002 - Hardware Store

[preformthisneigh]

Who: Cheese Sandwich and You!
Broadcast: Fleetwide - video
Action: Bishop
When: Right now.

[Cheese has been here for three months now, and it's clear Atroma aren't about to get rid of him, so he has an important mission to carry out. He turns on the video feed at stares down at the camera, his face is serious. This is serious business. ]

Okay, everypony. I have a super duper absolutely utterly important question to ask all of you. I really, really need an answer from everypony. It's that important.

[He leans a little closer in, to show how REALLY IMPORTANT it is. ]

I need to you tell me when your birthdays are. I also accept dates of anniversaries or likewise important dates to you.

[He picks up a pencil from off camera, and sits poised, ready to write into a little notebook. His words are a little muffled when he speaks again on account of the pencil in his mouth. Earth pony problems.]

OKAY GO!

Comments

[thezerothlaw]

[Does he count as an everypony? Possibly.]

I don't have a birthday, as I was never born.

[preformthisneigh]

[He's met folk who haven't had birthdays before, through not being aware of them or other such terrors, but this is a new one for him. He even drops his pencil. ]

You...weren't born.

Okay. I gotta ask, how does that work? Because you're-uh-clearly here, and existing, and everything. You had to come into being at some point, right?

[thezerothlaw]

This is true, yes. I am a robot, and I was created by a pair of human scientists. My creation spanned many years. I recall the anniversary of my positronic brain first being brought into consciousness, but I don't believe this is the same thing as a 'birthday.'

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[arcanepower]

[He's eating a butter roll. Him and food is a recurring theme.]

What for?

[preformthisneigh]

[Cheese can always appreciate food. He flashes Belth a grin from around the pencil. ]

So I can throw you all a great birthday party when it comes around! Why else?

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[dancingmd]

[Beverly tilts her head curiously as she watches the announcement. She's met insectoids, cetaceans, other humanoids, even beings made of pure energy... but this is the first sentient equine she's seen. But hey, there's always a first time, right?

Smiling, she switches on her own communicator and answers him.]

Hello! We haven't met yet, but I'm Dr. Crusher. May I ask why you want our birthdays?

[preformthisneigh]

[It works well for her, not making the pony thing a THING. He drops the pencil to talk. ]

Nice to meetcha, Doc. I'm Cheese Sandwich, and I'm a party pony. I throw parties, so I need to know the birthdays so I can throw the aforementioned parties.

[child_of_bhaal]

[Talking horse? Nope, not even remotely the weirdest thing she's ever seen. So she's just going to move into the meat of the situation.]

What if you don't know your birthday?

[preformthisneigh]

[If everypony could breeze past the talking horse thing, his life would be infinitely better. ]

Well, we can always pick one out for you. You know, you can pick a date you really like and go for that.

[Gently:] ...Can't remember it, huh?

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[timelapsed]

[ Talking horse? Yep, this is by far the weirdest thing she's ever seen. And that's saying something. ]

Are you a... talking horse?

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[preformthisneigh]

If you think I'm strange, you should see the talking toaster.

[That sounds like sass. The horse is sassing her. ]

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[innercactus]

[ Hello talking horse, he is a talking plant. Please don't eat him.

Which is why he is sort of just.. eyes and up in the video frame. He forgot you can't reach through and find him. ]

Octob... No, late September, because it's almost October. Twenty nine? That day.

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[preformthisneigh]

[He will do his very best to resit the urge. If the Everfree Forest has taught him anything, it's don't eat magical plants. He writes down the date all the same.]

Excellent! Thanks buddy! I'll be sure you have the best bash you could ever want.

[faithfulwisdom]

My people celebrate the day of our begetting, rather than the day of our birth. [Elves.] But it matters little; I do not think I could tell you the day. I am accustomed to an entirely different calendar than that which is used here.

[preformthisneigh]

Oooooooh, I've never heard of begetting before, what's it all about?

[He's clearly interested, he wants to learn about EVERY celebration he can. Nopony is going to feel left out on his watch. ]

And that's ok, I'm sure we can work it into this calendar somehow.

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[peacockherald]

_{[ There's a short laugh on his end. ]}

Planning your party schedule for the year, Cheese?

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[preformthisneigh]

You know it. I gotta be prepared, after all, and there are heaps new people I need to throw parties for here.

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[punchingly]

[ Well. There are talking goblins and talking a million other things in Eorzea. She can't be that surprised that at some point sentience reached horses, too. ]

The 27th Sun of the Second Astral Moon.

[ Yep. That sure is a date. ]

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[preformthisneigh]

[That sure is a date, and he's glad she's been actually helpful on this. He even jots it down. ]

Got it. Hmmm, gonna have to see if I can figure out when that is on Atroma's calendar.

...Wait, you have twenty seven suns and two moons?

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[kill_switch]

[It's been one hell of a transition, but this has got to top the cake. Furiosa stares at the video feed in faint confusion. What is this thing and how does it even exist. She's got a faint memory of horses, reading about them, but the pictures she'd seen were wildly different from what she's now seeing in front of her.]

[But judging from her experiences with Asteifel, she's realizing this is probably going to be a more common experience.]

Don't see how that information would be relevant.

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[preformthisneigh]

[Accept the tiny horse, Furiosa. Just accept him. ]

It's relevant so that I know and can make sure everypony gets to celebrate their birthday in the best way I can give them.

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[unbearablynaive]

I was created on the 13th of April. [That's like a birthday, right?]

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[preformthisneigh]

That totally counts as a birthday!

[He'll jot it down. See how easy that is, everypony else?]

Thanks, buddy!

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[initforthemoney]

You're assuming everyone stuck in this place comes from a planet with a comparable calender, you know?

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[preformthisneigh]

Pfft, nah. I know I sure as hay don't. We'll just have to fudge it a little to make it work.