driftfleet | 003 ↯ text

Who: Davesprite and co. (aka you)
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: All aboard the Marsiva, choo choo
When: Now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

based on past and present levels of circulating cultural confusion we have a number of seriously deprived abductees in our midst
and it looks like atroma has finally fucking stepped up to fix this utter travesty
like sure theyre fucking creeps and probably have photos of your drawers
maybe theyve even stolen your drawers
but now theyve done us all the favor of letting us further our education in whatever deliriously biznasty way we so choose
gotta prep for the future somehow right
for those of you not in the know where im from our academic framework is based on "pop culture"
its the backbone for every single earth career in the future
case in point
time travel is dangerous fucking business
so hells of fucking dangerous in fact there are many manuals on why you shouldnt do it
its spawned its own subgenre of science fiction
but none of them can trump the core work that is back to the future
this is a documentary trilogy that presents the truest of temporal moral dilemmas: do you or do you not feel up your teen mom to ensure your parents hook up and do the nasty
it is a cornerstone of every time janitors greatest fucking fears if not the capstone itself
not that i expect many of you to pursue a career in chronological relativity and all the bullshit that entails
(and if you do were going to have to sit down and chat about your poor life choices)
but despite its temporal focus back to the future is required viewing for people from all walks of life
i mean at the very least you can tell off any time travelers you meet for their gross negligence
and lets be real who here has anything better to do
you are bored as fuck dont even deny
i have slept more in the last couple weeks than i have in the last six months and im still going fucking bananas from being stuck in this steel coop despite literal years of practice with cabin fever
not even trawling the veritable goldmine of futuristic multimedia is taking the edge off at this point
so yeah
im here to provide an educational service aka movie marathon so grab your fucking hoverboards assholes
get your asses to the main room and bring your popcorn
were going back to the future

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

i'm kind of confused. so yes, we ARE watching back to the future?
just the first, or are we aiming for the whole trilogy?

yes were watching back to the future
and yes we are watching the whole trilogy
i mean the first movie is the most important so if you wanna cut and run after that like a groom ditching his bride at the altar because you have commitment issues
thats your choice
but part ii is what really drives home the existential horror of seeing your future self and all his wasted potential
pretty heavy shit yo

never thought about it like that.
it was way more fun pretending that we had our own hoverboards.

not sure if i can get more popcorn, but i'll be there!

just keep the protein gel to a minimum and were cool
wait
"more"
how long ago did you have a stash of popcorn

never. it's some type of protein that tastes like popcorn.
not great, but if you're craving the stuff, it works.

[In other words: choose your fate wisely when eating Hunter cuisine.]

jesus christ
there has to be someone who can magic up popcorn
successfully
who do i have to bribe for a couple kernels of corn

[He's just being whiny. And is pretty much dead set on getting Ahsoka some quality junk food, because he's a goob.]

no idea, but if you find that person, let me know.
i've been seriously craving potato chips.

but i'll take free protein and the soda? it's not as bad as it could be.

oh
i can make doritos

no way!!!! i haven't had those since atroma got me :o

i'm definitely coming now.
oh i'm shawn btw. shawn hunter.

people really like to do the james bond style intro here
im davesprite
fair warning that the doritos look a little radioactive but they taste fine

really? i'm too lazy to hit delete.
hey as long as the chips don't give me superpowers i'll take them :)
beggars can't be choosers

whoa
someone who doesnt want superpowers
never would have thought id see the day
then again you probably have superpowers already seeing how that is the god damn norm
theres always been a shortage of everyday dudes wandering around these places

haha i like to dream about them? i read superhero comics all the time. but i don't think i could BE one of them?
i don't want to fight when you can talk things out.

don't have any powers, actually.
you're saying it like it's a good thing though? kind of a first.

i dont know you must be pretty fucking lucky not to have powers
or supremely unlucky if you still ended up in a shithole like this
i think the only reason anyone wants superpowered folks in these crapsack cosmohubs is because were harder to permakill
and if we do die the lightshow is usually flashier
so it just statistically makes us more likely to ollie off the mortal coil you know

[There is a really long pause before he replies because he has NO PROPER response. Not immediately.]

how exactly is this a garbage dump? we get free food on the regular. my ratings have been pretty decent, and sure the bedrooms are small. they're still OURS.

yeah it's weird that we're on reality TV and I wanna go back to college. I'll give you that.
i just can't agree with you about this
sorry man. i think i'll pass on the doritos.

[Davesprite just plain Does Not Get It. Well, he gets that Shawn is pissed, but not why. He was feeling pretty blasé about the whole thing.]

ok
im not really sure what happened there
but your choice dude
and look
if you actually like it here
i dont
really care??
like good on you at least someones fucking happy about it
im just kind of tired of getting picked up like multiversal refuse after five years of it

where did I say I LIKED the fleet?? no one in their right mind would volunteer for this
and i did reality tv back home. also not of my own free will.

but you can't just say this place is a garbage dump
have you actually lived in one?
because right now all I hear is a spoiled kid whining about stupid crap
and that's not the kind of guy I want to be friends with

[Yeah, Shawn's. Probably not replying after this, and he was actually looking forward to those doritos.]

[Welp, Davesprite is replying, because that actually pisses him off.]

ok you know what
fine
we can fucking do this
and guess what dude
you dont know shit about me
or what i went through
or where i fucking LIVED
you dont know how the fuck i grew up
or what happened to all of my friends
you dont know what happened to me
but sometimes
fucking sometimes
someone throwing free shit at you
and pretending to take care of you
when they never actually gave a fuck except for what they could fucking TAKE
sometimes
that isnt fucking enough
so pardon fucking me
if i dont think thats good enough for fucking stockholm syndrome because i have had enough of that in my fucking life to last a lifetime and i dont want anymore

[that rant just kind of convinced him that Dave's even MORE spoilt than he thought, so there's actually a reply--]

the assumption road goes two ways.
everyone here has had pretty sucky lives. some more than others
congratulations on winning the oppression olympics, I guess

go ahead, keep telling me how much I suck
It's seriously nothing new.

christ
you realize
youre the one who turned it into that by making assumptions about my life
im still not even sure how you got this out of a hyperbolic comment ragging on superpowers but
i guess thats that?
who knows youre probably right
im a spoiled fucking brat
or no maybe the right term is "unrepentant egoist"
the only reason i hate it here is because im used to getting everything i want
right?
i am just way too in love with my own suffering
bust out the cross yo and ill climb right on
you caught me
thanks for helping me see the light
so
i guess
well played??????
i dont know
whatever
later shawn

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mfw i actually notice shawns username

pffft i thought it was on purpose!!

N O P E i'm ashamed... i hope ur future is ok shawn

he's fine bro, no worries, he's didney

slowly collects all the didneys tbh

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