video | ota

[onehandwonder]

Who: Jaime Lannister
Broadcast: video, fleetwide
Action: onboard the Iskaulit
When: after boozing it up with Theon

[The feed begins with a jumpy view of the floor, then the ceiling, then maybe a wall, part of a face, a toilet, and finally, ah yes, there we go, the handsome, grinning face of Jaime Lannister. Broadcasting from the men's room.]

Good evening, Everyone.

[It's such a warm greeting, accompanied by such a genuine smile, that really, anyone who knows him at all should be suspicious.]

I want to show you something.

[Don't panic. It's not what you think. After another dizzying whirl of fixtures, the camera finally focuses on the wall, where a message has been written:

Jaime Lannister sleeps with his sister

and immediately below that, smaller and in a different hand:

and he shits gold]

You see, someone's written a story about me.

[The camera pans back to his face. Sort of. He's not doing a great job of framing his shot.]

And I want you all to know... that it's absolutely true.

[There's another flash of scenery... a loud clatter... a muffled curse... a good, long look at the ceiling... and finally, darkness.

He was going to say more, but fuck it. He's got to piss.]