(no subject)

[complicatedliar]

Who: Agony Aunt Agatha (a mask cunningly worn by Loki and Leto)
Broadcast: Fleetwide text
Action: None
When: Right now

[Attached picture: A friendly, smiling, white-haired old lady. She's got the kind of face you can trust, radiating good humor and worldly reasonableness.]

Hello, intrepid explorers and darling drifters!

I know you're far from home and all your friends, family, and other loved ones. Your Agony Aunt Agatha is here to listen to your troubles and give you sage advice. I've lived a lot of years and seen a lot of things--and trust me, your problems have a solution, no matter how odd or insurmountable they feel.

Write in anonymously or with your name, whatever you're more comfortable with. Auntie Agatha doesn't judge (mostly), and your secrets are safe with me!

Keep smiling, sweethearts,

Your Auntie Agatha


(OOC: Replies may come from either Loki or Leto, but will purportedly and untraceably be from delightful Aunt Agatha. Doesn't she look charming?)

Comments

text.

[complicatedliar]

Of course, I'd be happy to help out your friend.

[Resisting the temptation to write that as "friend."]

text.

[astrobleme]

[Hey, he's in need of some deniability here.]

Okay. This person - my friend - has spent their entire life believing something important about themselves. Really important. And then one day they realized that thing might not be true after all. And it's upsetting to them. I don't know what to say to them or how to comfort them.

text.

[complicatedliar]

Being upset and angry is very natural in such a situation. The key is finding a productive way to express those feelings. [Like murder or genocide!] Tell your friend that you sympathize with their plight and you will support their efforts at making things right. There isn't anything that can really fix this except time. [And murder.] And action.

text.

[astrobleme]

That's sensible advice. I wasn't sure if you were just messing around, but that really is sensible.

[Shinji has already killed something like half--three quarters?--or more?--of the human population by causing the apocalypse twice. He's looking for other outlets. Less deadly ones, with any luck.]

My friend has tried to do gardening and artwork, but those are only temporary solutions at best. Is there anything else you could recommend?

text.

[complicatedliar]

I'm not here to bullshit anyone, but I understand the suspicion.

[Genocide, Shinji. Kill all the humans. But Loki is here to get some plausible deniability going. The mindfuckery comes later. A good joke requires a patient setup sometimes.]

Your friend might want to try something a little more active. Burn that negative energy off instead of trying to meditate it away.

text.

[astrobleme]

With all the war games, this is probably the best time to be more active. Not paintball, though. Anything but paintball.

[Genocide really doesn't do it for him, man.]

Thank you. I'm sure my friend would thank you, too, if they could.

text.

[complicatedliar]

They have things like tug-of-war and pillow fights. Just about anything. Give it a whirl.

I'm sure they would.

text.

[astrobleme]

Pillow fights? Wow, it's been forever since I've had one of those.

[...]

I'll have to ask my friend if they want to do that.

[...]

Because I'm not my friend. Just to be clear.