driftfleet | ACTION | guess who's back, back again (and sad about stuff)

Entry tags:

ACTION | guess who's back, back again (and sad about stuff)

Who: Sam Winchester
Broadcast: N/A
Action: SS Red Fish, space station
When: Today (3-3-16) and for rest of week in the station!

I. RED FISH - Locked to those involved in his waking up.

[The last thing that flashes in Sam's mind is pain - a sort of blinding, horrible, familiar pain. One he's endured before, both inside and outside the Cage. The last memory he has is of Lucifer -- Castiel -- Lucifer, it was Lucifer, and he had speared his hand into Sam's chest and gripped his soul there, pinched his nails into the light and was twisting it, wrenching it, pulling a scream from him before he lost consciousness. And then suddenly he's wide awake with a gasp, jumping up and staggering. He's so out of it, memory still a scratchy blur. Where is Lucifer? He puts a hand to the ache where the devil's hand had been.

He has to get Dean. Save Castiel. But he has no chance against... no chance...

His first thought isn't a space ship, and his first thought isn't being lightyears from home. His first thought is I have to protect myself, or Dean is definitely dead. He smashes a nearby mug, the glass a temporary weapon. Then he staggers out into the halls, the dreary skull decor right out of Lucifer's handbook, white glass clenched in hand.

His vision swarms in colors. He cuts his hand wide open. He's always cutting his hands open. He puts his hand to the wall and begins to paint a symbol in his blood. A sigil. Angel banishment. It will get rid of Lucifer; get him out, make sure he can't twist his fingers in Sam's soul again, give Sam time to think, wrap his pounding brain around what's happening. This isn't the bunker...? Was he teleported?

He's nearly done with the sigil. His hand is steady enough, and it's only minutely sloppy from the rush of finishing it before anything splatters him on the walls...]

II. Red Fish - OTA

[It's not too long after that his memory returns fully to him (and with it, guilt, because he kind of almost banished Cas into space). He sits in the kitchen with a troubled, thoughtful expression taking over his features, his hands wrapped around a less broken mug -- tea. His left hand is bandaged again, and every once and a while he presses the thumb of his uninjured hand into the wound. It's real. He breathes in, breathes out. He won't ask for this to be healed; he'd like it left as is.

He doesn't leave the kitchen for a few hours, just until he can... pull himself together. Something.

Castiel said yes. For some reason, he said yes. Dean is on a submarine heading for death. Sam is probably dead. Dean's vanished from the Fleet. He tries to piece together a silver lining.

Can't currently be done, turns out.]

III. Space station - Bar - OTA

[... Well, he can't just lock himself in the ship. The next day, he forces himself to return to the bar he's been working at; the main owner is surprised to see him, said that an orange-haired woman had told him he was likely not coming back in. Sam wastes no time reclaiming his place behind the bar, and he pastes on a slight smile as he prepares drinks for the ladies at the end of the bar, same as usual.

They say fake it 'til you make it, and Sam's always been pretty good at it.

(Until he's not, but whatever.)

This too shall pass. And then he can let it fester without concerning anyone else, like normal.

(There's gotta be something he can do.)]

IV. Space station - shopping - OTA

[Towards the end of the week, he goes out to see what he can afford on the credits he has. As it turns out, there's some very colorful yarn that he thinks Katie or Sansa might like, so he buys that. He also finds a new mug to replace the one he broke, because he does kind of feel bad that he shattered a perfectly good mug. Maybe he should just spend his credits buying other people stuff, because he's actually kind of feeling a little better doing that.

~~And that is went Sam became a temporary shop-a-holic.~~

One may find him traveling back with a few bags of things.

...... Just. Y'know. Things.

Maybe this is why there are talkshow specials on compulsive spending.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

When it was obvious you weren't waking up any time soon, I swung by to let the bar know. [She slides into the seat opposite, glance flicking to the bandaged hand.] That's the last pay they owe you. I wasn't...sure you'd wake up again before we left the station.

Dean helped me get you back here. He was worried. Though he thought you were just drunk at first. [Said with a small quirk of the lips.] He was here a lot of the time.

[...just so, you know. He only vanished a couple days ago.]

I'm sorry, Sam.

[She still doesn't know the details of your home visit, but missing Dean's exit from the place... well. That's shitty as hell.]

