driftfleet | oo1 | video (intro!)

Entry tags:

oo1 | video (intro!)

Who: Isaac Lahey & you!
Broadcast: fleetwide; video
Action: Marsiva, hospital deck.
When: now!!

[ the feed flickers on, the camera shaking as the user clearly fumbles with the device. he's not the most graceful of creatures, isaac lahey. when it does finally center on his face, he looks a little bewildered. ]

Okay, so I've had weird dreams before but --

[ he looks around, walking around the hospital deck as though pacing the room might actually get him somewhere. ] I mean, am I dead? Is this what that great white light looks like? Because if it is, it's pretty disappointing.

[ no, really, he's had a lot of weird experiences with dreams, new places, supernatural things, and this? looks nothing like that at all. ]

I thought it would look at least a little more like Star Trek or... I don't know, more clouds? A lake, maybe. Something more scenic. [ ... priorities. ] Mexican food would be nice.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He sighs a little.]

Yeah, dude. [He actually...got killed once watching Isaac's back, but he prefers not to think about that fiasco. It's a kind of shitty conversation piece.]

I'm not really into the vid deal. Most people find the bird thing weird. I'm Davesprite, for the record.

Bird thing?

[ well, you can't just go and say that, it leaves him curious. but he doesn't expect the feed to change at all. Isaac would be the same way if he looked full-wolf all the time. ]

I don't remember that, though, so it must have been a pretty crazy ride. Nice to meet you though. Davesprite? [ ... seriously why can't the people here just have names like Sam and Susie. ]

Bird thing. It's exactly what it sounds like.

Anyway, [Dave is a perfectly normal name!!!!!!] Davesprite, bird Dave, it's all the same to me. [He had a castmate who called him Mr. Feathers.] But crazy ride is a pretty mild way of putting it, yeah.

Like say you got talked into going to a theme park. And that's cool, you didn't really want to go, but you'll deal. You'll check out your ride ideal—which in this scenario is the log flume. Yes, I know the log flume is pretty weak, but to give you a sense of scale, that's what we're using here, so play along for a second.

So you're standing in line for the log flume when some jackass shows up. Says the log flume is closed. Everything in the park is closed, but you can't leave until you ride a coaster that has been historically proven to cause fatalities. Aforementioned coaster is under maintenance and also technically closed, but this unremitting, ever-widening asshole is not giving you any other option. He is telling you it's either brain damage by roller coaster or brain damage by the automatic rifle in his right hand. Both him and the ride also probably shit in your dinner, fyi, that's how fucking crazy-nasty we are talking. Though it still hasn't got anything on—

[He pauses. WHY DOES HE TALK SO MUCH that's a wonderful question that does not have an answer.]

Shit. I should really figure out how to properly say and spell that one castleland. Costco isn't cutting it no more. [He'll eventually learn how to say Kyriakos.]

Bird Dave it is.

[ sorry, Isaac is just an all-around asshole, but he does listen to whatever cracked out story Dave is trying to tell. he's following it as much as he can and makes affirming noises here and there, but -- ]

Well, did you pick the rifle or the roller coaster? Because I'm pretty sure I would have picked the roller coaster. Did I? [ honestly, Isaac has stared down the barrels of too many guns (thank you, Argents), and at least he'd get a thrill out of the fatalitycoaster. ]

But sorry, yeah, that place sounds like it was shitty. [ eloquence, meet Isaac, Isaac meet eloquence. ] At least there was a castle.

Oh. Yeah, we both picked the coaster. There are a couple other interdimensional wastelands in representation that probably qualify for the rifle, though.

And the castle was reserved for the resident gods, so that was pretty uneventful.

I guess the rifle's the easier way out. If there's an easy way out at all. Bullets hurt. But what's the point of living in a castleland if you can't go to the castle. Pretty lame. Like a fake Disney Land or something.

Hella fake. Definitely not a castle that deserves the moniker of Happiest Place on Earth. They opened it to the public a few times and it was still kinda dull, but I guess that's to be expected in a city that doesn't even have the internet.

No internet? I mean it was a castle, what did you expect? Wikipedia would be nice for this place. But being kidnapped doesn't come with perks I guess. How long have you been here? You seem pretty comfortable. Bird Dave.

[ ... seriously, that is a great nickname, it's never going away. ]

[Oh my god. He's ok with this.]

Hey, they had the internet at the next city over, it just took fucking days to get there.

I've been here for like five months, I guess. Dimension hopping gets kind of old after you've done it a few times and were kidnapped unawares most of them.

The next city? You mean in magic castleland or like, here. Does facebook work? I can facebook my friend. They should probably know I'm gone. Er. They probably do. But five months and you haven't gotten back? What have you been doing? Sounds lazy. We're on a spaceship. That flies in space and time apparently. So. It could just drop us off back home.

Oh, christ. I guess this is where I do an infodump.

[SIGH. Nah, he doesn't mind it that much. If he really minded, he wouldn't do it at all.]

