driftfleet | Paisley mingle!

Entry tags:

Paisley mingle!

Who: Paisley crew and anyone with an excuse to be around/visitors/etc
Broadcast: Nope
Action: Around on the paisley
When: 11/25 on

[Time for the crew to get to know each other (again?) after returning from the Marsiva. Time to be one big happy family again! ~~And what's a family without a contrary, asshole little brother?~~]

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[SHIT]

Now?

[This isn't how this conversation was supposed to go.]

Do you have other pressing social obligations right now? What humans call a hot date?

...D... definitely not that.

[It's true that he doesn't have anything else to do right now. That doesn't mean he's happy about getting stuck in some kind of therapy session.

Reluctantly, Kirito edges further into the room, plopping down in the nearest empty seat. He then looks at Loki with the best poker face he can muster.

Do your worst, or whatever.]

[Well. That was easy. He'll file this away for later.

He unfolds a datapad directly from space so he can at least appear to take notes. And puts on a (completely fake) pair of glasses. How scholarly.]

Tell me. Do you have problems with soiling your bedclothes?

[...He is already full of regret.]

Not even once.

[Oh you sweet summer child.

Loki makes a thoughtful hmmmmm.]

Interesting. Very interesting. [His tone indicates that interesting means I'm concerned.]

Tell me, did you have any pets as a child?

[He's starting to question your professional qualities, Loki.]

I think we had a goldfish when I was really little.

I see. And what did you do to your goldfish?

[Since obviously you must have done something to it, you monster.]

[Wow, that's a little dark.]

I soaked it in saltwater and fried it for breakfast.

[Obviously.]

[As if he's taking this entirely seriously.]

I see.

How did you feel about that? Satisfied?

Not at all, it was barely a mouthful.

Hmm.

[SO DEADPAN:] Do you commonly judge your satisfaction by how well-filled your mouth is?

Only when I'm hungry.

[He puts a lot of thought into food in general, so this is only halfway bullshit.]

And are you often hungry? Is that what drives you?

It drives me to the kitchen at least three times a day.

[Was this supposed to be a serious counselling session?]

[You'd have to be a fool to think it was.]

I should think so. [His tone indicates he might be judging Kirito just a little for needing to eat. Only losers need food.]

Is there anything else that moves you?

[Judge all you like. Even if he didn't have to eat, he would. Food is great.]

Mm... I don't know. The will to survive, I guess.

[Have an honest answer for once, said as nonchalantly as possible.]

Mmm. Very simple of you.

Though truly, man is a machine for transforming food into shit, yes?

We are known for that, yes.

[He's not going to deny basic biology.]

So what do goldfish have to do with my mental state, doctor?

It isn't the goldfish specifically, you see. It is the small details that illustrate the larger picture. In the small things, the mask slips and the true behavior shines through.

...You talk cryptically enough to be a counsellor, at least.

[It's all deep analysis this and hidden meanings that. What's wrong with being straightforward?]

I wonder how they knew to give me the proper augment.

I'm not here to dispense answers, now am I. But rather to prod the unwilling in the proper direction.

So what do you consider to be the proper direction, then?

Wisdom and productivity, yes? [HAHAHAHAHA nope. But man he is saying this with a straight face.] Contentment and happiness.

...Right.

[This guy is either nuts or has an incredible poker face, and Kirito isn't sure which one he'd prefer. Either way, he stands up.]

Well, I won't take up more of your time. I'll be sure to think long and hard about the purpose for my existence, or whatever.

(no subject)

complicatedliar - 2016-02-11 05:08 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

huaaaaagh - 2016-02-11 06:59 (UTC) - Expand

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