[He looks at the credits with a slight twitch of his lips.]

... Thanks.

[He appreciates it. She'd been keeping an eye on him, he's assuming, which at the very least soothes his very turbulent mind right now. He's somewhere safe, with people who care about him. He needs to remember that moving forward. Whatever 'forward' entails. But Nami'll want to know, won't she? The details. Why he was the way he was...

The mention of Dean leaves him very quiet, but he closes his eyes and accepts it.]

It's okay. I think... he's at least going to be safe, at home. I think he is.

[Lucifer had said himself. He wanted to keep Dean alive.

But... what happens, when Dean gets back?]

But you're not.

[That much is obvious, and she says it matter of factly. Deliberately so, because Nami isn't allowing herself to think about it, not yet, and doesn't want her emotion to really hit Sam, either. He doesn't need to get the weight of her stress on top of everything else. It's a resolution that might last all of a minute, but she can try.]

...

Tell me what happened. [Softly. Just. Get it over with.]

[Sam bites his lip, looking down at his hands. It's not like he's hard to read right now, and that's even if Nami wasn't good at reading him. And that's even if she didn't see him freak out in the halls. He rubs his arm with his uninjured hand and breathes slowly. Don't crack, don't break apart. Just... say what happened. Right.]

You were right. It was... a trap. I went to talk to Lucifer, outside of his cage, and when... um. When I was there, something went wrong. Rowena -- a witch who had used the spell to summon him in the cage, she'd intentionally botched it.

... Anyway... I guess when the Darkness broke free, it cracked the Cage enoough that Lucifer was -- able to send me visions. Trying to get me to come to him. Uh -- and. And then, with the warding damaged, he pulled me into the cage with him.

[He glances up, brow furrowed.]

But I didn't say yes. I'd never; he didn't crack me, you know? He wanted to -- wanted to use me as a vessel and get out of there, but I never said yes.

[That's important, okay? That's very important. He won't let that go, even if everything is fucked.]

[Nami's fingers curl in, nails digging into her palms while he talks. He spent two centuries in that thing already. And she's sorry, really sorry that it was Lucifer all along, because she didn't think it was God ever at all but to find it was the complete opposite--

Sam. No I told you so-- it doesn't even cross her mind. It was always a possibility, right? He hoped for a better outcome, there's nothing wrong with that. She files Rowena away as a person to ask about later. When he glances up, she uncurls her hands and stretches them out again, touching his wrist gently. You're babbling just a little. She can get why.]

Of course you didn't. [Simple as that. If your sanity's still (mostly) intact after such a long time in that place, Lucifer was never going to get a yes. But she frowns unhappily. Cas is a goddamned angel, why--]

Did Cas... say yes to free you?

[It's tentative. Almost, she wants to throw Cas a bone, because right now she's wondering if she can go back to her own ship and not punch him. But at the same time, if that's the case, the guilt's going to be crushing.]

No.

[It's hard, even just that small admittance. It's not that he would have preferred to be the cause for Lucifer's release, he just... he wants to wrap his head around it. He rubs his thumb along the bandaged hand.]

No, they had reversed the spell Rowena created. Lucifer would have gone back into the Cage. I didn't really get the full story from Lucifer, when I saw him again, but... No, um... I think Cas, he must have thought the best odds we had was bringing Lucifer into the fight, to use against the Darkness.

This is the same Lucifer that tried to destroy the world already. The one you practically destroyed yourself to put away. He knows that, right? [You can hear the heat start seeping into her words.] Or am I missing something here? Cas had to have known Lucifer would come after you, right!?

--please tell me there could be another reason. [Because as far as she's concerned, this is Cas being a complete dumbass and selling you out.]

[Sam opens his mouth, closes it. Tries to play everything from the last few weeks — months, years — over in his head. He wants to vehemently deny all of that for his friend. Cas had to have had good intentions. He had to have had some kind of thought process. It's the same sort of circles Sam was doing after Cas broke his wall, let all the insanity pour out in his head, all the hell. That's something Nami doesn't know about, and he has a feeling he'll never, ever tell her. It's behind them now. It was forgiven, left in the past.

But this — how does he explain? How does he voice a benefit of the doubt?

He wishes he knew what Castiel was thinking. What he was planning.

