driftfleet | gettin shippy with it?

[Joseph looks to Caesar because of course he does. He doesn't catch the full context of Lisa Lisa's warning, but it's obviously a warning with a statement like that. He could put the brakes on it right now if he wanted to. She's given him the option, but even if she hadn't, he could still do it. It wouldn't be for his sake though, it would be for Caesar's; which is why he looks to him first before he says anything.]

[He can't read Caesar's mind, but he knows that look well enough. Whatever secret Lisa Lisa is holding onto, Caesar wants to know it, too. She either tells them both now or Caesar ends up getting it out of her or Joseph later. That's fine, he thinks. No matter what she's warning him away from, he still remembers the photographs. He still remembers that she promised to talk to him after everything was over about her connection to his family. Slowly, Joseph looks back over to Lisa Lisa.]

You owe me an explanation anyway, don't you?

I suppose that I do.

[ She folds her arms across her chest, glancing at Caesar once more before she begins. Like Jojo, she knows that he will end up finding out one way or another -- it would probably be more appropriate to hear it from her first.

She looks back to Jojo, now, as this story will be most important to him. ]

You already know that your grandmother, Erina, was the one who saved me as an infant from the boat that your grandfather died on.

However ... [ There's a beat, as she prepares to expand on that story. ] Erina was already pregnant with a child when she saved me. She could not take care of two children so small at the same time, so Straizo adopted me instead.

[Joseph nods a little.]

I remember that part. [And apparently struggling to figure out how old she is, but let us move on from that because it's clearly not that important.] You also had a recent photograph of Granny Erina that you never explained.

[ ... She nods, slowly. She'll get to that. ]

The child that Erina was pregnant with was your father. [ Of course. It wasn't as though Jojo had any real uncles or aunts, "Uncle Speedwagon" aside, so there wasn't really anyone else the child could have been. ] We knew each other since childhood. Eventually ... [ She almost braces herself, because she knows that what she's about to say next is really going to change the track this conversation takes. ]

Eventually, we fell in love, and we were married.

[Joseph's not that stupid that he doesn't understand the implication of what she's saying. But it simultaneously hits him like a ton of bricks and refuses to sink in, leading him to just stare at her blankly for a very, very long moment. Which is good because he's caught somewhere between getting worked up about yet another damn family secret that's been kept from him, telling her that it's impossible because his mother got sick shortly after his father died and then passed away herself, and wanting to immediately start demanding where the hell she's been for the past eighteen years. None of the words make it out though and he just stands stock still, momentary disbelief managing to keep his temper controlled.]

[And beneath that, of course, is a very timid hope trying to bolster itself with logic that she's not bullshitting him right now because she's never done that. It pushes past the anger (the hurt, too) and the disbelief, and it latches on to that so tight and fast that it's terrifying. He's had to accept so many things about himself, about his family recently, but he did so begrudgingly. He didn't have any other choice. But this... This is different. It feels almost just as good as it doesn't.]

[Joseph remembers how to breathe again, drawing and releasing a shaky breath.]

So you're... You're my mother.

[He swallows thickly.]

Granny Erina told me you died. And you knew that, didn't you? You knew all this time and you didn't say anything. Why? Why did you wait to tell me? Why did you just... [Joseph sighs heavily.] Why did you leave?

[Had he asked the questions right away, they would have been shaped by defensive anger. But as it is, he's looking at Lisa Lisa the way a child much younger than him might in trying to make sense of things they are just not old enough to immediately understand. This should be happy news. He wants it to be. But he has questions that can't go unanswered right now. Even though he knows she had to have had her reasons and they were damn good reasons, he still needs to understand what drove her away.]

[We fell in love, and we were married.]

[There's no way this could hit him as hard as it hits Joseph. No way. But it's not nothing, either. He always knew she was keeping secrets, never pressed her for them because that wasn't his place, his role. It never would be. They weren't secrets related to him, and he knew that. So she could keep her mystery.]

[But this . . .]

