And you, you're just a substitute for the one that I hold dear

[coolhand]

Who: Luke Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker, Leia Organa, Han Solo
Action: On the Red Fish, in Luke's room
When: 1/7

[It's a small room, which is the focus of Luke's anxiety right now. Perhaps all this would be easier if his room was larger, if everyone had their own space to pace and gesture. As it is, the bunks on the Red Fish weren't built for four people to a room, and Luke sits on the bed next to Leia, their knees bumping together. He feels stupidly like a child sitting on the bed like this, but there's nothing for it. He doesn't want to have this talk in public, where anyone can listen-- so his room it is.

Of course, he isn't actually anxious about that. That would be stupid. But it's far easier to fret about the room than--

He glances over at Han. He'd had a talk with him, voices low and urgent, please don't start a fight, that's all it boiled down to-- I know you hate him but please-- and Han had, eventually, agreed. He's a good man, under all that gruff; he won't spoil this for them. If he interrupts, it will be for a good reason.

Anakin isn't here yet, but he'll be over soon; he'd just sent a message saying as such. So now they wait, they three: Luke fiddling with a bit of machinery he'd picked up on the last planet; Leia next to him, body coiled tight, her own tenseness feeding into his anxiety; Han, standing guard, his face drawn and his body held tightly.]

Comments

[imahologram]

[Leia glances over at Luke just in time to catch his eye. The way he's smiling at her, she feels like she could guess his thoughts.

Her own are a melange of loneliness and satisfaction. Never knowing her mother, not beyond inexplicable impressions of her, is a deeper ache than ever before. But for the first time, she has something to hold onto beyond that sad beauty, a story she can picture in her mind. (Better still, a story she can find herself--and Luke--in.)

And if they could end things right here, she'd be happy.

She knows she ought to be agreeing with Luke, trying to do something to draw Anakin out--and with anyone else, she'd make the effort.

But with Anakin, she can't. Even with the half-hearted desire to make some show of interest beyond Padme, her throat remains stubbornly closed. She only stares up at him, mouth set, waiting for him to answer Luke's questions.]

requesting this log title/subject/whatever be changed to "how i met your mother"

[sandhate]

[ He caught the glance the twins gave each other, it almost made him smile. It warmed him to know that they at least had each other throughout the years. He knows how lonely it can be to be a child on Tatooine.

But an intrusive though burrows in his mind: he would miss so much. Their whole lives. How many of those moments he missed in their childhood, how many conspiratorial looks could he have broken up with a firm but gentle voice; were they always like that, inseparable and knowing each other's thoughts. It made him ache something terrible. These were his children and they hardly even know him or their mother.

Guilt and worry festers, he struggles to stay focus when he tries to answer Luke's question. ]

I... I was trained as a Jedi. I met her again when I was still under my Master's tutelage, as a Padawan. She had a few assassination attempts on her life so I were assigned to be her bodyguard on Naboo.

[ Afraid they wouldn't know, he adds hesitantly: ] Her father was a university professor, he did a lot of work with the Refugee Relief Movement and got Padme involved when she was a child. Her parents basically founded their village in Theed. They were a loving family. The kind of family people would pray for. [ He knows he did. ] They didn't hesitate to welcome me.

We... [ He took a moment. The words he has in his mind doesn't feel like they were enough to justify the time they spent on Naboo. It was one of his best memories, the kind he would think of when he was stuck in the trenches. A long long way from home. And all he could do was stumble on the words? ] ...fell in love there.

[ Son of a sarlacc, that was awful. ]

Well. I dreamed of her for ten years. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her again. She didn't return my feelings until we were being tossed in an arena as food.

[ That didn't make it any better. He pinch his nose and rubs his jaw for a moment. He might not have a beard to stroke as he contemplated, but the gesture is vaguely calming. ]

As a Jedi, this is forbidden. The Jedi are forbidden to be married or have family. We were to be selfless beings, focused on serving others and being the light in the universe. To love is to have attachments and attachments is a focus on self that we do not allow. It leads to greed... [ With a heavy sigh: ] Jealousy.

