driftfleet | 3rd Blight - video and open log

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3rd Blight - video and open log

Who: Riona (who is not at ALL drunk, no sir) and you
Broadcast: yes
Action: In Varric’s bar
When: Forward dated to the night of May 1st

Video

[The camera wobbles as it turns on. There’s a moment of it spinning around before it’s set down with a hard “clunk!” There’s a snort before a shadow looms over the camera. It faces an empty chair at a table in what some may recognize as Varric’s bar. But the seat is shortly filled by Riona, who leans on her elbows and smiles lopsidedly at the camera.

Yep, someone’s drunk and has made the poor decision to make a public broadcast.]

I think I’ve reached the point where bad decisions start looking like good ones. Or maybe it’s more that I’m past the point of caring, though I’m sure I’ll be thoroughly kicking myself in the morning as I fight off the egregious hangover I’m sure to have.

[Consider that your only warning, Blue Fish.]

What a lovely party that was the other night. The sort of event that’s supposed to let you forget about your troubles and be merry for awhile. And maybe, just maybe, let you believe for a little while that you’re not a terrible person.

[Her smiles turns a shade derisive as she takes a drink from whatever concoction she has in that tankard.]

Or is that just me? It probably is. Which I suppose leads to the point of this little broadcast. [She throws her arms out, almost knocking her drink over in the process.] Surprise! I’m a shitty person. Selfish and terrible. Oh sure, I start out with good intentions, I mean well, but ultimately I end up making shitty decisions because of them. I push and I shove and then people get hurt and I tell myself I did it because it was for the best. I “make up for it” and try to ease things and I say that over and over again in my head when I go to sleep.

[She snorts, leaning on her arms on the table again as she looks away.]

Keep that in mind next time you deal with me. You’ll all be better off.

Should any of you still feel inclined to talk to me, I’ll be here in Varric’s fine establishment, trying to drown my problems for likely the rest of the night. Feel free to come in and have a drink on my selfish ass. I probably owe all of you at least one, if not more.

[Before she picks up her drink, she mutters:] Oh Oghren, you’d be so proud. [And as she takes another long gulp, she shuts off the camera.]

Action

[The Queen of the Self-Loathing Party can be found, as said, at Varric’s bar. She’s got her own table and she’s already knocked back Maker-knows how many drinks. Oddly enough, her sword is in tow, though it’s currently propped up against the table leg. Perhaps at some point, she meant to spar and beat out her feelings. Clearly, either that didn’t work or she didn’t bother and wound up here instead.

She’s definitely pretty damn drunk. If the broadcast didn’t make that clear, then the way she at points will burst out laughing for no reason might hint at it. Or maybe how she’s half slumped over the table, trying to play games on her communicator and cursing loudly as she fails at it (which is pretty much the case for every attempt).

If she sees someone she recognizes, she’ll raise her glass and sloppily beckon them to come over.]
Come, have a drink! It’s no fun doing it alone!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Cope with what? [ He's bracing himself. Girding his loins. ]

With being an asshole.

But - you're not! Did someone say you are? If they did, I want to know, so I can go hurt them.

Oh, no. No no, not a person has. [GOSH he's so sweet.] It is a conclusion I've arrived at well on my own.

[ Alistair just frowns. ] But you're not. You haven't done anything bad!

[That just makes her throw her head back and laugh.]

Of all the people to say that! I very much have, my dear. [The endearment is a slippery on her part.] and YOU have probably suffered from it the most.

[ Alistair looks baffled. ]

But - you didn't do anything to me. You don't - even exist in my world, Riona.

This is true! I do not. But if you recall, I have an Alistair in mine and I've quite effectively managed to do a number on him.

[She polishes off her drink, setting it down with a hard slam.]

And I've been a selfish prick with you here, too.

I really doubt he sees it that way. He loves you and you married him, right? I can't imagine he's anything but ridiculously happy.

[ He would be, to be in love and be able to marry the woman he loved. ]

And you haven't been anything but kind to me.

I didn't give him much of a choice. Made him king and declared I'd rule alongside of him. Convinced him to... caboodle Morrigan. I'm no better than Eamon and the rest of them.

[Just using him and not giving him a choice.]

If I were as kind as you claim, I wouldn't have let my feelings get in the way of all our interactions.

To save both your lives so you could be together!

[ He frowns a little. ]

He could've said no, Riona. I could've said no. It was his - our - choice. Maybe I can't speak for him, but I can speak for myself. I didn't do it because Amell, or Arl Eamon told me I had to. I did it because it was right.

But why are you always the one paying for it?!

[The outburst is sudden, punctuated by her slamming her hands on the table and knocking over the tankard. Fortunately, it was empty.]

