driftfleet | .04 Scars are just places where I used to bleed

Entry tags:

.04 Scars are just places where I used to bleed

Who: Rogue
Broadcast: Text
Action: A corner table in Varrick’s bar on the Iskaulit
When: January 17th

[Around 10 this morning as time is measured, this text goes live across the network, the numbers set to anonymous:]

**Wanted** Pilot with a pilot augment willing to risk a little trouble. If interested, interviews will be held at the Space Bar from approximately 3-6 today. Compensation for time and trouble to be negotiated.

Action
[Rogue sits with her back to the wall with a decent view of the door. She’d asked the bartender to inform anyone who came in and inquired about interviews to point them in her direction, and Nami had graciously agreed. This had been in her mind to determine for a while, but Loki's disappearance had just given her the proper motivation to try it. There is a determined set to her shoulders even as she tries to relax and nurse her drink. This would be what her friends would call reckless if they were feeling kind about things, which would be why she didn't plan on telling them.

...Ugh, waiting for interviews was not the best. Maybe she should have brought a book. She pages absently through her communicator instead.]

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[A change in my powers.

Rogue searched his gaze, her grip slowly relaxing as she took in what he was saying. His powers? His powers were kinetic energy... what did... energy.

She relaxed her grip, but didn't let his shirt go.]

...ya alright?

[That look of concern, it also reflected in her tone, it pushed from to expand on it all, to tell the truth. He let out a bit of a sigh.] Yeah, was by m' own choice. [Before adding.] It a long story.

[Yeah, that wasn't really an answer, that it was his choice. That didn't mean he was alright.

Long story, huh?] You're hittin' me with a lot of those today.

[Slowly, she dropped her hand from his shirt, giving him his space back. But that didn't mean she was willing to let the topic go. It was a strange thing, all he'd shared with her already just helped focus her into a point -- she wasn't going to just let this go.] Changed how?

[Seeing that change in her stance, that slight relaxation that didn't require her to cling to something anymore, Remy motioned a hand to the chair she had been in before adjusting the one he had been seated in so it was resettled at the table.

Where did he start with this all? The beginning? Holding off on answering her question right away, he instead posed a couple to her.] Ya remember that merde with the dreams a month or so back? Do ya remember much of what ya saw of mine? [Whatever happened Remy remembered enough of them to know he had several people traipsing through his mind, but only one that got to see the darker side of it; her.]

[Rogue quietly sat down, tension still in the set of her shoulders, but intent.

Her face clouded again at that. Oh. Yes. She remembered.] I remember a few things.

[She remembered his mask. She remembered the blood. She hadn't... been thinking much of it, it wasn't her business. But.]

Feels kinda dream-like, but I remember... [the feeling. the fear. the hurt.

Ugh, how did she even talk about this with him?] ...some. What bit ya thinkin' of?

The lab. [Hopefully she retained enough of those memories to remember that place... or maybe it was better she didn't. It would be better for her if she didn't.

Pressing on despite whatever her answer would be, Remy took his seat and picked up his glass again, feeling like he would need a top up for this story.] I had surgery as a teen to help control m' powers, cut down the amount of energy I could produce as it just kept... growin'. I couldn't control it, not while it was constantly gettin' stronger, so had them capped 'nd learnt control from that.

[Pausing to drain the last out of his glass he turned his eyes to it as he turned it in his hands.] The 'nformation on what I had done showed up in Luceti 'nd... I talked one of our fellow captives who done work on those with powers in the past to... undo it. [There, done, out in the open.]

[Rogue was silent for a long moment, listening. A lot of this was new to her, but in a way... that lab... yeah, it made sense. She remembered the feeling of desperation and determination, the feeling like she just had to lie down in that chair.

There was... wow, a lot there. He had a captive undo it? Who? And for how long had this happened?

And... why?

That was important, but more importantly:] How's that goin' for ya?

[She was pretty sure she had an idea how that might be, to go from control to... well, did he have control? What had happened?]

It... was tough at first, years of practice helped, but just... too much energy, even with the cap we had on us. Hell, almost blew m' hand off the first time I got out of the dome.

Jean helped out a lot, [He admitted,] Thinkin' up different ways to practice control, ways to use up the energy, 'nd someone to bounce ideas off. [Before moving as if he was going to hold a hand out to her, then thinking twice about it and withdrawing it.] That's what that was, a way to burn off energy, a shield I can keep 'round me whenever 'm awake. It burns off the excess so... I don't go boom, I guess.

...so you don't go boom.

[Did she hear that right? Do you hear this dry, dry tone in her voice? You miiiiight want to think about running.]

[Yes, he certainly did, but he wasn't going to run. He was going to talk this out, no matter what tone or level of violence she aimed his way.] I might not, but it ain't something I really wanna test out. It's just the way it gets, too much energy 'nd it needs to get used up somehow so, [He gave a shrug.]

'm managin' it. [For now.]