If Lucifer wasn't out looking for Amara, did he... actually have any plan at all? One of the biggest reasons Sam said no again — even if he didn't consider how much it would wreck him, mentally, spiritually, whatever — is because Lucifer, by himself... Sam isn't sure he could even put a dent in Amara. They needed four archangels. They had one — one, without God, in a normal angel's body.

He breathes out.

Cas, please. What are you thinking?]

He must know something. He's got to have a reason. Maybe... maybe he found something out, I don't know — or. Or he thinks that at least if he stopped Amara, maybe we could try to put Lucifer back again. I mean, I don't...

[He rubs his face.]

... I don't think he thought about that. That Lucifer'd come and find me.

Maybe he hoped Lucifer wouldn't have... that he'd be too busy to think about it, but then he started showing up at the Bunker, and we didn't know — and then things just. They just got out of hand. I know Cas didn't mean for it. He couldn't have. He's Cas.

[There's a lot she'd like to say. She already knows that returning back to her own ship is going to be interesting at best. She's already mad at Castiel, but this one won't even know what happened yet, may not deserve her getting in his face, but the idea she's not allowed to vent at him just pisses her off even more.

(Or does he not know? Sam didn't know it wasn't Cas, maybe it hasn't been him the whole time--)

Yeah, let's cram that thought way down deep and not think about it, Miss Overly-Paranoid. For now, she's going to swallow everything else she wants to spit about what Cas has done back down, because watching Sam makes it clear enough that Sam has some faith, is trying to justify it, and she's not going to cut into that. Not now.

Just.

... this isn't the worst of it either, is it. She puts her face in her hands, smoothing her hair back and holding onto it in handfuls.]

How bad is it?

[................

He's not even sure what to say. He doesn't want to freak Nami out. Or make her sad. Or do all the things he's done before, only this time he can't guarantee anything, because he's not there and he's probably dead but maybe he's not. He just... can't he just shrug and tell her to give him a few years to figure that out? But lying to Nami is like lying to a mind-reader at this point of their relationship.

Hell, he's already been quiet for too long to make it seem like everything's decent.

He licks his lips, catches his breath and holds it before sighing.]

Last I saw him — last I was home, Lucifer was in the bunker with me.

[...................... Yeah he stops right there.]

[Yeah. She can't blame him. He doesn't have to say more. There's a drawn out silence, which is partly Nami shoving all her emotions into check and partly just thinking furiously. When she does speak, it's low and barely heard.]

Where's Dean?

[He taps his hand on the table. The injured one flexes unconsciously.]

Dean was taken back in time, to get a special weapon that could potentially help beat the Darkness. Lucifer'd sent him. Knew it was valuable. But there were some complications, and Lucifer needed to use the power of someone's soul as energy to get back there. I offered when I thought it was still Cas, but then he gave up the charade. He said I wasn't valuable to him anymore... I guess since I kept telling him no before, to the possession.

... When Dean comes back, he won't know that it's not Castiel.

[Oh, so there's time travel in your world. Hooray. She files that as yet another headache-inducing fact, puts the ones that make more sense all in a row.]]

Lucifer still needs to use your soul to get Dean back, though. So either he does that or Dean is stuck. Does that mean he needs to keep you alive?

[That's not actually very comforting, but at least it's not an ending.]

[He puts a hand to his chest, bunching the fabric there. He almost feels Castiel's hand there, pushing deep and reaching for the soul. It's such a grim painting, he's not sure what to say at first that wouldn't sound like complete bullshit.]

No, it doesn't. He's going to tell Dean there was a bad complication with the ritual after he finishes pulling the energy out of my soul. It was a big spell. Dean'll be upset, but he won't know.

I don't think it'll take him long to find out. You mean way too much to him to not dig at that. [The man goes around stuffing angels in you, he's not gonna let that go. And her voice is steady, despite the fact that Sam just confirmed that yeah, as far as he knows, he's probably dead. Or about to be spattered all over the walls.

...there is a tiny part of her that wonders if that's better than being stuck with Lucifer again, and that irritates her. Her mouth twists. Damn you, Sam, for messing with her world view.

No, she doesn't really mean that.]