It's you, or Oghren, or Morrigan or - or someone else! It's always someone else paying for my decisions! Someone else suffers! I - I - I have to watch you be miserable and not let yourself be happy, and...

[And what? And... a lot else. The words are stuck in her throat, too many wanting to come out at once and her alcohol-addled brain unable to process them.]

I'm not paying for anything you did, Riona!

[ He stares at her - maybe even glares a little. ]

Haven't you been paying attention? You're not the one who made me what I am. You're not the one who put me in this position. Stop acting like I can't make my own decisions.

[It's not often he gets angry, or remotely close. She can count on one hand the number of times it's happened. So when he glares - even if only a little - it's enough to suck her own anger right out of her. It's a sobering moment, though her mind is still muddled from the alcohol.]

I didn't mean...

[Mean what? It's so hard to think; it's why she got this smashed to begin with. It was supposed to help numb the pain, but now it's doing the opposite.

What a mess she's made of herself.

She looks at the table - Coward, you can't even look at him - and clenches her hands in her lap. She fights through the fog of alcohol, so desperately trying to think and pull her foot out of her mouth.]

I ... shit. Blighted alcohol. [Never pulling an Oghren again. Ever.] I hate seeing you miserable, okay? Or, no, not what- I mean, seeing you not as happy as you could be. You and other you. Any of you. I didn't make you, well, you. But I did contribute to other you. I did make that decision and yes, he could have said no, but Alistairs like to... to swallow their burdens. You don't stand up for yourselves as often as you should, though he's gotten better, and you seem more willing to.

That's what I'm afraid of. I guess. That you both made your choices because you felt you had to, because you didn't want to let anyone down. I'm afraid that he'll resent me one day for it, even if he's happy now. I'm afraid you'll be miserable. And I know I need to just accept these things but I can't. And that's what makes me selfish.

Edited 2016-05-02 21:28 (UTC)

[ Alistair sighs, and glances down at the table between them. He wonders, vaguely, how much of this conversation she'll even remember. Maybe that's why he's speaking his mind so - because she likely won't. Remember. ]

I can't speak for him, but - I can't imagine loving someone, getting the chance to marry them, and then resenting them for that chance. No matter what the other circumstances.

As for me, well. I'm not miserable - not right now, and hopefully not ever. If I am, though, it'll be my own fault, and not yours or anyone else's.

[She leans over and gently lays her on the table, though at least now she's looking over at him. Semi-laying down like this is helping her head. It's amazing how much energy it requires keeping your head up...]

I hope you're right.

[She really does.

Suddenly she sighs and looks away.]

...I'm so stupid. [She lifts her head up and bit and then thunks it against the table.] I can't get you two apart. Like, in my head, sure. I get it. You're you and he's him. You're right there. [She drunkenly waves her arm at him.] And he's... somewhere, wherever my Thedas is. [Another drunken wave in some direction of her choosing.] It's mad, but I get it.

But in here? [She smacks her chest where her heart is.] Not... quite that easy. Or, it probably is and I'm just an idiot. It's all mixed up, and I can't seem separate it. I'm trying, I really am.

You're not stupid.

[ He frowns some more. ]

It must be very strange. I don't want to make you uncomfortable.

You don't. You make me happy.

[Normally she'd be aghast at being this... open about her feelings with this Alistair. But she's drunk so. YOLO.]

I probably - it has to be uncomfortable for you. Isn't it? Me being... [Insert vague hand gesture, because that'll totally get her point across...]

I mean, sometimes it's a little weird, when you talk about things back home that - you shouldn't know about, I guess, but -

[ He shrugs. ]

Mostly you're just a nice person I've met here. One of the nicest.

Things I shouldn't know about? [She's genuinely confused by that.]

...thank you. I'd really hate myself if I drove you away.

Yes? You know, stuff that you weren't around for in my world. Stuff Amell did or said, but you know about it.

[ He shrugs. ]

And I - want to be your friend.

Oh. That stuff. [A beat.] Well, there are probably things I don't know! Liiiiiiike... I don't know if you fought that dragon at the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

[She smiles gently.]

You're already my friend, silly. Even with all of my... feelings, you're my friend. You always will be. I promise that.

Um, we did. Amell took it as a challenge.

[ He returns the smile. ]

Well, good. So, maybe I should walk you back to your ship?

Ha! Well, at least you were spared the shock of Oghren rolling into the gong.

[In hindsight it was kind of funny. She wasn't laughing at the time though.]

Awwww. Do I have to go back? [Have a pouty face, Alistair.]

You shouldn't be here by yourself.

[ What if she does something stupid? ]

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