[It takes him a few moments to realize that he's angry. He's very angry. She left Joseph alone. And maybe she had a good reason for it - she must have, if Erina had covered for her, unless she lied to her too - maybe the reason was good, but maybe . . .]

[Maybe a good reason isn't enough. Not enough to make the hurt go away, for sure. Not enough to make up for missing years. Not enough to--]

[He moves without thinking about it, putting his hand on Joseph's arm, a light touch but a promise, a presence, all the same - that he's here, that he's not going anywhere, that no matter what it will be all right, somehow, even if he can't say how right now. And to Lisa Lisa he gives probably the most defiant look she's ever seen from him.]

[It had better be the best reason he's ever heard. That's all.]

That's right.

[ She waits patiently for him to ask the questions he wants to ask her. He has every right to be angry with her, she thinks -- but honestly, at this point, it doesn't matter if he's angry with her. He's alive. He can be angry with her as much as he wants as long as he stays that way.

She sees the look Caesar is giving her, too, but her expression still stays even and blank. She knows he has to be upset with her as well, considering what happened with his father. But that's fine. Back when she had first planned to tell Jojo, she had already expected the two of them to be angry about this information.

Still, she isn't done explaining, so once Jojo's gotten everything out, she'll attempt to continue on. She may come off cold and cruel, but even she has a reason for why she had to leave her son behind. ]

Your father ... George, he wasn't killed in the war, as you were told. He was killed by his own superior officer, a vampire posing as a human.

You were still a baby. I ...

[ She pauses. She doesn't regret killing the man that killed her husband, but she had let her emotions get the best of her. She had let them take control of her, and it was because of that she made the mistake that would cost her what was left of her family.

Of course, she leaves that out, for now. ]

When I had it investigated, and found out what had happened to him -- that George had discovered his true identity and had tried to confront him on his own -- I went and found this general myself. I killed him. But there was a witness, an innocent soldier.

[ She looks down at her gloved hands, briefly remembering that moment. ]

He had done quite a good job at playing human. He was well-loved by his men. So the Speedwagon Foundation helped me, a wanted criminal, disappear.

[He both loves and resents the hand at his arm. Loves it because once Caesar touches his arm, Joseph realizes how much he needed it, needed Caesar to be here for this while he's trying to make the pieces of the truth fit together in some way that feels better than it could possibly ever be. Resents it because all he wants to do is hide away in Caesar's arms right now where none of this has to matter and he doesn't have to listen to how everything he's ever known is a lie.]

[(Some rational part of his brain somewhere knows that it's not everything. But it doesn't feel that way right now, so it's easy to dismiss that. That same part of his brain is also angry on Caesar's behalf, knowing what he does about Caesar's past and how Lisa Lisa held back the truth from him as well. Maybe Caesar wasn't interested in knowing everything about her because he was so hyper-focused on getting revenge for his father, but she should have been honest even in a vague sort of way with Caesar the moment he told her about his own past. This shouldn't be the first time he's hearing any of this.)]

[Joseph has to look away from Lisa Lisa. He knows she's not being emotionless about all of this, but her emotions are so tempered and muted right now that he just can't look at her right now. Not when his own emotions are so plainly on his sleeve because at some point he started crying and he's not sure if it's anger, grief, or joy that's brought them out.]

[He doesn't know who made the decision to lie to him if it was Lisa Lisa, Granny, or Speedwagon, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is that no matter what, he was going to lose his mother/ (Because she was like him. She had a hot temper even if she kept it together now. She was like him and wasn't going to let something like that against her family, against the people she loved, go unanswered. Granny always said he looked so much like his father, but he never really felt like him. He was too even and calm by comparison. So what? She just learned to stifle any emotion, to be cold and collected at all times to keep from making a mistake like that again? Is that why she fought so hard against tears when Caesar...) What matters even more than that is that all of this, the Hamon, the vampires, no one could have kept it out of Joseph's life because it had been there before he was even born and it had already touched him directly before he was even old enough to realize it.]

