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Who: Allen Walker
Broadcast: Video!
Action: Blue Fish
When: Today, April 2nd.

[For those who've been here awhile, a familiar setting appears on the feed. Allen's standing behind a table in his lab, looking tired but positive! Timcanpy sits behind him on a shelf, wearing that looks to be a miniature gasmask fitted for the lower part of his face (?). ]

Hello everyone! If you don't know me, I'm Allen Walker, one of the medics in the fleet. Nice to see you all again.

[He clears his throat]

Anyway, a few announcements today! We'll be holding our bi-monthly blood drive next weekend! The blood donated will be kept in case of medical emergencies that require a blood transfusion - in other words, using scientific methods to help someone whose lost a lot of blood. If you are interested in donating, we will pay you in money or food!

So if you're interested and you're over the age of 16, please fill out the form attached to this video. [And what do you know, it's there] If you're interested in volunteering, please let me know. Vampires interested in volunteering will need to be able to have restraint around blood and will not be allowed to sample the blood. And like last time, the blood drive will be taking place on the SS Paisley. Thank you again for your warm hospitality, Paisley.

And of course, there will be cookies to anyone who volunteers or donates.

[Okay then, moving on, he'll smile at the screen-]

As for other business, our fleet has arrived at a moon that you've probably noticed is rather...polluted. So it's been asked by local authorities that I tell people the following advice to help you stay healthy:

[He clears his throat again and holds up what looks to be....a pretty lengthy list]

Please wear your gas mask at all times while outside. Please do not assume you are immune to toxic air. Please don't try to smoke with your gas mask on. Please don't wear a damaged gas mask. Please don't wear your gas mask over clothes, it will not work. Please make sure there's no leaks when wearing your gas mask. Please secure your own gas mask before helping others. Please don't store small animals in your gas mask. Please don't put your gas mask on animals it's not made for. Please don't set your gas mask on fire. Please don't eat while wearing the gas mask. Please wear your gas mask over your face, that is the only part of the body it will work. Please don't ask if there's a gas mask for other regions of your body. Please wear your gas mask on your face.

[He takes a breath, then...flips a page. Yes. We could be here awhile]

Please don't drink the water outside. Please don't bathe in the water. Please don't go swimming in any body of water. Please don't wash your dishes in the water. If you need to go in the water, please make sure you're properly covered. Please don't splash people with the water. Please don't attempt to give mouth-to-mouth CPR to anyone whose gone in the water. Please do not cook with the water. Please do not use the water as an ingredient for spells. Please don't go fishing in the water. Please don't attempt to put out fires with the water. Please don't light a match and drop it in the water. Please don't set the water on fire. Please don't microwave the water.

[Another page flip. And yes, he's still keeping that polite smile!]

Please don't eat the vegetation outside. Please don't eat the fake vegetation inside. Please don't touch the vegetation with bare skin. Please don't lick the vegetation. Please don't set the vegetation on fire. Please don't smoke the vegetation. Please don't snort the vegetation. Please don't inject or ingest the outside vegetation in any manner. Please refrain from engaging in intercourse on the vegetation. Please don't attempt to cook the vegetation. Please don't boil the vegetation with the water. If you can't recognize the plant, please leave the plant alone.

[Another page flip!]

Please don't eat the wildlife. Please don't attempt to cook the wildlife. Please don't wear the skins or furs of the wildlife. Please exercise caution when attempting to befriend wildlife. Please don't take any of the wildlife as pets. Please don't do anything to the wildlife that requires skin contact. If you think an action towards an animal might be illegal, please don't do it. Please don't lick the wildlife. Please don't use the moon's animals for taxidermy. Please don't cut open an animal and try to sleep in it. Please don't set the wildlife on fire. If you don't have the ability to talk to wildlife, and the moon's wildlife begins talking to you, please seek immediate medical attention.

[Page flip!]

If you find any slime or sludge, please leave it alone. Please don't touch the slime. Please don't lick the slime. Please don't dare others to lick the slime. Please don't eat the slime. Please don't drink the slime. Please don't wear the sludge as a way to trick infra-red. Please don't try to light the slime on fire. Please stay away from the slime.

[Another page flip. Oh thank god, it's almost over]

Please exercise caution when exploring the wilderness. Please watch out for mineshafts. Please always bring a non-flammable light source. Please don't go alone into a mineschaft. Please don't have intercourse in a mine shaft. Please don't light a match in a mineshaft. Please don't bring canaries into the mineshafts. Please don't climb an oil tower without climbing gear. Please don't lick the mineshafts or oil towers. Please don't set the mineschafts or oil towers on fire.

