gotta get down for a mingle

[redactions]

Who: The crew of the SS Heron and visitors.
Broadcast: nope.
Action: Aboard the SS Heron.
When: After returning to the ship.

[ finally back on the right ship, except the corridors are all mysteriously cold and the ship seems smaller. Thanks, Atroma. New crew, visitors, starters in comments ]

Comments

[redactions]

[ His expression turns wry, and he leans in to press their foreheads together. The shared breath never feels frosty. ]

Wanna talk about it?

[reconstitution]

Not...really?

[ He offers Jim a tight smile, just relishing in the forehead touch. ]

Sorry.

[redactions]

That's all right.

[ Moments of silence lapse. He doesn't need to pretend to be more or less than he is, in front of the mirror. ]

Did you talk to Steve?

[reconstitution]

I did.

[ The response comes after what seems like considerable thought. They had talked, but Winter still has mixed feelings about the whole ordeal. It's getting harder to tell what people want from him, and he's wary of coming up with a wrong answer.

All of that aside, he should be able to talk to Jim about it with no problem, right? For some reason, he can't bring himself to. ]

[redactions]

[ Softly, ]

Are you okay?

[reconstitution]

[ Immediately. ]

I'm fine.

[redactions]

[ He's not happy with the brevity of it -- the bluntness of the answer. But it's hard to be angry at someone for doing the same thing Jim himself would do. They're the same. ]

All right. You know you can talk to me about anything?

[reconstitution]

[ His reply is quieter, this time, accompanied by the briefest nod. ]

I know..

[ He doesn't want to be more of a burden- especially now that Jim has to deal with his ship being wrong. ]

[redactions]

You also know if something's bothering you I'll cut it out, right?

​​[ He can dance around the issue and not push as much as he wants. But they're the same. Which means Jim is also sometimes painfully direct. ]

[reconstitution]

It's nothing you've done. It's just me.

[ He gets that they're the same, but Jim is never a burden or any real for of problem.. Well. Even if he were, the situation resolves itself easily enough. ]

I'm glad to be back, though. [ Even if it is cold enough to be a cause for concern. ]

[redactions]

And we're friends. You can tell me anything.

​[ Jim leans against him. ]

Glad to have our own ship back. I missed her.

[reconstitution]

I know. A lot has happened.

[ He gets comfortable, leaning right back into Jim's weight against him. ]

..I thought most of it wasn't real, for a while.

[ And quickly changing topics, ]

It's quiet again.

[redactions]

​[ There's a pause, a soft exhale of breath. There's no manual for bringing someone back from the edge. He's always afraid of the wrong buttons; the pits the Soldier has that are still forming in Jim. ]

Can I touch you?

[reconstitution]

You don't need to ask.

[ He'll never expect it from Jim. His counterpart is one person he tolerates the most in his space. Looks forward to it, even. ]

[redactions]

​​[ Jim lightly cups Winter's cheeks in his hands and presses their foreheads together. Softly, ]

This is real.

​​[ Slowly, his hands drop to the shoulders, the elbows, until they are resting on Winter's wrists, not restraining him. ]

Real. All of it. Real.

[reconstitution]

..It's real, I know. Just--

[ Winter allows himself a moment just to really make sure. Jim's fingers are cold, but it's not quite as jarring as the temperature can be. ]

I didn't like that there were people in my head.

[redactions]

​[ His expression softens. ]

I know buddy, I'm sorry. You can. Put it away, if you like. Look at it later.

[reconstitution]

I don't think they did anything, but it feels--

[ He stops, trying to form an explanation. ]

Like echoes? I guess it doesn't matter. There's enough room in my head, what's one more thing?

[redactions]

Hey.

​[ Look at me. ]

Don't brush it off: what happened. Don't matter how strong you are or how much room you had. It wasn't okay.

[reconstitution]

[ The tone commands him to turn his gaze to meet Jim's, though he does it briefly. ]

I should be used to it by now.

[ It's not a fair comparison by a long shot, but what's done can't be changed. He shakes his head, looking apologetic. ]

Had to be worse for you.

[redactions]

It's not a competition. If you look around, bud, there's always someone who's killed less and suffered more. That doesn't mean what we got doesn't hurt us to have.

[reconstitution]

I guess not.

[ He stays quiet for a few minutes, just resting against Jim. He thinks about keeping his trap shut, but he's curious. ]

Permission to ask a question?

[redactions]

Always.

[reconstitution]

Am I bad at recognizing when someone is trying to help?

[redactions]

​[ Laughter crinkles the corners of his eyes, and he ducks his head, chuckling softly. ]

Sometimes. Something you and I have in common. It's okay. Not everyone helps in obvious ways. Natasha always told me the truth and she never coddled me. It helped. You wouldn't notice unless you were lookin'. Rumlow — they kept trying t'ask me to go bowling, play pool and things like that. That looks like help. It wouldn't've been.