She knew that and I knew that. I was willing to break any rules to be with her. But. She-- She. It took facing death for her to be selfish and take-- do something for herself. We didn't die, obviously. But it was the start of the Clone Wars. [ He lifts his durasteel arm up and flexing the digits that didn't look any different from his other hand. ] I lost my arm there, on Geonosis. But it didn't matter. She loves me.

So, we got married on Naboo, under the names Set and Veré. [ He looks distant for a moment. ] Naboo's Futhork. It was her idea.

[coolhand]

[Luke's mouth twists into a smile-- sad, uncertain, but a smile nonetheless. There's so much they don't know about, so much that Anakin speaks of as though it's a natural part of their history. Grandparents, he'd never even thought of them-- and Naboo, he hasn't the faintest idea what Naboo even looks like, and yet it's a part of his heritage. It's all so foreign, so far away, so utterly beyond what he and Leia know.

They can't change things. They can't. But right now, in this moment, Luke wants desperately to do so. To warn Anakin of the dark path he chooses, to make it so they become that happy family-- twins, born to a loving couple, to a mother who sounds fierce and kind and selfless, to a father who gave up everything for love.

And how-- how could this man in front of them, this man who so obviously loves their mother, become the monster they know in the future? How is it possible? Jealousy, Anakin says, and perhaps that's part of it-- but how can anything so pure as love be turned to the Dark Side?]

I didn't know.

[He says it softly.]

She sounds--

[A beat, and then he spares a quick glance at Leia.]

She sounds like you.

[imahologram]

[A university professor. Refugee Relief Movement. In six words, Leia can see herself within a greater family, in a man and a woman she'll never know. She's always traced her political aims back to her adoptive parents' influence, but perhaps it runs deeper than that. Perhaps it was buried within the bones of her, coaxed out by two people who loved her and taught her to use what was hers by blood.

There's a strange flutter of excitement inside her, an amorphous joy at the thought. She has room in her heart for Padme Amidala, somewhere nestled comfortably with Bail and Breha Organa.

But Anakin Skywalker is another story, even if it's him she owes for telling them anything of their past.

Leia's expression is tentative as her eyes flick towards Luke's again. The way he speaks, she wants to smile, but with Anakin watching... Her lips do curve a little after a breath, the smallest hint of pleasure.]

Maybe. [It's a compliment she's going to hold onto.] Like you, too--in some ways.

[There's a moment when it feels like it's just them, and then Han and Anakin's presences sneak into her thoughts once more. Looking up at Anakin, she speaks as though she's commenting on a dinner party he put together, or maybe a well-kept garden. Bland, neutral, dispassionate.] Is there anything else we should know?

[sandhate]

[ He thought of all the things he could tell them. The little secrets that they shared between them. The wooden box he knows she keeps in her bottom drawer, where two secret mementos live. And the really mundane things, like how Padme would stress over the littlest things.

But it just made him miss her more.

Anakin caught a brief glimpse of Leia then regretted it. He knew the look on her. It was a Politician's face; Padme wore it on more than one occasion and he always hated it. Instead, he turned his attention to Luke.

Not that his was any better. Luke looks at him like someone died. ]

I was 19 and she was 24 when we got married. We spent one day together before our careers led us down different paths.

It's difficult. We don't have a normal marriage. [ His jaw sets and there's a grim and weary look on his face.

What else is there.

She makes me happy in a way nothing else in life can, but I never feel like I'm the husband she deserves. I should be there with her.

But those aren't the things Leia asked. He doubts it's anything they want to know, and it's definitely worries he doesn't want to share with them. ]

We both have our duties. The war took us farther and farther apart. The only thing that we had of each other during those days apart was our wedding presents; she gave me a R2 unit and I gave her a protocol droid I built as a child and my Padawan braid.