Most importantly...if you don't recognize, please don't touch it.

[FINALLY. He gives a sigh of relief and puts down the document.]

Well then- those rules seem easy enough to remember! Let's all...try our best to stay safe here, shall we? Shouldn't be difficult...

[We're all going to die. But!! He smiles brightly again]

That's all I have for today! Thank you and have a wonderful, healthy, day! [And with a wave, he cuts the feed]

[OOC: As always, the blood drive will be handwaved!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ha- I suppose. I guess they wanted to be thorough.

It's just - a lot of that seems like common sense, doesn't it?

Though I guess that's the answer right there isn't it? Common sense isn't always so common.

[A dry laugh]

Well, since I've had one person respond to an item on the list while being outside without wearing their mask, and another insist they fell into a lake on accident...

[Yeah. Common sense doesn't exist]

Right, okay, I'm seeing the sense of the list now.

Makes you wonder how many times people had to pull stuff like that for them to make it part of the list...

I'm not sure I want to know. Especially with the ones that are rather...colourful.

And yet I'm not surprised by those either. I'm almost surprised there aren't more of them, actually.

You think so? [He sighs] Well, I'll hope the fleet doesn't require them to add any additional ones.

I wouldn't put your hopes to high. There's bound to be one.

Ha....maybe. But I'm going to try to be optimistic!

I would have said once upon a time it would be me adding something to that list, but I like to think I've grown out of it.

Your optimism is awe inspiring, really.

_{[ He halfway means it and he's halfway teasing. ]}

Ah...used to get into a lot of trouble then?

_{[ He grinned. ]}

Only a little bit, really.

_{[ No, he has a rap sheet - a long one. He probably owed the police
Christmas cards for his teenage antics. ]}

Ha....me too, I'll admit.

[A little. Yeah. Sure, he buys that]

Still feels a little odd being on the other side of it.

_{[ Well, you know, general mischief. It's not like he ever did anything
horrible! There was that one time he drove a car into the quarry, but it
was the once and meant to a prove a point when he was twelve, okay? ]}

I know, right? People suddenly looking to me as a paragon of how to act - sometimes I still think they're being sarcastic.

You get that feeling too?

[The feeling of people being sarcastic, anyway. Though, some people were still sarcastic with Allen so...]

I wouldn't say people look at me like a paragon- but I could see you being one!

_{[ He had to laugh at that. ]}

I wish I could send a video of you saying that to my CMO and pretty much all of my bridge crew.

I don't think you'd be saying that if you saw some of the notes in my service record!

Really?

Well then, what sort of notes are in your service record?

Let's see, the most common tend to be no respect for authority, actively going against orders, suspected misconduct in the form of cheating on the Kobayashi Maru - thankfully they've let that one go - disregard for the Prime Directive...

_{[ He ticked it off on his fingers. It really is a wonder he's become a
captain, but then it was hard to argue with his results, and he didn't step
out of line all the time. Just when the rules didn't fit with what
he thought was the right thing to do. ]}

[Wow...that is a lot for a guy they actually let be captain. Honestly that sounds like his record, and he sure never got a leadership position in the order haha...]

What's the Kobayashi Maru?

_{[ Well, he had proven himself in the line of fire, and it had helped
that Pike had recommended him for the position. ]}

It is a test in the Academy. Spock claimed it was to teach us fear, and how to keep control in the face of that fear and accept it. I disagreed with the premise of said test.

[He makes a bit of a face]

That sounds a bit absurd. You can't really teach fear in a test.

No, I don't think you can. But I also protested teaching us to accept 'no-win' scenarios in the first place. It felt like teaching us to give up, rather than to search for a way out.

[Allen Greatly Approves +3 ]

Yeah, it sounds that way to me. I've always hated the idea of accepting your fate.

_{[ Level up! ]}

Yes, that's my thought. If nothing else, I've just always thought you should try everything to ensure the survival of your crew - and giving up everyone doesn't do that.

_{[ He had been willing to give himself up to Marcus, but he hadn't seen
that as giving up - it had been the solution to ensure his crew didn't
suffer anymore for his own mistakes. ]}

But yeah - I nearly got full on court-martialed for "cheating" on that particular test.

What? You nearly got court-martialed over a problematic test?!

That definitely sounds like a load of bollocks to me!

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