[Rogue gave him a long, level look. She wanted -- she wanted --

She muttered a curse under her breath and sat abruptly back down at the bar, reaching out and claiming Remy's drink and chugging it back in one gulp. She set it back down and gestured for him to join her.

Gawd, this would be so much easier if she could just write him off! But he was her friend, and he'd blown her mind a couple of times tonight, true, but she hadn't the slightest idea how to deal with any of those things. This, she at least knew where she wanted to start.] Okay, so you're managin' it. Say I leave that alone -- what the heck made ya wanna do this ta yourself in the first place? I mean, if ya knew it was gonna put ya at a risk of blowing up -- why?

[Now that was certainly a question, and one he had wanted to avoid talking about, especially with her as Remy knew he was in line for one hell of a talk from her. Taking his seat again he signaled for a refill for them both, they were going to need it. Hell, she already needed it with how much he had placed on her shoulders tonight.

He really should had just let her be.]

Ya remember, [Which was a stupid question to ask, he knew she would remember, but continued on anyway.] That major fight we were in in Luceti, against that time bomb thing, Zompania or wherever it be? It was after that I decided.

[His brow furrowed as he moved a hand to the pocket of his pants, needing something to keep his fingers occupied as he talked and pulling out a mostly still full deck of cards, having lost a few over the time there. Moving helped, it made the worlds flow easier and got him less caught up in his own head as he talked.] After what I did to Wanda, after seein' the look on Billy's face as he used his powers against the enemy, after what happened to ya... [With Loki dying.] ...Did ya know Jean got her back cut up durin' it? We had to hold off the night in one of the run down buildin's before I could get her to a healer the followin' day. Had to cauterize the wound so she didn't bleed out durin' the night. [It was said with a sideways glance to her, yet his face grew more grim as he talked, the memories of each incident flashing up in his mind as he relaid them.]

If we were goin' to get pulled 'nto someone else's war, I wanted to make it so m' friends didn't have to suffer through it again, not without bein' able to stop it a hell of a lot faster next time 'round. Which... all sounds pretty stupid now it said out loud. [Remy admits that now but he had been pretty blind to those type of thoughts at the time, acting more on the idea of surviving than what would happen once he had gone through with it. Yet it wasn't like it had been an easy choice to make. He was terrified at the idea of being cut open again, to have someone mess with his brain, his powers. It could had gone so wrong, either by some accident during the operation or if his trust had been placed in the wrong hands. But the idea of Rogue and the others getting hurt again and that he might had been able to stop it happening a second time, that had been worth swallowing whatever fear he had and toughing through it.]

[After what he did to Wanda... she remembered that. She remembered yelling at him over it. Had he responded to that as well? He wasn't mentioning it now.

She remembered that draft; it had been brutal. Every draft she'd been on had been brutal, and sometimes she still woke up in the middle of the night tasting copper, smelling sweat and shit and the particular rot of death, and she had no one's memories to blame but her own.

It was a common response to fear to reach for more power, and if he'd had to cauterize Jean's back, use his powers to hurt his friend like that, hurt her to spare her life...

She wasn't even sure she could yell at him. She didn't have the right. At least he was consistent: Right reason, wrong thing. His heart was something fierce, but this was just--

This was a genuinely dumbass move, and had he even had a chance to use it since he had it? And now he was a walking bomb in a spaceship, putting everyone on board in immediate danger, forgetting the damage this must have done to him...]

How's that workin' out for ya?

[No, not happy. Not ripping into him yet, but definitely not happy.

She modulated it slightly, since after all, he didn't have to tell her any of this.] Are ya faster? Or is it just more?

It... workin'. Still here, not bein' pasted back together from itty, bitty little pieces, or whatever they do here. [Yeah, that wasn't really funny, was it?]

It's... I could charge faster, 'm sure, but haven't really tried to. Don't want a card or something goin' off in my hand before I get the chance to throw it. Bigger things be easier to charge, take less time 'nd strain to do so, in case I wanna blow up a bus again, [Then again, she wasn't around for that fight.] But it more the second one. Just, energy, lots of energy... more than I 'xpected actually. Feels more than when I was a kid. [And that was a little scary. Remy assumed there should be an upper limit to his powers, but he hadn't found it yet, not with the restrictions taken off him.]

[Rogue continued to frown. There was a pause as she worked through what he said, took it apart and sorted it.

More than what he expected. This... was potentially really not good. And if it got like with Jean, she couldn't even touch him to drain it off. In fact, that brought up a very good question.]

...did ya know you could touch me?

[Because if he hadn't been sure, he'd been very careless a minute ago.]

Ahhh, [That caused a bit of a sheepish smile from Remy's side, ducking his head a bit as it happened,] I didn't, just kinda... reacted back then. [Before he gave a bit of a sigh.] I mean... guess makes sense? It ain't m' skin in contact with ya.

Guess I just wasn't thinkin'. Sorry.

