002. text + action.

[astrobleme]

Who: Shinji Ikari and you?!
Broadcast: Fleetwide.
Action: SS Heron.
When: 3/12.

[network.]

[Shinji rewrites this about a dozen times before he finally decides to post it. It reads:]

Hello. My name is Shinji Ikari. I'm a pilot that's stationed on the Heron. I'm sorry if I'm not using the network as it's intended, but I don't know how else to distribute this message. I've been a member of the Fleet for over a month now and I've met quite a lot of people who have treated me well. It's something I wasn't expecting at all. I haven't been in the best frame of mind, but people have gone out of their way to reassure me, offer to help me, or just talk to me. That's something else I wasn't expecting. I don't know why anyone bothers to talk to someone like me.

The point of this message is to say that I'm grateful. I'd like to thank all of those people, and repay them, if at all possible. I don't know some of their names or contact information, though. I do have an easier time of thanking my crew - I'm doing that now - thank you, everyone, for putting up with me. And hello to anyone who's newly assigned. Anyway, I'm on the Heron, like I said, and I have small tokens of my appreciation to give out if people want them. I'll be in the cargo bay all day by the gym equipment. Although it's kind of pathetic, a single conversation is enough to qualify for this. (Talking to people is helping my ratings...)

Kaworu-kun and Asuka, I have things to give you too. I know it's a little early for White Day.

Unrelated question: Is it possible to delete any content that's posted to the network? I'm guessing not, but maybe I missed an option for that.

Thank you for your time.


[action, aboard the Heron.]

[Shinji can be found sitting in the cargo bay, on a stretching mat, nearest to the gym equipment. He's young-looking and more than a little sleepless, wondering if he shouldn't have made that embarrassing post. He's in the middle of nervously, repeatedly digging his fingers into a netted bag of colorful marbles that he won from the arcade on the Starlight. They're beautiful glass marbles, each crafted to resemble a foreign galaxy.

This isn't much of a gift, but he hopes it isn't a stupid one.

He looks up whenever he has a new visitor. Before he says anything, he pauses his music player and takes out at least one of his earbuds.]

Hey.

Comments

[astrobleme]

[Oh...

Shinji has no memories of his mother, so he can't compare the hair stroking to anything like that. It's nice. Mostly, it's nice, and then it's kind of alarming. He doesn't flinch or shrug it off, though. It's too comforting to cast away. It shouldn't be something he deserves, so he has to tell himself not to cry.]

My feelings... [They're dangerous. They've literally brought about the end of the world. Watery in eyes and words, he says,] I guess I never learned how to express my feelings well. It was always... "Grow up, Shinji." It was always like that. So I buried all of it.

[percolates]

[Ciri's main memories of motherly love come from Yen. Most people wouldn't expect it of the sorceress, she thinks, but when she thinks of her she thinks of her beauty and the way she'd pet her hair. It's not something she's trying to emulate--especially when she hears the threat of tears.]

I had to grow up fast. I turned out... all right, I think, but it wasn't easy. There's hope for you, hmm?

[The hand slips down to his opposite shoulder, easing them into a one-armed hug. She's no so sure if he'll try to escape it or not.]

[astrobleme]

[Even if Shinji tried to escape, he wouldn't be any happier with himself. He is fundamentally alone because he is an individual. At the very least, a half-formed hug is preferable to the embrace of an unheated cargo bay. Warm, he thinks, tilting his head in closer.]

It would be wrong of me to expect anything to be easy. That's not what life is...

[He doesn't want to be selfish. He doesn't want to cling like a thorn to a rose. Still, maybe it's okay to lean a sliver of himself against Ciri.]

But I spend a lot of time wondering what it'd be like to be a different person.

[percolates]

Generally, or is there a specific person you have in mind?

[Once she used to want to be just like Yen. Beautiful, just like her, tall, powerful.]

I once would have given anything to be someone else. If there was a potion or spell to do it, I would have used it. But I know now that I would have regretted it. You don't know how different your life may be in a week, a month. A day, even. Things change. Including all the things inside yourself.

[Ah, Geralt would manage one of those rare laughs she loves if he could hear her now.]

[astrobleme]

I think it started out as a general thing... Literally anyone else, that would have been fine. But then I met someone... [Oh no. There's pink on his cheeks once he reveals that. He looks away, self-conscious, staring at the area where shuttles connect with the cargo bay.] Now it's a lot more specific. But it's mostly me wanting to be a "good person."

[Ciri is saying some very wise words. And Shinji does know them to be true: things can change, will change, over time or in an instant. He isn't the same person he was a year ago, which is kind of scary.]

I'd be happy with being more patient. It's hard to wait for things. Or maybe that's just me...?