gotta get down for a mingle

[redactions]

Who: The crew of the SS Heron and visitors.
Broadcast: nope.
Action: Aboard the SS Heron.
When: After returning to the ship.

[ finally back on the right ship, except the corridors are all mysteriously cold and the ship seems smaller. Thanks, Atroma. New crew, visitors, starters in comments ]

Comments

[enshields]

[Do you know who I am? he'd asked, and Steve thinks maybe he's not so far gone as the statement implied, not with Bucky Barnes shining through the cracks of him, just as honest and earnest as ever.]

How about we make some together, huh?

[redactions]

I'd like that.

​[ A pause. ]

You should move to our ship. Y'know. If it's not too cold in here. We have a blanket fort in the cargo bay or my office, usually.

[enshields]

[He exhales, sets his fork down and reaches for his glass to forestall an immediate answer.]

You don't think it'd... [he gestures with his Coke.] complicate things?

[redactions]

Honestly? I don't know. It could help, it might not. We won't know unless we try, right?

[enshields]

[Buck's never been an optimist, it's-- unsettling to see him don those dancing shoes for Steve's benefit.

Or is it for his own? That hollowed-out man that Hydra took and twisted. How easy is it for Bucky to see that as a dark mirror?]

Why don't we ask him?

[redactions]

​[ Hope is for children. He keeps it only for the Winter Soldier who needs — him. Somehow. ]

I will. I'll tell you soon s'I know.

[enshields]

[He takes a bite of the meatloaf, chews it slower than he needs to. He wants to say, don't push it. Don't rush it, don't-- Steve's spent too long looking for him. The knowledge that he wants to stay lost is... not something he's been able to overlook.]

If it's-- better. Easier. I don't mind where I am.

[redactions]

We'll see.

​[ Stubborn to the last. It'll take time and he hates to ask Steve to be patient, but they've waited long enough, and Winter's already on his way to becoming... something. ]

[enshields]

[He exhales, and is only faintly surprised he remembers how.]

He doesn't know me.

[It's said carefully. It's not his fault, and Steve would never blame him. It doesn't ache like it used to, this bone's been cracked, set straight. But it still has its cold fingers hooked in under his ribs.]

[redactions]

Yes, he does.

​[ He saw it in the room. I knew him. The punishment that followed. There's a block; and Jim is good for breaking. ]

I saw it. I know it's there. Something has to give, then it'll surface.

[enshields]

[Reflexive,]

It's okay. If he doesn't. It's-- all right. We can make new memories.

[redactions]

[ He tilts his head slightly, an expression that's not bitter or cold, but deeply searching. It's one Natasha might give him. Steve never flinches from sticking his hands in the mud. What's he afraid of? Jim could push at it, in all the ways he knows he's allowed to push Steve; but they're both cracked and changed. Transmuted. He knows the metal of him but not how much it's withstood. ]

We'll see.

[enshields]

[He just doesn't want Bucky to feel like he's got anything to live up to. Like his only value is in the memories they share. That's not it. It'll never be it, and Steve just nods once, briskly.]

That's fair.

[redactions]

[ You need to break a bone to set it right, sometimes. They've finished eating. Jim stands, expecting to clear the table. ]

[enshields]

[He follows suit, and carries the dishes to the sink. Unless Bucky intervenes, he'll start washing them in silence.]

[redactions]

[ Jim leans into his space, radiating deep affection, and helps him dry them. ]

[reconstitution]

[ He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, really. He was on his way back to the cargo bay when he heard Jim talking to someone familiar. His intention was to stay long enough to figure out who it was, then move along.

But that other voice was still someone he was uncertain about. Really, it was hard not to be. He was ready to walk away, and then he picked up on their conversation.

He doesn't know me. They were talking about him. Winter knows that it's not really his business what Jim is talking about with whom... but he's curious. He doesn't have the fortitude to be mad at Jim-- or Steve, if he really thought about it. It wasn't his fault, either.

It's okay. If he doesn't. It's-- all right. We can make new memories. He can't help it, he breaks protocol, standing in the doorway to the kitchen, eyes traveling between the two of them. ]

Do you mean it?

[redactions]

[ He'd like to say he knows when the air changes, or that the sound of the man's heartbeat is familiar to him. Truthfully it's that the room gets a little warmer. It's barely noticeable, but it's always there. The Winter Soldier solidifies in the doorway. Jim doesn't flinch, half-turns to grin at him. Always happy to see you no matter what kind of mood he's in. ]

Hey pal. Mean what?

[enshields]

[Steve's drying his hands when the Soldier appears, asks that question. James, he's sure, buys him time with that request for clarification, but Steve already knows what he means.

Carefully, he puts a hand at the crook of Jim's right elbow, squeezes just enough to imply he's all right, and then he hands over the towel. He looks at Bucky, the ghost of his old friend, and squares his shoulders.]

I do.

[reconstitution]

[ He watches Jim as his expression changes, and he's relieved that even though he's breaking protocol, he's okay to be there. Winter nods his head subtly to acknowledge that he's seen the action before his eyes lock on Steve intently.

He didn't know what he was expecting in reply, but it isn't that. He's satisfied with the answer, but Steve is going to have to try a hell of a lot harder than that to really win his trust.

It's, at the very least, a decent foundation. ]

You intend on coming back.

[enshields]

[There's a moment where he's back on that bridge. On the hellicarrier as it fell. His body remembers the pain of gunshots that could have been fatal but weren't, and water in his lungs. Then it's gone, slipped away like blood carried in a current, and he nods.]

As long as it's all right with you and your Captain, I'd like that.

[redactions]

Fine with me.

[ He's quiet, withdrawing into his space so's not to intrude, but solid. ]

What about you, buddy?

[reconstitution]

[ He's grateful for Jim's presence in the room. Then again, he's always the anchor. This is basically the deep breath before the plunge, and he looks to his double and nods. ]

It's fine.

[redactions]

[ He smiles, bright and steady. The plate gets put down, and Jim crosses the room without hesitation, casually commanding all of Winter's personal space and attention. ]

I made meatloaf. Ma's recipe. You wanna have some with us? [ softer, ] Nobody expects you to talk. You can just sit and listen to us.

[reconstitution]

[ Miraculously, he finds he can breathe a little easier when Jim steps into his space. He's also extremely grateful that he's been given an out when it comes to being social. There's no pressure. ...Well. There's some, but he's going to take the chance he's been given. ]

..Okay.

[ Jim took the time to cook, and it's something that has completely disappeared in his own memory bank. It isn't lost on Winter how valuable the gesture is. ]