driftfleet | video ♪ sometimes i have good ideas

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video ♪ sometimes i have good ideas

Who: Varric and whoever
Broadcast: Yes
Action: If you're on the Iskaulit, sure!
When: A reasonable time of day

[video;]

[The camera angle isn't great, but what else do you expect from a dwarf? It appears to be a decently-sized room on the bug ship. It's filled with crates, most of which are empty and taking the place of tables and chairs. There is, however, a very dusty and... possibly stolen bar, which needs some touch ups. There are a couple of glasses set on the counter, which has five empty boxes, two barstools and a rusty chair for seating. Along the sides remain a couple noticeable places where it was hacked into manageable pieces and... nailed back together. Oh, Varric.

After that view, he addresses the network from one of the only actual chairs in this dump. Varric's coat hangs on the back, and he's wearing some sleek, anachronistic sunglasses.]

I heard there was demand for a bar. There just so happens to be someone on the Fleet who has a lifelong dream of owning a shitty little dive. [A pause.] That's me. It's me, people.

Now, I know what you're thinking. 'Varric, you're a damned genius.' Right?

[Something falls off the wall.]

... All right, so it's a work in progress. I'm having furniture custom-made, it should be ready in a week-ish.

[He clears his throat.]

Here's the problem: I don't have any desire to serve people or the... customer service skills required. That means I'm looking for people to help me run this thing. I'm asking for the barest minimum of business and social skills as well as enough presence to throw out troublemakers. And yes, I'll pay you in credits and beer.

I also need stuff to serve. Not everyone likes whiskey brewed in some guy's bathtub and I haven't been back long enough to amass a variety of booze. If you have anything you're willing to part with, I'll not only pay you for it, but I'll give you a VIP discount. For life.

So. Who wants to make dreams come true?

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Oh, good. People [and by 'people' he means 'Anders'] were asking if I was going to make my bar into a shitty dive. Least now there'll be an open market for them.

I look forward to some friendly competition. ~

[Crowley does, indeed, sound genuinely happy about this. He likes Varric, and honestly the fun OF the Paradisa bars were that there was a variety. ]

[He laughs. He's not even a little offended-- after all, he called it a shitty dive in the first place. He knows exactly the kind of people who will go here. His people.]

I'll get all the people who aren't classy enough to go to yours. I bet they're more fun, anyway.

Actually, I had something I wanted to talk to you about. Mind opening a private line?

Probably, and more likely to piss on the walls. But hey, better than mine.

Sure thing. [Beep bop. ] There you go. What's up?

[He snorts at that but doesn't deny it.]

Thanks. So, I'm a businessman. And I can't help but notice that while friendly competition is amazing, there's something even better than that... and that's making a lot of money with your friends.

Here's what I'm suggesting: we keep our prices about even. Hell, we can even offer the same stuff. Who's gonna know the difference? If one bar raises the price of a drink, so does the other one. We get all the profits and none of the drama.

Some call it thievery, I call it capitalism.

[Crowley's smile widens, probably showing off some definitely-too-sharp-to-be-human teeth. ]

You know, I always did think "that Varric, he's right up my street", and here you are. That works for me, even keel, and all that.

[That's a little unsettling, but Varric is having a hard time being terrified of him after... getting to know him a bit.]

Then it's a deal. I'll let you know if there's any changes.

By the way, if you need whiskey from the dust moon to serve your patrons, I've got a fair amount. Sharing is caring.

Edited 2015-10-04 19:32 (UTC)

[It's all form and no substance with Crowley, really, when it comes to evil creepy demon shit. ]

Sharing is caring. I'll take you up on that offer. I have some spirits from the Space Vegas, if you like.

...Not actually sure what they are, other than neon green, but still.

I'll take whatever you have. If it's mystery shit, all the better. I don't mind taste-testing space booze. [It's guaranteed to be better than anything his people made below ground.]

Hey uh, do you need anything for your bar? If there's something you want off the dust moon I can probably pull some strings.

Great, glad to know that shite is going to a good home.

Hmmm. Well, I could always use some wood, metal. Construction things, you know?

[Not that he plans on doing any actual work. He'll just adjust the reality around the items until they become what he wants. ]

[Fenris is just...staring for a moment. Of course Varric would do this, of course. ]

Have you truly missed the stench of sour ale, vomit and desperation that much?

[Enough to write you into his serial as a bartender, Ferris.]

There's no place like home, elf.

