002 - Hardware Store

[preformthisneigh]

Who: Cheese Sandwich and You!
Broadcast: Fleetwide - video
Action: Bishop
When: Right now.

[Cheese has been here for three months now, and it's clear Atroma aren't about to get rid of him, so he has an important mission to carry out. He turns on the video feed at stares down at the camera, his face is serious. This is serious business. ]

Okay, everypony. I have a super duper absolutely utterly important question to ask all of you. I really, really need an answer from everypony. It's that important.

[He leans a little closer in, to show how REALLY IMPORTANT it is. ]

I need to you tell me when your birthdays are. I also accept dates of anniversaries or likewise important dates to you.

[He picks up a pencil from off camera, and sits poised, ready to write into a little notebook. His words are a little muffled when he speaks again on account of the pencil in his mouth. Earth pony problems.]

OKAY GO!

Comments

video;

[preformthisneigh]

The one on the little network thingie. I think it's an Earth one. It's like the one in Paradisa.

No way! I exist for this. There's no effort too big to make somepony happy with a party.

video;

[initforthemoney]

Are you one of them event planners or something where you come from?

video;

[preformthisneigh]

I sure am! I'm a party pony. I travel all over, to wherever a party is in need, and make it into something epic. It's my destiny.

video;

[initforthemoney]

...you get paid to do this, right buddy?

video;

[preformthisneigh]

Sometimes, but that doesn't really matter. It's my destiny to do this, so I'll do it for as long as I live.

Re: video;

[initforthemoney]

I wish you was around when I got married, pal. Francine insisted on hiring one of them planner assholes and he charged a goddamn fortune.

[preformthisneigh]

Oh, well that's no good. The whole point of being a party planner is to make the po-per-whoever it is you're planning the party for happy. When you don't do that, you are not doing your job properly.

Pst, Pinkie would have a fit if she heard that.

[initforthemoney]

I hate to burst your bubble, but the rest of the universe don't all think like you do. Most people think the point of any job is to get as much money as you can with as little work as possible.

Who's Pinkie, you're girlfriend or something?

[preformthisneigh]

Well, that's just boring. You can't get anything out of a job if all you want is money.

Oh-err-um. No. She's my best friend, she's the pony who inspired me to find my own party planning destiny. She's the absolute best in the business, nopony could ever be better at it than her. She's like actual joy in a pony body. She...means a lot to me.

[initforthemoney]

That may be the case, but you can then use all that money to buy lots of stuff you'll get a whole lot of satisfaction out of.

Sounds like a nice girl. Bet you kids would be cute together.

[preformthisneigh]

...That really wouldn't work in Equestria. If we're not following our destinies... well, then that pony's life would be pretty miserable. No money could fix that.

[Is that an embarrassed laugh? Sure sounds like one. It's not that he hasn't thought about it, but the pedestal he's put Pinkie upon is unreachable at this point, even by himself. In his mind she's, quite literally, too good for him. She's a beautiful beacon of unending happiness that lights up their world and likely beyond it.

Without her, he'd be nothing, his life would be bleak and empty. He would never have found his place in the world. And yet, he is only a drop in the ocean of beings she adores and brings happiness to. She's connected to the Element of Laughter for a reason, protecting their world with her smile. He couldn't be selfish enough to take that all for himself.

She may be his everything, but he has to be content with being a sum of her parts.]

Too bad she's got to look after Ponyville and I got to travel the world. But we're good with being friends. Best friends.

[That's his excuse and he's sticking to it. ]

[initforthemoney]

...what kinda place do you come from, pal? Planet I grew up on if you make it through life in one piece you're doing alright for yourself. Destinies don't play into it none.

[Hooooooo boy. Even over the video Frobisher can tell pining when he sees it. Oh you poor adorable pony creature. Love hits hard, man.]

Probably for the best, you know. Love kicks you in the ass and leaves you stinging. Trust me. You're better off flying solo.

[preformthisneigh]

In Equestria, we ponies live by our destinies. When we're fillies and colts, we get this moment of...um enlightenment where we realise who we want to be, and where we belong. Then we get out cutie mark [he waves a hoof at the accordion-shaped-cheese-sandwich on his flank] and the rest is history!

Hah. Yeah. I'm a lone traveller, anyway. Just heading down the road with only me and my rubber chicken.

[initforthemoney]

...is that some kinda euphemism or is there an actual rubber chicken involved in this?

[preformthisneigh]

...There's an actual rubber chicken. His name is Boneless Two.

[initforthemoney]

I really shouldn't be surprised by that, should I?

[preformthisneigh]

I don't know, are you usually surprised by rubber chickens?