[It doesn't matter who decided to lie because they shouldn't have lied to him in the first place. He comes to that conclusion swiftly. If they had just told the truth, he could have been ready. He would have gone looking for her when he was ready. Caesar and him, they could have trained together sooner, pushed past the bullshit of both their egos and kept each other safer. His whole life would have been different because at least he would have missed a mother he could have known rather than not know how to feel about one he never knew. But there's no fixing any of it or making up for the years lost. What's done is done. Now is about moving forward.]

[He takes Caesar's hand off his arm, holding onto it for a few seconds longer than he probably should, but he doesn't give a shit right now. He gives it a light squeeze before he lets it go and crosses the short distance to Lisa Lisa. He has to bend down, but he rests his chin on her shoulder as he wraps his arms around her. Quietly, he says,]

I forgive you.

[Whether she was looking for it or not, it's something he has to do for her sake and himself because he can't move forward angry. He needs to be better than that. He needs to be the way Granny Erina raised him, which was forgiving, protective, and always loving towards family.]

[Joseph is crying.]

[Joseph is crying, and this time it isn't his fault, but that doesn't actually make it any better. If anything it's worse, because there's nothing he can do to change this or fix it; all he can do is observe and be there, be present, not give in to what he wants to do and take Joseph's face in his hands, brush away his tears.]

[This isn't fair. He deserves better than this. After everything he's done, doesn't he deserve better? He deserves the truth, but a truth from the beginning; a mother who was there, even if his father couldn't be. And even if Lisa Lisa's reasons are good, Caesar still finds they aren't good enough. The lie should never have happened. There is no reason to lie to a child, because children - they'll do anything to protect their parents. Anything at all.]

[When Joseph pulls away, squeezes his hand, he wants to go after him, keep his hands on him somehow, at the small of his back, on his shoulder, something. But this isn't his family and it isn't his place. So he stays where he is, clenches his hand into a fist at his side so he can feel the tingling where it was squeezed, and listens to forgiveness.]

[Joseph is a better person than he is. But then, he always has been.]

[After a moment, he has to turn away. At this point, he honestly isn't sure why he came here.]

[ She sees that affection, sees the expression on Caesar's face, and it rings a bell -- but she hardly has time to think about it before she's being hugged. And even more bizarre, forgiven. So quickly, without even an apology. Not that she thinks an apology would help -- it would fix nothing, change nothing. Like Caesar, she knows he deserves better. Like Caesar, she knows that reason isn't good enough. That no reason will ever be, if she's being honest.

She was expecting anger, more questions; for something to flare up in him like the temper that they both share. So when he wraps his arms around her, her eyes are wide and vulnerable over his shoulder, frozen in this moment.

She doesn't deserve forgiveness. Not so readily, not so easily. She knows that. She left him without any parents at all. She should have calmed down and thought things through before she went ahead and ruined everything. She should have been able to protect him better, but instead he was killed too. Her list of transgressions is a mile long, but despite that, he forgives her.

It's a long moment before she lets out a shaky breath she didn't realize she was holding. Despite knowing that she doesn't deserve it, there is nothing she wants more. She can't make the last eighteen years different or better, and maybe she won't make them any better or different now that he knows the truth. But it feels good to know that her son is alive, that he's with her again, that maybe he doesn't hate her for everything she's done.

She's tried so hard to maintain her cool, to present only the facts as they were through this conversation. But this hug is like a hard punch to the gut, and with another shaky breath she lifts a hand to place it on Jojo's back, turning her face down into his shoulder to hide the tears welling up in her eyes. ]

[Joseph holds onto her just for a few moments longer after she hides her face in his shoulder. It's as much for her sake and it is for his own; it's a silent reassurance that things will be okay. Not that he has any idea how things will proceed from here. He can't predict that because acknowledging her as his mother alone is a huge step--a huge and exhausting step actually--and it makes thinking about beyond this moment too much effort.]

[He lets her go after those few extra seconds pass and finds Caesar turned away. He can't quite tell if it's because Caesar's uncomfortable, still actively pissed with Lisa Lisa, or if he was just trying to give them a small amount of privacy, so it only ends up bothering Joseph. He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand as he returns over to Caesar's side. He does his best to smile, but mostly it's already tired. Joseph wraps an arm around Caesar's neck, ruffling his hair before yanking him closer and leaning on him heavily enough to force him to stoop down some.]