[You could have at least changed his name better, Varric. Maker's sake. ]

I suppose it did have a certain...

[He's trying to find a polite word to describe the Hanged Man. Might take him a while. ]

Ambiance to it.

[Nah, too lazy.]

Ambiance? I thought that was just Gallard reciting bad poetry to Norah again.

I can't replace the Hanged Man, but at least I can make something halfway comparable. I'm looking forward to the stories people tell when they're drunk off their asses in space.

Edited 2015-10-01 23:19 (UTC)

[He gives a soft huff of amusement. ]

If anyone call manage that, Varric, I'm sure that it's you.

[He smiles a bit.]

Thanks. Oh and-- next Friday night. Cards. You're invited.

I would never miss it.

[He's absolutely sincere in that. Family time is important time. ]

One day, I might actually win.

[He brightens even more, if that's possible. He's so glad Fenris is still coming out of his hidey hole.]

With Isabela here? Doubt it. I can't beat the Rivaini even if I cheat.

[Only for those he feels deserve it. ]

That is true. I'm pretty certain she keeps cards hidden in her clothing.

There's.. that apple cider, that makes you drunk. Does that need eating apples to make or can you make it with any sort of apple.

[ Asteffiel turns his video on to a small tree - its only about three feet tall - with small apples on it. ]

Because these apples don't taste good at all, but I don't want to just.. uproot the tree....

[Sup, Plant Man.]

I think it's made with a bunch of different ones. To ferment stuff, you need sugar. So sugary apples are used, but no one wants to drink straight sugar alcohol, so you add other kinds to give it actual taste.

What do they taste like? Are they bitter or what?

Bitter and sour. [ Asteffiel makes a face like he bit an unripe lemon. ]

... Still taste a little like apple, but I don't know if they're good for cooking or anything.... because I'm really bad at that.

Don't throw out that tree just yet. I'm pretty sure apples like that are used to give hard cider some bite. If nothing else, we could add it to other drinks to give it kick.

Okay! [ Do you see how he perked up, Varric. He grew this little tree, he doesn't have to murder his little plant friend- ]

Do you want me to keep it with the rest of my plants, or would you like to keep it?

Oh hell no. Don't give it to me, I'll kill it. I can't even take care of a pet rock, let alone something actually alive.

[He's happy but NO PLANT BOY NO.]

Edited 2015-10-01 22:24 (UTC)

Ohh.. okay. I could try to teach you, if you want? [ He won't push it though. Nothing but cacti for this guy, if he feels like he should give him something growing. ]

I can give you the ripe ones now, if you want?

If I'm being honest, I don't have the first idea of how to make beer. That sounds like work. But... There's a couple of guys who are working on distilling stuff. I think one of them is named Eugene.

I'll tell him you've got the start of supplies for cider. I'm sure he'll go nuts.

.... I don't know either. [ Someone named Eugene? Okay. ]

Ohh. Okay! [ He's about to comment on the nuts, but remembers that that's a phrase, not that someone has... nuts for him to grow things out of. ]

[... This kid.]

We'll figure it out. Hopefully without killing anyone by accident.

[Interested cat is interested.]

What sort of customer service skills are involved, exactly? I'll admit I dunno the first thing about mixing drinks, but I know plenty about listening to poor sots spill their guts.

It'd be unfair to turn you down just because you can't mix drinks... especially since I don't have much to mix at the moment. I'll see what I can do about a manual in the meantime.

All I ask is you avoid being drunk off your ass while you're on the job.

[Beer and credits. Two of Nami's favourite things.]

I'll run bar for you. I'd be damn good at it.

[He grins.]

Cute girls are always welcome to apply. What's your name?

Edited 2015-10-04 19:37 (UTC)

Nami. And I haven't officially tended bar before, but I know my liquor and I know business.

[And I'm bored. Also, beer.]

Varric Tethras, nice to meet you. Unfortunately we've only got... two or three different kinds of liquor, so you'll have to get creative until we hit a planet that doesn't suck. Gotta start somewhere, right?

[He rubs at his chin, looking her over.] As for uniforms, I could get you something off the dust moon if you don't mind frills and lace but really, you can wear whatever you want.

Right. Anyway, three is better than zero. I've just come from a place with no alcohol at all. [It sucked.] And I don't mind frills and lace; I'm kinda short on clothing right now, being new.

[She's not sure she trusts his taste in clothing, but she can always not wear whatever he picks up.]

So credits and beer, huh?

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