driftfleet | (no subject)

Who: Allen Walker
Broadcast: Video!
Action: Blue Fish
When: Today, April 2nd.

[For those who've been here awhile, a familiar setting appears on the feed. Allen's standing behind a table in his lab, looking tired but positive! Timcanpy sits behind him on a shelf, wearing that looks to be a miniature gasmask fitted for the lower part of his face (?). ]

Hello everyone! If you don't know me, I'm Allen Walker, one of the medics in the fleet. Nice to see you all again.

[He clears his throat]

Anyway, a few announcements today! We'll be holding our bi-monthly blood drive next weekend! The blood donated will be kept in case of medical emergencies that require a blood transfusion - in other words, using scientific methods to help someone whose lost a lot of blood. If you are interested in donating, we will pay you in money or food!

So if you're interested and you're over the age of 16, please fill out the form attached to this video. [And what do you know, it's there] If you're interested in volunteering, please let me know. Vampires interested in volunteering will need to be able to have restraint around blood and will not be allowed to sample the blood. And like last time, the blood drive will be taking place on the SS Paisley. Thank you again for your warm hospitality, Paisley.

And of course, there will be cookies to anyone who volunteers or donates.

[Okay then, moving on, he'll smile at the screen-]

As for other business, our fleet has arrived at a moon that you've probably noticed is rather...polluted. So it's been asked by local authorities that I tell people the following advice to help you stay healthy:

[He clears his throat again and holds up what looks to be....a pretty lengthy list]

Please wear your gas mask at all times while outside. Please do not assume you are immune to toxic air. Please don't try to smoke with your gas mask on. Please don't wear a damaged gas mask. Please don't wear your gas mask over clothes, it will not work. Please make sure there's no leaks when wearing your gas mask. Please secure your own gas mask before helping others. Please don't store small animals in your gas mask. Please don't put your gas mask on animals it's not made for. Please don't set your gas mask on fire. Please don't eat while wearing the gas mask. Please wear your gas mask over your face, that is the only part of the body it will work. Please don't ask if there's a gas mask for other regions of your body. Please wear your gas mask on your face.

[He takes a breath, then...flips a page. Yes. We could be here awhile]

Please don't drink the water outside. Please don't bathe in the water. Please don't go swimming in any body of water. Please don't wash your dishes in the water. If you need to go in the water, please make sure you're properly covered. Please don't splash people with the water. Please don't attempt to give mouth-to-mouth CPR to anyone whose gone in the water. Please do not cook with the water. Please do not use the water as an ingredient for spells. Please don't go fishing in the water. Please don't attempt to put out fires with the water. Please don't light a match and drop it in the water. Please don't set the water on fire. Please don't microwave the water.

[Another page flip. And yes, he's still keeping that polite smile!]

Please don't eat the vegetation outside. Please don't eat the fake vegetation inside. Please don't touch the vegetation with bare skin. Please don't lick the vegetation. Please don't set the vegetation on fire. Please don't smoke the vegetation. Please don't snort the vegetation. Please don't inject or ingest the outside vegetation in any manner. Please refrain from engaging in intercourse on the vegetation. Please don't attempt to cook the vegetation. Please don't boil the vegetation with the water. If you can't recognize the plant, please leave the plant alone.

[Another page flip!]

Please don't eat the wildlife. Please don't attempt to cook the wildlife. Please don't wear the skins or furs of the wildlife. Please exercise caution when attempting to befriend wildlife. Please don't take any of the wildlife as pets. Please don't do anything to the wildlife that requires skin contact. If you think an action towards an animal might be illegal, please don't do it. Please don't lick the wildlife. Please don't use the moon's animals for taxidermy. Please don't cut open an animal and try to sleep in it. Please don't set the wildlife on fire. If you don't have the ability to talk to wildlife, and the moon's wildlife begins talking to you, please seek immediate medical attention.

[Page flip!]

If you find any slime or sludge, please leave it alone. Please don't touch the slime. Please don't lick the slime. Please don't dare others to lick the slime. Please don't eat the slime. Please don't drink the slime. Please don't wear the sludge as a way to trick infra-red. Please don't try to light the slime on fire. Please stay away from the slime.

[Another page flip. Oh thank god, it's almost over]

Please exercise caution when exploring the wilderness. Please watch out for mineshafts. Please always bring a non-flammable light source. Please don't go alone into a mineschaft. Please don't have intercourse in a mine shaft. Please don't light a match in a mineshaft. Please don't bring canaries into the mineshafts. Please don't climb an oil tower without climbing gear. Please don't lick the mineshafts or oil towers. Please don't set the mineschafts or oil towers on fire.

Most importantly...if you don't recognize, please don't touch it.

[FINALLY. He gives a sigh of relief and puts down the document.]

Well then- those rules seem easy enough to remember! Let's all...try our best to stay safe here, shall we? Shouldn't be difficult...

[We're all going to die. But!! He smiles brightly again]

That's all I have for today! Thank you and have a wonderful, healthy, day! [And with a wave, he cuts the feed]

[OOC: As always, the blood drive will be handwaved!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, don't worry. As long as you take precautions, it should be fine.

The masks are sort of... cute. I suppose if such things are necessary, people find ways to make them appealing. Or as appealing as they can be.

Mm! I sort of like them, actually. It makes me think of Halloween.

[You know, his aesthetic.]

A hallow ween?

[What is this???]

Halloween!

[HELLO DO YOU HAVE TIME TO HEAR ABOUT OUR LORD AND SAVIOR THE PUMPKIN KING]

It's an Earth holiday. You dress up in costumes, tell scary stories and eat lots of candy! It's my favourite holiday.

Oh! That sounds like fun. I do like the candy I've tried since joining the fleet. It makes sense that there should be a holiday based around it.

[that's what it is right]

[CLOSE ENOUGH, he laughs]

Yeah! Candy is pretty good. Halloween isn't for another 6 months, but maybe there can be something done for it!

Well, we have masks for our costumes, at least. Now we just need to hope we're near a source of candy when the time comes, should we all still be in space.

Hmmm....yeah. Maybe I can stockpile it if we come across a planet with candy early...

[Normally he's not great with stockpiling food, but if it's for Halloween...!!]