004 ↯ audio

[feathery]

Who: Davesprite and whoever.
Broadcast: Fleetwide
Action: Indoors, moonside.
When: Now sounds good.

[Someone is done to death with masks and getting accosted by randos on the street. Thus, Davesprite has taken refuge indoors, since that's as good as it gets short of returning to the ships. He'd normally opt for text, but he honestly just wants to talk for a while. Even if his voice is equal parts bored and sullen.]

Sportball ambushes on the street are great and all, [it probably isn't possible for him to sound more sarcastic] but I got to ponder the selection happening in this contaminated stain on the face of space. Like, sure, there are "strategy games" [yes, those are actual, audible air quotes], but where my real battles at. You know, the wordplay variety, where you drop a witticism to a sick beat and slant it to rhyme. Twist that shit into ill verse and cause some deadly delirium not even the most decorated doctor could cure. Dude could be veteran to World War Disease and still find himself stymied by this nasty flow that makes even the gutsiest guerilla fold. Ain't a medic around who can mend my rap battle burns.

[A beat.]

So, yeah, maybe I'm only pissed about moon pollution central 'cause all these hostile idiots keep hailing me out of the blue and yet: not a single fuckin' rap battle. [This is definitely not the only reason he's pissed about moon pollution central, but priorities.] What's a guy got to do, besides deck himself out in a shitty respirator and biohazard costume. A live performance? God, this is stupid.

Comments

[feathery]

Not really.

[But Isaac's attempted nickname gets a slight, fairly good-natured eye roll out of him, something more akin to his usual behavior.]

You had a reference to Space Ghost Coast to Coast floating right in front of you, inches from your face, and you still blew it. You can't take that one back, dude.

[frigidaire]

I mean it is, so. You better pick wisely one day or I'm just gonna call you Feather Ass instead.

[ Isaac makes a face at Davesprite. ] Seriously, I'm not gonna call you Space Ghost. I don't want to find you bald and wearing spandex or something okay, that'd be weird. I don't need anymore nightmares, thanks.

[feathery]

It's feathery asshole. Formerly orange feathery asshole, if you want to get caught up on semantics. Get it right, dude.

[Really, he gives Isaac his friendship and this is what he gets in return?]

But you're in luck, 'cause I never wanted to be a superhero, anyway.

[frigidaire]

You seriously want to be called feather asshole? I worry about you, dude.

[ Isaac shakes his head, and pulls his hands out of his pockets to stretch. He didn't realize how tense he'd become. ] You're a bad liar, you totally want a cape. Rapping Super Bird.

[feathery]

[That gets him to look away, movement shuttered.]

No thanks. I'd look even dumber than I do already. [Dave is the one who wears the cape, who gets to play hero, even if Davesprite thinks both of them are fucking terrible at it. It's not a lie he wants any part of.]

Come on. I thought we came here for candy.

[frigidaire]

I dunno, wings are pretty cool. Better than six foreheads, a pound of sideburns and elf ears.

[ No, really, at least Davesprite looks like he's just wearing a Hot Topic special or something. Isaac's face when he's transformed just looks busted. Even he knows it. ]

Yeah, candy sounds good right now. There's a shop just up there. [ And of course it can't just be a normal candy shop like back home. There are alien images, even some candies that move or have something alive in side them. At least that's all Isaac sees in the window. ] Get in, get the chocolate stuff, and get out. Pretty sure I don't wanna browse.

[feathery]

Man, whatever. You don't even look like someone took a wooden plank to your face and knocked you into a yiff pile most of the time. You just look like you.

[He waves a dismissive hand at Isaac's face, before he gets distracted by the window. He looks way more interested in the moving candies than he should be, with an avian tilt to his head.

It takes him a minute to get that impulse under control and he makes a disgusted sound, covering his mouth.]

God, yeah. Let's just get this over with.

[frigidaire]

Do I need to get you blinders?

[ Isaac is only moderately disturbed by his friend's fascination with the moving candy so he reaches out and grabs his sleeve, hauling him away if he has to. ] Let's stay focused on the chocolate. [ Not the worms. ]

What flavor do you want? I can't read any of that but there's pink, green and just... chocolate. I hope.

[feathery]

Taste test it first.

[He says this immediately, tugged along behind Isaac with moderate obedience.]

You got wolf senses; you should know if it's really shit.

[It could always be compacted shit.]

hope you like a full inbox

[frigidaire]

Seriously? Pretty sure we're not supposed to do that. The whole break it you buy it thing.

[ But he can smell the weird alien sugar in it, or whatever aliens put in their candy. Who knows. He picks up a few bar and literally lifts them to his nose, smelling them. (More like breathing them in, let's be real). ]

I mean, they smell okay. Might as well try them. I don't think they're that expensive. [ So he grabs a few and when he's checking out? Well, the alien behind the counter talks him into buying a goodie bag of candy -- but what candy is in the mystery bag? Who knows. ]

[feathery]

[That...looks a little weird, but ok. It's not like Davesprite can really talk, when his head bobs back and then around to the side as he watches this shit go down.

He filches the goodie bag off Isaac almost immediately, whether he likes it or not, and peers inside.]

Fuck!

[He nearly drops the bag and shoves it back at Isaac.

The bag is almost entirely normal. In fact, when Isaac looks inside, he might not know what the fuck Davesprite is freaking out about at first. But snuggled beneath all of the normal candy is a big, fat, juicy larva with candy-colored spots. Its little legs wiggle and grasp at its breathable packaging. If it weren't a plump invertebrate, it would probably be cute. tbh, there are probably people who find it downright adorable in its natural state. One of them might raise it to become a beautiful alien butterfly or whatever it pupates into.

