004 - If That Isn't Love

[preformthisneigh]

Who: Cheese and YOU
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: The Bishop
When: Sometime before Belth's meltdown

[The video falls on the grinning-like-a-lunatic pony. Guess what time it is! It's pony holiday story time!!!]

Heya everypony! Happy Valentines day. Back where I come from, we call this Hearts and Hooves Day. Buuut that doesn't really work here given that I'm the only one with hooves. Hopefully everyone has a heart of some description though. ANYhoo. We celebrate this day pretty much the same as they do on Earth. Spending time with our special somepony, hearts, flowers, yadda yadda.

[He's forever alone, it's not important to him.]

The story of how it came to be is waaaay different though. OKAY so a loooong looong time ago a prince created a love potion to give to a princess he loved. He wanted her to love him back. Unfortunately it turned out to be a love poison and it made the two so lost in each others eyes that they couldn't perform their royal duties. There was a dragon and the kingdom fell, chaos reigned. It was the worst.

Luckily there was an antidote. The prince and princess had to be kept from looking into one another's eyes for a whole hour. Then the love curse broke and everything began to be restored once again. And from that day on everypony celebrated that day as one of love because-

[He taps his chin with a forehoof.]

...Actually I'm not sure. It's not really a romantic story when you think about it. I don't know what the moral is. Don't force love? Don't drink a suspicious drink that your stalker gave you? I dunno. We made a holiday with it anyway. So enjoy that, if you have a special somepony and be glad they didn't poison you? Yeah.

Comments

[thezerothlaw]

I have neither blood nor circulatory system, so of course I don't possess a heart, either.

[With THAT out of the way...]

I do find it curious that your culture chooses to celebrate what strikes me as a serious crime.

[preformthisneigh]

What, really? Um. Okay. Do you have feelings? Because I'm sure they count too?

[Probably. Hell if he knows. He's the guy with the accordion and the off the wall humour. He doesn't DO feelings. ]

Yeaaaaaah. That's kinda... weird. But most of our celebrations are kinda odd when I look at how other worlds celebrate similar ones.

[thezerothlaw]

I imagine many cultures seem peculiar to outsiders, of course.

[It's meant to be soothing.]

I... believe I do have feelings, though they are not necessarily the same as what a biological organism may experience. They are analogous, though.

[preformthisneigh]

Ain't that the truth.

Well, then. That sure counts. Do you have a special somep- someone to spend the day with?

[theshabbiestofmen]

We've potions like that where I'm from. Very dangerous. Oddly not illegal, though frankly I think they ought to be.

I'm Remus, by the by.

[preformthisneigh]

Ours aren't illegal, either. I mean, most of them aren't, anyway. There aren't that many good alchemists, though. That's usually Zebra territory.

Nice to meetcha, Remus, I'm Cheese Sandwich.

[theshabbiestofmen]

[Well! What a name. He'd expected something like a centaur-- not that he has man-bits, he's obviously not a centaur, but the comparison is there. But that name is about as un-centaur-like as he can imagine.]

Can I hear more about your world?

[preformthisneigh]

[Centaurs are the WORST. Like, literally the worst. ]

Wow, yeah! I love talking about Equestria. What would you like to know?

video;

[universal_charm]

That's... one way to work a PSA into your culture.

video;

[preformthisneigh]

Lots of our history is like that, really. I figured that's pretty much what history is. Lessons in how to not mess up like the folks before you did.

Re: video;

[universal_charm]

Well, sure, but that just seems really... specific?

video;

[preformthisneigh]

Oh. Yeah. All of our history is like that. Super specific.

video

[combatready]

[ BUT. But Penny doesn't have a heart.

She looks a little heartbroken, ironically. ]

What if you don't have a heart?

video

[preformthisneigh]

[OH NO HE MADE SOMEPONY SAD. He looks panicked for a second. ]

Oh! Um. No no, it's fine. I mean. I'm sure you have... an ability to feel love or something right? That- that probably counts too.

[HE IS WOEFULLY UNPREPEARED FOR THIS. ]

video

[combatready]

[ Oh. UH. ]

I mean- I, uh, I have a heart. [ Hiccup. ] That was just... hypothetical?

[ Penny is a horrible liar.

Hiccup. ]

video

[preformthisneigh]

[Wow. Wow. He is super convinced.]

Ohhhhkay. Well, if someone hypothetically didn't have a heart, but could still feel things, then they could still enjoy the holiday.

Video

[bb_wolf]

On Earth, Valentine's day was the day that a priest got his head chopped off for refusing to give up his religion.

Clearly, this translated to enforcing a day of celebrating having someone to rub genitals with by giving each other chocolates and expensive jewellery.

Video

[preformthisneigh]

...Huh. So in hindsight, the Equestrian one is slightly less horrible. That's a nice change.

I guess it's okay for some folks. If that's their thing.

[Love. Romance. FEELINGS. ]

[bb_wolf]

I don't even know how it ended up where it did and I was there to see it.

[preformthisneigh]

What, to see the whole...

[He waves his hoof around the vicinity of his neck.]

Thing?

video

[incousinswithyou]

Perhaps it's telling adolescents that everything should be in moderation.

[Michiru you're 18 and a hypocrite. At least she seems amused.]

video

[preformthisneigh]

Huh.

Sure. That works just about as much as anything else.

video

[experiencepoints]

... What the fuck.

[what else can really be said here?]

video

[preformthisneigh]

[Purposefully oblivious!]

Happy Hearts and Hooves day, Nightingale.

video

[experiencepoints]

What.

Why?