[Rogue looked at him, her frown deepening. That was careless. This whole thing he'd done was careless. Reckless. A foolish way to risk his life and the lives of everyone around him, even if of course he hadn't been thinking it would happen that way at the time. That wasn't the point.

She had it on the tip of her tongue to call him out for it - to call him a fool. But he'd done it, he thought, in order to help others. She didn't have any high horse to take there. Especially with what she planned to do tomorrow. Instead, she enunciated very clearly:] You. Have got ta be more careful. This--

[She gestured to him] --havin' ta keep burnin' like this... I just don't know. I'm no expert. But you've gotta be more careful.

[There was a heavy sigh as he lost that smile, turning back to the more serious tone.] If it got to that I would get the hell out 'nd away from everyone, grab a shuttle 'nd just get far away as I can.

But I got it, [Remy turned back to her, his gaze steady and sure.] Really. As soon as we get to a planet where I got room to move 'bout 'm trainin', did it on the ice planet 'nd goin' to make the most of it each stop we have. Still got a few ideas Jean 'nd I talked 'bout with where to go next with this.

[Rogue raked a gloved hand through her hair.

She dropped it back down, picked up her drink, and tossed the whole thing back. Then she pointed a gloved finger at him.] You. When I get back from this thing tomorrow, you an' me, we're gonna have it out. See if that extra juice actually does ya any good.

[...she let her hand drop down as a thought occurred to her, and she stared at him with a dawning horror in her gaze. His touch had been so hot...] ...can ya even touch anyone while you're shieldin' like that?

[She knew him. She knew his habits. There would be plenty on the station who wouldn't say no.]

[Remy's eyebrows shot up with that declaration from her and before he could get a chance to really think about a reply his mouth just said the first thing that came to mind.] No! I ain't fightin' ya! [Not for real at least! Yes, Rogue could handle herself, but he also had never gone all out when training with a friend. There was too great a risk of seriously hurting someone, powers or not.] Ya wanna train, fine, but I ain't usin' m' powers against ya. [Nope, nope, ruling that out right away. Too much of a risk.

Then that question which... caught him equally off guard, but to a different extent. Calming again, Remy ran a hand over the side of his face and into his hair.] I can turn if off as I need to, but well, haven't really had the need to. [That did hurt a little to admit, that unwanted celibacy he had been stuck in. True, he didn't always get 'yes' as an answer all the time back home, it was pretty evenly split at times, but he could normally make up for it with numbers. Luceti had been a different case, and he hadn't taken the chance since arriving at the fleet, more wanting to create friendly bonds than endanger them with one night stands.]

But, I donno. [He couldn't really tell himself what the shield did, how it affected others, and Remy cast a look to her as he paused before asking;] How did it feel?

[Okay, she was not letting that go. Because he was very wrong about that. Practice was exactly the place for him to use his powers, and he wasn't going to find a better opponent than someone who could literally piece herself back together again. He needed to know what he could do in a combat situation, or else he was just going to become unreliable.

But wait, what? She blinked a few times.] ...I don't know. Warm, I guess. It wasn't very long.

[She'd jerked back pretty quickly, after all. All she'd really felt was heat.]

Don't wanna end up burnin' 'nyone, plus sometimes it can get a bit too much. [Holding up a hand as an example, Remy concentrated on moving energy towards his fingertips until there was a 'snap' and spark of energy in the color of his normal charge, it dying away a fraction of a second later.] But 'm forcin' that, don't think it would just happen. [Then again, he hadn't really had a chance to put it into practice...]

It the last thing I wanna do. [Since that was the whole point of why he had the surgery done in the first place, to make sure he didn't harm others accidentally.]

[Rogue frowned at him. How could he have done this to himself willingly? She knew all too well what it was like to worry about hurting others through a touch-- how could he have gone and done this to himself?]

Remy... [She shook her head and then decided to do something drastic, mostly to make a point, but also because this entire conversation, this entire week had just been hell. She reached out for a knife on the table and then realized she really only had one good pair of gloves. Slowly, she started to take a glove off.]

Ya can't just walk around like this an' not know your limits. Ya can't be reliable in a fight not knowin' what ya can or can't do, or how your powers are gonna react when ya get excited. Ya ain't gonna hurt me. [Glove off, she placed her hand flat on the counter, and picked up the knife with the other hand.] Not beyond what I can fix.

[If he doesn't stop her, she's just going to jam the tip of the knife between her bones on her hand to make a point.]

What ya can fix? What ya- [Ok, yeah, no, that was NOT a good sign, his eye darting to the knife as his hand went out to grab it and take it from her if she was about to do what he thought she was going to.] What ya doin'!?

[The blade flashed as it dropped down, pinning her hand to the bar.] Provin' a point.

[Fire raced up her arms, severed nerves and blood clearing her head with a single sense of purpose. Ow, that really hurt.] Even if ya cut me down, ya burn me up, hell, ya catch me in an explosion -- [she wedged the knife free, and called upon Logan's psyche to patch her hand up in front of Remy's eyes.] --I put myself back together again.

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