Davesprite just wants to eat it instead and is not ok with that.]

[frigidaire]

What is it?

[ Isaac isn't sure how to react, half managing the bag of perfectly normal candy and now nearly dropping this other bag on the floor. He shifts it around to peer inside and he lets out a groan immediately. ]

Oh come on. She said there wasn't anything living in them, what the heck. [ It's gross, too, wiggling legs and little plump body. He almost gags when he shuts the bag. ]

Dude we'll give it to someone else, one of these alien people are gonna want it I bet. Then we can have the normal candy, okay? Maybe you should go outside. [ Because if Davesprite looks at the bag again the way he had been, Isaac might actually throw up in his mouth a little. He is not gonna let his best friend eat a candy maggot. ]

[feathery]

[Davesprite is not having a good time and he's honestly feeling so attacked right now. He covers his eyes, fingers under his sunglasses, before he drops them just as quickly and stands up straight.]

I'm fine. It's cool, I'm good.

[He really isn't, but there isn't much else for him to do besides pretend he's fine.]

Just—keep it over there. [He motions away from him. How specific.] God, why do they have so many fucking bugs on the menu.

[frigidaire]

You're a bad liar. Dude I'll just throw it away. I don't want it, either.

[ Isaac idly looks around for a trash can or compactor or something. When he finally finds one, he stuffs the bag in it. It hadn't cost that much, and he'd much rather throw it away than chance his friend vomiting or eating bugs. ]

I don't know, it's a moon. Like why do they think bugs are good candy. They're not. That's -- I hate space. [ He groans at the thought, but shortly after? Offers Dave a chocolate bar. ] Eat it. Normal chocolate, bug free.

[feathery]

[The great comedy of this is that Davesprite feels kind of bad for the bug. Why would they package it while it's still alive, anyway? PETA would have their heads.

He takes the chocolate bar, malcontent.]

Whatever, it's only a month max. [HAHA THEY WISH.] But I'm kinda not feeling the local flavor. Are there any vegan restaurants. Those were all the rage on Earth, right.

[Davesprite, stop talking about Earth in the past tense...]

[frigidaire]

I kind of think maybe the bugs are their version of vegan.

[ He's only seen them in select places, but when the place says they serve bugs, man do they serve bugs. ]

But yeah, they are I guess. Especially in California. Vegan, gluten-free, froyo... all the fads in America.

[feathery]

Weird. I guess Houston had NASA.

[He says like he ever appreciated that. Or was given the opportunity to appreciate it.]

Mostly it was just really fucking hot. Hot enough to broil your backside like a burger on a patch of tarmac. I swear that shit bubbled some days.

[frigidaire]

Pretty sure it still has NASA, dude.

[ He shrugs, not really appreciating NASA, either. If they could get rid of this moon, that would be nice. ]

But that's why you wear shoes and a shirt if it's hot. And you don't lie down on the street, either. [ Is he being sarcastic? Or is he serious? Who knows. ]

[feathery]

Earth doesn't have anything anymore, thanks to the game of shitpool that spawned me.

[It's devoid of any emotion: toneless, matter-of-fact.]

But thanks for the eloquent advice. I'll keep that in mind next time I decide to go play in lava.

[frigidaire]

But how can a game do something like that? It's just a game, can it actually like... mess stuff up?

[ He's asking genuinely, he doesn't entirely understand, and he's not about to make a joke about something that clearly bothers his friend. ]

I guess living in werewolf town isn't as bad as I thought it was.

[feathery]

Man, I don't think you want me to get into how fucked up my life is because of a fucking video game.

[By the time he gets to the end of that sentence, he just sounds tired.]

And not even a fun video game, just a shitty one.

[frigidaire]

That bad? You'd think being in a video game would be fun.

[ He shrugs, looking up as they approach the docks where the ships are settled. As much as he hates being on this moon, he doesn't exactly like being cooped up in the ship, either. It's a lose-lose situation. ]

I guess this place isn't like that anyway. The fleet, I mean.

[feathery]

Being in a video game isn't the same as playing one.

[Dying comes with all the trauma associated with it, for one. And save scumming erases everything you know, that you lived through and care about, on the off chance that maybe, just fucking maybe, things will be better next time.

Davesprite is so tired of pretending to be ok with that.]

But no, the Fleet is just a glorified fucking petting zoo instead. What a fucking improvement.

[frigidaire]

I guess that's true.

[ Isaac hadn't thought about it that way, and he isn't sure how to respond, really. He can't exactly understand what Davesprite went through, but it sounds pretty awful either way. ]

You're right though, we're just here to be entertainment. I guess it's not that different. [ He shrugs, going quiet a moment. ] Just gotta keep looking for a way out of this place then. Could still try to remove the augments or whatever, but it doesn't look like that exactly does anything but get someone hurt anyway.

[feathery]

I don't even know where to start anymore.

[It's fatigued, almost defeated.]

Removing the augments doesn't work. Going too far out of range—and it's a hella arbitrary range, but I never been a space guy—only gets you beamed right back aboard your designated shitcan. No one fucking believes you [and there's stress there, more frustration] if you try to tell them you been kidnapped, they just think you're nuttier than a fucking squirrel's nest jacked full of peanut butter.

[He shakes his head, irritable.]

I mean fuck, dude, none of us have even seen the hosts in person. We can't get back to the Marsiva. We don't got any idea of where they keep the cameras—and they are watching us, even if it's not on TV. And there are just. [He throws up his hands, movement sharp and stunted.] Literal days from when they were "calibrating" us that I cannot fucking remember and I don't know why.