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[feathery]

Who: Davesprite and co. (aka you)
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: All aboard the Marsiva, choo choo
When: Now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

based on past and present levels of circulating cultural confusion we have a number of seriously deprived abductees in our midst
and it looks like atroma has finally fucking stepped up to fix this utter travesty
like sure theyre fucking creeps and probably have photos of your drawers
maybe theyve even stolen your drawers
but now theyve done us all the favor of letting us further our education in whatever deliriously biznasty way we so choose
gotta prep for the future somehow right
for those of you not in the know where im from our academic framework is based on "pop culture"
its the backbone for every single earth career in the future
case in point
time travel is dangerous fucking business
so hells of fucking dangerous in fact there are many manuals on why you shouldnt do it
its spawned its own subgenre of science fiction
but none of them can trump the core work that is back to the future
this is a documentary trilogy that presents the truest of temporal moral dilemmas: do you or do you not feel up your teen mom to ensure your parents hook up and do the nasty
it is a cornerstone of every time janitors greatest fucking fears if not the capstone itself
not that i expect many of you to pursue a career in chronological relativity and all the bullshit that entails
(and if you do were going to have to sit down and chat about your poor life choices)
but despite its temporal focus back to the future is required viewing for people from all walks of life
i mean at the very least you can tell off any time travelers you meet for their gross negligence
and lets be real who here has anything better to do
you are bored as fuck dont even deny
i have slept more in the last couple weeks than i have in the last six months and im still going fucking bananas from being stuck in this steel coop despite literal years of practice with cabin fever
not even trawling the veritable goldmine of futuristic multimedia is taking the edge off at this point
so yeah
im here to provide an educational service aka movie marathon so grab your fucking hoverboards assholes
get your asses to the main room and bring your popcorn
were going back to the future

Comments

[resnipstance]

I don't know. Maybe. Describe them. We probably call them something else.

[feathery]

a burrito is born when a tortilla becomes pregnant with rice and beans
maybe a little guac
some salsa
preferably heavy on the cheese
nachos look like doritos minus the dust
wait you probably dont have doritos
just think flattened orange triangular chips of processed corn
meanwhile french fries are just diced up potatoes introduced to the loving embrace of your nearest mcdonalds
and called french for some reason i dont know how that happened

[This is not helpful at all.]

[resnipstance]

[No. No it is not.]

You keep typing words but they keep not meaning anything to me.

[feathery]

do they have corn in space

[resnipstance]

... yes?

[feathery]

how about microwaves

[resnipstance]

yyyyes?

we call them something else though. that one took me a few days to work out.

[feathery]

ok when you put the corn in the microwave
and nuke it
you know the shit that comes out
all white and puffy and tasting of enough salt and grease to kill a man
aka fucking amazing
that is popcorn

[resnipstance]

Wait. Seriously??

That's a thing?

[feathery]

oh my god
in terms of tragedy this is right up there with the time a wizard told me hed never had nachos before
dude
we need to get you some popcorn

[resnipstance]

Ooooookay.

[feathery]

glad to confirm your ticket sale for a trip aboard the ss junk food
it might take a while though
sadly i havent pulled off making popcorn that tastes like popcorn yet
but we can get you started with doritos

[resnipstance]

Good. Because all this talking about food is actually making me hungry.

[feathery]

yeah sorry
just not that sorry
for some reason certain foods keep coming up in conversations with me
it doesnt matter who you are or where youre from
we WILL eek all possible food talk possible from the bowels of our conversation

[resnipstance]

Why would you put "food" and "bowels" in the same sentence

What is wrong with you

[feathery]

if i made a dollar every time someone asked me that question
i would be the richest motherfucker in the fleet easy

[resnipstance]

[There's an accompanying eyeroll here that doesn't get conveyed over text, BUT IT'S THERE.]

boys.

[feathery]

[He can practically feel that eyeroll. His spritey senses are tingling.]

hey its not always because i said something gross
though that does account for a good quarter of the incidents

[resnipstance]

Do I even want to know about the other three quarters?

[feathery]

thats just people coping with how i always talk

[resnipstance]

Well, you do say a lot of weird stuff.

But I thought that was just the cultural difference.

[feathery]

its that too
what it comes down to is a delicate balance between outrageous colloquialisms and absurdist humor that toes the ironic line
then you just kick it over the line and everyones confused

[resnipstance]

Have you ever thought about... I don't know. Talking like a normal person?

[feathery]

no can do
this shit is in my blood
its a very serious genetic condition

[resnipstance]

I see. Well, good to know.