It's not the end, Sam. It doesn't have to be. Getting pulled back here might be a good thing. [For more reasons than just "your life sucks anyway".] You can try and find a way around it. That's what these time-frozen places are good for.

Or Dean might come through at home before everything goes to hell, or Cas-- [There's an unmistakable twitch to her hands, because she is thinking about throttling him right now]-- I don't know, realises he's fucked up and does something right--

[Miiight be picking up speed, so maybe it's Nami's turn to babble, hope you don't mind.]

Nami... Nami --

[He reaches out with both hands, puts them over hers, even if the injured one stings in protest. Gives them a slight squeeze. Then he smiles thinly, but with some level of warmth. He's not going to tell her what The reaper had said. He's already made her worried, freaked.]

It's okay, Nami. If it is -- if that's all there is to it, I mostly just... I don't want to leave Dean by himself. Him and Cas. That's the worst part of it, really. But... you're right, too. Maybe something's different. I passed out, so... Maybe it'll be okay, when I wake up.

[He tries to look a bit brighter, despite how bad the day's been.]

And you're right. I mean, this place leaves room for more options.

Like the last.

Edited (bleh edits ) 2016-03-15 09:15 (UTC)

[She lets her breath out slowly, held through Sam trying to be reassuring. She started off doing that herself. Not wanting to leave them alone... she understands it. Yeah. Okay.]

...yeah. Yeah. I mean-- Cas did a ritual that sent people where they wanted to go, right? You could make use of that, or try, or-- if-- [If Cas can be trusted. Sam's already trying to defend him, so she thinks Sam either still trusts him or is trying to convince himself to.

What a mess. But she's not writing anyone off, even if this is painful to hear and she doesn't want to think about it too hard.]

So. Nobody's giving up. We'll work it out, right? [She manages a crooked grin.]

[He nods, trying for his best smile he can muster. But it's not much. It's not as convincing as it should be. Truth is, he's having a lot of trouble faking it right now, because... well. He's fresh from home, hand cut up, chest tight, head throbbing as he wearily considers his options.

But he'll try his damnedest, for Nami. Besides, the best thing he can do right now, even if he is screwed...? Is try to hang in there, get back home, and fix it. His hurt hand reflexes weakly into a fist.]

Right.

Work in progress. We've beaten pretty crazy odds before anyway, right?

[True that. Sam rolls around in crazy odds on a regular basis in his own world besides, and let's just get not started on her crew. She knows he's still quietly freaking out, because why wouldn't you. So best she can do is not add to it by fluttering around making panicked noises. So Nami sighs, then gives him a more genuine smile.]

Exactly.

[She even sounds like she believes it. Long months of being a ~~shounen heroine~~ Straw Hat. She'll fret on her own time, don't you worry. And try not to kill your bff. But speaking of which--

She shifts her hands out from under his, tapping at the injured one.] Cas-- the one here-- says you were making an angel banishing sign. Is that right? Can anyone do those?

[He looks between her and him to his hand.]

... Yeah, they can. It's, uh. Not exactly a good idea to do when an angel you like is in the same area as you, but. It does the trick. Requires you have to do it in blood though.

Wipes all angels out of the area, huh? You know how wide an area it encompasses?

[...quieter.]

Will you teach me?

As far as I know, if they're in a room area, it should work. I've never really noticed an obvious limit to it — but if you can see them and they can see your sigil, then you've got them right where you want them.

[He runs a hand over his mouth, quiet, sad lines in the shape around his mouth.]

... I can teach you.

You deserve to know it, anyway. If Lucifer shows up, you knowing me would put you in danger.

[Her faint huff at that is slightly amused and slightly tired.] Just as long as you don't follow that observation with "But Nami, it's safer if we're not friends."

[Because she will break your nose. Just sayin'.]

But I will take precautions. Does it have to be blood? Fresh blood?

I figure you'll hit me if I say that. So... I'll take your advice.

[A pause.]

We learned it from a -- uh. A friend, a long time ago, and we don't usually carry blood on us in general, so... maybe it could work? It's just. You know. Hard to test that theory without maybe getting killed.

[He offers a grave little smile.]

[She smirks just a little at that first part because yes. You know her well, don't you?]

Well, if it comes down to a choice of dying to the devil or losing a little blood, I think I know what I'll choose.

ACTION | guess who's back, back again (and sad about stuff)

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