Guess you're gonna have to give up on being teacher's pet now. Told you I was really her favorite.

[Teasing Caesar is a flimsy excuse, but it's the one he's come up with. He just wants to be close to Caesar right now.]

[Oh. Okay. Thank god. He can't deal with this anymore. He can't deal with Lisa Lisa obviously crying. He can't deal with being angry with her. He can't deal with the fact that she's been lying for years, to both of them, he can't deal with her knowing he's dead, he can't deal with talking about it, he can't.]

[He can deal with Joseph. That he can do. He can pretend to be irritated and really just be grateful. He can bullshit until he gets him alone and can kiss his face until all the tears are definitely gone. And then he'll do whatever he needs to do to make this as okay as it can be.]

[So for now he takes his cue, grumbles and pretends to try and twist away but really just ends up moving closer, locks his arm behind Joseph and slaps him on the back of his head before letting his hand fall to bunch in the back of his shirt, unseen.]

She'll get over it. You're still lazy.

[ When he returns to Caesar's side, she takes a step back, blinking away the rest of the tears threatening to come out.

She knows that she doesn't exactly want to leave it at that, both as far as Caesar is concerned and as far as, well, being Joseph's mother from now on. And she knows that she wants to ask about what ... exactly, is going on, between the two of them, but. She's told them everything that really needed to be said, and the outcome was surprisingly less angry than expected, so maybe she should just leave all of that be for now.

... She doesn't want to actually physically leave, though she probably should. She's pretty content to just watch the two of them be alive and well, acting like the kids they still are in many ways. But she also realizes that it's awkward to stand there and stare, so she'll take a quick breath to calm herself, and then ... ]

You never did answer how often you've been training.

[ Which means the answer is "not at all" ... ]

[Oh, we're back on that. Joseph goes very, very still once again because no, no he's pretty sure he did answer that. You know, he just mumbled it so it wasn't very intelligible.]

Well, you know, it's been...kinda busy and there's not really the space...

Stop.

[. . . who said that.]

[Oh, we were talking about less anger. Being the bigger person. That kind of thing. On that subject - when he looks up at her, Caesar's anger is still very much there. It's in the set of his shoulders, the tension in his jaw, his eyes most of all, steely and sharp.]

[No. He's not doing this. They're not going to go back to pretending that she's just Joseph's teacher. If that means he makes her angry, then that's what it means. At this point, he doesn't care. Why should he? He's dead.]

Tomorrow you can say that. Not today. Today you find something else to say.

[And he is not going to help. That's on her.]

[ Any softness left in her expression disappears when Caesar speaks, and we're back to square one as she stares him down.

No, she's not angry with him, not at all. She can guess how Caesar is feeling about the situation and honestly, she probably agrees with him. But just because she's Jojo's mother now doesn't erase the fact that she was his teacher. Straizo managed to be both a father and a teacher, though he couldn't exactly be called a good example of parenting.

She knows how to be a hands-on parent to a baby. But she doesn't really know how to be a hands-on parent to kids who are almost adults, kids who have had years to think and feel and become their own person. Spending all that time so far away means she's ill-equipped to deal with the way things are now -- up close and personal, without the crutch of training and preparation.

But while Caesar isn't wrong to be angry with her for what she's been hiding, in the end, it's up to her and Jojo to figure out where that leaves her and how she'll fit into his life from now on. His comment comes from a different, more personal place. ]

If you have anything else you'd like to say to me, Caesar, it can be done privately.

