driftfleet | #priorities

[ He nods and smiles, mostly for pleasantries. His feelings on Luke are still muddled, confused with the future he feels is clouding over whatever other feelings he should be having. ]

She is. I'm sure she'll like to get to know you too.

[ A wave of his hand opens the door to a meditation room, a quiet space that he seems to be conducting more and more of his ...family business in. His hands are clasped behind his back when he turns to Luke. ]

I have some questions that might be difficult to answer. But I suppose you have some questions of your own, since you don't remember what happened here last time.

[ He spreads an arm out, gesturing to Luke that he has the floor ]

[Luke considers this for a moment. When he looks at his too young (too healthy, too armor-less) father, he sees a man in a state of mild agitation. He doesn't want to bother him when he could just ask Ahsoka later. He'll wait until his father is feeling better to bother him with inane details.]

If it's all the same to you, why don't you start? Since you called this- what did you call it, meeting? [He smiles faintly.]

[ He was hoping Luke would start first. The topics he hopes to get into does not lend itself to happier times. But now that Luke has offered, his impatience rear its head. He doesn't exactly pace but he does look like he wants to. ]

Alright.

[ His chin tilts upwards even as his expression softens. ]

I want to ask you about how you came to be raised by Owen and Beru, and why wasn't Leia also trained in the ways of the Force.

[Luke nods, and stares at his hands, thinking on how to answer. The truth, ultimately, seems to be the best course of action.]

[He wishes his father would sit down.]

I'm not clear on all the details myself. There was a great deal I wasn't told, because they thought it would keep us safe... [He shakes his head.] Leia was adopted by the royal family of Alderaan. We were... split up. I don't even think Owen and Beru knew I had a sister.

[ He takes that information in slowly. He had thought that Leia was also brought up on Tatooine but it makes sense now. A gentle hum in the Force tells that he's worried; it's dark and heavy and hangs on him, grows out from him. ]

You shouldn't have-- [ A sigh, he doesn't look like he wants to finish the sentence. ] needed to be split up.

[ His shoulders tense and he gives Luke a hard look, his question comes through the Force before he even asks it ]

What... What did I do?

[Luke had kind of expected this to hit him eventually. He's more than half sure he knows what his father means, but he'd like clarification. Maybe, that ever-hopeful voice in the back of his head says, maybe he means something else. Maybe I won't have to lie.]

What do you mean?

Leia.

[ He doesn't meet Luke's eyes. He can't. Even without knowing what he might or will do, the guilt of it makes him gather himself and pull away. ]

She-- She hates me. She told me that I used an interrogation droid on her. What reason would I have for that! And then she stopped. It's... maddening. I'm going insane knowing that sometime in my future, I will abandon both of you.

[ You can't think of anything worse than leaving us, can you? You really think that's the worst thing you could do. He looks down, jaw tight. His grief is a hard lump in his throat that he didn't want to swallow. ]

And that I will do worst things than that, to my own children.

Oh, Father. [And somehow, the Force provides again. Luke doesn't have to lie at all. What he would like is to embrace his father in comfort, but he's not sure that would be appreciated. Instead, he rises to place a hand on his father's shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze.]

[He's worried for their sakes. Luke hadn't expected that, and his estimation of his father only grows.]

You didn't know. I'm... not sure of all the details, like I said, but you didn't know Leia was your daughter. I'm not sure you knew who I was, until you heard my name. I think... I think the truth was kept from you. [An optimistic interpretation, perhaps, but still not a lie.]

Edited (d ont write tasg first thing in the morngng) 2016-02-22 12:50 (UTC)

[ He doesn't even look at Luke's hand on his shoulder, he felt his intent and ignored it to focus on Luke's face. His eyes, the man in front of him has his eyes. It's such a little thing that makes him reel, ground in the fact that this is his son. And he is so good; he can feel that brightness from him, rushing out to embrace him in a way Luke physically doesn't.

Anakin drops his eyes, finally and frowns. He can only wonder what Luke feels from him. ]

It doesn't excuse the act! I would never hurt her. Even if she wasn't my daughter. I can't even imagine what use I would have for an interrogation droid!

[ He press his lips to a thin line and he turns away from Luke, his worry finally giving into pacing and clench fists. He gives Luke a hard look. ]

Did I... Will I hurt you too?

[It's more luck, or maybe the Force, that Anakin continues not to ask Luke direct questions. He doesn't ask why he used an interrogation droid, why he'd hurt anyone, why he'd want to.]

[In the Force, then, Luke feels a depth and pressure, like drowning in a boiling ocean. It's painful, fretting and frightened, but it's not the persistent feeling of pressing doom he once felt in his Father's presence. His bones don't ache with chill, his mind snapped with cold confusion. The difference is refreshing, encouraging, even.]

