driftfleet | (no subject)

I'm afraid so.

[His tone is gentle, because he knows it's a horrible thing to think of. Pieces of memory just gone--]

But the underlying structure is strong enough to support new growth - new memories. The human mind is remarkable in its capacity for self-healing.

[She shrugs one shoulder, smile going a bit wry.]

It's easier that way, I think. Knowing it's gone. Because then I don't have to wonder what I'm doing wrong that I can't get it back. And people can stop asking me if maybe I just tried to remember a little harder... it's not there. It's never going to be there.

So it's not worth worrying about, I guess.

[He reaches over to squeeze her hand.]

On the contrary, most would find it worrisome that their memories are damaged. Just because they cannot be recovered does not mean they should not be mourned.

You're doing nothing wrong, Wrath. Is it someone here who is intimating you are?

It's always been like this. [Shrug. At least as long as she can remember, which is kind of the point.] I don't know. I've talked to Tenno and Charles about it a little. And Winter. [Because Winter gets it.] I think it might be better that I don't remember it, because at least some of it was probably really bad. I'm a better person without it.

And. Compliance is supposed to fix antisocial and non-compliant people. So I must have been pretty fucking awful, if I think about it.

What? No. Everyone's really nice.

[He nods along at first, but he gets a stormy frown at the part about Compliance and misses her last bit entirely.]

Excuse me. Are you implying they deliberately alter the minds of those they consider "antisocial"? What constitutes non-compliance?

[THAT SOUNDS SKETCH, WRATH.]

If you're noncompliant with regs or laws or orders. And antisocial behavior is like... Vision we live in a fucking dome. The survival of the city is the most important thing, so if people make trouble they have to be stopped. If the dome gets damaged we all die.

[Shrug.]

So you see? I must have been a really bad person if they needed to fix me so much. But now--but then I was a good soldier so I was useful. I was good at my job.

[And now she's not useful any more.]

[There's so much wrong with that, though. The Vision grimaces in silence for a few long moments.]

I understand that your survival as a city is contingent upon cooperation. So is our survival on this ship, and as a fleet when we're in deep space. And perhaps Atroma would stop us if we attempted to cause a hull breach with powers or build a bomb capable of interfering with engines. It's even true they have taken some preemptive action to minimize those risks by limiting certain abilities.

However. [And this, of all places, is where he thinks strongly of Steve Rogers. What would Captain America do? He'd recognize it for what it was and bring it down, as with the former SHIELD headquarters that had been infiltrated by Hydra.] There is no justification for taking away a person's free will, altering their memories, changing their personalities or above all meddling with their mind. That is cruelty. It is never necessary, especially in a society with technology advanced enough to do it. It is unethical. It is--

[And now something very unusual indeed. The Mind Stone flashes without any prompting from him, and when the light subsides, he's calmed again.]

It is against everything I stand for, Wrath. I cannot condone that kind of behavior, regardless of how necessary they tell you it is.

[She actually takes a step back, because she's never seen him get... mad. Not like that. And what the hell do you say about that?

Part of her says yeah, he's right, it's really fucked up. The part of her that's always a little angry, even though no one seems to realize that because she hides it with her cheerful attitude.

But another part of her says, compliance is mandatory and necessary, you are a good soldier.

Both things are true, and both can't be. She rubs her forehead. It's confusing, to try to think two different things at the same time.]

I'm sorry.

[He doesn't get mad easily, and there's been little enough here to rile him up. Learning that the mess which is Wrath's mind was deliberately caused by her own people is apparently one of those rare things.

He clenches a fist and then relaxes it deliberately a few times then lets out a long breath. The light from the stone subsides, and he reaches out to take her free hand.]

There's nothing you need apologize for. I can only imagine how terribly difficult it must have been.

I don't really remember it I guess? [Though she doesn't sound convinced. Because it's not conscious, but she knows there's something still in her head, some relic. Tastes. Smells. Sounds. Unexpectedly random things set her off and she didn't know why.]

I just get confused sometimes and that's not much fun.

There are pieces you don't remember, undoubtedly. From what I saw, though, I doubt it's all been entirely forgotten. [Bits and pieces remain - and that can almost be more dangerous.]

Some confusion is to be expected as part of everyday life. It should never consume you, though. If something like that occurs, I hope you know you are always welcome to come to me for my opinion.

Oh. I guess that's good? [She's not sure of anything, really.]

I don't know what the fuck is going on most of the time, it feels like. But sometimes I get really confused because there's like two or three different things that I know are true, but they can't all be true. [Shrug.] But I know if I'm not sure if something is real or bullshit I can trust you to tell me.

Edited 2016-06-02 22:41 (UTC)

It can be. [That's not the most reassuring thing to say, Vision.]

I will, yes. [Truth is subjective, but there's no way in hell he's going to get into that with Wrath right now.] Or if there is anything I can help you to understand. I don't want you to be at a loss.

Okay. [She will believe you, Vision. ~~up until the next occurrence of PTSD-triggered dissociation she has~~]

I guess the next time it happens, I'll try to ask if I can figure out how. I'm not that great with words sometimes.

I'll do my best to understand you regardless.

Thanks, Vision.

It's my pleasure, Wrath.