driftfleet | Meanwhile on the less violent fish ship....

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Meanwhile on the less violent fish ship....

Who: The Blue Fish Crew & Any Visitors
Broadcast: MAYBE
Action: SS Blue Fish
When: Beginning of July

[So in the past month, Aang & Katara may or may not have become an item, Sokka finished off all of puberty in under a week, Allen remained stuck in the puberty still, Toph won strangest pilot award briefly before she had to give it up to a pony, Hawke sassed everything and finally itemized with Anders, Beverly acquired a Starfleet issued puppy, and it turned out the cook is a flipping disney princess. Quite a time for the Blue Fish crew!]

[Well, it's time to check in with them again: AKA IT'S A MINGLE EVERYONE]

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[in the meantime, he quietly folds up himself on his chair--bringing his knees up and wrapping his arms around them. generally just looking smaller and curling up, as the topic is making him feel kind of vulnerable.

he watches her buzz around the lab with vague worry.]

...Yeah?

[Seeing him curled up protectively like that... Beverly comes over and squats down in front of him, so that their faces are level to one another's and gently rests a hand on his knee.]

Yeah. There's a substance in my world, called synthehol. It smells and taste like regular alcohol, and you still get ... ah, pleasantly inebriated off it, but without any of the negative side effects of alcohol. Most importantly for us, though, is that it wouldn't interfere with the sleeping pills. I'm certain I could replicate the formula here in the lab. What do you say?

[his expression doesn't change much, but his ears perk up.]

So... if I drank that instead, I could get more pills?

You could.

[She smiles encouragingly.]

So then do you want to give it a shot?

[he nods, and the relief is pitifully overwhelming.

almost immediately, he looks like he's getting choked up on it, and he drops his eyes again. he takes big breaths and hugs his knees.]

Nel...

[Without really thinking, she reaches out and strokes his hair. Maybe it's not very professional, but she can't stand seeing him like this. He's just a kid, really, though no doubt whatever brought him to this point isn't something anyone should have to grow up with.]

It'll be alright.

[oop, and there he goes.

at the little gesture of affection, his face plunks down onto his knees, and his hunched-up shoulders begin to shake.

give him a minute, and he'll be able to choke out words through the oncoming tears, muffled as they are.]

I don't know how to do this...

[This is simply heartbreaking. She keeps stroking his hair soothingly, just like she would Wesley, any time he was upset.]

I know it's hard but ... you're not alone. I'm right here.

You're so nice to me...

[he lifts his face enough to try and wipe his eyes on the back of his arm, but... it really isn't going to help. so, he quickly gives up and drops his head down again.]

Ugh. How do you ever get used to this?

Used to what?

This.

[he sits up again, ignoring the mess that his face is, and gestures around himself.]

Pretending to be normal. Trying to just... be like everyone else is.

[Fortunately or unfortunately, she takes that "you" to be a general one, not one specifically applying to her.]

There's hardly anything "normal" about this fleet. Try not to compare yourself so much to everyone else, to what you think is their definition of normal because I guarantee you we as a group will never reach a consensus on that. Besides, everyone here has some sort of baggage, whether they talk about it or not. You've just got to focus on taking care of you.

But they all still just... talk all the time, and watch. I don't--

[a frustrated noise in his throat turns into a pathetic hiccup.]

I'm not used to it. I, like... try to keep smiling and stuff, and try not to bother anybody, and pretend like it's okay... but I can't keep doing it all the time.

[That little hiccup... be careful, Nel, or she's going to cry too.]

You shouldn't have to, and you don't, not around me at least. If you don't want to smile, then don't. If you want to cry, then cry. And if you just want to sit in silence, that's okay too.

But it's stupid, and I'm not supposed to-- ugh.

[another frustrated, disgusted noise, and he brings up balled-up hands to either side of his head and crunches his eyes closed. he's letting too much of what's stuck up in his head out, it's messy, but he can't make it stop.]

I'm sorry. I just... keep doing this. And getting people upset... and making people really mad...

Oh no, no, no, Nel. [Gently, but firmly, she moves his fists away from his head and folds his hands into hers.] It's not stupid. It's not stupid at all.

Yes it is. I can't-- everything is just all messed up now.

[he lets her take his hands because he's not about to fight her. not physically, anyway. with his arms kept away from his face, tears just leak pathetically down his face with nothing to stop them.]

... I'm a mess. Can't even sleep in my own bed...

[and his voice finally just breaks over the last word. curling up where he's at, his shoulders hunch up with the effort to keep his sobs tight and quiet in his chest.]

[Finally, she cracks as well and releases his hands in order to wrap him up in a hug. Part of her worries that this might be the wrong thing to do, but she doesn't know what else to say, if words are really any help at this point. So she doesn't try anymore. Instead, she just keeps stroking his hair and lets him cry.]

[at least he's not well versed in what the professional boundaries between doctor and patient are supposed to be, so he doesn't know any better.

it's just that someone in the world is going so far as to wrap their arms around him and give him a hug. it opens up the ache in his chest, and--with a pang--it makes him think of the last couple of people willing to do that. he maybe hadn't realized how much he missed them, until right then.

it all adds up to him just wrapping himself up into a small, sad shape as he cries--as if maybe he could just wrestle all of the pieces together tight enough to make it stop. if he could just dam up all the gaps, all of these ugly tears and messy sobs would stop pouring out.]

[Professional or not, the hug seems to be doing Nel some good. Without entirely realizing that's she's doing it, she's rocking him a little as well, as her own eyes start tearing up in sympathy.]

It's okay, I'm here.

[he can't remember the last time that he was allowed to just cry like this. it's uncomfortable and embarrassing, but something at least feels a little lighter deep in his chest when he finally begins to catch his breath. he can't keep up that kind of emotional momentum forever, and he grapples for control again as soon as he can manage.

he finally forces everything down toward sad hiccups instead of muffled sobs, and uncurls enough to talk--his voice still strained and wet.]

Ugh... gross...

[A couple of sympathetic chuckles escape her at that and she lets go of him in order to fetch him some tissues, surreptitiously wiping her own eyes first. After handing him the box, she sits in her chair again, still next to him, but giving him some space if he wants it.]

Better?

[balancing the box on his knees, hunkered over it with his shoulders still shrugged up in that way that makes him seem smaller, he just squishes a couple of tissues onto his eyes.

and he silently shrugs. he doesn't know if he'd use the word better.]

[She reaches over and pats his hand. That's okay. Having a good cry is important, but it's not always enough.]

What do you want to do now?

I want a drink.

[and he laughs pathetically, a little bit. but he still means it.]

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