driftfleet | And On Your Left You'll See a Tourist Mingle

What do you mean by that?

[ time to put those brackets out in the open? ]

[ but that's scary, though. he knows she'll reassure him, tell him it's not his fault, and he'll want to believe her, trust her. but even so, the words are incredibly hard to say, to face up to. he hates that he has these feelings, more than anything he wants to be strong for her and for kitty, like they're being for their respective worlds - and for him. ]

Just...[ he runs a hand through his hair, wishing he let the subject drop, wishing he said you're right and stepped away from the topic. grateful that he didn't - he shouldn't go back to bottling things up, that leads nowhere good. ] I can't help you. I can't uncover any new information. I can't...do anything, unless it's trivial like costumes for a party.

[ being helpful has become a pillar of his personality, and he doesn't recognize himself without it. it feels like everything that was useful about him is slowly being replaced with anger. ]

Winn, we've known each other for two years. You were the first person I met at CatCo. I was so nervous and you made me smile. How long have you known I'm Supergirl? A few months? If that?

We didn't become friends because you were, I don't know, useful to me. To Supergirl. We became friends because you're... you. You have this energy that just brightens the space around you. You were the fourth person in my entire life who knew about what I could do. If I ever thought for a fraction of a second that you would exploit that... I never would have shared.

I was here for weeks before you showed up, Winn. Weeks where, yeah, I didn't have my powers. And that's so frustrating. But you know what I missed way more than my ability to fly? My friends. You. So I don't know where you're getting all of this "I can't help you" stuff. You can help me. You have helped me. I sleep so much better knowing that I have a true friend just a few doors away from me, who won't mind if I need to wake him up in the middle of the night just to pour my heart out. Who will always look out for me when I forget to look out for myself. And who will drop everything to save my rear and dress me up for a last minute party.

Trivial as it may be, it matters to me. You matter to me. I'd be so lonely here without you.

[ all the feelings he's been struggling with are still there - he still feels helpless to help kitty, furious at himself for it because the stakes are so high. he's still angry that the stakes were raised that far to begin with. he's still afraid of what that rage may mean for him, still terrified of what tomorrow may bring.

but now, other feelings that have been beaten down rise up to join them. hope, gratitude, love (and not the awkward kind). he spends so much of his life smiling through it that sometimes it's easy to forget how amazing allowing a friend to offer comfort can be.

despite all the darkness, all the fears, he finds himself smiling. it's that power that's uniquely kara's. ]

I don't know what I'd be here without you. [ it's honest, and awed, and grateful. he connects with kitty in a way he never really did with anyone before - but what he shares with kara...is irreplaceable. she's the first real family he's had since he was a child. ] Or anywhere. You're not just my friend, Kara. You're my family.

[ that hits her in the feels. she knows what it means for him to say that. she knows what it means for her to hear that. he's going to make her cry ]

Winn...

[ she goes back in for another hug ]

For a pair of orphans, we really have some great family, huh?

[ he'll take some happy tears about now.

he returns that hug warmly now, and chuckles softly in her ear. ]

The best.

[ how could he ever think of coping with any of this without her? space really is doing a number on his brain, he's supposed to be smart. ]

[ yay hugs. eventually she sits back again, and takes her glasses off to clean them ]

Can we talk about the other thing you mentioned? Kitty's home?

[ he falls quiet again, unable to really bring himself to catch her eyes. he wants to scream out his frustration, his anger, his misery. but he doesn't know how much kara may know about it, and while kitty did say that at least (at least, it feels so horrendously wrong to even think in this context) her death is no secret - he still feels like he would be betraying the trust she placed in him if he brings it up without her explicit permission. ]

What do you want me to say? [ he knows she knows some at least - because of hank. but he can't know how far that extends. of course - she can't know how far his knowledge extends which kind of makes it hard on either of them to bring up specifics, doesn't it? ] You know it's...terrible, right?

Yeah and... not available for her to go home to?

[ she's in the same position as him—trying to feel out what he knows or doesn't know. she doesn't want to be the one to break the news if they haven't talked about it, but his reaction was so strong. they had to have talked about it ]

She told me some... pretty serious stuff last week.

[ he doesn't have the energy to feel anything about kara possibly knowing besides a strange sort of relief. ]

Which is why I'm going to make ours available.

[ he wants to sound confident, assured. this has to be the one thing he succeeds in, even if he fails at absolutely everything else for the rest of his life - he has to get kitty to national city. he has to. he has no idea how -- but he knows that he can't let her down - and he can't lose her. ]

Do you think that's possible?

[ she's not doubting him—in fact, she's energized by the possibility. She wants more details. ]

I'm sure it is. We were all brought here - to a dimension that isn't our own. That means that we can exist in a dimension that isn't our own - and we can travel to it. It's a matter of reverse engineering the technology.

[ it's a matter of finding it. and the obvious first place to look -- is the place that brought them all here. but he couldn't find anything on board the marsiva when he arrived. there has to be something, there has to be a solution. he's just not seeing it yet. ]

That sounds pretty exciting to me. I bet you and Hank could put your heads together on the topic.

[ he could use all the help he can get with this but at the same time -- no, nothing else matters, not when kitty's life is at stake here. he could use all the help he can get. ]

But listen, Kara -- I need you to promise me something. As far as anyone besides us is concerned - this is just about getting home. Don't mention Kitty - or mention this to her. I -- don't want to come to her with this until I have some real progress to show.

[ she takes both of his hands ]

Of course. There's no reason to get anyone's hopes up before you have anything to show for it.

[ he squeezes her hands in response. he knows this is a long shot, that it's going to be the hardest thing he's ever done in his life, that the odds are stacked against him. but he also knows that as long as he has two hands and a head on his shoulders - or even just the head, he could ask kara to be his hands - he's going to keep working on it. he may not get kitty's hopes up, but he has to get his to be able to get out of bed. ]

Thank you. [ he has so much to thank her for. taking her and kitty home -- is the best way he knows to express that. ]

Please, just remember, Winn, that it's not always about what you make, it's about who you are. And you're pretty great.

[ in this case, he feels like it's very much about what he makes - because kitty's life may depend on it.

but even so, she gets a bemused laugh ]

You're the second person to tell me that today. [ and that is just -- incredible to him. he has no idea what he's doing right to end up with these two ladies in his life - but he strives to keep at it forever. ]

That's how you know it's true?

Or that we've all been inhaling too much moon-fumes.

[ because cracking a joke is easier than dealing another exciting bout of intense feelings, even if these are a hell of a lot more positive. ]

Either/or.

So, just to be clear, you and Kitty are still good?

Me and Kitty are...

[ how can he put this? a warm sort of smile conquers his face when he remembers her calling him boyfriend. ]

Kapow. [ it really is the only word that does his feelings justice. ]

[ what in the actual world, Winn. she laughs ]

I see...!

Well, I'm just glad I don't have to friend break up with her. She's pretty cool.

[ his eloquence astounds you, he knows. he astounds himself, sometimes. but just like with kitty - it's a relief to hear kara laugh. ]

I appreciate the sentiment - but let's not put that into practice.

[ even if things take a turn for the worse between them, even if she ends up breaking his heart...kitty's lost enough in her life, making her lose kara is unnecessarily cruel. kara's friendship is, after all, the best thing that could happen to a person. ]

Deal.

[ she's proud of Winn. he's had to deal with a lot lately, and it's not like he deals with space in his daily life under normal circumstances. she just sits there for a moment, looking at him and radiating pride and friendship ]

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