SS Pathstone Mingle

[heresyandlace]

Who: Crew and visitors of the SS Passive Aggressive Pathstone
Broadcast: Probably not
Action: Aboard the ship
When: All February!

[with how good everyone on this ship is at settling differences, getting along, acting rationally, and sharing their things, this month will go by without any ripples.

the audience will be so bored. there isn't ever any drama on this ship. at all. it's great.]

Comments

[killedwithlove]

[The tingle of magic might make most Thedans flinch and worry, but Cole trusts Solas and he trusts that the magic won't hurt him.

And then, for the first time, Cole can see Solas. See the things he saw, but didn't see. Correlate the picture into a whole and unlike Compassion, he sees it and understands that he can't meddle and tweak to make it better, exert soft influences.

He gasps. He feels the pain, acutely and deeply, knotting through him and the memories of empty spaces yawning open. The loss of the Fade–normally nothing more than an abstract–becomes a keen, sharp razor's edge of half remembered flickers of his own life.

His face is wet where it presses to Solas' neck. He squeezes tighter. He doesn't let go.]

[dirth]

[ There is no barrier between the two of them now, noting stopping them from sharing all that hangs between them, nothing that blocks Cole from seeing all of Solas' mind and all of his histories, his memories, his thoughts and feelings. A part of him thinks he can trace the spiritual touch, as if he can follow the gentle hand of Cole's power, but he knows it is not as simple, not as human as that.

Instead, he draws Cole closer, squeezing his own eyes shut and hiding himself away from his pain and his heartache. His time alone with the followers of Fen'Harel, those elves that seek to strengthen him and allow him to commit to his plans had taught him, reminded him, of how dearly he cared for this spirit, how important Cole had become to him - and returning to the fleet where their bond had become more, greater, had only secured that.

Cole cries, and Solas holds him all the tighter, his voice low and quiet as he whispers. ]

Some hurts are impossible to heal, Cole.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole knows that. And more than knowing it, he's come to understand that it means that sometimes, the only thing he can do is be there and understand.

Compassion couldn't. Compassion would endlessly try to heal it. Cole understands he can help without healing it. He helps by being here.]

I understand.

[His voice is a whisper into Solas' neck, but it resonates with truth and tears.]

[dirth]

[ Solas' greatest fear was laid bare in the Fade, left for the party to see and learn, though none ever mentioned it again, their own as clear as his had been. He understands that Cole must know, that Compassion, too, must be aware, and he feels something inside of him, a strange twist and a burn before he forces it away and shakes his head, holding it high and regaining his strength, his power.

He was Solas first, but now he is also Fen'Harel. He is strong, he is powerful, and he would not fall victim to his own heart. Not again, not when mistakes were made so violently in the past. ]

Thank you.

[ Careful, he leans back and, almost hesitant, he seeks words. ]

I trust you with this, Cole, because I cannot trust anyone else here. Do you understand?

[ It's a warning hidden in a promise; Cole cannot tell anyone what he knows, certainly not Jove. Solas has warped his mind before and he would do it again to preserve himself and the mission that carries him forward. ]

[killedwithlove]

[Cole understands. He is as dear to Solas as anyone is ever likely to be, but Solas will break his mind if he think Cole is a danger to him and his quest.

Love has never been without hard costs for Cole, so this is perfectly acceptable.]

I understand. I've always kept your secrets, Solas. I'll keep them now.

[dirth]

[ There is a long, drawn out, sharp moment of pause before Solas nods, holding Cole a little tighter for the barest of moments. He lets himself have that short burst of time before he breathes out and takes a step back, allowing himself some space.

It's a cruel, awful thing he has demanded of Cole, but it would hardly be the first and it will surely not be the last. ]

I am glad to hear it.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole has always known that Solas will do whatever he has to, even to him, to fulfill his mission. That's okay.

Now, he even understands it, rather than just knowing it. And it's still okay.]

I'm glad you're back.

[dirth]

[ The danger is over and Solas breathes out, resisting the urge to hold on to Cole for a little longer. He clings to him like he is a memory, a reminder of the truth of the Fade, and he feels like, perhaps, he might lose it if he legs go.

That is not the case, of course, and so he does. ]

It is good to return to your side, Cole.

[killedwithlove]

You hold me longer if you'd like.

[Because of course he picks up on that, right there, at the front.]

[dirth]

Cole.

[ Solas smiles, shifting and touching his shoulder, almost too careful. ]

Not today.

[killedwithlove]

I won't break if you touch me.

Cullen patted my shoulder, like it might hurt him to touch me, but he did it anyway.

[dirth]

Cullen might have been afraid. I was not.

[ Solas shakes his head. ]

I fear I may be somewhat tired.

[killedwithlove]

No. I know you're not. You haven't suffered at our hands like he did.

[Cole rocks on his feet.]

Go and sleep. Even if there's no Fade, you need sleep.

[dirth]

He did not suffer from your hands. He suffered at the hands of demons, not spirits.

[ Solas frowns, turning his head away. ]

Sleep is not the same here.

[killedwithlove]

I know. But you still need sleep. And if you're tired or weary, it'll help.

[dirth]

And what will you do, Cole, as I slumber my life away?

[killedwithlove]

What I usually do. What I did when you weren't here at all. Talk to people. Talk to Pathstone. Help soothe Elize's dreams.

[dirth]

And you will take care of yourself? [ Because he is concerned, even if he is quiet and careful about it. ]

[killedwithlove]

... I don't understand.

[He didn't eat or sleep. There's nothing to have to fight here. How is he meant to look after himself?]

[dirth]

Make sure you are happy. Entertained. Peaceful. That nothing is worrying or hurting you.

[ Because Solas is protective, and dangerous, and would hurt anyone that harmed Cole. ]

[killedwithlove]

I don't really feel happy often, but I am content here.

I might go back into the station to find someone to help. You still need sleep, pressure behind my eyes, heavy weight behind the neck.

[dirth]

Content is as good a beginning as any, I think. [ Solas watches him, considering, before he nods his head. Even he can admit that he is a little tired, and he already misses the memories and dreams of the Fade - and he wonders, absently, how long it will be this time. ] There are some weights that sleep cannot heal, but I shall try.

[killedwithlove]

I know, Solas.

[His gaze is clear and sharp.]

You changed while you were gone. So did I. I'm not the same person or spirit. I'm more of both.

[dirth]

[ Solas pauses, hesitant for a moment, before he turns his gaze away. ]

I apologise. I was underestimating your strength.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole comes close enough to flutter a brief kiss to Solas's bowed head and then he's at the doorway.]

You don't need to apologise. But thank you.

[And he's gone in another curl of smoke before he can face consequences.]