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[dirth]

Who: Solas and you!
Broadcast: Text; universal
Action: On the Pathstone
When: Early morning of the 20th

I am looking for drawing tools. Charcoal, parchment, paints, anything of the like. I have credits I am willing to trade, but I find myself running low on my personal supplies.

[ Having left, his limited supplies of paints had been left to the Pathstone and Cole. Now he needs something to do with his hands and he feels almost... Twitchy with too much time on his hand. ]

Otherwise, I may offer artwork itself in trade. Any visitors to the Pathstone will have seen examples. Thank you.

Comments

[killedwithlove]

[As Cole had explored further into being both a spirit and a human, certain... vulnerabilities have reared their head.

He's scared of being left again. Mostly, especially, by the male figures in his life. It's almost like he has a track record...

He presses his face into the crook of Solas' neck and closes his eyes tightly, reassuring himself that Solas is here with his body. Concern, familiar, ages old guilt laced with fresh sparks that pop and snap against his ribs.]

I thought I did.

[dirth]

[ There are some things Solas knows he will never be able to help. There are some things that are unavoidable - and one of those is that, one day, when Atroma allows them to leave, he will abandon Cole and Jove and everyone else that he knows here to return to his duty.

There is no escaping it. That is his fate.

Here, in this moment, however, he is at Cole's side, and he does not intent to leave. He may tuck his emotions to one side, he may shove them away, he might well force himself into calm and turn down any other feelings, but he is here. That is inescapable. ]

Never.

[killedwithlove]

[Cole knows that. He comes from a world without this Solas, without Jove, without all the people he's met here. Even without Cullen, who had learned to tolerate him peacefully.

He will be alone again. But maybe that is his nature. He is not alone now.]

I do things wrong. Everyone does.

[dirth]

And people that do things wrong are often forgiven, are they not? That is the heart of relationships.

[ But, of course, Solas holds himself above and away from those. In his eyes? There is no forgiveness, there is no hope, no redemption. What he is looking to is the end of the world, and that means there is no chance for a better future.

Softening, he reaches out, touches Cole's cheek. ]

You will always be forgiven, Cole.

[killedwithlove]

[He had stood in front of that small town and Solas had said that he could and had to forgive the man who murdered him. But Cole didn't forgive him. He still couldn't forgive him. Not just for letting Cole die that horrible death. But for what else he did, before that and after.]

Often. Not always. I never forgave that templar. You were so disappointed. Did that happen with your Cole? Or did you convince him to forgive?

[He doesn't look up, even at the touch.]

[dirth]

[ Solas breathes out, forcing himself to calm, to relax, before he speaks. ]

You forgave him. You were hurting, but you were wounded - you needed to find the part of yourself that had hurt and regain it. He was hurting too, had left the Templars, and you were a spirit of Compassion. You helped him forget, and you forgave him.

[ His hand draws away and he crosses his arms, bowing his head. ]

[killedwithlove]

[Cole isn't sure what Solas means. Maybe, in his world, Solas had taken Cole to see that Templar. Maybe he found forgiveness in himself.]

No. I didn't.

[He had not helped the man forget. As Cole had to live with what he had done, so did that man. He had left a young man to die, and then hidden what had happened. And Cole had killed those people, even if he thought he was helping.]

[dirth]

You did not. He did.

[ Solas frowns, considering, for a moment, before he looks away. ]

You are not the same as the Cole I knew, and I am not the same as the Solas you knew.

[killedwithlove]

No, I am not and you are not.

I still trust you like I do the Solas I know from home. You're very the same in all the ways that matter.

... did your Cole ever tell you about Rhys and Evangeline?

[dirth]

As are you. You are still Cole to me, and nothing will change that.

[ There are certain things Solas wishes he could change, but there's no denying the fact that it's near enough impossible now. They're in an entirely different world. ]

Yes. He did.

[killedwithlove]

[ Some things can never be changed or undone. They both know that. ]

You, in my world, you're going to have to do that to Cadash's arm, aren't you? So she can live.

[ He's feeling things out. ]

[dirth]

It has to be done.

[ Solas glances away, frowning. ]

I could not stop it forever.

[killedwithlove]

Yes, I know. It's killing her. She just doesn't know that yet. It's a Mercy.

It's right.

[dirth]

I know. [ Solas frowns, then, turning his gaze away and forcing himself to be calm. It is, after all, his fault - his mistake that he will pay for, time and time again, more pain heaped upon those that he had come to care for. ] She will live, and that is what is important.

[killedwithlove]

It was an accident.

[He tries to reach for Solas, to take his hand.]

Not everything is your fault. I know you're very good at making chains and links to make everything about you, but sometimes... it isn't. And that's okay.

[dirth]

[ Solas shakes his head, leaning away from Cole's touch - not because he doesn't want it, but because he doesn't deserve it. ]

It was my plan, Cole, and I made a mistake. Her suffering is a result of my choice.

[ He's not entirely talking about Cadash anymore, and he thinks they both realise it. ]

Perhaps we shall allow me a moment or two of selfish wallowing before we return to the artwork, hm?

[killedwithlove]

You should lay blame where it belongs. With Corypheus and others who flocked to him.

[ The problem is, Solas pulls away and Cole tends to think he's done something wrong, because Solas won't let him in. He pulls his hand back to his chest, nursing it like the sting is there.]

And with those who hurt her. You didn't turn on her.

... okay. But you'd tell me wallowing doesn't help.

[dirth]

[ Solas sighs, shaking his head and turning back to look at Cole. ]

I will be alright, with time. Being trapped here, Cole... It does not do well for the mind.

[killedwithlove]

Yes, you will be. Probably.

Time doesn't deal. It's what you do with that time that heals you. [ Not his words, from someone else, clearly. ]

[dirth]

[ Solas raises an eyebrow, amused, before he nods, once. ]

You've been learning, haven't you, Cole?

[killedwithlove]

[ Cole nods. ]

I've tried to. Spirits don't learn, but people have to.

[dirth]

You are doing a remarkable job. [ And, here, he smiles. ] I am very proud of you.

[killedwithlove]

[ Cole ducks his head slightly and then looks up, a small smile on his face. ]

Thank you. I knew you were proud, pride, but it means more if you say it. I understand it better.

[dirth]

[ Solas softens, then, his smile widening. ]

Then I will make efforts to say it more often, shall I?

[killedwithlove]

Only if you feel it towards me. You're always seething with pride, but it's not like Madam de Fer's. You think only you can fix things, make them right. She just thinks she's better than most people.