First, it was in magic castleland, so no Facebook. Sorry, dude. Shitty-ship spaceland also doesn't have the internet for some dumbass reason, so get ready to go stir fucking crazy during downtime. Second, I'd say I resent the implication I'm lazy, but that's an untruth. Though I can guarantee I'd be gone already if I could have ditched this tin can for a portal back to hell. Getting trapped in limbo was never on my to-do list.

Lastly. Well, ok, not lastly. The assholes who run this bloated fiasco do their best to stay out of reach. This makes it kind of hard to properly fuck up their shit and there is a long, long, long waiting list of contestants who want to do just that before they jack Atroma's tech to head to lands unknown.

Lastly-for-real, most of these dimension-hopping shitpiles seem to come with the clause that no one in your reality knows you're gone. It's a load of bullshit temporal and spatial logistics that no one really needs to understand beyond "shit's exactly as it was back home". You can decide whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Okay, so we're on a spaceship, but they couldn't manage the internet. And you're some bird guy from hell, stuck in weird space purgatory, and it's that whole if a tree falls in a forest is anyone around to hear it kind of deal with the people back home.

[ like, no one's going to notice he's gone and probably not even care. he can't imagine there's some weird body double running around, but he's not going to think about that right now. it wouldn't be impossible where he's from. ]

Makes sense. [ nope. ] So no one knows who has kidnapped us and why? I mean beyond the obvious reasons why. Game show or... death. It's looking like it could go both ways.

Nope. For all we know the kidnapping could be incidental. Like they just happened to find us stumbling through the nexus on our way to greener pastures and decided we looked like a hot piece of marketing. I guess it's easier to experiment on people when anyone you try to tell thinks you're bullshitting them.

Right, somehow I don't believe that. Happened to find us. Wait. Experimenting? What makes you think they're experimenting on us?

[ okay, bird dave, you need to watch how you say things. isaac can be a very unhappy woof, and the idea that they were brought here as test subjects or lab rats is not exceptionally appealing. especially to a kid with anger problem. ]

You're joking, right?

[Davesprite is a bird with an absolutely shit brain-to-mouth filter. This has already fucked him over.

It's probably inevitable he set off Isaac's temper at some point.]

I dunno about you, but I always thought the unwanted brain surgery had mad scientist written all over it. That and reality TV? I'm not sure if I should believe it because it's such a fucking stupid cover-up or if they were that desperate for an alibi. So I'm just sitting uncomfortably on this shitty fence where all options are equally true, waiting for Tom Sawyer to knock my ass onto whichever side has the more plausible landing.

[ well, he hasn't set it off yet. but that doesn't say much. isaac is pretty unpredictable on occasion (read: always).

he should worry a little bit more about a place like this, about a guy who claims to be a bird, about much of this place but Isaac still has seen weirder things happen, like the Nematon and Darach and Scott McCall's morning hair. ]

What the hell does Tom Sawyer have to do with anything about space ships and reality TV? Are you sure something's not wrong with you. Because If you say there isn't, I won't believe you.

I'm part bird. There's a lot wrong with me.

[It's deadpan, in a way that straddles the line between dead serious and eye-rolled indifference.]

How's the verdict coming along on that.

I guess you could be part-something worse. I mean, better bird than a fly or an opossum.

[ but hey, there's a lot wrong with a lot of people so he's not exactly going to get fussy over that. he spent a good part of his life locked in a freezer, so... ]

But I guess you're okay. I've seen worse. [ No, really... ]

Thanks.

[It's so dry that it's starting to crack and peel.]

But I guess we can't all be part wolf.

[ whoa. wait. what. Isaac just sort of half stares at Dave, because he's pretty sure he didn't tell him about being a Werewolf, but. he did know another version (??) of him. however that worked. ]

Right. I'm gonna guess you know that from your other weird time travel place, because I didn't tell you that and you don't know that for sure, so.

[ werewolves in space. it sounds like a bad movie title. ] And I'm not really part wolf -- it's just a type of wolf, I guess, but it's not like I walk around with claws and dog ears all day. Better than feathers, anyway.

There is definitely a girl here with dog ears. And cat-people. Only don't call them cat people or they might shank you with a fishing pole.

With a fishing pole? How does that work? They bend -- it'd break before the shanking could actually work.

Don't question the logistics of a world where a girl can beat you to death with a steel-reinforced book.

A book makes sense. It's heavy, it's solid, especially steel reinforced. But who reinforces their books with steel? I've been beaten up a lot and stabbed a dozen or more times but never beaten with a book. Sounds like you have bad friends, Bird Dave. I don't want to meet fishing pole shanking lady. They're flimsy, which I bet makes it hurt worse.

Oh, come on. I just told you the secret to not getting shanked.

She probably wouldn't do it, anyway. She'd rather catch a starshark or whatever detritus they've got floating around in the vacuum of space.

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this is cr i never knew i needed. but i do.

yesss. i'm sorry for how much he talks btw

no apologies.

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