[ Joseph is tired, and he has a lot to think about. She knows that much, and so she won't call Caesar out in front of him and ask for all of this to continue right now. It's been an emotionally exhausting day for her too, at this point, but she's still willing to listen if Caesar needs it. ]

Edited 2015-11-30 14:08 (UTC)

[Joseph glances warily between Caesar and Lisa Lisa. His instinct is to distract either party--more likely Caesar because he knows what works with him and less what will work with Lisa Lisa--but he's unsure if that's the right call. Especially when he's always trying to get Caesar to stop bottling so damn much that he ends up exploding with emotion. But maybe Lisa Lisa has a point and that their business should be between the two of them without an audience or third party or whatever the hell Joseph is in this particular moment and issue. Maybe it's something they should talk about later. But later never works out so well for Caesar without someone taking that first step and Joseph isn't sure he can count on Lisa Lisa to do that.]

[Joseph's realizing that maybe it was a little childish to think that this would be a happier, simpler reunion than it's shaping out to be. He can't say how Caesar felt exactly about Lisa Lisa telling Joseph why he got so mad that day, but he can't imagine it was all warm and fuzzy. What he's seeing now has to be that amplified by whatever degree of protectiveness he's feeling towards Joseph after discovering Lisa Lisa did more or less the same thing that his father did to him and his siblings.]

[In the end, Joseph decides to stay out of it for now. Caesar can speak for himself and make his own decisions, and so can Lisa Lisa. He just keeps his arm where it is around Caesar's neck, his hold shifting into something a little firmer to silently support whatever decision he wants to make right now.]

[She's not entirely wrong - but she's not entirely right, either. His anger is absolutely amplified by his personal feelings, but if that was all it was he wouldn't have said anything. Certainly not something in response to what was essentially a dialogue between mother and son. He respects that, to an extent.]

[But it's wrong to tell a story like that, a truth like that, and then act as though nothing's changed. It's another lie. And being honest about this will be hard, but there are a hell of a lot of things that have to be done, that are worth doing, that must be done when exhausted, that are worth doing the right way. The hard way.]

[So he shakes his head, sharp and unmoved by the coolness of her stare. This isn't about training. It's stupid to act as though it is. This is about family.]

I don't have anything to say to you privately. Don't misunderstand - I have a lot to say. But it's not the time or the place for most of it, so I'll wait. Privacy is not my concern.

[Joseph is right here. They're both safe, more or less, and so is she. That might not last. So when is going to be a better time than right now to say this?]

[There isn't one.]

Make the effort to talk to him like a human being. Like someone you want to know, not someone you want to discipline. Ask him about how he's such a bad driver, maybe. That one's free, easy.

You already did the work of telling the truth. This is an opportunity, so don't waste it.

[ Of course she knows this is an opportunity. How can she not? She's still holding back tears of relief and joy that the two of them are here in front of her again.

But he's right, it's not about training. Nor was she actually intending to follow through on that, at least not today. But ... being that teacher is what she knows how to be, now. It's not in her nature to talk about her son, to bring any of her past up. Ever. So it's difficult for her to flip that switch, difficult for her to do anything but continue the way things were.

But it being difficult doesn't mean it shouldn't be done, of course, and after thoughtful guilt crosses her face for a few moments she tries to speak to Jojo again. Not with the question Caesar suggested -- (She can already guess why he's a supposed bad driver. If his father had been there to teach him, he would have been excellent at it) -- but rather, she starts with an apology, and honesty. ]

... I'm sorry.

[ She tucks a stray hair behind her ear. ]

I don't want it to be that way. [ Like she doesn't think of him as a human being, that is. ] Please ... bear with me.

[It's amazing how much easier it is for Caesar to stand up for someone else, to lay it all out even to someone he more or less previously worshipped like Lisa Lisa. Joseph's not sure that would happen if this conversation were focused on Caesar instead of Joseph, but he can guarantee it'd take pushing from Joseph to get him anywhere.]

It's alright.

[To the both of them. He's grateful for Caesar. He loves him for being willing to go to bat for him like that. But it's alright. He knows Lisa Lisa is trying in her own way. Even if it's awkward and clumsy, or not at all the right thing to do (if there is a right thing to do). And that's alright, too, if she doesn't get it right the first time or even the second or third. As long as she doesn't stop trying. He gives Caesar a light squeeze.]

I mean, it's not like I'm going to start calling you Mum right now because...you know.

