driftfleet | 002. text + action.

Who: Shinji Ikari and you?!
Broadcast: Fleetwide.
Action: SS Heron.
When: 3/12.

[network.]

[Shinji rewrites this about a dozen times before he finally decides to post it. It reads:]

Hello. My name is Shinji Ikari. I'm a pilot that's stationed on the Heron. I'm sorry if I'm not using the network as it's intended, but I don't know how else to distribute this message. I've been a member of the Fleet for over a month now and I've met quite a lot of people who have treated me well. It's something I wasn't expecting at all. I haven't been in the best frame of mind, but people have gone out of their way to reassure me, offer to help me, or just talk to me. That's something else I wasn't expecting. I don't know why anyone bothers to talk to someone like me.

The point of this message is to say that I'm grateful. I'd like to thank all of those people, and repay them, if at all possible. I don't know some of their names or contact information, though. I do have an easier time of thanking my crew - I'm doing that now - thank you, everyone, for putting up with me. And hello to anyone who's newly assigned. Anyway, I'm on the Heron, like I said, and I have small tokens of my appreciation to give out if people want them. I'll be in the cargo bay all day by the gym equipment. Although it's kind of pathetic, a single conversation is enough to qualify for this. (Talking to people is helping my ratings...)

Kaworu-kun and Asuka, I have things to give you too. I know it's a little early for White Day.

Unrelated question: Is it possible to delete any content that's posted to the network? I'm guessing not, but maybe I missed an option for that.

Thank you for your time.

[action, aboard the Heron.]

[Shinji can be found sitting in the cargo bay, on a stretching mat, nearest to the gym equipment. He's young-looking and more than a little sleepless, wondering if he shouldn't have made that embarrassing post. He's in the middle of nervously, repeatedly digging his fingers into a netted bag of colorful marbles that he won from the arcade on the Starlight. They're beautiful glass marbles, each crafted to resemble a foreign galaxy.

This isn't much of a gift, but he hopes it isn't a stupid one.

He looks up whenever he has a new visitor. Before he says anything, he pauses his music player and takes out at least one of his earbuds.]

Hey.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I traveled across the- my galaxy. Where ever there was a need or request for the Jedi, we were there. [ He clarifies: ] My Master and I. It was nice. To see something different.

[ He chuckles dryly ] I don't think anyone had a choice to join or not.

[ But the idea was interesting, considering the tone that Shinji conveyed when talking about other planets, being else where in general. Far away from an old life. So he has to ask. ]

Would you?

Ohhh. You're a Jedi, too? [Shinji doesn't sound too alarmed, just impressed. He keeps meeting these normal-looking people who call themselves Jedi. Obviously, he's speaking to a very important man; he should try not to make a fool of himself. Regardless...

He glances off to the side, avoiding eye contact while he ruminates.]

When I came here, I wasn't really... in a good place, mentally. I don't know if I would've agreed to it. But if Atroma asked me about staying, I'd stay. I'd definitely stay here. There's nowhere else I can be with my best friend.

[ He tilts his head, his mouth tug upwards in a half-smile. ] I am. I guess you met Ahsoka.

[ He's surprised at the honesty from this young man. It's such a rare thing in a world of deception and politics that he comes from, though he knows that is partly his own fault. He doesn't ask why it's only here that Shinji can be with his best friend. It doesn't take a lot to figure out. ]

How are you now? How are you feeling about being here?

Yeah. Ahsoka-san and Vima-san, they explained some stuff to me. [The existence of the Jedi, and the Force, among other things. Shinji can't say it's all that weird when the scientists of his world studied the biology of the soul. The Force reminds him of the idea of a collective unconsciousness: invisible, but omnipresent.

Shinji can be deceptive when it suits him. "I'm fine" is his favorite lie, for example, but there's no point in lying right now.]

The ship gets pretty cold... and I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do here. But it's not too bad. I mean, it could be worse. We could've been food instead of entertainment.

[ the fact that shinji's first thought is that it could be worst is good. the food part, not so much. he nods though, because he had the same revelation. he could be here being watched by a faceless audience, or could be at home with his marriage still in secrecy and he could be fighting a war, losing friends. it could be worse. ]

It gets cold. It's always kind of cold, even though I've been traveling in spaceships longer than you have. It helps if you move around.

You have friends here. I don't need to tell you that it's a good time to enjoy their company as much as you can. Maybe that's all you need to do here.

Edited 2016-04-24 05:39 (UTC)

[Moving around... Shinji nods slowly, thinking that's sensible advice. He isn't a total slug, but he does prefer to sit somewhere and listen to music. Maybe he should make a habit of jogging around the ship instead.

As for the rest of Anakin's insight, that is also surprisingly sensible. Surprising if only because--] I've never thought about it that way. That... I'm supposed to be with them, that being with them is the point. I mean... [He rubs at one of his eyes.] I've been afraid of them disappearing. I know it's happened to lots of people, but I've been... letting the idea of that get in the way of... [He gestures vaguely, then.] Enjoying.

[ There's a faint smile on his face. It fades too soon. Shinji's fears are his own. And he knows exactly how hard it is to come to that realization, to even voice it. ]

I know. Sometimes, it's hard to believe that the only thing you can do for your friends is to be there for them. You might want to do more but here, there's nothing you can do. But while we're away from whatever conflict we have in our own universe, enjoying their company and being allowed to, that's almost a gift.

I've lost some important people here. But I'm glad that I got to spend time with them at all.

[It's unlike Shinji to look for a silver lining, but there is one to be found in here.] If he... [...] If my friend... [That isn't the right word to describe Nagisa Kaworu. Not even best friend can capture how Shinji feels about him. It goes beyond friendship--beyond romance--about as far out as the edge of the universe and then another step beyond that. It's everything that is, was, and ever will be for him. But his heart is too tender to expose it like that.]

If I lose my friend again, it won't be as bad as the first time. I'm pretty sure. But I'll probably lose my mind anyway. It just... [He trails off with a weaker voice.

Then, trying not to be intrusive:] Ahsoka-san told me about some of the conflict. It sounds terrible.

[ He's not sure how to approach Shinji's shift to him. It's not Shinji's burden to carry, and hearing it does nothing. ]

It was. It still is, for some of us.

[ A sigh ]

You give yourself to despair too easily. [ It's an easy phrase. It slips out before he's even aware of it. It's been told to him too many times. Too easy to be emotional. Too easy to give into all the negative emotions that he harbors. ] You can't lose hope. There has to be hope. But if you do lose your mind, we can find it together.

[Shinji has heard that same thing countless times, and he says as much with a short, semi-surprised laugh:] You sound like my best friend. Kaworu-kun's always going on about how there has to be hope, no matter the circumstances. No unforgivable sins. Stuff like that. Meanwhile, I'm over here with the... cynicism, and the anger problem, and...

[Understatement. His rage, once unleashed, is capable of causing the apocalypse.]

It would help if I could figure out the whole meditation thing.

[ Chuckling: ] Maybe it's time you start listening to your best friend.

But I can understand ... [ He trails off for a moment and dons a wry expression. It's too close to home, perhaps. But he's honest in his confession. ] It comes and goes. Friends are there to remind you when not to lose hope, or faith or courage, when you need it the most.

Mediation doesn't come easy to me either. Maybe you're just like me. You just need a way of meditating that fits you.

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