't wish this on fuckin' anyone.

S'all.

[ And he cuts the feed. He can be found in the pilot chair still some time later, if anyone wants to deal with his drunken ass in person. ]

Comments

[dancingmd]

[Oh you sweet heartbroken idiot.]

Hello.

[She crosses the room and leans against the flight console so that he has to face her. Her arms are still crossed, but her gaze is full of empathy.]

You're not giving up, are you?

[justamobster]

[ He continues to rub at the bridge of his nose a bit, before dragging his hand down his face and propping his chin in his palm. He's not the type to cry, but he's hit the point of being dried up from the sadness. His heart's broken of course, but so is the rest of him. It's the numbness that's nagging at him now. He feels empty.

So he just huffs a sigh. ] I dunno. Feel like a real heel, tellin' you not to go givin' up, and here I am... Guess it don't take much to pull the rug out from under me.

[dancingmd]

Believe me, I know that feeling all too well. And sometimes... well sometimes we're not very good at heeding our own advice, are we? But I'm not going to let you give up. I can be more than stubborn enough for the two of us.

[justamobster]

Ain't throwin' in the towel on... [ He gestures at the ship itself. ] I mean. Ain't suicidal. But hell if I can...

[ He trails off. What even did he do differently with Toby? What was it that snuck up on him, caught him with his guard down, and wormed its way into a part of him he thought had shriveled up and died off years ago? He doesn't even know.

He just knows he can't let it happen again. ]

Hell if I can go through this again.

[dancingmd]

[She uncrosses her arms, rests her hands on the console, and looks away, into the stars outside.]

I thought I couldn't either. After Jack. And for years, I didn't. I focused on my work, on Wesley, and I was happy with that, truly I was. But these things have a way of catching you when you least expect it, no matter how many walls you throw up.

[She turns back to Ladon, leaning ever so slightly forward towards him.]

I'm not going to promise you you won't get hurt again. You probably will. But trust me, you're not doing yourself - or anyone else - any good by closing yourself off like this.

[justamobster]

Mmm. Ain't good at lettin' go. [ Biologically, he's predisposed to cling to whatever he's gotten attached to, be it material or otherwise. People fall under that, he's discovered. He doesn't like saying goodbye. It hurts, deep down, like a piece of himself has been ripped free, never to return.

It's particularly hard when he has no way of knowing if it's permanent or not. ]

When she left the station... I thought that was it. That she was home, I'd never see her again, and that was that. Then she goes showin' up here, tellin' me she was in some place that took her memory... And then like nothin', she's gone again. [ He sighs heavily then, leans forward and props his elbows on his knees and drops his head, shaking it to and fro. ] I can't keep doin' this, doc. I can't. It's tearin' me apart. It ain't the same as losin' a m-- a partner, I know it ain't, but...

[dancingmd]

[Beverly squats down in front of him, with the full intention of offering some words of encouragement but when she sees the expression on his face, her composure breaks and well, sorry Ladon... you may be too drunk and a little surly but you're getting a hug.]

[justamobster]

[ He doesn't expect the hug, but he also doesn't resist it or freeze up. In fact, after a couple moments he sets the glass down on an arm rest and returns the hug. Normally he wouldn't let someone unaware of his secret in this close, but he's having a hard time caring about anything right now. He's all cared out. It's likely the smell of alcohol is overwhelming the more dragony scent of campfires he carries with him anyway, and the warmth he exudes is easily explained as a side effect of being in a drunken stupor for days.

And it's nice to have someone this close right now. Nice to know he can hold on to something, someone, without them vanishing right out of his arms. ]

[dancingmd]

[To be honest, Beverly wasn't entirely certain how he would react to the hug, so now seeing his ready acceptance of it, she holds on a little longer (and maybe a little bit tighter) than she originally intended. Heartbreak, she understands completely, but even then... at least with Jack she knew exactly what happened to him, was able, albeit slowly, to get some closure. And there was Wesley, always Wesley, her saving grace. The closest thing to this that she's experienced is being trapped in the collapsing warp bubble. That was only a few hours though, not months. Hugging somehow just seems like the most appropriate response right now.

Finally, she does pull back, though not very far, as she takes his hands in her own and gives him a sad smile.]

We're a mess, aren't we, every time we meet?