[And then Luke's luck runs out. He's so suprised-- it happens so quickly-- that it breaks his resolve. Surely his shock can be felt through the Force, and shame follows quickly on its heels. He takes a step back on instinct.]

[By then, it's too late to lie or deal some sort of clever half-truth. He manages not to break eye contact, but the effort leaves him with one clenched fist.] ...Yes.

[ He had expected it. There's a sadness in Luke before that made him think this man had gone through that thunderous crash that comes with the breaking of the boy and the becoming of a man. He never thought it would be because of him until Leia had put the thought in his head. That he could harm the wonderful result of the love he and Padme had for each other. But here is Luke. Another result. Another truth.

He feels like a chill in his bones, even as the flame in his gut roars and tells him to deny it. I would never hurt them! But how many times he has he said that, and how many times have Leia and Luke confirmed otherwise.

Luke is right in backing away. And Anakin can only look away, feeling the shame and guilt for something he will do. How can he tell Obi-Wan that he'll try to be a better man, how can Padme look at him now and still love him. How can he listen to his son call him father and feel deserving of it? ]

I'm-- I'm sorry.

[ He knows it means nothing, saying it doesn't absolve it and it doesn't fix anything. But apologizing is the only thing he can do for Luke right now. ]

I'm sorry, my son.

Edited (MORE FUCK UPS) 2016-02-27 03:15 (UTC)

[It doesn't take much raise Luke's spirits, honestly. The apology comes out from nowhere, for a crime Anakin hasn't even committed yet, on a subject Luke had never expected to receive an apology for, even if... even if his father had lived.]

[He walks toward his father and places his hand on his shoulder once more.] Thank you.

[His eyes are bright and earnest. There's no more shame in his voice.] Do you have any other questions, Father? I'll try to answer without such a fuss.

[ That, he swears, is the last time he will call Luke his son for a while. He had done nothing to be the kind of parent he deserves, the kind of parent that Shmi was to him. It just didn't feel right, and maybe it will never feel right.

Anakin contemplates on his next question, if he should even asks it. If he dares. His expression is stern, jaw set and eyes hard. ]

Is Palpatine still alive?

[Oh, good, another easy answer.]

[Luke does his utmost to be kind to all people, not hold grudges, be forgiving and believe the best of everyone he meets. He thinks it's his duty as a Jedi, and the least he can do to even the scales, having so much powers where others don't. It's kind. It's what his aunt and uncle would have wanted. It's what he wants.]

[Just, not for Palpatine.]

No, dead. You killed him, it- it saved my life.

[He hopes that will, in some way, reassure his father against future trespasses. You can always come back from the edge-- from the abyss, even.]

[ Hope. He doesn't know how to suppress the sudden surge of it and he doesn't bother to. Even if there's a sadden thought in the back of his mind, that it took hurting his son to make that happen, it doesn't compare to the desperation he has for that hope.

Outwardly, Anakin breathes deeply. ]

Good.

[ He rubs his hand over his eyes. Had he just say that? Palpatine was his friend a month ago. He changes the subject abruptly so to avoid it. ]

How did you get the holo of me and Padme? We never took one.

[Luke can feel the hope, and it continues to bolster his spirits. He smiles fondly, and that makes the record scratch of a question he can't answer even more obvious. He was hoping to wait a few months before having to explain the CDC. Things are too complicated right now to begin another story.]

[He scratches the back of his neck.] I, uh. Found it in a pawn shop. There were a lot of strange things there. [He's still not sure how he feels about that Authentic Luke Skywalker Rancor Skull he saw.] You really never took any holos?

[He sounds very genuinely sad about that.]

[ He frowns, suspicion growing. He's not sure what kind of pawn shop fabricates things from thin air. While he ruminates on that, he answers Luke's question. A repeated conversation but he doesn't mind. ]

No. Our marriage was a secret. If it came out to the public, my life as a Jedi would be over and Padme's work would be tarnished by "An Affair with a Jedi". We couldn't have any solid evidence that we were together.

[ He doesn't look happy about it but he dismiss it with a wave ] That holo and finding it in a pawn shop... It's not possible. It shouldn't even exist.

[Luke listens, quietly and sadly. He wants to ask more about that-- why can't Jedi marry, when, to him, love is such an important part of being a Jedi?-- but he's not sure his father would tell him.]

[Maybe he'll ask someone else.]

It was... a strange place. There were many things that shouldn't have existed. There was something signed by me, when I'd never signed it. [Now he's nervous, and it gets him rambling.] I wasn't even sure it was her, I just recognized you...

[ Maybe he should ask his father. ]

[ Anakin thinks on what Luke says for a moment. There isn't a lie in there but why is he getting that spike of nervousness from him. He cross his arms. ]

I see you're familiar with telling certain truths. Did Obi-Wan teach you that?

[ Redundant question. He speaks before Luke gets a word in. He's not happy about it but he's had enough truths lately. ]

I'm sure you have your reasons.

