003 ↯ text

[feathery]

Who: Davesprite and co. (aka you)
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: All aboard the Marsiva, choo choo
When: Now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

based on past and present levels of circulating cultural confusion we have a number of seriously deprived abductees in our midst
and it looks like atroma has finally fucking stepped up to fix this utter travesty
like sure theyre fucking creeps and probably have photos of your drawers
maybe theyve even stolen your drawers
but now theyve done us all the favor of letting us further our education in whatever deliriously biznasty way we so choose
gotta prep for the future somehow right
for those of you not in the know where im from our academic framework is based on "pop culture"
its the backbone for every single earth career in the future
case in point
time travel is dangerous fucking business
so hells of fucking dangerous in fact there are many manuals on why you shouldnt do it
its spawned its own subgenre of science fiction
but none of them can trump the core work that is back to the future
this is a documentary trilogy that presents the truest of temporal moral dilemmas: do you or do you not feel up your teen mom to ensure your parents hook up and do the nasty
it is a cornerstone of every time janitors greatest fucking fears if not the capstone itself
not that i expect many of you to pursue a career in chronological relativity and all the bullshit that entails
(and if you do were going to have to sit down and chat about your poor life choices)
but despite its temporal focus back to the future is required viewing for people from all walks of life
i mean at the very least you can tell off any time travelers you meet for their gross negligence
and lets be real who here has anything better to do
you are bored as fuck dont even deny
i have slept more in the last couple weeks than i have in the last six months and im still going fucking bananas from being stuck in this steel coop despite literal years of practice with cabin fever
not even trawling the veritable goldmine of futuristic multimedia is taking the edge off at this point
so yeah
im here to provide an educational service aka movie marathon so grab your fucking hoverboards assholes
get your asses to the main room and bring your popcorn
were going back to the future

Comments

[feathery]

a lot more than one
the reality that spawned my unfortunate feathery ass thrives on chewing up futures and spitting them out to further along the "big picture"
aka the real timeline
ive only personally been along for the ride through two of them
i guess maybe the alt earth my bro was from counts as a third
like an extra real timeline only that sounds stupid

[onlyanapple]

That sounds needlessly complicated and far too mcuh like someone is pulling a lot of threads and getting them tangled and fucked up in the process.

[feathery]

and again
you would be absolutely fucking correct
you have got this realitys number
im not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing
probably bad to be honest but its sparing me from delving too deeply into the mythological bullshit involved so we can all be thankful for that
just in time for turkey

[Did he really just make a Thanksgiving joke.]

[onlyanapple]

I'm well accustomed to All Powerful Entities fucking things up but trust me, you don't want me to delve into that
also I'm not technically anything but if I AM anything it's British so no turkey for me

[feathery]

well i dont think it was an entity
unless video games count as an entity
but how is a person only kind of british
did you grow up on a remote island of unknown territory

[onlyanapple]

I suppose they might? Depends on the game
No. I didn't grow up anywhere. I wasn't a kid at any point in my life.
I just happen to spend a lot of time in Britain than anywhere else.

[feathery]

probably not this one
like there are boss monsters and universes themselves are big fucking frogs
but the game isnt really aware
probably
so what magical manner of presumably not human organism are you
i knew a cherub once she liked to do the british thing

[onlyanapple]

Huh. So this isn't like...what is it you kids play these days? World of something?
Not a cherub, but not far off, either. I'm a demon.
Of the Fallen Angel variety.

[feathery]

warcraft? damn do people still play warcraft in the future
but nah this one was a little more 3d armageddon than that
a shitstorm of meteors only without bruce willis to save the day
so
yeah
life kind of went extinct on earth a while ago from my perspective
anyway
youre a little more theologically inclined than the kind of cherub im thinking of
unless youre an alien too
all these alt alts of alts gets confusing sometimes

[onlyanapple]

Oh yes, it's forever popular with the nerds.
Huh. The lack of Bruce Willis is kinda heartbreaking. You'd expect him to be around to save anything.
Still, never a fan of Armageddon. It's too messy.
I took my time to learn how technology worked. I'm a rarity amongst my kind, trust me.

[feathery]

i can add bruce to the list of wanted celebs i started with alex
but so is that how you guys stay off the grid in the modern era
if you even stay off the grid
i can never tell how cut off from the rest of the world all this magical shit is supposed to be

[onlyanapple]

You guys have a list?
Not that I can be surprised with Alex, but still.
I wouldn't even want to hazard a guess.

[feathery]

of course theres a list
what kind of negligent gatekeepers of semi outdated pop culture would we even be if we didnt have a list

[onlyanapple]

Who else is on it, then?

[feathery]

obama
robin williams
snoop should probably be on there too
we can include ben stiller and owen wilson for completions sake
ill have to convene with her for a longer list we never got around to making a hard copy

[onlyanapple]

You should add Bea Arthur.
Because it would be a travesty not to

[feathery]

sure
though if youre going to add one golden girl
youre pretty much obligated to include the others

[onlyanapple]

I would not disagree with that for a moment.
They're a set.