[He realizes that could be hurtful, but it's not how he means it to be. Joseph has never really had a mother, but he's had an image of one filled in by scant details and his own imagination. Letting her go and filling her in with someone who is practically a stranger by comparison is going to take time. It's just for now.]

[And that's enough, finally, for him to relax. The tension in his shoulders loosens, and - he doesn't smile, not quite, but it's pretty close, the softness of his expression that's focused on nothing very much.]

[He doesn't need anything in particular to happen here. He just needs that - the lying - not to happen. Not today. Because he doesn't want to have to be angry with her any longer than absolutely necessary, and he knows, he knows how hard it is for him to let go.]

[But he can. Just . . . slowly. And Joseph's here, and they're both safe, and it's going to be fine.]

[His fingers relax in the back of Joseph's shirt then, and he nods, again not at anything in particular. Just accepting, at peace. This, they can work with this. One way or another. They've been through worse.]

[He probably shouldn't, but he leans his head against Joseph's shoulder anyway. He's tired. But he's not sorry.]

[ She shakes her head. ]

I wouldn't ask you to do that.

[ For an assortment of reasons, but she understands. He can't flip that switch on and off so easily, either.

... She's glad that Caesar seems to have relaxed, a little, but that action is, ah ...

She averts her eyes, after a moment. Y'all are being way obvious and she doesn't really know how to address that. So she'll bring up something else, instead. ]

I'm sure there are things you've wondered about your father that Erina never told you. If you want to know something ... just ask.

[Joseph manages to not give into the instinct to put his head on Caesar's when Caesar's comes to rest on his shoulder, but it's not easy. Especially with Caesar starting to relax slowly and bring it back down. That pulls on him more than anything. But one thing at a time. Especially when he has no idea how to have that conversation with Lisa Lisa. Not that any conversation with her thus far has been all that easy to have, but one step at a time.]

[What Lisa Lisa says manages to catch Joseph somewhat by surprise, which he supposes it shouldn't, but... Well, he'd never considered that in some small way, he'd be able to have pieces of his father, too. Erina didn't hide as much about him as she did everything to do with Lisa Lisa from Joseph, but his father was never an easy topic of conversation for Erina. Joseph made a conscious effort from a young age to not ask too many questions at once. After a while, he only asked for the same things again and again that he knew were easier to talk about. Then he stopped asking altogether, not out of disinterest necessarily, but it never seemed worth stirring all of that up for her.]

Granny didn't like to talk about him much. She only really talked about what he was like after he married you, towards the end.

[And she told that lie about how he died, again and again because Joseph needed to know there was a reason his father was gone. That his death had been noble and meant something. He wonders now how she felt about that. Did that make it better or worse to change the details like that? Either way, she was without her son, but maybe it was easier for her to think that he died a good man, but didn't die for the same reasons her husband did. Maybe it made it easier believing that Joseph could somehow escape that legacy. But maybe it made it worse and just made it feel like she was constantly holding her breath, waiting for the worst to come because not even her son, who had no abilities, hadn't been able to.]

[ Yes, she's sure that Erina would find it hard to talk about it. To know that the Joestar men had a seemingly unescapable fate, and to find out that Joseph hadn't escaped that fate after all, despite all their efforts ... It's hard to keep losing the people you love.

And for Joseph to never know ... it all seems so pointless now. She wishes he could have known from the beginning. But here they are. All she can do is try her best to be better, to be there for him, from here on out. ]

... I'll do my best to tell you all of it. Anything I can remember, from beginning to end.

[Joseph nods slowly. This is good. It's...closer to what it should be. Maybe not exactly, but it's more than close enough for it to count for Joseph.]

I'd like that. But I don't want to know just about him. I want to know about you, too. Granny never talked about you. [He tilts his head a little.] I guess she was worried anything might have given the truth away.

[Joseph's not always the sharpest tool in the shed, but who knows what he would have done with any detail about his mother. He'd have been too tenacious not to follow it wherever it might lead, so it very well might have put him on this path sooner, led him to discovering the truth on his own rather than someone having to tell him or accidentally stumbling into it.]

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