Edited (ugh) 2016-03-02 01:34 (UTC)

[Luke should have expected that-- Anakin Skywalker was Ben's old friend and pupil, after all; they must have known each other very well-- but he wasn't, and it brings him up short. His shock is obvious through the Force, obvious from his face, and he'd stumble if he wasn't seated.]

[He doesn't have any defense or backup plans. Maybe with someone else, he'd be able to think something up, but with his father- Luke sputters-] I- I didn't- I- what didn't he say? [No, no, that's not-] I'm sorry, that's none of my... [He shakes his head, and takes a moment to regain his composure.]

[With a sigh,] I think I've proven I'm no good at lying. I was going to tell you that eventually, but everything's been so chaotic... not even Leia knows. I don't know. I am sorry, Father. [He look up to meet his father's eye.]

[ He shakes his head to brush off Luke's apology but his frown, tinged with disappointment, doesn't go away. ]

Don't worry about it.

[ He's not the first time he's been lied to and he's getting quite familiar with it. But saying that would just be whining at that point. ]

It's not an interrogation. I don't want to pressure you to answering anything you don't want to say.

[ He changes the subject before Luke calls him father again. ]

How's your hand?

[ Note that he's not asking how Luke got the prosthetic ]

[Luke doesn't know what to do about the disappointment. It seems to clash with everything he's ever expected, ever wanted from this scenario, but then, hasn't he learned by now that expectation never matches up with reality? Especially where family's concerned.]

[He just says,] I'll tell you one day, [and lets it drop.]

[He looks down at his hand. The burn in the back of the synthskin has ripped, slightly, and spare wires coil out. He's cut most of the power reserved for feeling, meaning the wires no longer spark, but it's made other functions jerky and irregular.] It could be worse. There are probably supplies to repair it on the station.

[ He's not sure he wants to know. Luke might be his son but the mistrust and paranoia infesting him lately, in others and in himself, has taken a hold. He's not sure if he wants to hear anymore from the people from the future.

Luckily for Luke, he still as his Jedi belt on him. He unclips a pouch and hands it over, quite literally grabs Luke's flesh hand and shoves it in. ]

It's my tools for fixing my mechno-arm. Take it, do your repairs. You can return it to me when you're done.

Edited 2016-03-02 03:29 (UTC)

[Luke accepts the loan with barely-hidden reverence; it's the sort of thing he'd always imagined fathers and sons doing. Except repairing droids and speeders, not prosthetics, and helping each other, not loaning tools, but... he'll take what he can get.]

Thank you, Father. [He tucks it away carefully.] I... do have a question, though. Your arm, why didn't you ever put synthskin on it? Or did you not have access to any...? [Why would someone want it to look obviously robotic?]

[ Weird kid.

Son of a hutt, this is his kid. Anakin sighs and his brow wrinkles slightly. ]

Because that would be pretending. I lost my arm in a duel against a Sith Lord. Having synthskin to pretend I didn't fail then would be like saying I didn't accept a lost for what it was, an opportunity to be better. And it's a cosmetic luxury. I know it'll never be my own arm, why pretend it could be.

[Luke considers this with a faint smile. He loves his father's legacy, but this is something Luke can't hold himself to. He stares at his hand, covered quite clearly in synthskin.]

I just don't like scaring people. [He chuckles softly.] Or being asked the same question over and over. [How did you lose it?]

[He stands slowly, having guessed by their traded questions that the meeting is over. He doesn't want to crowd the man.] Thank you for seeing me, Father. [As though this were Luke's idea in the first place.]

Maybe those people aren't worth it.

[ He holds up a hand, stopping Luke from going. He wants to ask that question, how he lost the hand that he obviously is self-conscious over but he hesitates in asking. Maybe he'll ask Leia; there's no way Luke's sister would lie about such a thing, even if she doesn't like him. ]

Luke, before you go, I think you should know you're not ...obligated to call me that.

[ He means father; because if it's uncomfortable to hear it, maybe Luke just feels obligated to say it. ]

'Those people' are mostly children. [Luke says with obvious fondness. It isn't as though he was the only person with a missing limb in the Rebel Fleet, after all.]

Oh, I know, I... [This realization dawns on him for the first time, in slow motion and possibly technicolor.] Would you prefer I call you something else? [Look, here, he'll try to be accommodating,] ...Anakin? [Oh god that was so awkward it was like pulling teeth.]

[ He stares at Luke for a moment, his mouth does a weird smile that's half way a pull to distaste and the other to sympathy. The ultimate "you tried" smile. ]

I think you could trust your instincts on that one. I'll leave it to you.

[ He relaxes from his rigid pose and curtly nods to Luke as a way of goodbye. That's as good as it's going to get for now. Anakin steps calmly out of the meditation room, his pace increasing as he goes.

Son of a hutt, fatherhood is dumb. ]

#priorities

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