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Who: Leto + You
Broadcast: Video
Action: N/A
When:

[ The video flickers on to Leto sitting on his bed, kicking his legs briefly. He grins when the video starts recording, pushing himself onto his feet. He tilts his head, that odd bird-like movement he often exhibits. ]

I have heard some interesting things of late, so I thought I'd put the question to you all. When you fall in love, can you only love one person? Can you fall in love with multiple people? Is love something you find yourself stopping after just one?

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[ that's entirely too confusing. but he remembers his mother's words. ]

Hearts have infinite rooms.

[ a beat ]

My mother. She told me once. I guess that's true for you in a very literal sense.

[ Infinite rooms . . . ]

Your mother was a wise woman.

[ fat lot that did her. wise doesn't mean strong. it doesn't mean anything.

he curbs his bitterness before he speaks again. ]

Yes. She was.

Perhaps that wisdom could have gone a long way for my own parents.

To your father, perhaps. But your mother - there's no telling what kind of parent she could have been.

[ If he really wanted to, he could ask her. Rail against the ghost under his skin - but what good would that be? It wasn't her, just a fragment of her that shares the temple with others. For all his lineage existing besides his fingertips, none of them could offer this. ]

She wanted children so badly. His children.

[ he wonders, briefly, if padme even wanted to have children with him. it almost seemed like it was decided when they met luke and leia and found out their uncertain future. ]

It doesn't mean she didn't love you.

How could she? She never knew me. She never knew what I -- I have become.

[ This thing you've done to yourself, his father had hissed. It had stung. Leto had shouldered his father's faults, his father's mistakes and took the extreme route to fix them.

Was that not love? ]

She had you.

[ a beat. he thinks about faceless children of the same height, a bright blond son and a unruly haired daughter, with matching grins. ]

How could your mother not be reminded of the love that created you when she looks at you? If she loved your father that much, she must love you too because he's part of you. Isn't that enough?

[ He doesn't know. It is frustrating to him, this knowledge that escapes his grasp. His parents no longer exist so their time was closed to him. All he had were the stories of their love and the ghosts in his heart and it wasn't enough.

It just wasn't. And just for his life? To be the heir? The legacy?

To clean up past mistakes? ]

I never wanted this. I never wanted my life for hers or theirs.

I'm sorry.

[ a sigh ]

But I don't think that's for you to want.

. . . No. I suppose it isn't.

[ He's not allowed to want things anymore. ]

Can I ask you a personal question?

[ A little wry. ]

You may.

[ it comes quietly, but certain. ]

Did you resent your father for abandoning you and your sister?

[ Ah. He thought that might come. ]

Yes. And no. I loved my father. I wanted to know him, I wanted him to shelter me. Dreams of a child who thought when his father came home, my family would be what it once was.

[ No more suspicion, no looming assassinations. No creeping insanity in Alia's eyes. ]

My father left many things unfinished. He was trapped by grief, by his actions, by his role as a Messiah.

[ He exhales quietly. He remembers when his father died in his arms, how afraid Leto had been of touching him. The wormskin had made its deadly crawl over Leto and his father had feared for him. Feared for the Golden Path that would take Leto away. ]

I loved my father so much that I took on something terrible for him. So that his mistakes would not be his legacy. And -- perhaps he loved me, a little. He called me his son.

[ He wonders if this is what Luke felt. His son. His legacy. A sense of guilt creeps in; he should have tried harder to get to know Luke when he was here, Leia too. He should have told them he loved them, regardless of Leia's anger and Luke's expectations.

No, it's too soon. He can't think about Luke and Leia now.

Anakin promptly crush that line of thought. ]

I don't think any father could call you their son without love. [ And isn't that enough? He doesn't know, he can't. ] I never had a father but I know it must be difficult. Thank you for telling me.

[ Talking about it should make it easier. Cathartic. Leto had already confessed such feelings to his father already.

But it doesn't help. Not really. ]

You're welcome.

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